Dear Bossip , I was seeing this guy for about a year and a couple of months. We’ve recently broken up. I was the one who broke up with him, due to personal issues. He was having financial problems and family problems, such as baby mother drama. I tried to be supportive in both cases and I stuck around. He told me the truth upfront about everything when we first started talking. I stayed anyway thinking it would get better, but at first he showed no signs of anger. When we got further into the relationship I realize she was using the child against him because she still had feelings for him. We have been broken up since the end of August, but he is just now contacting me again talking about we should work on our relationship and start over fresh. I decided to revisit his pages such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and what I saw next is why I’m contacting you. So, on his Facebook page I saw that he was flirtatious with her and nothing more. So, I check his other social network pages and saw no signs of him dating anyone or her. So, I find her on Facebook and I see him putting love emojis under her pictures and her making him here MCM, etc. I stroll down and read her statuses and I see that she’s talking about how in March she’s moving to NEW YORK, they are getting married, etc. He’s military and right now he’s in Korea. I saw a lot of things I was unhappy about on how he could move on so quickly with someone else. I love him a lot honestly. I know I may have more than he gave me. I have yet to mention any of this to him and I’m wondering if I should. Should I even give him a second chance? So badly I want to say since your rebound relationship didn’t work now you want to come back to me. NO! And, another part of me is saying take him back if you truly love him. I’m so confused right now. What advice could you give me on this situation? – Confused Dear Ms. Confused , You broke up with him for personal reasons such as financial problems and baby momma drama. Now, let’s be very very clear – if you broke up with him because of these issues, then please know that they have not changed and they will persist if you take him back. I’m curious to know why is he reaching back out to you while he is in the military in Korea. Is it because he’s lonely and needs someone to talk with, connect with, and feel something with. Folks get lonely when the holidays are approaching, and they need to feel connected to loved ones. The holiday spirit makes folk do some weird and crazy things, especially when they see others celebrating and talking about being with loved ones for the holidays, and sharing memories, calls, cards, and gifts. So, is this his attempt to make a connection with you? Also, if you went on his and his baby momma social media pages and saw the information of her talking about moving to New York and they’re getting married, and he’s leaving love emoijis, then what part of confused are you? You see it plain as day that they are communicating, or at least you saw that he is being flirtatious with her. Then, why do you want to get back with him? Why do you want to go back to your past? If you ended it then why revisit something that didn’t work before? I don’t understand you people. If you ended a relationship because of two critical things such as money and baby momma drama, then why do you think things have changed in less than 6 months? He’s communicating with her, or at the very least she feels they have something going on if she is making him her MCM, and posting that they are getting married. He’s not refuting it. So, why are you considering getting back with him? If she is talking about getting married, then where did she get this idea from? They had to have had the conversation or discussion about it. Now, unless she’s crazy and delusional, and is posting this information for kicks and giggles, but, if he’s putting love emojis on her timeline and status, then obviously she’s lead to believe something intimate is going on with them, or will happen between them. Look, he went back to his ex because she is familiar. That’s what people do when they go back and forth between persons – they resort to what’s familiar, which is why he is reaching out to you. They are on break for now, and he’s reaching out to you to reconnect. He wants something familiar, someone he knows. He knows he can always come back to you, just like he can always go back to his baby momma. Ma’am, stop giving him that option. If you remain as his option he will keep you in that position, and keep playing both you and her. NEVER BE A MAN’S OPTION. And, if you have this information then why not confront him with it? Let him know what you saw and read, and tell him you’re not a rebound woman. He can’t go back and forth between you and his baby momma, and that is exactly what he’s doing. You two women are competing for his attention, and you are allowing yourself to be a part of his game. Why? Why are you desperate to compete for a man? If you get back with him please know he will still have his baby momma drama, she is still in love with him just like you are, and they have a child so she and the child will always be a part of his life. They are not going anywhere. Why invite a headache into your life when you don’t need to? Why allow unwanted and un-needed stress when you don’t have to? Confront him. Tell him what you know. Tell him what you read. Tell him what you saw. Then, tell him to leave you alone and move on with his life. Let him go, and stop reminiscing over the past, or what you had. If it ended in August, then let it stay in August. Block him on social media. Stop stalking his social media pages. Don’t be that crazy and stalkerish ex-girlfriend who is always on her exes social media pages trying to see what he’s doing and who he’s with. Yeah, I know the holidays are here and you’re lonely. How about you exert that energy into your family, and loved ones, and pour into them all this love you have. How about you find a family who is in need and help them out with some gifts this season. Or, find a shelter or food pantry and donate your time with them, and helping to feed the homeless. The point I’m making is to redirect this energy from him and into those in need. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , My husband and I have been together for almost 14 years. He’s 32 and I’m 30 years old. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that he was always on his phone. So, a few days ago, he went to the store with a friend of his, and he left his phone, and it was unlocked. I took the chance to look through his phone, and what I found were messages between him and a co-worker of his in his DM box on Instagram. He was telling her how sexy she was, talking about make-up, sex, and just a number of sexually explicit things that he’s only supposed to say to me. Also, she showed him a video of herself dancing naked. I was soooo hurt by this, and what made it worse is that he would always talk negatively about her to me, but secretly he was talking to her on an intimate level and flirting with her while they were at work. Also, he proclaimed to be friends with her boyfriend, who also works with them. Now, let me remind you, she knows about me, yet they both continued on with this. I confronted him with pics of the messages that I took from my phone. He immediately said that it was only flirting and nothing more. I wanted to confront her as well, but I thought about her boyfriend. I thought about him feeling the same way I did so I changed my mind. Now, my husband is on his apology and sympathy tour because I told him I’m taking a break from our marriage to see if it’s what I really want. We have 2 small children together and I know that whatever decision I make is going to affect them. My trust for him is gone, and I honestly don’t know what he can do to gain my trust back. He’s been trying, but I still think about all of the things that were said between them. My question is am I being overly dramatic by leaving him or should I forgive him? – Ms. About To Cut Him Loose Dear Ms. About To Cut Him Loose , No, you are not being overly dramatic by leaving him. Your husband has been carrying on some type of inappropriate “relationship” with a co-worker, sending messages, telling her how sexy she is, and talking sexually explicit things with her, and, then she sent him a video of herself dancing naked. Ma’am, if they haven’t had sex, then they are plotting on doing it. Besides, you should have checked to see if he sent her some videos and photos of himself naked. I’m sure he has. Your husband has been cheating. He’s having an emotional affair with another woman. And, I say an emotional affair only because I’m assuming they haven’t done anything yet, so it’s not physical. Thus, they are emotionally involved. He’s already made a decision in his head to move forward and cheat on you. He’s having illicit conversations with his co-worker. He’s emotionally invested in her and the idea of sleeping with her. He’s telling her things that he would with her and these are things he should be telling you. And, lawd knows how long this has been going on. And, I don’t suspect she is the only woman. I’m sure he’s done this before with another woman, or women. So, it’s time to get to the bottom of all this. You and your husband need to have a serious conversation. Ask him how long has he been thinking of cheating on you, and why. Ask him what happened in your marriage that he feels the need to step outside of it and seek something else from another woman. Is he unhappy, unsatisfied, or miserable? Does he no longer find you attractive, or sexually enticing? What is it that he wants and need if your marriage is suffering? Did you know your marriage was suffering? Did you know he was unhappy? Then, you ask him what he was planning on doing, and if it was going to be a one time thing, or a long term thing. Ask him if he’s done this before. You have to be prepared for all the answers, and what he tells you. The truth may be harder to swallow, but you need to get everything out in the open. Don’t let him off, and he needs to be thoroughly honest with you. Also, he may throw it up that you had no right going through his phone. And, you had no right going through his phone. There have to be some trust, and some level of respect for one another in a marriage. But, where do you draw the line in your marriage over privacy? What limits do you have when you suspect something is not right, and your husband is doing things out of the norm? He brought the suspicion on himself by doing something out of routine, such as being on his phone all the time. Hiding things, doing things he shouldn’t, and looking guilty while doing it. Your instincts kicked in, and you knew something was not right. Don’t feel bad and don’t feel guilty for taking a break from your marriage. Your husband is on his sympathy and apology tour only because he got caught. Trust and believe if you had not said anything he would be proceeding with his plans to cheat. Thus, take the time to think about what it is you really need and want from him. Do you want to remain married? You say that your trust is gone for him, and if you have no trust in your relationship or marriage, then what do you have? You will always wonder, worry, and be concerned when he’s at work with the woman he’s planning on cheating with. He spends 8 hours a day with her. He’s spending equal amount of time with her that he is with you. And, lawd knows what happens when he is hanging out with his friends, or doing things without you. You’ll always wonder if he’s seeing someone else. Then, if you don’t know what he can do to gain your trust back, then don’t rush and come to some agreement or some resolve if you’re not sure just yet. You’re hurt, in pain, upset, angry, sad, and a host of emotions right now. Don’t make any decisions because you’re emotionally and mentally a wreck. Also, consider marriage counseling. Having a mediator to help you and your husband work through this will provide you with some insights into what he was planning, and why he was doing it. Hopefully in marriage counseling he will be forthright and honest with his feelings and the underlying issue he is not sharing with you. There is something deeper at the core, and he is just not telling you what it is. Regardless, stepping outside of your marriage is not a way to resolve your issues. He should have come to you first, and you and he could have worked it out, discussed it, and handled it together. I hope you take all the time you need to get the answers you need, and to find a way to get back to your happy, joy, and love. Also, take the time to heal from this. I know you are hurting and it is difficult to discover that your mate is cheating. It’s a huge blow to you as a woman, especially when you’ve been married for nearly 14 years. Talk with your husband today, and get into marriage counseling. And, continue with the break for as long as you need it. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Let no one ever say The Good Wife is afraid of change. We opened The Good Wife Season 7 Episode 1 with multiple changes for multiple characters, starting with Alicia. Watch The Good Wife Season 7 Episode 1 Online She basically has to work her way up from the bottom now, appearing in bond court as a lawyer and having to fight with the judge simply to represent a few clients and argue that they deserve bail. It’s low-paying grunt work, but Alicia’s determination to get it done impressed another bond attorney, Lucca Quinn. Later in the episode, with Alicia stuck in court and needing someone to cover another courtroom for her, Lucca steps up. She helps win a case against David and Diane, using an relatively unknown portion of Illinois state law to ensure a large inheritance for Alicia’s client. And how did Alicia land that client? Via her website, she assumed, as Alicia is opening up a small practice in her own home, with Grace serving as her assistant. But it eventually comes out that Louis Canning arranged it all in his attempt to get Alicia to join his firm. She’s still saying no, she’s still saying he’s the “Devil.” But she isn’t gonna stop him from giving her clients, either, and she’s even gonna try and take his advice, becoming someone who says “WATCH IT!” when she bumps into someone and not someone who says “Excuse Me.” View Slideshow: 35 Highest Paid TV Stars of 2015 Finally, the biggest change of all involved Peter and Eli. The latter quit in protest after Peter basically replaced him as campaign advisor with someone who has a national presence. His goal is to finish second in Iowa and be named Hillary Clinton’s Vice President. It was jarring to see Eli and Peter fight in such a way. They’re the most stable tandem on the show! By the end of the hour, Peter still had a new advisor, but Eli came up with a plan to work as Alicia’s Chief of Staff. Where will this go on The Good Wife Season 7 Episode 2 ? We can’t wait to find out! NOTE: Need to catch up? Need a refresher? You can always watch The Good Wife online .
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