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Sofia Vergara makes no secret of being a high-maintenance Latina woman- and when you look like she does, who’s going to tell you ‘no’? Sofia covers the new issue of Esquire , and in the accompanying interview she illuminates some of the cultural differences that American men need to understand before dating a Latina woman. Get out your pen and paper, fellas, there will be a quiz: “In Colombia everybody’s very voluptuous and you’re supposed to be. You don’t want to be skinny when all of your cousins are mermaids. You grow up thinking that’s how beauty is.” “There’s nothing slutty about a dental-floss bikini. You don’t even think about it. The first bathing suit your mother buys you is in the shape of a triangle.” “Listen, I didn’t know how to make coffee when I came to the United States. Because in Colombia the maids do it…When I came to the United States and started working, my priority was not to buy a handbag but to spend my money on the maid and a nanny. Always.” “I guess at the end of the day, all women like to be appreciated and treated with respect and kindness. We all want to have sex in a romantic way. But with a Latina, you’re going to have more fun.” Speaking of fun, see more sexy pics of Sofia Vergara in Esquire after the jump!

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Sofia Vergara Can’t Boil Water, But We Like Her Anyway [PICS]