You may remember Sara Underwood from Playboy, or “dating” Ryan Seacrest, or that stint she had on TV for 3 minutes that probably won’t ever happen again, because lets face it, she’s a bitch who got naked at 18 to get famous…because other 18 year olds were too young to realize that’s the best time to get naked…you know worrying about going to school, and their boyfriends, and not making money in Hollywood via her tits…and she should probably stick to that…the whole talking shit kinda ruins what she’s really meant to do…because it makes me hate her. Now I don’t know if this sex swing thing is her getting back to her roots, but I’ll still stare, even if she’s got a boring skinny ass…even when upside down…cuz I got nothing else to do…I mean other than Try to understand this camp gyno ad ….
I would love to smell the room after this picture of Kate Moss spreading her legs was taken…I assume it smelled like a cross between heaven…and a polluted wasteland filled with death of all living creatures…you know thanks to her hard living, party living, liberal with her vagina living, that had sex with heroin addict rockstar living, without a condom because people in Hollywood and Entertainment and Fashion and really anywhere don’t use condoms, condoms are for sick people, plus AIDS isn’t a death sentence and herpes is actually beneficial because once you get it, you don’t have to worry about getting it anymore…obviously….and I want it smeared on my face, dripping off my face, it seems so luxurious, I mean why else would she be in Esquire…
Sometimes, when you’re drinking, you come with ideas you think are awesome, that really aren’t, like taking a Machete to a fucking watermelon in some sort of backyard performance that should have ended worse for the idiot, because that’s what idiots deserve… I still found this fail pretty funny, but that’s just because I love when people fail. Whether it is falling down the stairs or slipping during some stunt fail, or their business collapsing, or even their marriage, life, relationship fails…I’m into it…cuz I’m not a fucking hippie and real life sucks, so it makes me happy when people learn that.
As far as I’m concerned this is fake naked. Sure, by definition and if I was a scientist or some shit in the field of naked, I’d say, Bitch is naked, cuz she doesn’t have any clothes on, but as a man, I see no nipple, pussy lip or spread asshole, and just some PG-13, Disney Caliber naked, like a scene in one of their movies when someone walks in on someone else in the shower and they are all so embarassed…. I call it some strategic nudity that gets people like me saying “Shit Miley is Naked on a T-Shirt for an AIDS or Condom Campaign, even though she probably has never used a condom, no one in LA has, cuz AIDS doesn’t exist for rich people”…that might as well be her in a pair of shorts and a tank top all hard nippled. She’s hotter that way. But I’d still buy this shirt just to cum on it over and over again..even if without showing vagina, she might as well could have a Bieber Penis not a Beaver.
Christy Turlington is some 44 year old amazing model who still has it going on…who has been modeling for Calvin Klein since 1987…that’s 26 fucking years…and she’s still bringing it and that blows my fucking mind because historically, at least as far as I’m concerned, models who are 26, not who have been modeling for 26 years…are already too old, haggard, fat, falling apart at the seams, damaged from all the hard fucking their way to the top, coupled with cocaine and AIDS they got from the A-Listers they had inside them, thinking it was real love, before realizing A-Listers don’t give a fuck about anyone, not even amazing models, because there’s hundreds just as hot and just as willing without all the headaches that normals have to put up with for fear of dying alone… Anyway, mind fuck or not, half naked Christy Turlington, despite being a married soccer mom in her 40s, blows my fucking mind, which is good enough for me…and it’s really all about me…isn’t it.
Well it looks like the fat are winning. Not only have the media tried to be fat friendly by making “Hollywood Fat” actually fat, you know making fat girls stars and the love interests of normal looking dudes, because America is fat and they find it more relatable…but now they’ve decided to change the one major icons that represents America and your Freedom…and that’s Barbie, even if she’s made in China. It looks like they’ve gone and cast her body straight from the Walmart line, I wonder where her 5 white trash single parent kids with ADD eating candy are? I mean I am a firm believer in giving unrealistic expectations to the youth and really women everywhere, because it makes them feel inadequate and gives something to aspire to be like. I don’t like saying to them “It’s ok to be dumpy, lazy, a slob”….especially not while wearing a bikini. I know the government wants us sick with diabetes, they want us fat from consuming product, they want us immobilized to not fight back and like Hitler, are starting the brainwashing when they are young. I would totally have sex with short, average proportioned, hormones in the food, not too into working out, but love Fructose Corn Syrup based everything, but I don’t like our aspirational toys, that generations have grown up on, attacked, changed or genetically modified, because it appeases to a gang of fat dykes trying to change the world in this anti-bullying era, leaving Mattel no choice but to adapt, in fear of seeming like an insensitive brand. Fuck you Barbie for ruining everything I love about America, you conformist communist porker. What’s next, an amputee GI Joe panhandling in the subway system because PTSD made him crazy and his veterans pension doesn’t cover his drinking…. Real life sucks, let’s keep our toys fun. That said, this isn’t an actual Barbie, but I like pretending it is, because it allows me to rant about nonsense…The story behind this is artist Nickolay Lammm took the average 19 year old girl measurements from the Center for Disease control, and created this as a political statement. A horrible statement.. It is not actually a Mattel Toy. But a short, thick legged, big booty, belly rocking’ statement on the world…that probably was better left unsaid. Next up, morbidly Obese barbie, based on the measurements of the Average McDonald’s worker.
Well it looks like the fat are winning. Not only have the media tried to be fat friendly by making “Hollywood Fat” actually fat, you know making fat girls stars and the love interests of normal looking dudes, because America is fat and they find it more relatable…but now they’ve decided to change the one major icons that represents America and your Freedom…and that’s Barbie, even if she’s made in China. It looks like they’ve gone and cast her body straight from the Walmart line, I wonder where her 5 white trash single parent kids with ADD eating candy are? I mean I am a firm believer in giving unrealistic expectations to the youth and really women everywhere, because it makes them feel inadequate and gives something to aspire to be like. I don’t like saying to them “It’s ok to be dumpy, lazy, a slob”….especially not while wearing a bikini. I know the government wants us sick with diabetes, they want us fat from consuming product, they want us immobilized to not fight back and like Hitler, are starting the brainwashing when they are young. I would totally have sex with short, average proportioned, hormones in the food, not too into working out, but love Fructose Corn Syrup based everything, but I don’t like our aspirational toys, that generations have grown up on, attacked, changed or genetically modified, because it appeases to a gang of fat dykes trying to change the world in this anti-bullying era, leaving Mattel no choice but to adapt, in fear of seeming like an insensitive brand. Fuck you Barbie for ruining everything I love about America, you conformist communist porker. What’s next, an amputee GI Joe panhandling in the subway system because PTSD made him crazy and his veterans pension doesn’t cover his drinking…. Real life sucks, let’s keep our toys fun. That said, this isn’t an actual Barbie, but I like pretending it is, because it allows me to rant about nonsense…The story behind this is artist Nickolay Lammm took the average 19 year old girl measurements from the Center for Disease control, and created this as a political statement. A horrible statement.. It is not actually a Mattel Toy. But a short, thick legged, big booty, belly rocking’ statement on the world…that probably was better left unsaid. Next up, morbidly Obese barbie, based on the measurements of the Average McDonald’s worker.
Looks like someone’s recovered from making a Dax baby, something I would normally assume you can’t recover from…you know like a stain on your life worse than AIDS…because he’s that fucking annoying and the fact that his genetics live on in another person all thanks to this cunt (literally), is the worst. She can’t be celebrated, she must be shunned, even if she’s in a mom friendly bikini to hide her stretch marks and ravaged body, even if her vagina is taped the fuck up from all the abuse pushing a baby through it has done to her, even if this was shot before she was pregnant….because we all know what has become of her since…. She’s uneventful, and I am pretty sure this movie will be too, but she’s dressed like Pam Anderson, and lifeguards are all sluts with their half naked all summer, mouth to mouth, camel toe giving suits that ride their clots all day making them horny….makin’ it a little more tolerable…
Looks like someone’s recovered from making a Dax baby, something I would normally assume you can’t recover from…you know like a stain on your life worse than AIDS…because he’s that fucking annoying and the fact that his genetics live on in another person all thanks to this cunt (literally), is the worst. She can’t be celebrated, she must be shunned, even if she’s in a mom friendly bikini to hide her stretch marks and ravaged body, even if her vagina is taped the fuck up from all the abuse pushing a baby through it has done to her, even if this was shot before she was pregnant….because we all know what has become of her since…. She’s uneventful, and I am pretty sure this movie will be too, but she’s dressed like Pam Anderson, and lifeguards are all sluts with their half naked all summer, mouth to mouth, camel toe giving suits that ride their clots all day making them horny….makin’ it a little more tolerable…
