Dear Bossip , I was seeing this man for about a year. He defined the relationship as “lovers.” Sometimes, we talked about his feelings for me, and him being afraid of what he felt for me. I was not afraid that I liked him. Well, two months after that year of seeing each other and about nine months of us being intimate, he told me his feelings for me were too intense and he had to stop seeing me. A couple of weeks after that, he told me he made a mistake and wanted to “patch” things up with me. We started talking again for about three weeks and he stopped talking to me again without explanation. Eventually, he gave me another reason after I repeatedly asked him what happened. Since then, he has sent me a couple of messages saying that he still has feelings for me. Now, he has started contacting me again with the main conversation being about sex. We have discussed still liking each other, how we wished things had turned out differently, and missing each other. We haven’t actually seen each other. Today, I really want to see him, I am sure you “catch” this. It’s been about six months. I contacted him today and he said he would help me out and contact me later today. I am sitting here thinking this is a major mistake and I should not see him. Do I love him? No. I like him. I had a good time with him, and I miss him. Still, I am thinking it is probably a mistake to see him. Tell me what you think – Where Is This Going ? Dear Where Is This Going ? I am going to act like I didn’t receive this letter and that you just didn’t ask me this foolery question of what is going on. There is nothing going on! Nothing. Nada. Zilch. You contacted him because you want some ding-a-ling. And, he said he will get back to you later and help you out. Therefore, you know what this is about. You know what you are asking for and getting yourself into. So, why are you asking me about what you should do? You’re grown. You can do whatever you want and do it with whomever you choose. But, don’t sit up here and try to act like you have no idea why he has been acting the way he does for the past year and a half. You, my dear, were his jump-off. You were nothing more than some ass. Yes, that is what I think. Well, no, that is what I know. The first line in your letter is, ‘He defined the relationship as “lovers.”’ So, what part of that statement are you not clear about? What are you unsure of? He told you what you two were, plain and simple. He said you were just lovers. If you allowed your relationship to be defined as “lovers” and you went along with the program, then, why are you expecting a different outcome? Is it because you two starting discussing his feelings and where the sexual relationship was going? You, my dear, got caught up. You were the one who let your feelings get involved and tried to change the dynamics of the sexual relationship. You wanted to know if he felt the same as you did. You started inquiring about his feelings and wanting him to define your relationship, and to take it to the next level. So, when he noticed your frequent inquires and need for a relationship status update, he dipped, and stopped communicating with you. Ma’am, he didn’t give you the respect of having a conversation about it, and what was going on. He just left you in the clutch, and you were fine with that. SMDH! But, when he wanted to come thru and get his fix again, he sent you messages, and you let him come back. Still not clear, sweetie? And, all this, ‘his feelings were too intense for me and he had to stop seeing me. ’ Really, Ms. Thing? Really! His feelings were so intense that he had to end the situation-ship, yet, a few weeks later he hit you up to “patch” things up and then after he got what he wanted he went ghost, again? Still not clear, sweetie? I see a recurring and repeating pattern in your situation-ship. Each time you two get together and discuss the status of your relationship, it’s often while you’re engaged in sex. Then after he gets what he wants, he disappears. Hmmm, let me think. Still not clear, sweetie? I am. Every time he reaches out to you, guess what, it’s about SEX. Don’t be naïve. Don’t play coy. And, don’t play with mine, or your own intelligence. You are smart. You’re intelligent. How do I know this, because the last paragraph of your letter you wrote, ‘Today I really want to see him, I am sure you “catch” this. It’s been about six months.’ Look, call it what it is, and accept the fact that you enjoy the sex. You enjoy how he lays it on you. It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay to be a willing participant in a sexual relationship, and you know what it is. Don’t get caught up and don’t allow yourself to get into your feelings about him or if he feels the same as you. He doesn’t. And, to be honest, Ms. Honey, you don’t miss him, you miss the sex. You just don’t want to admit to your friends and those around you that he is not your boyfriend, but a booty call. Hell, you may be in denial yourself about the terms, but not about the fact. So, accept what it is. Call it what it is. And, girl, enjoy it for what it is. Keep it safe, and wrapped up! – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE !
Shana Mangatal has a lot to say about Michael Jackson. And she swears it all comes from first-hand experience. The 46-year old has penned a book titled “Michael and Me: The Untold Story of Michael Jackson’s Secret Romance” in which she attempts to end certain rumors about the artist’s private life. Specifically, Mangatal says she knew Jackson intimately. She claims she slept with him on numerous occasions and that the iconic singer was very strongly into women. There has been chatter over the years, of course, regarding Jackson’s sexuality and whether he was actually attracted to the opposite gender. Mangatal says she met MJ in 1988, shared her first kiss with him at the age of 26 and slept with him several times in the summer of 1996. She also kept diaries of their experiences together. “After he passed away, it was really difficult for me to look at his pictures, watch his music videos or even listen to his music, so I definitely couldn’t read those diaries, until about, I’d say, a year or two ago, when I finally got the strength to do it,” Mangatal says . Jackson, of course, died in 2009 at the age of 50 from “ acute propofol intoxication .” Mangatal says her intent in publishing this book and including with it excerpts from her diary is so the public can think a “little bit differently about Michael and have a different perspective on him.” For example? “Anyone that I talk to, most of them believe that he was asexual, and I tell them no,” Mangatal explains . “All you have to do is spend five minutes with him, and you know instantly that he was not asexual. “He was quite the opposite, because he was extremely flirtatious – he was always flirting with me, at least. He could flip any conversation into something flirty. “From the very first day that I met him [as a fan] at the afterparty for his concert in New York, he was flirting with me… And from then on, I knew that there was more to him than meets the eye, because it was clear that he loved the ladies. “And he couldn’t hide it. Even if he tried to be child-like and innocent, he had that manly, macho thing in him that made him the flirtatious, sexy guy in real life.” Jackson was also accused through the years of molestation. Multiple lawsuits were brought against the singer that alleged he slept in the same bed as little children and touched them inappropriately. Mangatal scoffs at this notion. “When you were with Michael, and you saw him with kids, you saw the relationship, and it was just so pure and innocent,” she says. “It was really a wonderful thing to see, because … he became like a kid when he was with them. He was like a peer to them. So it was never like he was this adult preying on the children. “He was literally one of them. He loved playing what they loved to do, which was play video games, watch cartoons, talk about girls even.” This is the second time Mangatal has spoken out against accusations that Jackson was a child molester. She told Radar Online that numerous parents wanted their children to spend all this time with the legendary artist and he did not want to disappoint anybody. “His problem was that he couldn’t say no to anybody – especially kids,” she said this spring. “He was just so sweet and kind. He could never say no and when he finally did, parents would become upset.” Shana Mangatal now works as an actress and talent manager. Her book went on sale yesterday. Along with these personal tidbit, she also writes that Jackson was a master in marketing. When it came to his professional life, for example, Mangatal says Jackson was the person who came up with his nickname, the King of Pop. He insisted that others refer to him that way at awards shows or on MTV for a very specific reason: branding. Here is how Amazon describes her MJ-themed memoir: During her seven years working for Michael’s personal manager during the prolific period of the 1990s, Shana witnessed the scandals and the lawsuits, the release of groundbreaking albums and the subsequent world tours, the making of big-budget short films, and the addictions. It was through this business relationship that their trust and love for each other grew. Shana kept a meticulous diary throughout it all. Her story is rich with every little detail. Will you purchase it? Michael Jackson would have been 58 years old yesterday.
Dear Bossip , My closest and longest standing girlfriend of 16 years and I have recently come to an awful fallout. Our relationship was already strained considering I had bumped heads with another one of our mutual friends who did me wrong, and for five years they were cut out of my life. All that changed earlier this year when my mother died suddenly of a brain stroke. Both of my friends attended the funeral and all our beef was immediately squashed given the circumstances. I should have been more cautious, but to be honest I was really happy to have my two besties back in my life. And, at the time, I thought that any petty drama in the future would be avoided as we are mature adults. I was wrong. My initial friend and I have never fallen out before. We may have had some heated moments, but it’s never been a slanging match. Until now. It all started when my girlfriend invited me to her son’s religious confirmation. My other mutual friend is his godmother. But, she was getting married and then having her honeymoon so his event had to be postponed to assure her attendance. The date of the affair was up in the air until further notice. In the meantime, I had managed to locate my biological father. As you can imagine, at 35 years old this was a big thing for me. To celebrate I arranged a night out followed by a party at my house in which my closest friends and existing family could meet my father and new stepmother. On at least 5 separate occasions, I reminded my best friend of the date. I sent her a link to the event that we would be attending and I kept on reminding her that I wanted her and her man to be there. As my other friend was getting married and couldn’t be there, due to being on her honeymoon, to me that was acceptable. When the day arrived my best friend sent a message with my brother saying she couldn’t be there because she had to work. I did not hear from her asking how we got on. This left a bad taste in my mouth, but I did not say anything about it as I was unsure how to approach the situation given our long history of friendship. I was hurt at the fact that she didn’t have the decency to even pick up the phone to call me and let me know herself or even ask me about the DNA results that she knew I was awaiting. The following week our mutual friend returned from her honeymoon. We met up for drinks, as we both live in the same neighborhood, to catch up. Two days later, I’m on Facebook and there is all these photos on my feed of my two friends and her son- celebrating at the son’s event, which I was not told was going to be happening that day. I seriously felt a way as I had just seen the mutual friend for drinks and she did not mention anything about the fact that the event was going to be taking place a matter of days later. Still, I said nothing. The following week was my birthday. While celebrating in Barcelona, both of them messaged me to wish me a happy birthday?! I paid them dust. Fast forward to the present day. After being out of the country for a month and meeting my new family on my father’s side, my brother tells me that my mother’s ashes are to be scattered. Given the situation of how I feel about my best friend – I messaged her and told her that I did not want to see her at the grave site as I was questioning our friendship. I explained to her why I felt the way I did and that whatever condolences she would have potentially wanted to pass along would not be greeted with the best enthusiasm. Instead of righting her wrongs and apologizing- she says that she didn’t know that she was supposed to be meeting my dad and that no friends were invited to her son’s event as it was just ‘Family only.’ I told her that I was disgusted by her behavior and that real friends do not categorize real friends in such a manner. Now, I’m left wondering if I have made the right decision or if I have acted in haste? Thoughts? – A Confused Friend Dear Ms. A Confused Friend , I think you need to clarify with your friend why you have cut her off because I was confused by reading your letter. I wasn’t sure who was who – who was getting married, who was having the religious ceremony for their son. And, when you brought them up again I had to go back to the top of the letter and find out which one was the best friend, and who was the mutual friend, and why you fell out with the mutual friend, but now you all are cool again. I also didn’t follow, and wasn’t clear if you confronted your best friend and told her why you cut her off, or are you expecting her to guess why you are mad at her? Does she, or did she know that she was cut off? And, you want her to right her wrongs and apologize, but for what? Look, you are mad because you were not invited to your best friend’s son’s religious confirmation. However, your mutual friend was invited, and you’re mad because your friend told you that it was “family only.” But, isn’t the mutual friend the “godmother” of the child? So, if the mutual friend is the godmother, then, technically she is “family,” or considered “family.” And, it appears that she is much closer to your best friend than you, considering your best friend asked your mutual friend to be the godmother of her child. So, my question to you is why are you calling her your best friend when it seems that the other woman may be her best friend? (Sips tea) I think you may have given too much credit, and too much credence to your relationship with your so-called best friend. You are not on the same page, and though you may think she is your best friend, she is best friends with your mutual friend. And, before you start dismissing and chopping folks off, I think you need to have a conversation with her as a grown woman and express how you feel, and ask her about your friendship. I’m sure you may realize that you two have different interpretations of your friendship, or what your friendship is about. Now, yes, you have every right to be upset considering she bailed on your reunion and meeting of your father. You did express that you emailed, called, texted, and confirmed with her that you wanted her and her man to be there for the festivities. And, you can confront her about it and ask her what happened. Ask her why she didn’t show up and why failed to show support for an important moment in your life. Again, have a grown woman conversation with her, and find out the reason. I noticed that whenever you have a beef or issue with your friends that you tend to shut down. You don’t say anything, and you don’t confront them about it. You let it fester and then you create this whole scenario of what you think happened, why it happened, and how they did you wrong. You pretend everything is fine and things are all good, yet, you are stewing with being upset, angry, and disappointed. They have no clue that they did something to you, and that you are upset over it. And, then, you just stop speaking, and start pouting and then go to your corner and then when they ask what’s wrong you blow up and make them out to be wrong and bad for something they had no clue over what they did. I am very certain you do this a lot with all of your relationships and with other people in your life. Also, didn’t you say you fell out with both of them at one point, or at least your mutual friend for five years, and it wasn’t until the death of your mother that you and she reconciled, and came back together as friends? So, if this is the case, then if you haven’t spoken to the mutual friend for five years, it may be possible that during that time she and your best friend developed their own friendship and became close. And, your best friend probably didn’t tell you because if there was bad blood, then, I’m sure she was like why mention her if you’re going to bad mouth her when she and her are growing close, and your best friend has a friendship with her independent of you. Ma’am, it’s time to grow up and be an adult, and when someone or something bothers you, then you confront the person gently and lovingly and explain that you are upset by what they did. You talk with them to get clarification over the matter, and see how the miscommunication may have been prevented, and, or, you discuss if something wasn’t clear, or misconstrued. You can avoid a wealth of headaches, anger, upsets, and being mad if you just calm yourself and talk with the other person. I’m sure all disagreements, misunderstandings, and any other concerns can be worked out if you just ask take the time to get very clear and make sure everyone is on the same page. Because, again, you were not at her son’s religious confirmation because you are not family, and if she didn’t express that to you, then, you need to ask her why it wasn’t clear, and if your friendship as her best friend doesn’t constitute you as “family.” You need to be on the same page regarding your friendship and how you interpret best friend, and she interprets best friend, or if you are her best friend. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE !
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