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Jameis Winston has been suspended by Florida State University. For being a total moron, basically. The Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback will sit out the first half of this Saturday’s game against Clemson after he stood on a table in the student union and shouted: “F-ck her right in the pus-y!” The obscenity, which has grown into a viral trend in which idiots people heckle reporters with it during a live shot, was heard by a number of students, many of whom brought it to the administration’s attention via Twitter. “You can’t make certain statements that are derogatory or inflammatory to any person, race or gender. You have to understand that. You have to be very intelligent about what you say, [because] it matters,” said Head Coach Jimbo Fisher in announcing Winston’s punishment. Winston was accused in the past of raping a student, though no charges were filed against the star. He was also convicted of stealing crab legs earlier this year and, in 2013, he had the cops called on him for allegedly stealing soda from a Burger King. Sadly, he should fit right in to the NFL, where Adrian Peterson has been charged with child abuse and Ray Rice knocked his fiancee out cold inside an elevator. In a press conference this afternoon, Winston issued an apology to his coaches, school and teammates and called his actions “selfish, adding: “That’s not how you do things around here.” 14 Scandalous Sports Stories 1. LIAR! Lance Armstrong denied it and denied it, but he eventually came clean: yes, he cheated to win every Tour de France.

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Jameis Winston Suspended for Screaming Obscenities in Public, Will Sit for Entire Half