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The Real Housewives of New Jersey came up with “Zen Things I Hate About You.” Just how long will this retreat last? We recap the zen and broken glass in our THG +/- review. How long has this group been in Arizona? Honestly, if I had paid big bucks to stay at this spa and had to put up with Richie and the double Joes by the pool I’d be pretty ticked off. Minus 15. But that’s nothing compared to watching Joe Gorga suck on his wife’s toes for her birthday. Minus 30 . I’m not sure which was more disturbing, that or having Teresa Giudice give Melissa Gorga black lace peace sign panties for her birthday. I doubt any amount of meditation will wipe that from my mind. They’re all trying to recover from their equine therapy…or as Rosie says, “I’m all f**ked up from that horse sh*t.” Ah, can you feel the zen? The Zenis Tenis was a complete bore. Minus 10. Walking across the wire was a little more interesting. Plus 12 but did anyone else notice that NO ONE made it all the way across. What’s that say about the trust between this group? Of course that doesn’t stop Joe Gorga from professing his love for Juicy Joe. I could almost hear the violins playing in the background. High off of their chakra healing, horse whispering, and tennis therapy, this group is suppose to be nothing but love and openness…that is until Melissa snubs Teresa during her round of birthday toasts. Minus 18. Maybe Teresa has a point and Melissa just copies whatever she does. Didn’t Teresa snub Kathy during a toast last season? Not to worry. Caroline is there to call them all out on their bullsh*t. Plus 22 . As much as I dislike her preaching, she has a point. If they’re not willing to get real then they’ll be back at one another’s throats within a couple of weeks. When Tre won’t admit to stirring the pot to make Melissa look bad, Joe Gorga blows his top and throws his glass. So much for zen. The funniest part was watching Melissa’s reaction as she hauls him into the bedroom. “You are so embarrassing. Get in the room, you idiot.” and “You lose control like a psycho.” Plus 18 because we’ve never seen her go off on him and he definitely deserved it. There’s no reason for him to throw things just because Teresa didn’t give him the answer that he wanted. In the end they were all singing the Jersey version of Kumbaya, which has a little more cursing than the original. So do you think this family can form a united front against the haters…or will the egos and bad tempers tear them apart? EPISODE TOTAL: -21! SEASON TOTAL: -364!

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Zen & the Art of Broken Glass