Dear Bossip , I’m in need of advice. I got married two years ago. A few months later I got pregnant. My husband didn’t have a job and we got evicted. He moved in with his family and I left the state. When I left I was 7 months pregnant. I had my 8-year old daughter, a small suitcase of clothes, and 32 dollars in my pocket. I didn’t know how or what was going to happen, but I knew my children and I would be okay. It wasn’t easy, but a mouth later I had a place. I didn’t have a job and nobody was going to hire me at 8months. I started going to Goodwill to work for store credit. I was finally established and ready to give birth. When I had the baby I was alone. Nobody was there and my husband didn’t come. Three weeks later I took the baby to meet him. Two months later he moved in. Now, I’m not the one to take care of a man, but I felt like I should try to work it out. Another thing is I fuss a lot! So, I rode him daily about getting a job. Eight months later he has a death in his family. His family doesn’t like me and always insult me. He tells me that it’s my fault and even told me not to answer my phone when they call and he isn’t around. So, my husband tells me not to come to the funeral. I stayed home. The morning of the funeral he called and said he would call afterward. He never called so I texted him and he said he was at the after party! (The person who died was 80 something and never partied). Well, he never called and later said he was with family and they told him not to call. So, a few days later he gets a job and tells me he didn’t get one because I nag too much. And, I wouldn’t give him sex. He had to sleep on the couch. I’m pretty sure I blew a gasket. I work to provide and he lay up while I struggle to buy diapers and formula. I didn’t have sex with him because I don’t want more kids and feel like I am worth more than that. He claims he will be back next month but I don’t want him to come back. I feel like a dumba** for supporting him when I could have given more to my children. I am pissed and mad at myself for putting up with it. I don’t know what to do. He told me he would take my baby if I divorce him. But, honestly I am not ready to go to court or have the money for it. His family will pay for his lawyer. So how should I handle this? – Mrs. Dumbfounded Dear Mrs. Dumbfounded , Well, like R. Kelly sang, “When a woman’s fed up, it ain’t nothing you can do about it!” You’ve made up your mind. You’re tired. You’re over it, and him. And, you’ve stopped having sex with him, and you don’t want him to come back home. You’ve gotten back on your feet after he left you when you got evicted and you were 8 months pregnant. Now, that right there should have been the cause for you to file the divorce papers from the beginning. Next time he calls tell him to kiss the inside of your a** and have several seats on the slow bus. How the hell can your own husband leave you and go to his family’s home and not bring you with him after you were evicted because his non-working mofo a** didn’t have a job? He made that –ish up! And, despite the family not liking you, or whatever feelings they have about you, but for your husband to leave a pregnant wife and move in with his family and leave you to your own devices is a trifling no nuts having son-of-a-bish! Hell, I don’t blame you for not sleeping with him. You should have Al Greened his a** and poured some hot grits on him while he was sleeping on the couch! Then, after you pull yourself together, get back on your feet, and you get a new place he wants to bring his no-having-unskilled-unqualified-bum-a** back home and move in? And, he still doesn’t have a job, and wants you to do your wifely duty?!?! Girl, you are better than me! But, hold on, when a family death occurs in his family he tells you not to attend the funeral. Huh?!? That’s when you should have said, “When you leave. Stay! Don’t come back! Keep your a** right there, and don’t even think about coming back to MY house!” Yeah, it appears that his family truly has a big hold on him, and dictates to him what he should and should not do, especially in his relationship with you. Therefore, I say stick to your guns, get the divorce, tell him not to come home, and get you a lawyer. There are some lawyers who will take on your case as part of their pro bono case. Pro bono means they will represent you for free and you don’t have to pay them as it is part of their offices community service programs. You just have to call around to find a lawyer who will do so, or seek out a women’s group/organization that can help be of assistance to you. I also strongly suggest you that you prance right on over to the courthouse and file for child custody, and child support immediately. He has a job now, so he needs to be contributing financially to his children’s welfare and well-being. Put him on child support IMMEDIATELY! Don’t wait. Don’t hesitate. Don’t procrastinate. Do it today. And, if he wants to allow his family to dictate and run his life, then you stay two steps ahead of them and do all that you can to protect yourself and your child. And, I seriously doubt that he can file and get custody of your child when he was the one who left you. He is the one who had no job, allowed you to get evicted, moved in with his family, and left you alone. So, you have more of a leg to stand on in court than he does. But, you need to document and get all this in writing with the timeline of events. Then, go to Goodwill and have them give you some documentation showing that you worked in their store while pregnant, earning store credit, and a record of your employment record. Document and keep copies of all this and take it to court with you. Ma’am, stick to your guns, don’t let him back into your home, and remain on track with your plan. Don’t deter, veer off, or get sidetracked. Keep your sanity. You’re going to need to be wise and smart. Listen to your lawyer, and keep doing everything according to plan. You do deserve better. You deserve a man who is not going to walk out on you and leave you when times get hard. You need a man who is going to stand by your side, protecting you, building with you, and a support system you can depend on. And, right now, HE IS NOT THAT MAN! Release him, and your life will get easier and better without him. You’ve already experienced that when he left the first time. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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