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‘Dark Knight Rises’ Is Real … And Bound For Comic-Con?

MTV News fills you in on all the latest Batman updates in The Weekly Rising. By Kevin P. Sullivan Christian Bale on the set of “The Dark Knight Rises” Photo: Getty Images Batman fans received what will probably be the most important news of the pre-release for “The Dark Knight Rises” : The film actually exists. As we reported, Christopher Nolan screened a rough cut of his final Batman movie for Warner Bros. brass last week, and the legion of fans breathed a collective sigh of relief. We now know that a completed version of the film is real, and it’s not just a trailer we’ve watched obsessively since … December? Yup, it’s been three months since we’ve seen any new footage from the most anticipated movie of 2012, and we’ve felt every Batman-less minute of it. You go three months with nothing more than a squeak from the new Nolan Batman movie, and you start to think some paranoid thoughts. Is the movie ever coming out? Is the movie even real? But worry not, borderline psychotic Gothamite: “The Dark Knight Rises” is real and finished, presumably in the form of a four-hour rough cut. There’s no official word on the reaction to the screening, as of yet. Thankfully, the news of the rough cut closely preceded the leak of a new plot synopsis, taken from the plaque of a film cell that will eventually go on sale over at Film Cells Ltd. The cell shows Batman, Bane and Commissioner Gordon with the caption: “When Commissioner Gordon stumbles upon a plot to destroy the city from within, Bruce Wayne gets back into action as the Batman. Waiting for him is the mysterious Selina Kyle and Bane, a lethal adversary on a crusade to tear apart Batman’s legacy piece by piece.” Granted, the “synopsis” amounts to “Hey, Batman, Bane and Commissioner Gordon are all going to be in the same movie. Can’t really talk about it,” but we can’t really complain about new information at this point. In the realm of Batman rumors that could possibly affect you — wait, let me clarify. This rumor might affect you if you were lucky enough to snag passes to San Diego Comic-Con before they sold out in 6.5 seconds. There’s a chance Nolan could appear at San Diego Comic-Con this year. It would be the first time ever for the director, since his previous two Batman movies debuted before the convention. This time around, Batman will rise the week after SDCC, so speculation has already begun that Nolan could make his final bow at the geekiest of all gatherings. If you start to consider that, the nerdy possibilities are endless. What will the panel include? Who from the cast will show up? Are we talking about an actual screening here? Can I go? Why can’t I go? Please let me go! Listen, I’m all for going into a highly anticipated movie not knowing much, and I’m glad that my spoiler levels for “Rises” have been kept to a generous low. But there should be a little more out there to tease us. In the race of the summer tentpoles, “The Dark Knight Rises” is resting on its laurels while “Prometheus” and “The Avengers” are dropping kick-ass trailers like they were nothing. It’s getting to the point where Warner Bros. might need to start considering that slapping “Christopher Nolan” and “Batman” on a theater marquee might not be enough to win the summer. And when you do finally cut a second theatrical trailer, Warner Bros., please spare us the 10-second trailer of the trailer. Those are just terrible. Check out everything we’ve got on “The Dark Knight Rises.” For breaking news and previews of the latest comic book movies — updated around the clock — visit SplashPage.MTV.com . Related Videos ‘Dark Knight Rises’: The Year In Review Related Photos ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Trailer: 5 Key Scenes On The Set Of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

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‘Dark Knight Rises’ Is Real … And Bound For Comic-Con?

Presidential Seeds: Malia Obama Has A Lil’ Fun In The Sun With Her Friends Down In Mexico For Spring Break

Even the first daughter deserves some R&R right? The POTUS oldest daughter Malia was spotted down on Oaxaca, Mexico with her classmates on a school sponsored spring break trip. Reports are that there was a pretty major 7.9 earthquake in Acapulco, Mexico which isn’t too far from Oaxaca. However there has not been any word that Malia or her classmates were harmed in any way. Check out the pics below. Don’t seem to be many other Black children…we’re just sayin’ More On Bossip! The Swirl: Meet Dwight Howard’s Colorful Assortment Of Baby Mamas [Pics] Played PT. 2: The Most Embarrassing Ways These Celebrities Got FIRED! You’re Outta Here! Shaq Dumps Hoopz And Calls Security On Her To Get Her Things! Twitter Files: Breezy Takes Karrueche To Cancun For Some Fun In The Sun Loving More On Bossip! The Swirl: Meet Dwight Howard’s Colorful Assortment Of Baby Mamas [Pics] Played PT. 2: The Most Embarrassing Ways These Celebrities Got FIRED! You’re Outta Here! Shaq Dumps Hoopz And Calls Security On Her To Get Her Things! Twitter Files: Breezy Takes Karrueche To Cancun For Some Fun In The Sun Loving

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Presidential Seeds: Malia Obama Has A Lil’ Fun In The Sun With Her Friends Down In Mexico For Spring Break

Lil’ Wayne’s “Weed” Problem

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See, this is what happens when you have so many properties. You just can’t keep up with them all. Lil’ Wayne was recently cited for an unkept lawn at a Louisiana home listed in his name. Weezy was just cited by the Code Enforcement Department for the city of Kenner, Louisiana for high grass and weeds at his home in the gated Place Pontchartrain subdivision. It is not clear if Wayne lives at the residence, which is listed for sale for 1.7 million. SOURCE: Rhymes With Snitch

Lil’ Wayne’s “Weed” Problem

SXSW Film Fest Full Of Chills, Thrills And Tears Of Laughter

MTV News wraps up the highlights of the Austin, Texas, festival including our favorite celebrity interviews. By Kara Warner Matthew McConaughey in “Killer Joe” Photo: Voltage Pictures AUSTIN, Texas — Although the South by Southwest Music Festival is just getting started, the film portion of the annual music, arts and interactive gathering in Austin, Texas, is coming to an end. It was too short a trip for our tastes, but we were able to cram in an awful lot of film coverage during our time within the city limits. Before we get to the highlights from SXSW Film Fest ’12, here’s a compilation of our interviewees’ humorous commentary regarding the best and worst things about SXSW. “The great thing about SXSW is the proliferation of beautiful young men all over the city,” deadpanned Nick Offerman. “Now that the sun’s out we’re going to be seeing some shirts come off. This is a modern film we’ve made,” he said of his film, “Somebody Up There Likes Me,” trying to tie it to his answer. “Nature is beautiful.” “#1: It’s in Austin, that’s the best,” said Johnny Knoxville. “The Fest feels like it’s picking up steam every year.” “There was one day where from around 11 a.m. ’til whenever I went to bed I think I had — I counted — 28 beers,” “21 Jump Street” star Jonah Hill recalled of his first boozy experience at the festival a few years back. “I was never drunk, it was such a long period of time, there was a good old buzz thing going on for 20 hours.” “My favorite thing so far is waiting in line with other people,” admitted “Jump Street” co-director Chris Miller. “At first it was driving me crazy, but … you’re there for an hour with people who all like the same stuff and have a much cooler conversation there than you would in a bar.” “The cons of SXSW are all the beautiful young women getting in the way of looking at all the beautiful young men,” Offerman continued. “Prancing about, tossing their hair like they’re all that. They’re not.” With those pros and cons in mind, let’s get back to our film-focused journey in Austin, which we began with the Joss Whedon-scripted, Drew Goddard-directed festival opener, “The Cabin in the Woods.” Although it is a traditional horror film with “thrilling deaths,” it’s a crowd-pleaser nonetheless. Then came the twisted thriller “Killer Joe,” which features many an opportunity for awkward laughter and smooth-talkin’ Matthew McConaughey as a killer-for-hire , followed by a surprise appearance from Mark Wahlberg during Seth MacFarlane’s “A Conversation With” panel, which led to a very casual interview about Wahlberg’s acting skills and falling in love with a teddy bear. After that, we walked down a dark childhood memory lane with “Nature Calls” director Todd Rohal and stars Johnny Knoxville and Rob Riggle. We spent time with skateboarding legend Danny Way during his surprise visit to a local skate park, and tried not to laugh ourselves to tears during chats with “Small Apartments” scene-stealer Matt Lucas and deadpan comedy ace Nick Offerman when he told us the best thing about his buzzworthy film, “Somebody Up There Likes Me” is the fact that he gets naked onscreen. We’re still not sure he was telling the truth, but it was hilarious nonetheless. Our final day of film-related action involved a visit to “21 Jump Street” with stars Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum , who revealed the project’s special ties to SXSW, as well as their reactions to finally seeing the finished film with an audience. We chatted up Fabianne Therese, the star of the recently picked-up home invasion thriller “The Aggression Scale,” who accidentally put her hand through a glass window during filming and resulted in the filmmakers writing it into the script. And then we caught up with the men of “Extracted,” an intriguing film about a man who invents a way to watch people’s memories from inside their minds and then gets trapped within a criminal’s mind. “I think [the movie] means something to everybody,” director Nir Paniry said. “To me, it’s a film about regret and how one memory means something to somebody else and one memory means something to another person. Memories are not finite records, they’re organic, they can be manipulated, but they’re specific to the person. Your memory of something is not my memory of something.” “It’s life. All these things that are universal and timeless,” added star Sasha Roiz. “Trying to confront your past or changing your course of life, redemption. These two men are basically sitting in their own purgatory, one is stuck in a cell, one is stuck in the mind of another man. There all these wonderful themes that bubble to the surface. And although it’s not technically film-related, we spent some time with Lena Dunham, the star/creator/executive producer of HBO’s heavily hyped new series “Girls,” which she promises is grounded in reality and deals with the drama of modern romantic relationships. All in all, our experience was fun-filled, if a tad bit exhausting. For those of you hankering to see the films in our lineup, the good news is that several of them are headed to theaters or small screens near you. “21 Jump Street” opened everywhere Friday (March 16); “Cabin in the Woods” hits theaters April 13; “Girls” premieres on HBO April 15, followed by the DVD/Blu-Ray release of “The Aggression Scale” on May 29. Seth MacFarlane’s live-action debut “Ted” hits theaters July 13. Stick with MTV News for news about the fest’s other buzzworthy entries, “Somebody Up There Likes Me,” “Killer Joe” and “Extracted.” For breaking news, celebrity columns, humor and more — updated around the clock — visit MTVMoviesBlog.com . Related Videos South by Southwest 2012

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SXSW Film Fest Full Of Chills, Thrills And Tears Of Laughter

Black Keys, My Chemical Romance Lead Musical March Madness’ Midwest

U2, Metallica, Nickelback and more battle it out in a heavyweight region. Voting in all first-round matchups is now live! By James Montgomery U2’s Bono and Dick Vitale Photo: Getty Images MTV’s third-annual Musical March Madness tournament tipped off Monday, with voting opening in all first-round matchups. But with a bracket busting with bands — 64 in all, each battling to hoist the championship trophy when the tournament ends April 3 — we realize that choosing your favorites in each contest can be a daunting task (unless your favorite happens to be Tokio Hotel — they’re having no problem racking up the votes). After all, sometimes even the selection committee has a difficult time distinguishing between AWOLNATION and Five Finger Death Punch. Vote for your favorite band, discuss and share on Facebook and Twitter in the MTV Musical March Madness interactive bracket! So with first-round voting open until Sunday (polls close at midnight ET), we’re going to spend the next few days breaking down each Musical March Madness region, starting with the mighty, meaty Midwest, a bracket loaded with meat-and-potatoes rock acts … and, uh, Bon Iver, too. Can the top-seeded Black Keys run the table? Will MMM superpowers My Chemical Romance continue their tradition of deep tournament runs? Or, like last year, will the Midwest go to an upset-minded underdog, like Chevelle or Sum 41? Read on for our picks in each opening-round tilt. #1 The Black Keys vs. #16 AWOLNATION: On the surface, the Keys should win this one with ease. Then again, as any MMM historian will surely tell you, the three-year history of the tournament is littered with jaw-dropping upsets (like #16 the Hold Steady knocking off #1 Nickelback in 2010, or 16th-seeded Sum 41 dumping #1 Arcade Fire last year). Still, with so much momentum — back-to-back breakout albums, a sold-out arena U.S. arena tour — we like Auerbach and Carney over a very game Aaron Bruno. #2 Bon Iver vs. #15 Sum 41: The pride of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, faces off against the pride of Ajax, Ontario, in this opening-round barn-burner. Bon Iver was a surprise second seed in the Midwest (geography was a determining factor, as always), while one could argue that, based on last year’s MMM run alone, Sum 41 should be way higher than a 15 seed. Bad news for the bearded one, we’re taking tourney-tested Sum 41 for the upset. #3 Pearl Jam vs. #14 Five Finger Death Punch: It’s rock legends versus fast-rising, faster-playing metallers here, and though Pearl Jam currently hold a rather-sizeable lead so far, we’re not writing off Five Finger Death Punch just yet. Hard-rock bands tend to do surprisingly well in MMM (they’re fans vote equally hard), which is why, we think by week’s end, it’ll be the Death Punch who roll to round two. #4 U2 vs. #13 Modest Mouse: Last year, U2 were a surprise early exit, losing to eventual champs Green Day in round two, while Modest Mouse have never made it out of the first round of the tourney. Based on that alone, we’re taking Bono and Co. here, though, after one day of voting, this one is still pretty close. #5 My Chemical Romance vs. #12 Death Cab for Cutie: MCR are the only band in MMM history to make the Final Four twice, including a heartbreaking championship-game loss to Coheed and Cambria in 2010. Death Cab? Uh, yeah … they’ve been to the second round. Once. This one won’t even be close: MCR are going far in this tourney. #6 Kid Rock vs. #11 Chevelle: It’s Michigan versus Illinois in this first-round barnburner, which could have been an actual NCAA tournament matchup if Illinois didn’t suck so bad this year. Kid Rock has been getting in touch with his Seger side in recent years, while Chevelle roared back in 2011 with the (actually pretty great) Hats Off to the Bull , and so far, it’s the rockers who hold a commanding lead over the Kid. Can they hold on? We’ll say they do, and advance to the second round. #7 Metallica vs. #10 Guns N’ Roses: A true clash of the titans, this one could go either way (though it hopefully won’t end like the pair’s 1992 Montreal show did, with both James Hetfield and the city set on fire). Understandably, this one is currently the closest matchup in the entire tournament, with the Gunners holding a .02 percent edge. There’s a whole week still to go, but this one might be too close to call. #8 Nickelback vs. #9 Rise Against!: A total style clash in every conceivable way, Rise Against! jumped out to an early lead, but thanks to some feverish tweeting , Nickelback have swung things in their favor. It’s still close, but we think Kroeger and Co. pull it out — if only because we suspect a Black Keys/Nickelback second-rounder will be, uh, interesting . MTV’s 2012 Musical March Madness Tournament is underway! Voting in the first round runs until midnight ET on Sunday, March 18, and winners are determined by fan votes, so if your favorite act made the cut, it’ll be up to you to guide them to glory. You can rally the troops on Twitter using the hashtag #MMM or by downloading one of our custom badges — but get ready, it’s gonna be a war. Related Videos Musical March Madness Returns! Related Photos MTV’s Musical March Madness 2012

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Black Keys, My Chemical Romance Lead Musical March Madness’ Midwest

Former Rikers Island Prison Guard Admits To Getting Freaky With Inmates While Selling Them Ecstasy, Cigarettes, And Booze

This lady had it all the way poppin at Rikers. SMH: A former city Corrections officer will likely end up behind bars after she admitted Thursday to having sex with an inmate and selling Ecstasy, cigarettes and booze while she worked on Rikers Island, officials said. Clara Espada, 41, pleaded guilty to third-degree bribe receiving — a D-class felony — and misdemeanor forcible touching. A criminal complaint says Espada had sex three times with a male inmate, who has not been named. He told investigators he slept with the officer and helped broker deals that netted the woman nearly $300 a week over four months, court documents show. Espada was arrested Wednesday after an eight-month investigation , the Department of Investigation said. The crimes were committed in the George Motchan Detention Center between July 2009 and January 2010, while Espada — who has worked for the Corrections Department since December 2004 — was earning a $76,488 salary. She was restricted from inmate contact and placed on modified duty in June 2011 when the investigation first began, according to the DOI. “Arrest, prosecution, jail time, and the loss of a valuable city job is the likely end for any correction officer who receives bribes to transport contraband into the city jails,” DOI Commissioner Rose Gill Hearn said. Under the plea deal, Espada — who resigned from her Corrections post earlier this month — is expected to be sentenced to six months behind bars followed by three years probation, the DOI said. Source photo: Paul Lowry More On Bossip! Eff A Traveler’s Digest: 10 Countries With Beautiful BLACK Women Action! Stars That Were Offered Large Sums Of Money To Make Adult Movies…Did They Take It?! TwitterFiles: Tisha Campbell Says People Need To Leave Her Husband Out Of Will And Jada’s “Divorce” Crazy In Love: Women That Went A Little Cuckoo For The Men They Loved

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Former Rikers Island Prison Guard Admits To Getting Freaky With Inmates While Selling Them Ecstasy, Cigarettes, And Booze

One night when I got home from school I got a call from my…

One night when I got home from school I got a call from my friend Eliora. She was like, “Kayla! Justin is in NYC tonight for Fashion Night Out!” I immediately jumped on the next train to the city to meet her. We took a taxi down to where the stores were, that were having events. We had heard earlier in the day that Justin was going to be at Dolce & Gabbana but we were not sure if he was going to be there that night. We decided to go into a bunch of stores just to check if he was in any of them. We asked various people if they knew where he was that night and no one seemed to know. We finally made it down to the block of Dolce & Gabbana. We saw a group of people in the front of the store taking pictures. We walked over and saw Ashley Benson. Our first reaction was, OMG she is going out with Ryan Good. We took a picture with her and started to walk around the bend looking for Justin. As we turned the corner, we saw Ryan Good, as in Justin’s swag coach! We went absolutely CRAZY. We took a picture with him then asked where Justin was. He told us he had just left, pointing down the block. We saw his car driving away. We were a little bummed out but still happy we got to see Ryan. Now that we knew Justin had left, we did not know what to do. We stood there for a while then overheard Ryan say to Ashely that Allison was waiting by the car. We immediately freaked out and knew that he was talking about Allison Kaye. We turned the corner once again and see Allison. We once again, went CRAZY! We asked her for a picture as well and she said sure. We talked to her a bit until we saw a few girls taking a picture with someone in the corner of our eye. We turn to our left and Scooter is standing there. We could not believe it. We tapped Scooter on the back and told him how much we loved him. He thanked us but unfortunately, he was in such a rush that he apologized and told us he had no time for a picture with us. They all got in the car and waved to us as they were leaving. This was one of the best nights ever! Although we were unable to meet Justin, it was amazing to meet his crew, the people that help make Justin be the best he can be. It was so unforgettable. -@KeRnKr @Ayelio Read the original: One night when I got home from school I got a call from my…

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Celebrity Cribs: Conservative “The View” Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck Selling Her NYC Condo For $3.3M [Photos]

Via Realtor.com: Reports indicate that the blonde TV personality and her husband, former NFL quarterback Tim Hasselbeck, recently put their home in the Ariel West on the market, listing the West 99th Street apartment for $3.3 million. Measuring in at 2,300-square-feet, the Hasselbecks’ home offers a total four bedrooms and three bathrooms. It boasts a formal foyer and powder room that leads to a living and dining room that features floor-to-ceiling walls of glass that look out onto the eastern part of the city. Adjacent to the formal area is a large chef’s kitchen and breakfast nook, along with an additional bedroom with den or office potential. The master suite faces to the west and features a large walk-in closet and master bath lined in white glass tiles, which has a ‘tea for two’ soaking tub, dark wood vanity and Siberian marble flooring. Besides the home itself, the Ariel West boasts a wealth of amenities for its residents, including a private courtyard, fitness center, furnished lounge, full-time concierge, doorman, and a 52-foot swimming pool. Peep the digs!

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Celebrity Cribs: Conservative “The View” Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck Selling Her NYC Condo For $3.3M [Photos]

Jimmy Kimmel’s Star-Studded Movie: The Movie Spoof Is Depressingly Accurate

Late night host Jimmy Kimmel’s tradition of filming a post- Oscar movie-related spoof continued Sunday night with a “trailer” for Movie: The Movie , the ultimate star-studded epic to end all epics. In addition to featuring a host of stars, from Taylor Lautner to Helen Mirren to Tyler Perry (er, “Daniel Day-Lewis as Tyler Perry as George Washington”), the Kimmel-produced gag covered just about every genre and trope known to the movies. I give it a few years before some suit turns this into a reality. Among the stars in Kimmel’s ensemble: Ryan Phillippe, Jessica Biel, Ed Norton, Josh Brolin, Antonio Banderas, Tom Hanks, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Tyler Perry, Meryl Streep, Jason Bateman, Matt Damon, and Colin Farrell. Okay, who am I kidding: I’d totally watch a K-9 buddy cop action sports movie starring Farrell as a SWAT officer partnered with a bomb-kicking Air Bud. Go ahead and make that happen, Hollywood. [via Jimmy Kimmel Live ]

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Jimmy Kimmel’s Star-Studded Movie: The Movie Spoof Is Depressingly Accurate

What Wanderlust — and Hollywood — Just Can’t Get Right About Women

Fully-certified flop Wanderlust might have sold a few more tickets if it had actually done anything remotely interesting with Jennifer Aniston and the rest of its talented female cast . It’s obviously not new that Hollywood doesn’t quite know what to do with comedic actresses (see also Faris, Anna ). But it is a little sad in the wake of Bridesmaids ’ commercial success – and its Oscars cameo over the weekend – that the rest of the film industry still. Doesn’t. Get It. I did enjoy parts of Wanderlust , when I could peer around all the lazy, tiresome clichés about How Women Act – but it would have been so easy to avoid them! So as a service to writers and female audiences everywhere, here are five suggestions for how to write comedy roles for women that are better than what Aniston had to make do with in Wanderlust . (Spoilers and feminism ahead.) 1. Stop using us as Eve. Bridesmaids was really good at creating drama out of its characters’ own bad decisions – they screwed up, they suffered the consequences, they (sometimes) figured out how to fix things. Wanderlust just blames Aniston’s poor Linda for everything. First she convinces her husband to buy a West Village apartment they can’t really afford – a plan that fails so spectacularly that the couple has to flee New York for, shudder, suburban Atlanta. Then she convinces her husband to stay in the hippie commune with free love, rampaging nudist men, and no doors on the toilet. Ensuing marital problems? Mostly her fault! “I drank the Kool-Aid,” she tells Paul Rudd’s George during their tearful climactic reunion. His better instincts to avoid the commune, its peyote and the bared abs of Justin Theroux are all vindicated, of course. 2. Write age-appropriate characters for protagonists older than 31. Don’t get me wrong, Aniston looks fabulous. I want her wardrobe and her legs. But she’s already played an unemployed 30-something unsure of what she wants to do with her life – six years ago, in Nicole Holofcener’s much sharper Friends with Money . By now both Aniston and the 42-year-old Rudd seem a little too old to play young Manhattanites still figuring out what they want to be when they grow up. And it would be funnier if Linda really embraced the hippie commune life after leaving a steady or rewarding job, not just because she doesn’t have anything better to do with her time. Maybe it’s just the looming prospect of my own 30th birthday and all the significance that’s supposed to have, but watching the 43-year-old Aniston still trying to “pick a major,” as her husband says during an argument, was just depressing. Like watching Private Practice . 3. Give us some friends! Come on, this is pre- Bridesmaids – the entire Sex and the City franchise succeeded by understanding that women like talking to, crying to, and criticizing other women. But Wanderlust weirdly goes out of its way to avoid giving Linda any family, friends or visible non-marriage relationships she can turn to in a crisis. After George loses his corporate bonus-slave job, we’re told that the couple’s fate is dire – so dire that staying with his loud, racist brother is apparently their only viable option (at least until the commune appears on their GPS). At no point is any reference made to any sort of connections Linda might be able to turn to. Wanderlust couldn’t get Catherine Keener to film one scene as an icy careerist sister silently disappointed in her unemployed younger sibling? Or at least make a reference to Linda’s wealthy parents, who lost everything with Bernie Madoff? (You don’t get to be 43 and still picking a major without having spent your adulthood on some serious family financial support.) 4. Character development means more than taking off our shirts. Despite the rumors , we do not see Aniston’s breasts in Wanderlust . We’ll just have to make do with her implied breasts. And in the final overall film, yes, there are probably many more manly bits than lady parts visible on screen. That still doesn’t change the fact that Linda’s major triumph as a character is flashing a TV camera crew, in a “protest” move that was dated by the time she was born. 5. Hot women tend to appreciate hot men, or at least cute men, or at least men who have a passing acquaintance with shampoo. Real-life relationships notwithstanding, Aniston really gets the short end of the free-love stick in Wanderlust . George wants to take advantage of the commune’s partner-swapping rules and sleep with blonde, freshly-laundered Malin Akerman, who’s popped by from a Self magazine cover shoot. Linda reluctantly agrees and succumbs to the shirtless charms of Theroux. He may be dashing in real life, but unfortunately for Linda and female audiences everywhere, he spends most of the movie looking like a squirrel crawled atop his head and died. And really, doesn’t equality start with eye-candy? Maria Aspan is a writer living in New York whose work has appeared in The New York Times, Reuters and American Banker. She Tweets and Tumbls .

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What Wanderlust — and Hollywood — Just Can’t Get Right About Women