Tag Archives: dating

Dear Bossip: I’m Dating A Great Guy, However, My Ex Is Going To Be Released From Prison & Wants To Reconnect

Posted on January 14, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I always giggle and agree completely with you in all the relationship advice you dish out. I enjoy the “bar none, fades all” way telling folks where to go and how to get there. So, I need you to give me the bidness straight with no chaser to my “issue.” In 2004, I met the only man I ever wanted to marry and have children with. We were together for a total of 3 ½ years. We have a very spiritual connection, not religious, but very connected. We understand each other without words, we both want the same things in life and we just have so many big and small things in common. Well, during our relationship he was overseas a lot working. He would be gone between 3 – 6 months, while I stayed here in the States working and holding us down.  I visited him in all the places he has worked. Okay the Obstacles: During his “vacation” time here at home he was a very busy boy! When I met him in 2004 he had 1 son. When we broke up he had a total of four kids: 1 son and 3 girls.  He had 2 children with one of his “side chicks”. He does not have any children by me and I don’t have any children to this day. I was pregnant by him twice but I refuse to be a “baby momma” and we made the choice to terminate both. He also got into some legal trouble and put on probation. While on probation he went back overseas to work. We have gotten into it, physically, before, about 3 time total and it wasn’t all his fault either. I had to get away from him and that treatment before I started to doubt myself. Well, we have been apart for 4 years now. We have kept in touch a little. I would hear from him every 3 – 6 months while he was overseas. A year ago he decided to “come home” aka answer for the probation violation. He is currently in prison. He called me when he was first incarcerated and being the person I am I answered the phone, been there for him every step of the way and visited him when he was near. I have been single the entire 4 years since this relationship because it left me very emotionally unavailable and I just could not meet a guy who is worthy or that I have a connection with. I was enjoying the “love em & leave em” lifestyle until September. I met a guy (younger) who is just so cool. We have no problems, we communicate well, he is smart and worthy. I like this person but I’m not sure how much yet. And, my new boo works out-of-town so I’m apprehensive about another long-distance relationship. The question: My old boo will be released within the month or early next month. My new boo is wanting to take things up a notch. The old boo wants to get out and make things official, start a life and family together. We have good and bad history together but he is still the only man I ever wanted to marry and have children with. He will do anything for me and give me anything I can ask for.  He has treated me like a queen in the past and honestly, I could not be the confident woman I am today if he did not gift me with the experiences I have been blessed to have. I have always said “I don’t go back, I only move forward,” so, what should I do?  I don’t want to lose this new boo but I have lingering feeling for old boo.  And I would hate to kick a recently released man while he is down.  What to do? – Too Boo’d Up Dear Ms. Too Boo’d Up , Chile, you women will learn in this New Year that trying to raise up a man while he is down will only bring you down. In order to bring him up, you have to get down and dirty with him, and, unless you want to revisit the gutter, then I suggest you keep your red bottoms from the mud and keep it moving. Why go back? Girl, the man had three children with other women when you were together. So, according to my reasoning he’s not faithful. If he cheated then, he will cheat again. Next, he’s in and out of trouble, i.e., he is prison because of his probation violation of leaving the state and going overseas without permission. He obviously hasn’t learned his lesson because the first time he got into trouble he would have followed things to the “T” about his probation terms and did what he was supposed to do. Thus, because he can’t follow instructions, then this should let you know that he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. If he can’t adhere to his probation terms, then how the hell do you expect for him to deal with his parole terms. Yes, ma’am, when he is released from prison he is going to be on parole. He won’t be able to do anything without reporting to his parole officer. And, it’s going to be difficult for him to find a job. So, you want a man on parole, with no job, no income, and not contributing to your home IN YOUR HOME!?! And, talkin’ ‘bout he wants to start a family. Uhm, no ma’am. And, the only reason he is reaching out to you is because you are the one constant and stable thing in his life. He needs a place to live when he gets out on parole. He needs someone to vouch for him, and be responsible for him when he gets released. I bet he didn’t tell you that tidbit of information. Also, he needs to get a job, and pay restitution. He can’t do all of that with his baby momma’s because they are not going to put up with him. As soon as he gets out he has to pay child support, IMMEDIATELY!  Honey, you’re the independent, care-free, and probably least drama free of his other options. I’m telling you to not be his option. Stop being his scapegoat. He got himself into this situation, so let him be man enough to get himself out of it and deal with the consequences he created. And, chile, puhlease. Stop answering his calls and running up your phone bill, and putting money on his books. I know you are sending money orders for his books and sending love letters. I ain’t no fool, and neither should you. Girl, move on, and as you’ve stated, “I don’t go back, I only move forward.” Please move forward. Don’t let your torrid and fractured past create a torrid and fractured future. He is not worth the investment. He is not worth your time or energy. He proved that when you were together previously. Nothing is going to change. It’s just prison talk he is filling your head with. Girl, don’t fall for it. It’s prison psychology 101. All of a sudden he wants to get his life together, and be the man you want him to be, but as soon as he gets his freedom, he running like a southern slave seeking freedom in the north. “Give him free!” LOL! Now, as far as the new boo, you have to give him a chance, and don’t make him suffer because of what your old boo has done. The new boo sounds like a good man, but if you keep comparing him to your old boo, then it is not going to work. So, completely let go of your old boo. In order to move forward you have to let go of the old. It’s 2013, a New Year, and time to release old habits, old and past boyfriends, and old and past dramas. Write him a letter and let him know that you release him. You’re done. It’s over, and you’re happy and starting life anew. It’s time for him to let you go, and for him to get his life together. You’re no longer his fall back option. You’re no longer his safety net. You’re no longer his doormat. You’ve got a new attitude and new man. So, start treating your new man with the respect, and honesty he deserves. He makes you happy, he makes you smile, and he treats you like a real woman. Girl, open your eyes and recognize the winner you have, and leave the loser where he is. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!     

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Dear Bossip: I’m Dating A Great Guy, However, My Ex Is Going To Be Released From Prison & Wants To Reconnect

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Dating Game Killer Rodney Alcala Sentenced For 1970s Murders

Posted on January 9, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Rodney Alcala, a.k.a. the Dating Game Killer, was sentenced Monday in NY to 25 years to life in prison for the murder of two women in the 1970s. Already convicted in the 1970s murders of four women and a 12-year-old girl in Southern California, Alcala must now serve even more prison time. Not that it will matter, as he’ll never see the light of day. In fact, Alcala said he wanted to plead guilty to the two New York murder counts so he could get back to California, where he was sentenced to death. In California, where he was convicted of five other killings , he wants to pursue an appeal; he has tangled with authorities in the Golden State for years. After a series of trials and retrials, he eventually was found guilty in 2010 of killing four women and a 12-year-old girl in Southern California in the 1970s.

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Dear Bossip: He Led Me To Believe He Was Interested & When I Told Him My 3-Month Rule He Changed

Posted on January 4, 2013 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , One of my good friends’ mutual friend befriended me on Facebook about two years ago. He thought I was beautiful and wanted to carry a conversation with me. I thought he was cute but didn’t really care to entertain him; plus I was in an on and off relationship. Still, we exchanged numbers and texted. It wasn’t deep but it helped pass the time. During the time his college was 4 hours from mine. I had no intentions on ever seeing him and just wanted to keep him at a distance. Later, something happened that made me lose interest so I left it alone. He would hit me up once in a blue, but for the most part I left it alone. Last summer his father died so he moved back in with his mom to help her out. I hit him up to give my condolences and to let him know that I was here. People always say I’m here when someone dies, but I really meant it because I lost my father a few years ago. Anyways our conversations picked up again. I had just gotten out of my 4 year on and off again relationship and wasn’t looking for anything. I expressed that very firmly. The more we talked the deeper it got and of course I caught feelings. I fought it and gave my all not to give in but his words got me. I’d like to think I’m a very strong woman, but I put my guard down. He said he was willing to be just my friend until I was ready. I never felt like I would be ready. The timing wasn’t good. In 6 months I’m leaving to spend 2 ½ years teaching sick kids in Africa. But, again, I was just passing time. Soon our text messages turned into 4-5 hour phone calls almost every night. He made me laugh harder than anyone and we had so much in common. He told his family and friends about me and he was always on my mind. I even took a 2 ½ hour drive to see him one day. The chemistry was too real. I couldn’t deny it. I never slept with him, but it did get hot and heavy. (I told him I had a three month rule). Any way, he was supposed to come spend the weekend with me later on that month. I went out and bought all of this food because I love to cook. I was so excited to see him. He told me he would be at my house at 9 that night, only 9 came and went. Around 10:30 I got a text message saying that he couldn’t make it because of the drive and not having gas money. WTF!? I was pissed. I didn’t even get a phone call! He ended up calling me later, but I was too upset to pick up. We talked about it two days later and I let him know why I was disappointed. I wanted to believe in him. We all make mistakes so I let it go. At a later time I had some errands to run in his home town so I took that 2 ½ hour drive again and we had planned to meet up. To make a long story short he ended up flaking again. First time shame on you, the second time shame on me. And, with me there is no third time. It’s been two months and since then I’ve deleted his number and he’s called once and texted once. No apology or voicemail. I didn’t fall in love with him, but I liked him enough to put my guard down. Who spends 5 hours on the phone everyday with someone if they don’t care about you!? Why waste your time and introduce me to your sister and tell your family about me if you had intentions on being an a**? Am I crazy? Did I do something wrong? I’m a 2-year old college graduate with 3 jobs (the epitome of Miss Independent). I’m strong, beautiful, and very intelligent, but how could I be so dumb? How did the perfect guy end up being a wolf in sheep’s clothing? – Confused About His Behavior Dear Ms. Confused About His Behavior , Welp! Lesson learned. Don’t fret over it. Don’t get your panties into a bunch. And, definitely don’t let it consume you. He showed you his a** and thank the lord you didn’t bend over to kiss it. Who knows why he did what he did. There are lots of reasons. And, only he knows why. But, I wouldn’t let it bother me because you didn’t lose out on anything. You didn’t have sex with him. Thank goodness. And, the only thing you invested in was hours of conversation of your time. Please thank your lucky stars that you did not invest any large amount of money, resources, or sexual liaisons with him. Then you would be even angrier. But, let’s look at a few clues that lead to his silly and immature behaviors. 1.) You are not the first, nor will be the last girl he finds cute or beautiful on Facebook and want to have conversation with. Girl, most men peruse Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram stalking women’s profiles. All of these online sites make it easy for men (especially sexual predators) to have free access to your life. All the photos of that you post, and what you’re doing, and who you’re hanging with provides many men with insights into your psyche. And, the games begin. They are hunting for p***y. They make these elaborate schemes of playing on women’s emotions and feelings hoping one of them will be easy enough to get into his bed, and he can lay claim he blew your back out. And, you ladies make it easy for them because you put all your business out there. All a man has to do is read your status updates, read your timelines, and voila, you’ve given him insights to your life and world. SMDH! Y’all gon’ learn tuhday! 2.) Notice that in the beginning that he was keeping it light and easy. Just as you were. Any man who is really and genuinely interested in a woman will make every attempt in getting to know her. He will not only text, but call, SKYPE, and make attempts on visiting you. His conversation is not primarily on sex, and when you’re going to let him hit. He’s really interested in you, and getting to know you. But, men are good at deception. They will play your game, however, once you laid the 3-month rule on him, he hit the ground running. He thought you would be an easy lay. And, when you didn’t put out, he lost interest. You should be so lucky, and glad you stuck to your guns. Don’t every compromise yourself for a one-night stand. 3.) Don’t ever. EVER! EVER! Make the first move by driving to a man’s house and he’s made no attempts to come see you. The thirst is heavy and strong if you drive to a man’s house first. If you go to his home first, and you drive long distances, or fly across country, uhm, he feels and thinks that he’s going to get some. He thinks you’re going to spread your legs for him because only a woman who is vulnerable, weak, and d**k hungry will drive or fly to go see a man first. Ladies, if he’s interested in you, and getting to know you, then he has to be the one who makes the first move, and in coming to see you. He has to make the effort in coming to you. And, meet in a mutual public place. Do not go to his house. Do not invite him to yours. I don’t care how long you’ve been texting, or talking on the phone. I don’t care how comfortable you may feel. You don’t know him as well as you think you do. You’re playing with your life inviting strangers into your home. 4.) When his dad died, you became his shoulder to lean on. You became a voice and person to confide in. When people lose a loved one, especially a parent, they become vulnerable. They want someone they can talk to and someone they feel they connect with. And, what comes next with someone who is vulnerable, SEX! Their guard is down. They want to feel wanted. They want to be comforted. And, sex is an easy and accessible way inside their lives. He wanted sex. He wanted you to really show you cared for him by laying with him. And, you were like, “Oh, no ma’am. I’m not an easy chick. And, that you weren’t cheap.” Once you didn’t give up the goods, he became disinterested. You were not worth the investment in getting to know further. Again, be glad he walked out of your life. Be thankful that he showed you who he really was. 5.) The first time he flaked when he was supposed to come see you, and by 9pm when he didn’t arrive, and you didn’t get a text from him until 10:30pm with him saying he wasn’t coming because he didn’t have any gas money, that let’s me know that he had no intention on coming at all. Why wait an 1 ½ later to text. He didn’t even call. He texted you. Girl, puhlease. He doesn’t deserve any more conversation after that. Yeah, he may have really wanted to come, but he had the entire day to come up on some gas money for the drive to your house. But, I don’t buy it. A man who is interested in any woman will find the means and ways to get to the woman he wants to be with. Trust me! Then, you give him another opportunity when you had to go to his city and he flaked again. Girl, no! NO! NO! NO! NO! (In my Destiny’s Child voice). Lastly, when you revealed to him that you were going to South Africa for 2 ½ years, and on top of that, you have a 3-month rule before having sex, and you leave in six months, chile, ain’t nobody got time for that! He wanted to hit it before you left, and keep it moving. He isn’t nor wasn’t invested in anything longer with you. And, you shouldn’t be thinking of anything long-term either. You’re not going to be here. So, why invest in something with someone and you’re going to be gone for 2 ½ years? That doesn’t make any sense. Look, this is a lesson learned. He’s not worth your time, presence, or friendship. Delete him as you’ve already done from all your social media sites, and keep his number deleted. As a matter of fact, put DNA (Do Not Answer) next to his number so that way when he calls or texts again, you’ll know better than to answer. Also, you’re young. You’re leaving to go to South Africa for 2 ½ years to make a difference in other’s lives. That should be your focus. You don’t have time for a relationship with some lowlife bum with childish games. Girl, go be your greatness, and commit yourself to the power and inspiration that you are. You’re going to do great things in this world, and you need a great man beside you. Hell, you may find a prince or king while in South Africa. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!      

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Electoral College System: Fair or Unfair?

Posted on November 6, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

In 2000, Al Gore earned 500,000 more votes than George W. Bush, yet lost the presidency. In 2004, Bush won by 3 million, but 60,000 more Ohio votes would’ve elected John Kerry. In 2012, a close election could easily result in a winner who receives fewer votes … again. The Electoral College system, everybody! Our complex way of choosing a president confuses many American voters. It’s easy to see why: Rather than a simple vote tally of the entire U.S.A., every state essentially holds its own election, with its electoral votes awarded on a winner-take-all basis (usually). Each state starts with three electoral votes, based on federal government representation: One vote for each U.S. Senator and Congressman/woman from that state. Beyond that, they’re allocated by population, with California’s 55 leading the way and Texas’ 38 in second place. There are 538 in all, with 270 needed to win. In 48 states and D.C., the statewide popular vote winner receives all the Electoral College votes, no matter how close the race is in that state (see Florida, 2000). Two states, Maine and Nebraska, determine electoral votes differently; the statewide winner earns two and each congressional district awards one vote. While Maine is reliably Democratic and Nebraska very Republican, President Barack Obama actually eked out a win in one of the latter’s districts in 2008. So why is the Electoral College system even in place? Dating back to the ratification of the Constitution, the first purpose was to create a buffer between the population and the selection of a President. This, it is believed, was to safeguard against election fraud. The second, more significant purpose was to give slightly more power to the smaller states. For instance, Vermont’s population is roughly one-sixth of 1 percent of America’s, but with 3 electoral votes out of 538, its political clout increases to over half of 1 percent. Not a huge difference, but a difference nonetheless. And while there are clear problems and advantages with the Electoral College, changing it is very unlikely. It would take a constitutional amendment ratified by 3/4 of states to change the system, and it is hard to imagine the smaller U.S. states agreeing to that. What it boils down to in the end are national elections contested in very few places. Over the last three elections – Obama’s 2008 win and Bush’s 2000 and 2004 wins – only 10 states switched sides; only 10-11 are considered competitive in 2012. The Real Clear Politics map shown above has President Obama leading, to various degrees, in states that would give him 201 electoral votes, based on polling there. Republican challenger Mitt Romney has leads that would amass 191 electoral votes, with 146 still up for grabs. Nationally, polls show a very, very tight race. While most of the time, the popular vote winner also takes the Electoral College, in a remarkably close race, there could be divergence. Just ask Al Gore. Popular vote winners also lost the White House in 1824, 1876, and 1888. Could it happen again this evening? Unlikely … but far from impossible. You tell us: Is the Electoral College system fair?   Yes, it’s in place for a reason! No, are you kidding me? View Poll »

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The Bachelor vs. Chuck Lorre: Bad TV Feud Alert!

Posted on November 5, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory creator / former Charlie Sheen nemesis Chuck Lorre has been bashing ABC’s The Bachelor for some reason. Naturally, the popular reality franchise is responding in kind. Inspired by unknown factors, Lorre called the dating show “idiotic” on one of his trademark vanity cards after a recent episode of The Big Bang Theory . Which is a little like Nadya Suleman calling someone irresponsible or Kim Kardashian labeling another wannabe star a shameless fame whore, or … you get the idea. This led Bachelor producer Elan Gale to tweet: “Someone has been freebasing crushed up copies of Dharma & Greg DVDs … Two and a Half Men. Zero salient points.” Host Chris Harrison retweeted Gale’s response, while Bachelor producer Robert Mills noted: “It’s ironic that Chuck Lorre decides to bash #Bachelor and one of his stars Kaley Cuoco is a card carrying member of #Bachelornation” Indeed. On an unrelated note: Kaley Cuoco bikini photos are unreal. Whose side are you on? Team Bachelor or Team Chuck?

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Kaley Cuoco’s Hard Nipples on TV of the Day

Posted on November 2, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Kaley Cuoco- or as I like to call her, the young pussy on set that made John Ritter’s heart go pitter patter until it fucking exploded….back when she was on some Teenage Daughter Dating TV show…before getting fat and joined a nerd show as the babe who isn’t babe enough to ignore the nerds….cuz real babes don’t bother with such easy targets….rocked some hard nipples aiming in a weird direction on TV…and at least a dozen people masturbated to it…cuz that’s what nerds and low grade people who watch this shit do….but hard nipples or not I can’t ignore her weird looking face….cuz she’s not hot….but you probably think she is…loser

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You Lie! The 5 Biggest Lies Money Mitt Told During The First Presidential Debate

Posted on October 5, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

President of the Pipe Dreams 5 Lies Mitt Romney Told During The First Presidential Debate While President Obama didn’t exactly bring his A game for the first Presidential debate that took place earlier this week, Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney brought his ‘F’ game……F as in full of isht. The good folks over at Rolling Stone Magazine pulled together this list of lies Money Mitt told during the debate: 1. “I don’t have a $5 trillion tax cut.” Romney flatly lied about the cost of his proposal to cut income-tax rates across the board by another 20 percent (undercutting even the low rates of the Bush tax cuts). Independent economists at the Tax Policy Center have shown that the price tag for those cuts is $360 billion in the first year, a cost that extrapolates to $5 trillion over a decade. 2. “I will not reduce the taxes paid by high-income Americans.” Romney has claimed that he will pay for his tax cuts by closing a variety of loopholes and deductions. The factual problem? Romney hasn’t named a single loophole he’s willing to close; worse, there’s no way to offset $5 trillion in tax cuts even if you get rid of the entire universe of deductions for the wealthy that Romney has not put off the table (like the carried interest loophole or the 15 percent capital gains rate.) The Tax Policy Center report concludes that Romney’s proposal would create a “net tax cut for high-income tax payers and a net tax increase for lower- and or middle-income taxpayers.” Moreover, some of Romney’s tax cuts are micro-targeted at American dynasties, particularly his proposal to eliminate the estate tax, which would reduce his own sons’ tax burden by tens of millions of dollars. 3. “We’ve got 23 million people out of work or [who have] stopped looking for work in this country.” Romney is lying for effect. The nation’s crisis of joblessness is bad, but not 23 million bad. The official figure is 12.5 million unemployed. An additional 2.6 million Americans have stopped looking for jobs. How does Romney gin up his eye-popping 23 million figure? He counts more than 8 million wage earners who hold part-time jobs as also being “out of work.” 4. Obamacare “puts in place an unelected board that’s going to tell people ultimately what kind of treatments they can have.” Romney is reviving Sarah Palin’s old death panels lie here. Obamacare does establish an Independent Payment Advisory Board to help constrain the growth of Medicare spending. The body has no authority to dictate the practices of the private insurance marketplace. And the law also makes explicit that this body is banned from rationing care or limiting medical benefits to seniors. 5. “Pre-existing conditions are covered under my plan.” In the biggest whopper of the night, Romney suggested that his health care proposal would guarantee coverage to Americans with pre-existing conditions. This is just not true. Under Romney, if you have a pre-existing condition and have been unable to obtain insurance coverage or if you have had to drop coverage for more than 90 days because you lost your job or couldn’t afford the premiums, you would be shit out of luck. Insurance companies could continue to discriminate and deny you coverage, as even Romney’s top adviser conceded after the debate was over. Loud and wrong, Mitt. Loud and wrong.

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You Lie! The 5 Biggest Lies Money Mitt Told During The First Presidential Debate

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It Because He Lied About Being Married, Now His Baby Momma Is Pregnant Again

Posted on October 5, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m a 32-year old woman working in corporate America and I’m doing really well for myself. Ok, I met this guy (let’s call him ‘Andy’) in 2008 through a dating website and we hit it off really well, until I found out through a mutual friend (talk about six degrees of separation), that he was “unhappily” married. I broke it off immediately, despite the fact he said that he was separated and living in another state from his wife. (Thank GOD I didn’t sleep with him). My gut told me to break it off and I did. He tried calling me, sending me flowers, and showing up at my job unannounced for almost 3 months until he gave up. I moved on with my life and focused on myself. I left the dating websites alone after I kept having one bad date after another. In late 2010, I leave my company for another company who’s offering me a much better position, better hours, and a very much better salary. But, there’s one problem: I’m going to be Andy’s manager (Can you say awkward?). He’s now seeing this woman at our company who works in a different department. Every time he gets a chance he talks about her to other people around me. I’m not going to lie, it kind of hurt because I do have feelings for him but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing. About 9 months later I start to receive flowers, candy, and jewelry from a secret admirer and I’m sure it’s him because he’s the only person who knows my favorite kind of jewelry and flowers. Plus, the flowers came from the same company he used back in 2008. He finally admits it’s him and I lied to him and said I had no feelings for him, plus he’s seeing someone else and we work together, so it’s not going to work. I told him if he brings it up again I’ll be forced to let HR know. Let’s just say he stopped everything all together. About another 6 months later he quits his job and as soon as he quits his job he tries to pursue me yet again. Foolishly, I’ve been accepting his phone calls and text messages. He’s no longer seeing the other woman at my job and admitted to her that he has feelings for me. He also tells me his divorce became final in the middle of 2009, but he’s since had a son by another women (let’s call her ‘Robin’) that he’s not with. We start seeing each other again and I’m having the time of my life. He takes me everywhere. He’s very attentive and he never once pressured me for sex. He introduced me to everyone in his family, including his adorable son who I absolutely love. I feel he’s the man of my dreams. I decided to take the relationship to another level by getting physical with him and I’m not going to lie, the sex is absolutely phenomenal. Just as soon as our relationship is doing well I get a call from Robin and she tells me she’s 8 months pregnant with his child. I’m upset, but at this point in time we’ve only been seeing each other for 7 months, so it’s not like he’s cheated on me (at least not that I know of). I confronted Andy about it and he admitted to me that he knew all along she was pregnant, but was too scared to tell me in the beginning because he knew I wouldn’t want to be with him. Robin admitted that their relationship is non-existence and that Andy has never slept with her during my relationship with him. She only called me because Andy was taking too long to tell me he was having another baby. I’ve met Robin 5 times, and all 5 times we have been very cordial even though she’s admitted to me she still has feelings for Andy. Andy has since proposed to me, but I didn’t give him an answer because I’m not sure if he proposed to me because he thinks I’m going to leave him. I think it’s way too soon for marriage considering we’ve only been dating for almost 8 months. He’s assured me he has no feelings for Robin and their relationship was only a physical one. I’m not sure if I should stay with him because this is not the first time he’s omitted information of this magnitude from me. I know he loves me and I love him too. My question is should I stay with him or leave well enough alone? – Confused And In Love Dear Ms. Confused And In Love , Is there a man shortage? Really? Is there? Ladies, ladies, ladies – This is what happens when you have sex with a stalker with that bomb penis! He lays it on you and you lose all sense of sensibility because the “phenomenal sex” convolutes your judgment and you misconstrue love with sex. Ma’am, this man has been stalking you since day one when you initially broke it off four years ago. Didn’t you say that after you broke it off with him, because he lied about his relationship with his WIFE, that he started calling you non-stop, sending flowers, and showing up at your job for three months? Ma’am, that is a stalker. He’s obsessive. And, it happened yet once again when you started working with him and you started receiving these mysterious gifts in the workplace, BY THE SAME MAN you broke it off with before. STALKER! But, hold up. When you confront him about it, and you warn him about it he stops. Then, he quits, and starts the behavior, yet, again. And, you find this –ish flattering? You think this is cute? You truly are touched in the head. Why don’t you see what’s obvious and blatant? Why are you letting his nut juice damage the little brain cells you have left? Wait, a minute, let me back the hell up a bit and address these freaking lies. Let’s go ahead and call a spade a spade. He is a liar and he’s been lying to you for the past four years. 1.) Lie number one – When you initially met, on a dating website, he lied about being married. He told you he was separated and that his wife lived in another state. You discover the truth and end it. 2.) Lie number two – You work together and you start receiving mysterious gifts. You confront him, and he finally admits it’s him. 3.) Lie number three – His baby momma, Robin, confronts you and tells you that she is pregnant with his second child. You confront him, and he admits he’s known all along but didn’t tell you because he felt you would leave. And, you’ve been with him for seven months. So, in those seven months he never once thought to tell you the truth? He never once felt it was important to let you know that he was expecting a second child while laying up in you raw? Yeah, you’re having unprotected sex with him because you’re not the brightest in the bunch. So, now you’re asking me if you should proceed further with him because, in your own words you stated, “This is not the first time he’s omitted information of this magnitude from me.” So, let me ask you this, SMDH. In knowing he’s omitted very important, and key information, do you feel that you should proceed in a long term relationship with him? If he has a propensity to lie, deceive, manipulate, and omit information from you, and he’s done this over the four years of you knowing him, then what makes you think he is going to change now? Mind you, that two of those incidents involved two different women. Here’s what I want you to do: Ask to see his divorce papers from his wife. Ask Robin if he ever proposed to her, or if he at one time ever promised her that he would marry her. Then, ask yourself, “Why am I dating this man whom initially in my heart of hearts knew that he was not to be trusted? Why am I trusting him when he’s lied not once but several times? Why am I claiming love with a man who has lied to me over and over again? Why am I dating a stalker who has shown the potential to be obsessive? What is it about me that my self-esteem is so low that I’ve allowed myself to be with a man who is divorced, and is expecting a second child with a woman he claims there is nothing between them other than sex?” You claim you’re a professional career woman, but, yet your common sense clearly is something to be desired. You would actually consider being with a man who has continuously shown you who he is, and you are willing to overlook everything and dive in p***y first because he is blowing your back out? I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, d**k is addictive. It will make you lose your mind and do some asinine –ish just like that which you are doing. My grandmother told me as a young boy, “Always follow your first mind.” And, it is something I live by, and has never failed me. So, I’m passing it along to you. If your first mind was to end it with him and eliminate him from your life, then FOLLOW YOUR FIRST MIND. There is a reason your instincts, your heart, and your intuition told you to end it and leave him alone. Follow them. Uphold yourself in a respectable and dignified manner. You’re better than this, and him. Why would you knowing put yourself in a situation where Robin has told you that she still has feelings for him, she’s carrying his second child, and she and those children will forever be in his life, and if you’re with him, then they will be in yours too? You don’t have time for baby momma drama. It can get messy, ugly, and stressful. Leave. Get out now. Save yourself, your sanity, and your emotional well-being. And, why would you knowingly be with a man who cannot be honest with you? This is indicative of what you should expect with him moving forward. Nothing is going to change. Trust me. He is not going to change. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!     

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Dear Bossip: I Ended It Because He Lied About Being Married, Now His Baby Momma Is Pregnant Again

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Dear Bossip: I Messed Up & Treated Her Badly, But I’m Changing & Want Another Chance

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , This is my first time ever coming to someone about this situation. By reading some of your other messages on Bossip, I feel that you aren’t biased and that is was I need because I’m soooo lost right now. Ok, me and my girl have been together for 4 years. This is an interracial relationship. She is white and I am black. She is 33-years old and I am 29-years old. This girl has stuck by my side through everything, and I mean everything; ranging from my crazy baby momma keying her car, to me cheating too many times to count, which is the stupidest thing I could have ever done. A little of my background: I have never been faithful to anybody, never in life. I have only had maybe like 3 or 4 girls that I could even say I have cared about.  This is no excuse, but I simply don’t know how not to flirt. I had the mindset that I could be with any girl I wanted, which in all honestly has been mostly true, not saying that I’m God’s gift to women or anything, I just never had a problem getting the one I wanted or getting what I wanted. Back to the topic at hand, I have taken my girl for granted for tooo long. Actually, I am surprised she has stayed around this long. She has caught me numerous times. Once, she set up a fake Facebook account with fake pictures and everything. She acted like some girl trying to holla and I fell for it. I did claim her as my girl, but showed her absolutely no respect on the matter.  She has caught me walking a girl upstairs to my apartment, and the cell phone is its own story in itself.  Yet, through all this she has stuck by my side and never left.  The cheating wasn’t the only problem though. I’m not a woman beater or anything, but we would get into fights sometimes, fist fights, but mostly just arguing about my “F” ups. Then, I would get mad, pull her by the hair, then leave her house or kick her out of mine. Like I said, honestly I don’t know why she has stayed around so long. We have had like week-long break ups and stuff like that, but most of that was me not wanting to be with her. I don’t know what my logic was. I know I have been stupid, selfish, and very immature, but I have never stopped loving her and actually her staying around has made me love her more, and even though it seems like it took forever I only want to be with her. So, like 10 months ago, which isn’t that long ago, I decided that I wouldn’t cheat on her anymore, which actually has been going very well for me. Our relationship seemed to be getting better. We have had maybe 1 or 2 big fights in the last 10 months, but nothing related to cheating, but that’s because we stopped disrespecting each other with our talks and actions. But, it has gotten better. We are madly in love. The problem is that she knows exactly what she wants but I still got some growing up to do. So, the relationship has been the best it has ever been for some time because I started communicating more, taking her out, and I stopped cheating. But, I still had a flirting problem and I still need to show her more respect in every aspect. Like three months ago, I came into a financial problem and after everything I was trying to do failed, I asked her if we could move in together.  Now, before you start thinking I am a moocher or something, I have always had a job and have never batted an eye at doing whatever I could for her or her child whenever I could. I think that’s how she knows when I’m doing something wrong because that is like the only time that I get distant. But, anyway, she said I could move in. I didn’t really want to but it was the only choice I had to make ends meet.  So, the weekend comes when I am moving in.  She goes out of town with some of her friends.  I get everything moved with no problem. But, I had spent just about all my spending money.  I do odd jobs on the side to make extra money.  I needed some money, so I had some computers that I had fixed for some people and I decided to return the computers to the people so I could have some money. The only problem was that I took this one female her computer real late that Friday night, which was an idiot move, but in all honestly all I wanted was the money. The girl that I took the merchandise to already knows about my girl and knows I love my girl. She even encourages me to be faithful and honest and tells me not to hurt my girl.  Me and her are good friends, but my girlfriend doesn’t trust me around her because we used to have sex like 8 years ago. So, I go over there, my girlfriend was out of town. I should have told my girlfriend what I was doing, but I thought I would be in and out, no harm done.  All we did was talk, nothing more, nothing less. I don’t even see this girl as someone I would have sex with anymore. She is just a friend, but my girlfriend is insecure with me around any girl and I don’t blame her. While I was over there my girl called. I didn’t answer the phone, which was another idiot move. But, I thought it was best because I didn’t want to upset her because I knew that nothing was going to happen, and it didn’t. So, that night my girlfriend had one of her friends ride by our house and I wasn’t there. I called my girl back a little while after I left and told her I was busy moving the last of my things. This wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the whole truth.  When my girlfriend got back from out of town she went through my phone and found some texts and a call log that showed I had went to the other girl’s house. I tried lying to her about it, but that only pissed her off more. We stayed together after that, but this is where things got very sour. From that moment on it was like my girl just wants to fight with me. It’s like she wants to push me away. I have a temper and we got into one bad fight. I have kicked a whole in the wall, but I fixed it. And, one day, I was looking for a quick way to make some money, so I was looking to sell something that I wasn’t using. I was putting it in my car and she decides that she wants to start fussing. She closes the garage door, I forced it open and messed it up. But, me and one of her friends fixed it, and at the time I didn’t know dude was trying to get her, though. I almost forgot while all this was going on. We hadn’t had sex in like a week or two, and I still had not cheated, so I was very proud of myself. So, from then on out she would come home late or not come home at all, or just leave in the middle of the night or whatever. I still have been faithful through all this, but a time came when I was like, “Look, I know you don’t want me anymore, so let me stay in the guest room for a little while so I can save some money, then I will be out off your hair.” After that we had a talk, she said that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but that she has no trust in me and I understand this. So, we broke up. We still live together and sleep together most nights. She even gave me some the other day which was great!!!! I have been trying everything I can think of to get her trust back. Like I said, we still live together and sleep together some most nights. We still call each other pet names and tell each other I love you. I have been trying to do everything to make her happy. I want to be her husband. I want to be faithful. I truly love this girl and want to be with only her and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. I just don’t know what to do because I have never felt like this before. She says if you love something you have to be able to let it go, but I don’t want to let her go. When I moved in with her I knew what I wanted, and I want our family. I just don’t know how to get it back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time. – Want Her Back Dear Mr. Want Her Back , I love these conversion stories where folks are in relationships doing dirt, dogging their mates, freaking everybody but them, cheating, and lying, and then you have this aha moment and think that they’re supposed to forget everything you did and be happy you turned your life around and act like nothing you ever did mattered. Get the freak out of here! And, Whoop-to-MF’ing-do! You feel bad for treating her horribly for four years, and now you want to be the man she’s been hoping you’d had been from day one. Whoop-toMF’ing-do! You want to be a family now after she’s bent over backwards, stood by your side, fought for the relationship after she’s caught you cheating time and time again, and now you don’t want to cheat anymore and be Mr. Faithful-Who-Loves-To-Flirt. Let’s get something straight right now. And, you need to start being honest with yourself. YOU ARE A LIAR. Say it to yourself. Admit it to yourself. YOU ARE A LIAR. That’s it. That’s the plain truth. You can’t be trusted. You went to another woman’s house on a Friday night because you wanted to get some money because of your bleak financial situation (That’s whole other issue right there). This is a woman you had sexual relations with in the past, and you claim you’re good friends. Chile, please miss me with that bull-ish. You are not good friends, as you experienced that night. She is old p***y that is on reserve. That is all she is. But, when your girl called you that night you ignored her call, and decided to call her back later. WHY? If you weren’t doing anything, and you were simply there to get some money, then why lie to your woman about the truth? Oh  yeah, it’s because you’re a liar and you felt guilty. Why didn’t you think to call your woman in advance, or while you were in en route and explain to her what you were doing and where you were going? Why couldn’t you wait until Saturday morning or afternoon to go to her house? Why didn’t you arrange to meet her in a mutual location instead of going to her house? It’s because you don’t think. You just do, and think about the consequences later. And, as a result you keep lying on top of the lie you told. SMDH! You are definitely not the brightest. And, this is obvious. But, know this, your past is indicative of your present and future. For four years you took this woman through it all, and you expect her to forget everything because you’ve been on your best behavior for the past 10 months. Really? Really! You’s a do-do brain. Ole doofas a**! And, I don’t care what you’re arguing about and how intense it gets, YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! Don’t grab her hair, shove her, mush her in the face, or pick her up to move her out of your way. YOU JUST WALK AWAY! LEAVE! GO AND SIMMER DOWN AND LET THINGS CALM DOWN. But, don’t put your hands on her. Now, let’s address the fact that you moved in with her to save money because you couldn’t live financially on your own. That is the only truth you have. You didn’t move in with her because you loved her, or because you wanted to be a family. You wanted to save money. And, the sad part is that you still have not saved any money because you’re still trying to hustle money. So, what’s the underlying issue you have? Oh, yes, you’re a liar and cheater. Thus, this issue will play out in all aspects of your life: financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. When you’re real and honest with yourself, all those things will fall into place. But, ask yourself, “Why do I lie? What am I getting out of lying? What will this lie accomplish and am I ready for the consequences behind the lie? And, how has lying served me over the years? Look what lying has gotten me.” By the way, this whole relationship is all about YOU. Re-read your letter and hopefully you will see this. YOU cheated on her for four years. YOU moved in with her because YOU wanted to save money. YOU lied to her. YOU did what you wanted to do, and now YOU want to act like nothing happened and that she should just get over it. Sorry, but if you want to get her back, and be a family, then start acting like a man. Start being proactive in the relationship, and give her everything she deserves. Make her feel loved. Make her feel desired, wanted, and needed. Buy her flowers. Take her out. Cook dinner. Treat her like a queen. And, instead of playing house, and you want to be a family, then get married. Be that man, and she will be that woman! But, you’ve got to make the necessary steps and strides to making her feel that she can trust you. And, it’s going to take some time, but you’ve got to earn that. You want her back, then grow the hell up, stop lying (be honest even if you feel a lie would be easier to tell, don’t do it. Tell the truth), and start working on earning her trust and love. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE!       Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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Dear Bossip: I Messed Up & Treated Her Badly, But I’m Changing & Want Another Chance

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The Side-Eye: Serena Williams Snaps On Stalker Paparazzi Snapping Flicks Of Her Swirly-Boo “Coach”, Says Pictures “Will Have People Assuming False Things!!!”

Posted on September 24, 2012 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

There’s no future in ya frontin’ Serena Serena Williams Claims She Is Not Dating Her Tennis Coach Serena Williams has been basking in glory of her victorious year by taking a well deserved vacation in Italy for Milan Fashion Week. That said, what could possibly be more fashionable than a your tall, Caucasian, “tennis instructor” on your arm? As we reported last week , Serena was seen all hugged-up and cozy with the debonair Frenchie walking around Paris. Despite evidence to the contrary, Serena hopped on Twitter last night to send a message to the paparazzi that have “falsely” put her on blast. C’mon now Serena, ain’t nothin’ “false” about the pictures we saw of you hands in the man’s back pockets. That little incident must taught her to smarten up because yesterday Serena was spotted with her “coach” in Milan and they were doing their best to 86 the PDA. However, although there was not a$$-grabbin’ he carried all of her shopping bags (of which there were many) AND her purse! We don’t know any “coaches” that are doin’ all that, do you??? Peep the pics below. Images via SplashNews

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The Side-Eye: Serena Williams Snaps On Stalker Paparazzi Snapping Flicks Of Her Swirly-Boo “Coach”, Says Pictures “Will Have People Assuming False Things!!!”

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