Tag Archives: dating

Billy Corgan Will Let You Cry on His Shoulder, Then Cop a Feel [Dating Games]

Jessica Simpson refuses to call Billy Corgan her boyfriend, but “If I am going through a hard time I definitely would talk to Billy.” She has fallen for the oldest romantic gambit in the book: the Sneaky Nice Guy Lover . It’s the seventh mystery of the celebrity world: How does Billy Corgan keep scoring hot chicks? The whitest, baldest man in the world has been linked to Jessica Simpson, Helena Christensen, Tila Tequila, various hot indie musicians , and a hot weather girl . Most recently, after Billy lambasted Jessica’s mean ex John Mayer to Rolling Stone , Jess gave a glowing statement to E!’s Marc Malkin about her “very loyal friend” Billy: “Billy is a dear dear friend of mine,” Simpson tells me. “If I am going through a hard time I definitely would talk to Billy. He always has the best words. Billy is a loyal friend—a very loyal friend. And that’s nice to have these days.” Now we know how Billy does it: He is a Sneaky Nice Guy Lover*, the kind who lets you cry on your shoulder, then cops a feel. He will listen to you whine about your mean ex-boyfriend and say you deserve someone better, someone who will respect you—someone like him.** You will fall for it because you like to be flattered. You will lead him on under the guise of “platonic friends.” Maybe you will use the phrase “like a brother.” But notice how he never denies the relationship; he will let the rumor mill churn. He will linger in the background, floating like a ghost in the corner of photographs. He will put up with your tomfoolery and juvenile antics because he knows that, if he waits long enough, in a moment of weakness you will cave in. Then he will make you his sneaky needy fuck buddy, or his sneaky needy girlfriend, or his sneaky needy wife. As far as sneaky lover gambits go, you may think, the one’s not so bad. He’s better than the handsome jackass you used to date. But this is the sneaky logic of the Sneaky Nice Guy Lover, who may be fooling himself as much as he is fooling you. For a relationship that is sneaked is not a relationship freely chosen, and breaking free from your sneaky nice guy/sneaky needy girl dichotomy is next to impossible. So look out, Jessica, and quit deluding yourself. That “dear friend” is going to be your sneaky new boyfriend—if he isn’t already. See also : Sneaky co-worker you shouldn’t let do so many favors, sneaky writer-romantic who wants to trade poems, sneaky sober people who hangs out with drunks. * Sneaky Nice Guy Lovers (SNGL) are not to be confused with regular, non-sneaky Nice Guy Lovers (NGL), who should always win the dating game. Quit dating jackasses and quit dating sneaks, ladies. ** If you are an SNGL, consider dropping the ‘S’ and pursuing a lady who likes you when she isn’t needy, who won’t just lead you on. Together, we will defeat the sneak.

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Billy Corgan Will Let You Cry on His Shoulder, Then Cop a Feel [Dating Games]

Mark Zuckerberg Will Personally Hack Your Facebook Account [Valleywag]

You have another reason to be worried about your privacy on Facebook. A new investigation reveals the company’s founder hacked into the personal profiles and email of both his personal rivals and journalists. The origins of Facebook have been in dispute since the very week a 19-year-old Mark Zuckerberg launched the site as a Harvard sophomore on February 4, 2004. Then called “thefacebook.com,” the site was an instant hit. Now, six years later, the site has become one of the biggest web sites in the world, visited by 400 million people a month. The controversy surrounding Facebook began quickly. A week after he launched the site in 2004, Mark was accused by three Harvard seniors of having stolen the idea from them. This allegation soon bloomed into a full-fledged lawsuit, as a competing company founded by the Harvard seniors sued Mark and Facebook for theft and fraud, starting a legal odyssey that continues to this day. The primary dispute centered around whether Mark had entered into an “agreement” with the Harvard seniors, Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss and a classmate named Divya Narendra, to develop a similar web site for them — and then, instead, stalled their project while taking their idea and building his own. The litigation never went particularly well for the Winklevosses. In 2007, Massachusetts Judge Douglas P. Woodlock called their allegations “tissue thin.” Referring to the agreement that Mark had allegedly breached, Woodlock also wrote, “Dorm room chit-chat does not make a contract.” A year later, the end finally seemed in sight: a judge ruled against Facebook’s move to dismiss the case. Shortly thereafter, the parties agreed to settle. But then, a twist. After Facebook announced the settlement, but before the settlement was finalized, lawyers for the Winklevosses suggested that the hard drive from Mark Zuckerberg’s computer at Harvard might contain evidence of Mark’s fraud. Specifically, they suggested that the hard drive included some damning instant messages and emails. The judge in the case refused to look at the hard drive and instead deferred to another judge who went on to approve the settlement. But, naturally, the possibility that the hard drive contained additional evidence set inquiring minds wondering what those emails and IMs revealed. Specifically, it set inquiring minds wondering again whether Mark had, in fact, stolen the Winklevoss’s idea, screwed them over, and then ridden off into the sunset with Facebook. Unfortunately, since the contents of Mark’s hard drive had not been made public, no one had the answers. But now we have some. Over the past two years, we have interviewed more than a dozen sources familiar with aspects of this story — including people involved in the founding year of the company. We have also reviewed what we believe to be some relevant IMs and emails from the period. Much of this information has never before been made public. None of it has been confirmed or authenticated by Mark or the company. Based on the information we obtained, we have what we believe is a more complete picture of how Facebook was founded. This account follows. And what does this more complete story reveal? We’ll offer our own conclusions at the end. But first, here’s the story: “We can talk about that after I get all the basic functionality up tomorrow night.” In the fall of 2003, Harvard seniors Cameron Winklevoss, Tyler Winklevoss, and Divya Narendra were on the lookout for a web developer who could bring to life an idea the three say Divya first had in 2002: a social network for Harvard students and alumni. The site was to be called HarvardConnections.com. The three had been paying Victor Gao, another Harvard student, to do coding for the site, but at the beginning of the fall term Victor begged off the project. Victor suggested his own replacement: Mark Zuckerberg, a Harvard sophomore from Dobbs Ferry, New York. Back then, Mark was known at Harvard as the sophomore who had built Facemash, a “Hot Or Not” clone for Harvard. Facemash had already made Mark a bit of a celebrity on campus, for two reasons. The first is that Mark got in trouble for creating it. The way the site worked was that it pulled photos of Harvard students off of Harvard’s Web sites. It rearranged these photos so that when people visited Facemash.com they would see pictures of two Harvard students and be asked to vote on which was more attractive. The site also maintained a list of Harvard students, ranked by attractiveness. On Harvard’s politically correct campus, this upset people, and Mark was soon hauled in front of Harvard’s disciplinary board for students. According to a November 19, 2003 Harvard Crimson article , he was charged with breaching security, violating copyrights, and violating individual privacy. Happily for Mark, the article reports that he wasn’t expelled. The second reason everyone at Harvard knew about Facemash and Mark Zuckerberg was that Facemash had been an instant hit. The same Harvard Crimson story reports that after two weeks, “the site had been visited by 450 people, who voted at least 22,000 times.” That means the average visitor voted 48 times. It was for this ability to build a wildly popular site that Victor Gao first recommended Mark to Cameron, Tyler, and Divya. Sold on Mark, the Harvard Connection trio reached out to him. Mark agreed to meet. They first met in the early evening on November 30 in the dining hall of Harvard College’s Kirkland House. Cameron, Tyler, and Divya brought up their idea for Harvard Connection, and described their plans to A) build the site for Harvard students only, by requiring new users to register with Harvard.edu email addresses, and B) expand Harvard Connection beyond Harvard to schools around the country. Mark reportedly showed enthusiastic interest in the project. Later that night, Mark wrote an email to the Winklevoss brothers and Divya: “I read over all the stuff you sent and it seems like it shouldn’t take too long to implement, so we can talk about that after I get all the basic functionality up tomorrow night.” The next day, on December 1, Mark sent another email to the HarvardConnections team. Part of it read, “I put together one of the two registration pages so I have everything working on my system now. I’ll keep you posted as I patch stuff up and it starts to become completely functional.” These two emails sounded like the words of someone who was eager to be a part of the team and working away on the project. A few days later, however, Mark’s emails to the HarvardConnection team started to change in tone. Specifically, they went from someone who seemed to be hard at work building the product to someone who was so busy with schoolwork that he had no time to do any coding at all. December 4: “Sorry I was unreachable tonight. I just got about three of your missed calls. I was working on a problem set.” December 10: “The week has been pretty busy thus far, so I haven’t gotten a chance to do much work on the site or even think about it really, so I think it’s probably best to postpone meeting until we have more to discuss. I’m also really busy tomorrow so I don’t think I’d be able to meet then anyway.” A week later: “Sorry I have not been reachable for the past few days. I’ve basically been in the lab the whole time working on a cs problem set which I”m still not finished with.” Finally, on January 8: Sorry it’s taken a while for me to get back to you. I’m completely swamped with work this week. I have three programming projects and a final paper due by Monday, as well as a couple of problem sets due Friday. I’ll be available to discuss the site again starting Tuesday. I”m still a little skeptical that we have enough functionality in the site to really draw the attention and gain the critical mass necessary to get a site like this to run…Anyhow, we’ll talk about it once I get everything else done. So what happened to change Mark’s tune about HarvardConnection? Was he so swamped with work that he was unable to finish the project? Or, as the HarvardConnection founders have alleged, was he stalling the development of HarvardConnection so that he could build a competing site and launch it first? Our investigation suggests the latter. As a part of the lawsuit against Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg, the above emails from Mark have been public for years. What has never been revealed publicly is what Mark was telling his friends, parents, and closest confidants at the same time. Let’s start with a December 7th (IM) exchange Mark Zuckerberg had with his Harvard classmate and Facebook cofounder, Eduardo Saverin. “They made a mistake haha. They asked me to make it for them.” Former PayPal CEO Peter Thiel gets a lot of credit for being the first investor in Facebook, because he led the first formal Facebook round in September of 2004 with a $500,000 investment at a $5 million valuation. But the real “first investor” claim to fame should actually belong to a Harvard classmate of Mark Zuckerberg’s named Eduardo Saverin. To picture Eduardo, what you need to know is that he was the kid at Harvard who would wear a suit to class. He liked to give people the impression that he was rich — and maybe somehow connected to the Brazilian mafia. At one point, in an IM exchange, Mark told a friend that Eduardo — “head of the investment society” — was rich because “apparently insider trading isn’t illegal in Brazil.” Eduardo Saverin wasn’t directly involved with Facebook for long: During the summer of 2004, when Mark moved to Palo Alto to work on Facebook full time, Eduardo took a high-paying internship at Lehman Brothers in New York. While Mark was still at Harvard, however, Eduardo appears to have bankrolled Facebook’s earliest capital expenses, thus becoming its initial investor. In January, however, Mark told a friend that “Eduardo is paying for my servers.” Eventually, Eduardo would agree to invest $15,000 in a company that would, in April 2004, be formed as Facebook LLC. For his money, Eduardo would get 30% of the company. Eduardo was also involved in Facebook’s earliest days, as a confidant of Mark Zuckerberg. In December, 2003, a week after Mark’s first meeting with the HarvardConnection team, when he was telling the Winklevosses that he was too busy with schoolwork to work on or even think about HarvardConnection.com, Mark was telling Eduardo a different story. On December 7, 2003, we believe Mark sent Eduardo the following IM: Check this site out: www.harvardconnection.com and then go to harvardconnection.com/datehome.php. Someone is already trying to make a dating site. But they made a mistake haha. They asked me to make it for them. So I’m like delaying it so it won’t be ready until after the facebook thing comes out. This IM suggests that, within a week of meeting with the Winklevosses for the first time, Mark had already decided to start his own, similar project—”the facebook thing.” It also suggests that he had developed a strategy for dealing with his would-be competition: Delay developing it. “I feel like the right thing to do is finish the facebook and wait until the last day before I’m supposed to have their thing ready and then be like look yours isn’t as good” A few weeks after the initial meeting with the HarvardConnection team, after Mark sent the IM to Eduardo Saverin talking about developing “the facebook thing” and delaying his development of HarvardConnection, Mark met with the HarvardConnection folks, Cameron, Tyler, and Divya, for a second time. This time, instead of meeting in the dining hall of Mark’s residential hall, Kirkland House, the four met in Mark’s dorm room. Divya is said to have arrived late. In Kirkland House, the dorm rooms aren’t laid out in cinder-block-cube style: Mark’s room had a narrow hallway connecting it to his neighbor’s. As Cameron and Tyler sat down on a couch in Mark’s room, Cameron spotted something in the hallway. On top of a bookshelf there was a white board. It was the kind Web developers and product managers everywhere use to map out their ideas. On it, Cameron read two words, “Harvard Connection.” He got up to go look at it. Immediately, Mark asked Cameron to stay out of the hallway. Eventually Divya arrived and the four of them talked about plans for Harvard Connection. One feature Mark brought up was designed to keep more popular and sought-after Harvard Connection users from being stalked and harassed by crowds of people. In this second meeting, Mark still appeared to be actively engaged in developing Harvard Connection. But he never showed the HarvardConnection folks any site prototypes or code. And they didn’t insist on seeing them. During the weeks in which Mark was juggling the two projects in tandem, he also had a series of IM exchanges with a friend named Adam D’Angelo (above). Adam and Mark went to boarding school together at Phillips Exeter Academy. There, the pair became friends and coding partners. Together they built a program called Synapse, a music player that supposedly learned the listener’s taste and then adapted to it. Then, in 2002 Mark went to Harvard and Adam went to Cal Tech. But the pair stayed in close touch, especially through AOL instant messenger. Eventually, Adam became Facebook’s CTO. Harvard Yard at WinterThrough the Harvard Connection-Facebook saga and its aftermath, Mark kept Adam apprised of his plans and thoughts. One purported IM exchange seems particularly relevant on the question of how Mark distinguished between the two projects—the “facebook thing” and “the dating site”—as well as how he was considering handling the latter: Zuck: So you know how I’m making that dating site Zuck: I wonder how similar that is to the Facebook thing Zuck: Because they’re probably going to be released around the same time Zuck: Unless I fuck the dating site people over and quit on them right before I told them I’d have it done. D’Angelo: haha Zuck: Like I don’t think people would sign up for the facebook thing if they knew it was for dating Zuck: and I think people are skeptical about joining dating things too. Zuck: But the guy doing the dating thing is going to promote it pretty well. Zuck: I wonder what the ideal solution is. Zuck: I think the Facebook thing by itself would draw many people, unless it were released at the same time as the dating thing. Zuck: In which case both things would cancel each other out and nothing would win. Any ideas? Like is there a good way to consolidate the two. D’Angelo: We could make it into a whole network like a friendster. haha. Stanford has something like that internally Zuck: Well I was thinking of doing that for the facebook. The only thing that’s different about theirs is that you like request dates with people or connections with the facebook you don’t do that via the system. D’Angelo: Yeah Zuck: I also hate the fact that I’m doing it for other people haha. Like I hate working under other people. I feel like the right thing to do is finish the facebook and wait until the last day before I’m supposed to have their thing ready and then be like “look yours isn’t as good as this so if you want to join mine you can…otherwise I can help you with yours later.” Or do you think that’s too dick? D’Angelo: I think you should just ditch them Zuck: The thing is they have a programmer who could finish their thing and they have money to pour into advertising and stuff. Oh wait I have money too. My friend who wants to sponsor this is head of the investment society. Apparently insider trading isn’t illegal in Brazil so he’s rich lol. D’Angelo: lol “I’m going to fuck them.” Eduardo Saverin and Adam D’Angelo were not the only people Mark discussed his Harvard Connection – Facebook situation with. We believe he also had many IM exchanges about it with relatives and a close female Harvard friend. In January 2004, Mark met with the Winklevoss brothers and Divya Narendra for what would be the last time. The meeting was on January 14, 2004, and it was held at the same place Mark met with the HarvardConnection team for the first time — in the dining hall of Mark’s residence, Kirkland House. By this point, Mark’s site, thefacebook.com, wasn’t complete, but he was working hard on it. He’d arranged for Eduardo Saverin to pay for his servers. He had already told Adam that “the right thing to do” was to not complete Harvard Connection and build TheFacebook.com instead. He had registered the domain name. He therefore had a choice to make: Tell Cameron, Tyler and Divya that he wanted out of their project, or string them along until he was ready to launch thefacebook.com. Mark sought advice on this decision from his confidants. One friend told him, in so many words, you know me. I don’t ever think anyone should do anything bad to anybody. Mark and this friend also had the following IM exchange about how Mark planned to resolve the competing projects: Friend: So have you decided what you’re going to do about the websites? Zuck: Yeah, I’m going to fuck them Zuck: Probably in the year Zuck: *ear And so, it appears, he did. (In a manner of speaking). On January 14, 2004, Mark Zuckerberg met with Cameron, Tyler, and Divya for the last time. During the meeting at Kirkland House, Mark expressed doubts about the viability of HarvardConnection.com. He said he was very busy with personal projects and school work and that he wouldn’t be able to work on the site for a while. He blamed others for the site’s delays. He did not say that he was working on his own project and that he was not planning to complete the HarvardConnection site. After the meeting, Mark had another IM exchange with the friend above. He told her, in effect, that he had wimped out. He hadn’t been able to break the news to Cameron and Tyler, in part, he said, because he was “intimidated” by them. He called them “poor bastards.” So then what happened? Three days earlier, on January 11, 2004, Mark had registered the domain THEFACEBOOK.COM. On February 4, he opened the site to Harvard students. On February 10, Cameron Winklevoss sent Mark a letter accusing him of breaching their agreement and stealing their idea. In late May, after going through two more developers, Cameron, Tyler and Divya launched HarvardConnection as ConnectU, a social network for 15 schools. On June 10, 2004, a commencement speaker mentioned the amazing popularity of Mark’s site, thefacebook.com. In the summer of 2004, Mark moved to Palo Alto to work on Facebook full time and soon received a $500,000 investment from Peter Thiel. In September 2004, HarvardConnection, now called ConnectU, sued Mark Zuckerberg and the now-incorporated “Facebook” for allegedly breaching their agreement and stealing their idea. In February 2008, Facebook and ConnectU agreed to settle the lawsuit. In June 2008, ConnectU appealed the settlement in California’s ninth district, accusing Facebook of trading its stock without disclosing material information. This appeal is on-going. The $65 million question When we described the specifics of this story to Facebook, the company had the following comment: “We’re not going to debate the disgruntled litigants and anonymous sources who seek to rewrite Facebook’s early history or embarrass Mark Zuckerberg with dated allegations. The unquestioned fact is that since leaving Harvard for Silicon Valley nearly six years ago, Mark has led Facebook’s growth from a college website to a global service playing an important role in the lives of over 400 million people.” On the latter point, we agree. What Mark Zuckerberg has accomplished with Facebook over the past six years has been nothing short of amazing. So, having revisited the founding of Facebook with additional information, what do we conclude? First, we have seen no evidence of any formal contract between Mark Zuckerberg and the Winklevosses in which Mark agreed to develop Harvard Connection. Second, any agreement the parties may have had—as well as most of the purported IMs and emails we have reviewed from the period—appear to have been at the level of, as Judge Ware described them, “dorm-room chit-chat.” (Albeit interesting and entertaining chit-chat.) Third, only a week after beginning development of Harvard Connection, which he referred to as “the dating site,” Mark had begun work on a separate project — “the facebook thing.” Mark appears to have considered the products as competing for the attention of the same users, but he also appears to have regarded them as different in some key ways. Fourth — and because of this foreseen competition — Mark does appear to have intentionally strung along the Harvard Connection folks with the goal of making his project, thefacebook.com, have a more successful launch. Bottom line, we haven’t seen anything that makes us think that, whatever Mark did to the Harvard Connection folks, it was worth more than the $65 million they received in the lawsuit settlement. In fact, this seems like a huge sum of money considering that the entire dispute took place over two months in 2004 and that, in the six years since, Mark has built Facebook into a massive global enterprise. That said, in the course of our investigation, we also uncovered two additional anecdotes about Mark’s behavior in Facebook’s early days that are more troubling. These episodes — an apparent hacking into the email accounts of Harvard Crimson editors using data obtained from Facebook logins, as well as a later hacking into ConnectU — are described in detail here. Related posts by Business Insider : • How Mark Zuckerberg Hacked The Harvard Crimson Using Data From TheFacebook.com • How Mark Zuckerberg Hacked Into Rival ConnectU In The Summer Of 2004 [ Image via deneyterrio’s Flickr ] Republished from www.businessinsider.com

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Mark Zuckerberg Will Personally Hack Your Facebook Account [Valleywag]

Erica Mongeon in Coma Following Car Accident

It was easy to laugh at Erica and Victoria Mongeon during their MTV reality show run. Better known as the Ikki Twins , these sisters starred as lesbians on the dating series A Double Shot at Love . But this is no laughing matter: Erica is in a medically-induced coma after being injured in a major car accident yesterday. The siblings were passengers in a Volkswagen Jetta that hit a tire in the road and was subsequently rear-ended by a truck when the driver attempted to pull over. The crash took place near Bakersfield, California. “Right after the accident everybody was feeling OK, but Rikki had a bump on her head and nobody thought it was a big deal, but for just for the heck of it they went to the hospital,” rep Rick Brown told E! News , explaining how things got worse from there: “Then, the doctors did a test that said she had bleeding in her skull. She never felt bad, like you would expect, but they put her into a medically-induced coma and will keep her down until Friday. The plan is to bring her out of the coma on Friday and take it from there.” Neither Victoria nor the car’s driver were seriously injured. Brown has asked fans to pray for Erica, though she’s expected to survive.

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Erica Mongeon in Coma Following Car Accident

Father and Son

This photo's got Happy Father's Day written all over it. Tears! (Via tumblr user That Girl ) View

Kim Zolciak Is A Lesbian

The Real Housewives of Atlanta pop superstar has apparently been dating DJ Tracy Young for the past 3 months. According to US Weekly , “Since they've been together, Tracy lost a lot of weight and got really skinny for Kim. They seem to be beyond happy with each other.” I wish them all the best! The Best Links: Kim Zolciak & Tracy Young Dating: Real Housewives’ Star Now A Lesbian? Exclusive: Real Housewives’ Kim Zolciak Steps Out With Girlfriend Via Mattchew View

I Don’t Care About Your Band

CULTURE BUZZ : Note to ladies: Don't date rock stars, and especially not rock star wannabes. Thomas Mars is probably ok, but as Julie Klausner's book spells out, emo dudes are generally Bad News. You've been warned. The Best Links: Julie Klausner on Pauline Kael, Miss Piggy, and the Sexual Revolution: I Don’t Care About Your Band: A Dating Book We Can Get Behind Bad Boyfriends Make Great Stories Buy It Here: I Don’t Care About Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated Interview With Julie Klausner, Julie Klausner Read

Ke$ha, Jennifer Garner Encourage Girls-Only Valentine’s Day Plans

Mary J. Blige, meanwhile, offers up some holiday advice for the guys: ‘Really love your woman.’ By Jocelyn Vena Ke$ha Photo: Kevin Mazur/ Getty Images Jessica Alba recently offered up her dating tips for Valentine’s Day, and there are plenty of other famous ladies willing to reveal the quickest way to their hearts and their big plans for the romantic holiday. If you’re single, “Valentine’s Day” star Jennifer Garner (who is now married to Ben Affleck) has your back. “Girls should go together,” she told MTV News about some alternative Valentine’s Day plans for all the single ladies. “If you don’t have a boyfriend, just grab your girlfriends and go. My best Valentine’s Day, I took my friend, both of us were single, and said, ‘Screw it, we’re going to go have a romantic weekend.’ We went to the wine country, we stayed in romantic bed-and-breakfasts, and we had wine tastings and great meals and massages. We were surrounded by couples in love, and we did not care.” Garner’s “Valentine’s Day” co-star Jessica Biel, herself one half of a celebrity powerhouse couple (along with beau Justin Timberlake), confessed that she doesn’t have any specific plans for February 14. “I have to get my act together,” she said. “I’m doing a last-minute crunch-time plan.” Ke$ha has a less positive outlook on the day. “Blah!” she said, reiterating Garner’s girls-only plans. “Go out with your girlfriends. Blah — that’s all I have to say about Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day! Whatever!” Mary J. Blige just wants guys to know that the day is all about showing and not just telling. “The only advice I have for the men is to really love your woman,” she advised. “But by showing her. Give her what she needs.” Which one of these girls would you most want as your Valentine? Let us know in the comments below!

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Ke$ha, Jennifer Garner Encourage Girls-Only Valentine’s Day Plans

That’s The Way Love Goes: A Valentine’s Day for Everyone

In our continuing campaign to stop worrying and learn to love Valentine’s Day , we bring you the advice of Carrie Brownstein , reprinted from her NPR blog Monitor Mix , on how to enjoy the holiday no matter what your romantic status. Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us! You’ve probably been wondering about — perhaps even waiting for — the annual Monitor Mix Valentine’s Day post. Fear not: That day has arrived. Two years ago, I doled out advice on the art of the February 14 mix tape . And last year, I helped readers choose their own Valentine’s Day musical identity . For 2010, Monitor Mix will help you plan a romantic evening; whether you’re married, partnered, suffocating-and-lovin’-it, together-but-lonely or single, I have the perfect night for you. You: Are in a Threesome Monogamy is so old-fashioned, it went out of style on Nov. 7, 2009, at 6:34 p.m. That’s when your boyfriend told you that the best way he could express his love for you would be by expressing his love for someone else at the same time. Armed with a copy of The Ethical Slut , he told you how jealousy was a rain cloud on his rainbow of love. Not wanting to smudge his rainbow, you agreed to upgrade your relationship to a larger box of crayons. Two days later — it seemed so sudden, but he said he’d just met her at the gym that morning — Jenna arrived. For Valentine’s Day, you’ll be dining in, because no restaurant short of Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club wants to accommodate a six-legged couple. Split up the food prep three ways (wait, this isn’t so bad!), buy two bouquets of flowers (you’ll be receiving two, as well!) and dim the lights. Then get ready for romance, tripod-style! Song picks: De La Soul, “Magic Number.” Britney Spears, “3.” Stereo Total, “L’Amour a Trois.” The Commodores, “Three Times a Lady.” You: Blamed Your iPhone for the Fact That You Forgot Valentine’s Day Last Year. That your partner believed you is a testament to just how crummy the iPhone is. The conversation went like this: You: Honey, I’m so sorry, my iPhone said it was February 41st. Her/Him: Only the iPhone could do something like that. You: I know, isn’t that crazy? Apple makes uselessness so beautiful. Your romantic evening will start off with a ritualized slaughter of your iPhone while your partner looks on. Download the iPhone Ritualized Slaughter app and follow the instructions. Then, on a $40 cellphone, make the first uninterrupted, clear-sounding phone call you’ve made in years! Call your favorite restaurant, confirm your reservation, and then — without using GPS to navigate the three blocks you have to walk and without checking the weather, even though you’re standing outside IN the weather — go to the restaurant. Order a bottle of wine and get dessert. Now that you can no longer do a mobile Facebook update from the table, look your person in the eyes and say something nice for a change. Song Picks: Kraftwerk, “Computer Love.” Roberta Flack, “First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.” You: Are Single with Dog (SWD), a Status That Transcends Sexuality. Ever since the dog started sleeping in bed with you, you’re wondering if you need human contact at all anymore. There’s no sex, obviously, but the spooning has never been better. Plus, now you don’t have to put on lipstick along with your pajamas, nor do you have to get up early and sneak off to brush your teeth, just so you can pretend you never get morning breath. Nope, now it’s sweatpants, bad breath and an unapologetic stream of gas. Instead of waking up next to someone and thinking, ‘Do you love me?’ you wake up and think, ‘Who’s a good dog?’ The amazing part is, you know the answer! Your dog has no idea that Valentine’s Day is any different than any other day, which means that it’s all about you projecting your feelings onto him. Is he happy? Is he lonely? Does he need anything? Does he like his job? Is love forever? You’ll never know, so just give him another biscuit and invite him up onto the couch. It’s movie time! Does he like rom-coms? You bet he does. Song Picks: The Stooges, “I Wanna Be Your Dog.” Fiery Furnaces, “My Dog Was Lost But Now He’s Found.” The Troggs, “Wild Thing.” Righteous Brothers, “Unchained Melody.” You: Are Dating Your Doppelganger a.k.a doppelBANGer You and your significant other have started to look exactly the same. You thought this could only happen to gay couples, but you were wrong. It all began with his-and-hers baseball caps; then came the matching track suits, and now you go to the same hairdresser. You both love Nike shoes, Jack Spade messenger bags and North Face puffy coats. You love it when you’re both in an American Apparel hoodie and Converse. It should feel wrong, but you know what? It doesn’t. Deep down, your perfect match is, well, you. And now she/he is you. Almost. Your Valentine’s Day will be easy: You like all of the same things! You’ll each wear a Gap sweater. Whose Subaru Wagon should you drive? Ha ha ha! It doesn’t matter; they’re both great! That’s so weird that you put some of the same songs on the mix CDs you made for one another. You bought each other the same brand of perfume and cologne? Burberry? No effing way! You smell like me! No, you smell like me. Only a mirror would have been a better gift. Song Picks: Queen, “We Are the Champions.” Any song by Tegan and Sara or Nelson. Carrie Brownstein is a writer and musician. She was a member of the critically acclaimed rock band Sleater-Kinney. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times , The Believer , Pitchfork, and various book anthologies on music and culture. Her blog, Monitor Mix , deserves a place in your RSS reader.

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That’s The Way Love Goes: A Valentine’s Day for Everyone

John Mayer Denies Douchebag Status, Refers to Jessica Simpson as "Sexual Napalm"

In a new interview with Playboy , John Mayer makes sure to say that he’s NOT a douchebag. He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag. We’ll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up… On sex with Simpson : That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy… It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.'” On Aniston : That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person. On their break-up : There was a rumor that I’d been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter… She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. THG note : In other words… that was it. On current sex life : I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops. On NOT being a douchebag : From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly . That’s f*cked up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even f*cking. So now I’m going to experiment with ‘f*ck you.’ John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public’s perception of you. What might make people think you’re a douchebag? Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

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John Mayer Denies Douchebag Status, Refers to Jessica Simpson as "Sexual Napalm"

Bullet Points: Socialite and Pharmaceutical Exec Gigi Jordan Charged with Murdering Her Autistic Son

Gigi Jordan , a multi-million pharmaceutical executive, was found in her $2,300/night suite “babbling incoherently” after trying to commit suicide, while her eight year-old son lay dead next to her. She’s being charged with feeding him an overdose of pills. This story is, quite simply, one of the more insane, convoluted ones to come around in a while, especially with the conflicting nature of reports on Jordan. In just trying to suss out all the reports, it goes something like this: Gigi Jordan, a native Belgian, was the president of several New York-based pharmaceutical companies that manufactured drugs to treat cancer. None of the reports can seem to name the companies, though. After making her money in pharmaceuticals, Jordan got into the real estate game, making her fortune there. A New York Post source estimates Jordan’s value to be “about $100M.” In 2001, Jordan married Emil Valention Tzekov six days after divorcing the man she used to be married to, the pharmaceutical exec she made her fortune with, Raymond Mirra. Jordan gave birth to her son, Jude Michael, on July 13, 2001. It’d appear that the father of the son was Tzekov, who told the Daily News “That’s my son…I don’t know if I can talk about this.” Tzekov’s neighbors describe Jude Michael as “autistic” to the Daily News . Tzekov and Jordan got divorced in 2006. Tzekov told the Daily News he hadn’t seen Jordan or his son in a year. On Wednesday, Jordan checked into Room 1603 at The Peninsula Hotel. According to hotel staffers, she hangs a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, paid the bill in cash, ordered lots of room service, and “didn’t leave the room for two days.” According to the New York Post , Jordan’s aunt received an email from her threatening suicide and the murder of Jude. The aunt then contacted the 20th Precinct, faxing them the emails. The 20th moved into action, and figured Jordan was at The Peninsula. On showing up, police found the Do Not Disturb sign, and that Jordan had barricaded the door with either a couch or several chairs. On bursting down the door, they found Jordan lying on floor, foaming at the mouth and “babbling incoherently.” Her son, who’d been dead for what’s being estimated to be a day by police, was on the bed. Authorities believe Gigi Jordan fed Jude a lethal combination of Xanax and Ambien. Ambien’s been known to have a harsh side-effect of suicidal thoughts in some patients. Sources noted to the Post that the room was littered with pill bottles and “thousands” of pills, along with “scattered documents — including a suicide note penned by Jordan.” In the suicide note, she wrote that her son Jude was in “constant pain” and that she’d hoped “Jude [was in] a better place.” She also ” mentioned speaking with a Wyoming child porn investigator about the sexual abuse of kids, ” and cited the assistance of an ex-FBI agent. In an already bizarre and tragic case, this part sticks out: Ex-FBI agent Flint Waters “told me many rich people are involved,” Jordan wrote. “Many wealthy guys trade child porn like a hobby.” Waters did not return a call Friday night. The Daily News also reports that Jordan wrote that she donated $20M to Haiti relief efforts before attempting suicide , putting $12M to Doctors Without Borders and $8M to the Red Cross, noting that the other $7M in her estate would “be used for some better purpose in society.” Besides either organization now showing any record (though the News notes that this could be because she mailed the checks on Wednesday), this also conflicts with the New York Post ‘s sourced $100M valuation of her estate. On the website of a “Fertility guru”: Jordan had said having her child has “helped awaken a spiritual connection to God.” “In learning how to release my fear of losing something I really wanted and to allow myself to believe I would have it,” she wrote, “I gave birth to a beautiful boy, and experienced a greater depth of love and connectedness with my child.” Jordan’s currently in the hospital right now, and she’s going to be charged with the murder of her son . She’s been cooperating with authorities, and gave them the password to her computer. Now, just questions: How did Gigi Jordan amass her fortune, and were these problems present before? Why’d she check into The Peninsula? How did nobody in Jordan’s life see this coming? And most importantly, what part of Jordan’s past as a pharmaceutical executive will be tied to her current state as an incoherent, filicidal new-ager? Because something will be. If you know anything, we’re listening. Mom Gigi Jordan charged with murdering son after botched murder-suicide try at Peninsula hotel [NYDN] Gigi Jordan feeds son, 8, fatal dose of pills, leaves strange 2-page note in botched murder-suicide [NYDN] Rich ma ‘kills’ kid in slay-suicide bid [NYP]

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Bullet Points: Socialite and Pharmaceutical Exec Gigi Jordan Charged with Murdering Her Autistic Son