Anastasia Ashley is some accomplished pro-surfer, whatever the fuck that means, who apparently has been told by enough dudes that she’s got a above average fit ass while in her bikini…an ass that she obviously thinks is awesome because she seems to do more ass than surfing….from twerking at surf events to posting tons of ass pics on her instagram … Luckily, I don’t give a fuck about surfing, unless it is on my dick and/or face…but I do care about ass…so it works for me…unfortunately she doesn’t…because if she did, her first job would be letting me try to get her pregnant…with my mouth…. Either way, she did a bikini fashion shoot for Purple that was shot by the amazing and beautiful Andi Elloway …who should have also been in this shoot in her bikini, turning this fashion porn into some lesbian themed porn…. But instead it was all Anastasia…fuck her for taking all the attention..no wait just fuck her…literally…but romantically and passionately with her all locked in a cage in my basement, as I stare in her starving cuz I haven’t fed her eyes, before spitting in her face and choking her out, as my dick slides in and out of her ass during a herpes outbreak…you know my kind of romance the real kind… Let’s just hope when she’s googles herself and sees this post about her…and gets turned on instead of a restraining order… Cuz I am in love with this bitch and pretty much ready to marry this bitch…and start a family with this bitch…or at least try to start a family with this bitch…over and over and over and over and over again… I feel so alone.
Victoria’s Secret prize hen Candice Swanepoel has ventured into other magazines like Vogue Mexico, because she’s a little slut who needs to fuck other dick to feel validated cuz the dick that pays for her food and shelter is repetitive and not making her feel special enough…and it turns out she’s capable of boring as fuck photoshoots…because this shit right here isn’t giving boners…. BORING. Here’s the video…
I don’t know if this is actually the story behind the video, but apparently dude’s wife and his girlfriend don’t really like each other for obvious reasons I call wives and girlfriends rarely getting along, so they threw the fuck down in the middle of a street, causing a minor scene, because apparently when wives and girlfriends throw down they aren’t using their rational side of their brain, or really trying to conduct matters in a lady-like way, but are more interested in going for fucking blood….leaving the poor bastard who fucked them both to try to diffuse the situation without coming across as a woman beater or asshole…if I was in this situation, I would have made this fight happen in a cage and I would have sold tickets for it, and I would have let it been a fight for the death to see which bitch really wanted me the most…but I’m entrepreneurial like that.
I have a hard time calling Victoria’s Secret lingerie, because it’s more the kind of mass produced underwear that is shaped like lingerie, but made to give a bitch a yeast infection. You know straight up low grade shit mass produced in sweatshops around the third world to allow the company to have cheap as fuck product that they can pretend is worth 50 dollars…so that they can get a dozen hot as fuck models on million dollar a year payroll….you know how these things work…and that is find the third world model when she’s 17, get her half naked at 18, and by 19…get her in your sluttier collection, the collection fat moms buy to surprise their husband on their anniversary, even though the only surprise their husband really wants is a call from the police letting them know bitch died in a horrible accident…or the option to fuck other girls…
Clara Alonso is some Spanish model in her 20s who has walked the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show, something Victoria’s Secret would like you to think means she fucking matters more than walking any other fashion show, because this commercial billion dollar brand who recruit the best looking bitches, are the end all and be all of modelling, at least according to them….and all the other assholes, like me, who get sucked into their marketing lie… I don’t know what company she’s posing in lingerie for right here, but I do know she’s lovely as fuck and despite being Spanish and likely borderline totally fucking insane, the kind of bitch who cuts your dick off in your sleep cuz she thinks she smells pussy on you, like all Spanish girls, I’d be willing to fuck with that, because who really needs a dick after sticking it in something this glorious….right? Physically, she’s up there with I’d fuck her if she was HIV Positive, because I like commitment when it looks like this…if you know what I mean.
She tried to warn us, people. In a promo for the MTV Video Music Awards, Miley Cyrus said she was coming for us . We just didn’t know such an invasion would involve a pair of horn-like knots atop her head, a midriff baring top and a bedazzled outfit with more jewels than the Royal Palace. But that’s exactly how the singer shocked fans and photographers on Brooklyn tonight. Check out her unusual outfit below and compare it to the risque number she wore for the Teen Choice Awards : What do you think of this Miley Cyrus outfit? Vote below and then visit our album of VMA red carpet fashion now! Love it! Hate it! Hey, she’s just being Miley! View Poll » UPDATE: Miley also performed a stuffed bear-themed version of “We Can’t Stop” and Twerked up A STORM on stage with Robin Thicke for a duet of “Blurred Lines.” While wearing nude-colored underwear. You really must watch both performances now: Miley Cyrus Twerking at VMAs Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke – “Blurred Lines”
Move over, Bo Obama . There’s a new cutie in town. The White House announced today via Twitter that a black Portuguese water dog has joined the company of the Commander-in-Chief, telling its 35 million followers in a simple message: “Welcome to the family, Sunny.” No information about Sunny’s age, origins or political leanings have been released, but his breed was likely selected due to Malia Obama’s allergies. We’ll run as detailed a background check on this canine as we can over the next few days. For now, though, even Orson Scott Card would have to agree: Sunny is quite the adorable addition.
Welcome back for Part Two of the The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion! After the ladies grilled Gretchen on her maybe-more-than-friends relationship with a mystery dude during her late fiance’ Jeff’s illness–an event that happened SEASONS ago and was mentioned in passing during the 100th episode special–Andy Cohen will finally give the fashion maven a chance to turn the tables on the girls. Will Gretchen get closure from her so-called “friends”? Ehhh, probably not. If there’s one thing the previews tell us, it’s that the ladies better be wearing waterproof mascara. Let’s get started with our THG +/- recap, shall we? Minus 10 for hearing Vicki say “whoop it up” again. And minus 15 for reliving Stripper-gate. Vomit. Minus 45 for hearing about Jim’s Big Jim. OMG. Vomit and brain bleach and more vomit. And mouthwash. Lydia says she’ll be open with her kids about her mom’s pot-smoking ways, thanks in part to the show. Vicki’s never smoked pot and doesn’t think her mom should smoke it either. Um. Okay then. Tamra looks visibly upset when Andy brings up the secrets she revealed this season. She says that opening up about her past wasn’t what she planned to talk about at the Women’s Expo, but she did and she’s glad she did. None of Tamra’s friends or family knew any of her story. She breaks down when she talks about Ryan and his struggles with mental health. Gretchen asks if Tamra feels lighter after revealing this part of herself and Tamra says yes. Gretchen encourages her to keep talking. Plus 15. This is one big therapy sesh for Tamra. Alexis says that she could tell Tamra was sincere when she made her apology. Alexis forgives her. And probably forgets, too. A caller says she doesn’t believe Tamra’s changed at all and is just trying to soften her image. Tamra says that isn’t true. More questions about the 100th episode. The one thing the women regret from the retrospective is seeing their hair. Especially Vicki. And her hair was pretty bad, so yeah. I’ll give her that. Talk turns to Gretchen again and the fact that Jo called her out on her relationship with Slade. Jo says Gretchen broke the “Girl Code.” Gretchen says she did no such thing. Gretchen gave back the Rolls Royce Slade got for her birthday. Plus 10. Everyone had a beef with Gretchen this season. Everyone. It wasn’t a good season for her. They jump directly into Tamra inviting Alexis to go dress shopping with her. When Gretchen says that Tamra didn’t really want Alexis at the dress shopping day, Alexis wants to know if she was really invited or not. Tamra says yes. She was really invited and wanted there. Tamra just couldn’t tell Gretchen that. Minus 9. There’s a lot of unintelligible shrieking about who’s a liar and who isn’t a liar and who’s difficult and who isn’t and I need an aspirin. After her stunt with wearing her engagement ring from Jeff to Tamra’s dress shopping day, Gretchen apparently has a problem with being happy for other people. And now it’s time to talk about the now-canceled Malibu Country . Plus 15. Heather insists that the producers wanted a guest star to play the role of a housewife and called Gretchen who had availability issues. Then they wrote a role and called Heather specifically for that role and canned their offer to Gretchen because having two housewives from the same franchise on the show would’ve looked silly. Okay. Makes sense. Heather’s story now is that she was most upset with Gretchen for ruining Tamra’s dress shopping day with her story about Malibu Country. Which doesn’t make sense. Because that’s not at all why Heather was upset. Gretchen brings a voicemail from her agent to check her availability for Malibu Country and all the other ladies chime in that they received similar calls. Tamra gets upset that Gretchen just stood in the corner while they were dress shopping and didn’t seem at all interested in being there. Gee, Tamra. Do you think Alexis being there had anything to do with it? Minus 9 . Heather admits to being purposefully condescending to Gretchen in her text message about who called whom. Minus 10. She’s certainly not painted herself in the best light this season. She and Gretchen split hairs over whether a call to Gretchen’s agent is the same thing as a call from casting and Gretchen calls Heather “Miss Superior.” Andy asks Gretchen if she considers any of these women her friends after this season. Gretchen says “yeah, I do.” She considers Lydia and Heather friends, despite any drama this season. Plus 15. She wishes she could be friends with Tamra and doesn’t hate Alexis but doesn’t know how to get things back to where they were. She has nothing at all to say about Vicki. Alexis says that the only reason Gretchen wanted to be friends with Tamra was because Gretchen was scared of Tamra. Tamra thinks she could get her friendship back with Gretchen but she’s never going to trust her. Tamra calls Gretchen out on saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of just “I’m sorry” and Gretchen says she’s heard it from two people now so she’ll take a look at it. Plus 10. The focus turns to Alexis and her claim that the women bullied her. Alexis says that the word “bully” doesn’t really matter so much as the fact that the women were just mean to her. She’s tired of hearing about it as much as everyone else is. She’s past it. Plus 12. Heather blames Alexis for the events at the CUT Fitness party because Alexis talked over Heather. But Heather never does that, does she? Nope. Not Heather. No way. Minus 2. Alexis calls Gretchen a liar and Gretchen calls Alexis fake on camera. Gretchen gets accused of being fake on camera but says the cameras actually show a lot of things about her that aren’t so flattering. Vicki says that Gretchen is fake on camera and says she doesn’t think Gretchen’s proposal to Slade would’ve happened if she hadn’t been able to do it on camera. Tamra says it’s been discussed and there’s been talk about the timing of their engagement. Lydia and Heather both question the timing and Lydia says Gretchen proposed to Slade because she didn’t have a story this season. Heather calls her out on not inviting their friends to the engagement party. Gretchen says the girls just can’t let her be happy and Heather calls the proposal “hollow.” While watching the playback, Gretchen starts to cry. Tamra goes over to comfort her ( Plus 10 ) while Alexis and Vicki shake their heads in disbelief. Vicki says she didn’t mean to make Gretchen cry. She doesn’t want Gretchen to hurt. Gretchen says that the thing that hurt most about the engagement party was that Alexis, the one person who never had anything negative to say about her relationship with Slade, wasn’t there. EPISODE TOTAL: -13 SEASON TOTAL: -247
Over Friday (August 16), A$AP Rocky was in Las Vegas and performed at “Ditch Fridays” at the Palms Pool. “Ditch Fridays” was in full effect as hip hop artist, A$AP Rocky, treated fans to a very memorable performance at Palms Pool on Friday afternoon… Continue
