Tag Archives: Franchise

On Wednesday, the nation celebrated Veterans Day , and numerous public figures took time to thank the men and women of America's armed forces for their service. Yesterday, as part of the White House's week-long tribute to our nation's troops, President Obama presented Army Captain Florent Groberg with the Medal of Honor – and dropped a bombshell that's certain to shake the world of American politics to its foundation. In his speech, Obama shared the following account of the first time he met Groberg: ” He woke up on a hospital bed in a little bit of a haze. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that he was in Germany, and someone was at his bedside talking to him And he thought that it was the lead singer from the heavy metal band Korn. “Flo thought, 'What’s going on? Am I hallucinating?' But he wasn’t, it was all real…And so, today, Flo, I want to assure you that you are not hallucinating. You are actually in the White House, those cameras are on, I am not the lead singer from Korn .” Obviously, this statement is outrageous for a number of reasons. For one thing, President Obama (if that is your real name), it was your duty to inform the American people that you're not the lead singer of Korn before we twice elected you to the highest office in the land! What if those votes were based on your innovative vocal stylings on “Freak On a Leash”? Also, Korn was really more of a rap-rock outfit than a “heavy metal band.” It's an important distinction, because – as indicated by the correlation between the release of Ben Carson's hip hop track and his rise in popularity – the American people want a president who can spit bars , son. Frankly, we don't know what to believe anymore. All this time, Donald Trump's been calling for Obama's birth certificate , when all we really needed to do was take note of the President's conspicuous lack of gold records and shiny Adidas track suits to know we'd been had.    

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President Obama Assures Veteran: I Am NOT the Lead Singer From Korn!

On Wednesday, the nation celebrated Veterans Day , and numerous public figures took time to thank the men and women of America's armed forces for their service. Yesterday, as part of the White House's week-long tribute to our nation's troops, President Obama presented Army Captain Florent Groberg with the Medal of Honor – and dropped a bombshell that's certain to shake the world of American politics to its foundation. In his speech, Obama shared the following account of the first time he met Groberg: ” He woke up on a hospital bed in a little bit of a haze. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that he was in Germany, and someone was at his bedside talking to him And he thought that it was the lead singer from the heavy metal band Korn. “Flo thought, 'What’s going on? Am I hallucinating?' But he wasn’t, it was all real…And so, today, Flo, I want to assure you that you are not hallucinating. You are actually in the White House, those cameras are on, I am not the lead singer from Korn .” Obviously, this statement is outrageous for a number of reasons. For one thing, President Obama (if that is your real name), it was your duty to inform the American people that you're not the lead singer of Korn before we twice elected you to the highest office in the land! What if those votes were based on your innovative vocal stylings on “Freak On a Leash”? Also, Korn was really more of a rap-rock outfit than a “heavy metal band.” It's an important distinction, because – as indicated by the correlation between the release of Ben Carson's hip hop track and his rise in popularity – the American people want a president who can spit bars , son. Frankly, we don't know what to believe anymore. All this time, Donald Trump's been calling for Obama's birth certificate , when all we really needed to do was take note of the President's conspicuous lack of gold records and shiny Adidas track suits to know we'd been had.    

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President Obama Assures Veteran: I Am NOT the Lead Singer From Korn!