It's a sentence we never thought we'd write, but here we go: Amy Schumer is a married woman . The comedian got hitched on February 13, 2018 to celebrity chef Chris Fischer, surprising fans by exchanging vows in Malibu on a Tuesday evening. Approximately 80 guests were in attendance, including a few familiar faces featured here. Indeed, Schumer has uploaded a number of beautiful, romantic and flat-out funny photos from her big day to Instagram. We've collected them all below. Check each one out now and then send Schumer and Fischer your very best wishes! 1. Her Wedding Morning What was so special about this date for Amy Schumer? It was the date on which she got married! And here’s a photo of her in the morning. 2. Making Up Amy Amy Schumer shared this photo of her styling team from the day on which she became a married woman. 3. About to Be Hitched She does, people! She really does! We’d like to thank Amy Schumer for sharing this photo from her big day. 4. Chris Fischer and His Bride How sweet of a photo is this?!? Nick Fischer gives a little kiss on the forehead to his brand new bride. 5. We’re Newlyweds! They look pretty happy, don’t they? We really hope things work out well for Amy Schumer and Chris Fischer. 6. Yup! They sure are married! Amy summed that up here with one single word. View Slideshow
Don’t let Valentine’s Day get you down… If you’re alone, be excited about saving the money… If you’re eager, hit up the dating apps or instagram, there are bound to be lonely girls who are eager to get fucked to make them feel better about their decision of choosing casual sex over relationship… If you’re like me, and you hate your wife, or if you’re someone I idolize who doesn’t have a wife, GET YOURSELF the Valentines Day gift idea from The Hand Pilot …. Make no mistake, we are in a new era of sex, a sexual revolution if you will, where girls, pretty much all girls have their vibrators, and we as men have our MASTURBATORS They’ve tried to make us feel like lonely perverts for owning these, just because they are jealous of these, knowing they can be replaced…. The way I see it, jerk off tools so that no matter how horny I am, I don’t have to lower yourself to fuck your wife….is a win…and jerk off tools to make you not bite the bullet and ruin your life with a wife…is a good thing… So here’s my Top 5 Reasons a Pocket Pussy is better than a real pussy of the Day 1- Doesn’t Say No – is always in the mood. 2- Doesn’t get Yeast Infection – or it’s period 3- Doesn’t remind you of all that has gone wrong as it ages 4- Doesn’t nag you to shower, or clean up, or put on pants 5- Doesn’t get mad at you for fucking a different pocket pussy or pressure you to propose… I mean do I really need to continue….we all know MALE MASTURBATORS WIN IN THE GAME OF LOVE – SO GET YOURS NOW So Don’t make hotel reservations, restaurant reservations, waste your money on flowers or chocolates….SING YOUR 80s ROCK BALLAD LOVE SONG TO YOUR MASTURBATOR – SHOP NOW CLICK HERE The post The Best Valentines Day Gift of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepFather.com .
(Photo by Sean Drakes/Getty Images) More Carnival Baes As we told you yesterday , it’s Carnival time. And you know that Carnival in Trinidad brings the baes out in their best looks. Men and women show what momma and Mother Nature gave them all in some incredibly crafted costumes. It’s the blackest holiday on the planet. And you know how we rock…again. More baes who have us falling in love with every click.
Image via Getty Active Shooter At South Florida High School **NEW UPDATE** MSNBC is reporting that there are at least 14 victims in this shooting. We’re still awaiting word on how many are injuries vs. fatalities. **UPDATE** The police have arrested a man who appears to be the shooter. Officers were in search of a white male wearing a burgundy sweatshirt the MSNBC cameras show a man of that description being arrested now. Still no exact number of injuries or deaths, but “a number of fatalities” is the early report at this time. Another school shooting is currently happening at Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida according to CNN . Police are evacuating students as we speak but many are still hiding inside their classrooms. JUST IN: Local Coral Springs, FL police confirm that they are responding to an 'active shooter' pic.twitter.com/2mHKRhZrJX — MSNBC (@MSNBC) February 14, 2018 Students are seen walking outside with their hands held high so as not to confuse itchy-trigger fingered police officers who are searching for the shooter. At this time there are no details about the number of injured or possibly dead. We’ll be updating this story by the minute. A student who is locked inside the school is posting photos from his classroom. Flip to see the harrowing images. Continue reading →
#StayMelo strikes again… Carmelo Anthony Hints At La La Reconciliation Carmelo Anthony wants you to know that he may have gotten his wife back on this Valentine’s Day holiday. The NBA baller whose alleged infidelity sparked his separation from La La shared a sweet message to his estranged wife today. “MINE FOREVER!!!” said Anthony. “HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to MY WIFE @lala.” What breakup??? Prior to Melo’s post, La La was spotted at one of Melo’s games looking like she was ready to reconcile with her hubby who was accused of impregnating another woman…. There is so much damn drama in this photo of Lala looking at Melo. pic.twitter.com/mwvmdfDmii — Jozen (say Joe-Zen) (@jozenc) December 17, 2017 and he’s been unabashedly leaving thirsty comments on her IG. Shooters shoot. Splash News and Pictures Do YOU think Carmelo and La La are back together? Continue reading →
Image via Getty Kanye West Returns To Instagram For Valentine’s Day Yeezy loves him some Kimmy. Kanye West deleted his Twitter and erased the one Instagram photo that he had, but now he’s back. Mr. “Jesus Walks” took to the ‘gram to post a simple message for national February 14th day. Awww. Flip the page to see Kim’s message to her man.
(Photo by JC Olivera/Getty Images) Accused Sexual Assaulter Nelly Sends Miss Jackson A Cryptic Valentine’s Day Shout Out Multiple rape allegations can really put stress on a relationship . Just ask Nelly. The singer/rapper seems to be trying to make things right with his long-term bae Miss Jackson after having a tumultuous year in the press and in his lawyer’s office. So far, three women have come forward with stories of the crooner putting unwanted hands and organs on them after concerts. In two of their stories, Nelly allegedly pulls his junk out and forces sexual activities and kicks them out. The latest allegation comes from overseas, an English dame claims she went to take a picture with Nelly, and he gripped her tightly and asked if she’d hang back to speak with him after a concert in London. As we reported earlier: She says that she and her friends all went to his dressing room. Next thing she knows, he asked her to come with him into a room next door. She claims that once in the adjoining room, he immediately dropped his pants and began masturbating, then reached to try to pull her top off. She claims he also attempted to kiss her. Next, the woman says Nelly gripped the back of her head and her shoulder, forcing her head down and shoving his erect penis into her mouth. She says she broke free and ran from the room, and he called her a “c***” as she did so. Nelly is saying to Miss Jackson today (unclear as to why, BUT), do you think it’s because he’s owning up to doing at least a few things wrong here??? Something tells us his boo isn’t going anywhere, just yet…Happy V-day folks! More of their love fest after the flip.
Kylie Jenner is officially back. Did she ever really leave? Yes, actually, as the 20-year old reality star scarcely shared a single photo or message on social media in the last couple trimesters of her pregnancy. This changed earlier in the month, however, after Jenner broke her Instagram silence in the most precious way possible: Via a photo of brand new daughter Stormi Webster ! Or at least a photo of brand new daughter Stormi Webster’s tiny little hand and adorable little wrist. What else can one say about the following snapshot except AWWWW , right? But that isn’t the type of response Kylie typically aims to elicit. She built a following of over 100 million followers not by making fans smile, but by making them drool. For the past couple years, Kylie has practically made half-sister Kim Kardashian blush by taking off numerous layers of clothing in nearly every selfie shared online. Jenner has taken the scantily-clad ball Kim got rolling and ran faster than maybe anyone else on the Internet with it. Then she got pregnant, though. And her body responded in kind, growing larger and larger by the month. Kylie disappeared from the spotlight because, according to various sources, she was ashamed of what her once-sexy figure had become. Would she ever pose in a seductive manner again , teenage males across the country wondered? How long until we need to look at Kylie Jenner photos again in private , they’ve likely been wondering, implying that they would be masturbating to said photos. Jenner sort of answered that question over the weekend, sharing her first selfie since giving birth . But now the reality star has truly answered the question, sharing her first SULTRY selfie since giving birth. And here it is: “vday,” the 20-year-old mogul wrote as a simple caption to the image, including with it a pair of heart emojis. In the snapshot, Kylie is once again showing off her long legs, while also rocking a pair of stiletto boots. You know, the usual attire of any mother recovering and taking care of a two-week old baby girl at home. We kid. In all seriousness, it sounds like she’s settling in well and going about this new phase of life with the right approach. “She’s in no rush to lose the weight she gained while pregnant,” an insider tells Us Weekly, which is refreshing to hear. Previous reports claimed that Jenner would be so anxious to get back to her svelte self that she would undergo some dangerous surgery . According to this rumor, she even looked into going outside of the United States to keep the procedure(s) secret after giving birth. We’re very glad to hear this won’t be happening. And we sincerely hope that the new mother did not share the image above due to any kind of pressure, perceived or direct. “The Queen looks amazing, She’s come back,” one person wrote in response, while others asked for more pictures of Stormi. View Slideshow: Kylie Jenner: Her Most OMFG Moments of All Time We’d have to imagine they’re on the way. In the meantime, however, anyone who thought Kylie’s time away from the spotlight would dent her popularity is mistaken. Just consider the jaw-dropping totals: Kylie’s sexy selfie has received 1.8 million Likes in just 50 minutes, as of this writing. The Queen really is back, huh? View Slideshow: Kylie Jenner Gives Birth, Reveals Shocking Pregnancy Secrets & Photos
Of all of the 90 Day Fiance couples, few are more controversial than Anfisa Arkhipchenko and Jorge Nava. Fans believed that their relationship, which seemed to be built on lies and greed, was toxic to its very core. It’s unclear if Anfisa and Jorge are still together. But Anfisa just dropped a major hint. Jorge Nava is American, and didn’t exactly honestly represent his wealth to Anfisa. He saw her on Instagram, thirsted hard, and said anything he could to make her his. Anfisa saw Jorge and fell in love … with the idea of marrying a wealthy man. She has never been shy about wanting to be taken care of, financially. Or about her disappointment when learning that Jorge is not as wealthy as she had believed. 90 Day Fiance viewers have seen Anfisa strike Jorge on camera , so “controversial” is a bit of an understatement for this couple. Though the two of them did get married, it appeared at the 90 Day Fiance tell-all special that Anfisa and Jorge were parting ways. When jorge declared that Anfisa had gotten mean after he paid for her boob job ( Anfisa did get plastic surgery ) and when he tried to imply that she was a sex worker, it looked like they were never going to see each other again. After the tell-all special, Anfisa signed with an agency . Without Jorge’s (real or imagined) money to support her, she’d need to work as a model. Curiously, though, Anfisa changed her name on Instagram from Anfisa Arkhipchenko to Anfisa Nava. She did marry Jorge, to be clear, but usually if you’re going to change your name on social media, you do it when things are good, not when things are over. But that’s part of Anfisa’s teasing. She wants fans to wonder if she and Jorge Nava are back together . She’s said that she’s decided to keep some things private. But then she goes and posts this to her Instagram story: The many many in-app edits aside, that is a photo of Anfisa Arkhipchenko and Jorge Nava. They appear to be together to do Anfisa’s favorite activity: shopping! It certainly doesn’t seem likely that they happened to bump into each other, so … were they out shopping? Anfisa once deleted all photos of Jorge from her page, but it appears that things are better between them. Maybe much better. In this blurry shot from a little earlier this year, Jorge and Anfisa are once again shopping together. Note that Anfisa’s left hand is holding her phone, so that other hand that appears to be grabbing her butt must belong to none other than Jorge Nava. Since it appears that Anfisa is sharing these tidbits in order to put people’s minds to rest, we can only speculate about why she’s not coming out and saying it. One, perhaps she’s still figuring out where she and Jorge are and doesn’t want to announce anything. Two, maybe they’re under contract to do no more than tease fans, for 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? or perhaps for another series in the franchise. (All four shows were renewed, by the way) Three, maybe Anfisa doesn’t want to tie Jorge to her modeling brand. Four, maybe it’s like Anfisa says and she just wants to keep that part of her life mostly private. It’s hard to tell, but it’s likely that we’ll know in the future. Anfisa and Jorge are too eye-catching of a couple to just fade into obscurity. They could , but it wouldn’t be the right career move for anyone. If Anfisa and Jorge really are back together, well, let’s hope that they’ve worked out their issues in a healthy manner. View Slideshow: 90 Day Fiance Couples: Who’s Still Together?
