Tag Archives: Jokes

Sex in a Mainstream Movie at Cannes Has Dirty Posters of the Day

Posted on May 13, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

For those of you who don’t know…I am not a high school drop out…but I am someone who never got into Film School back in the 90s because my story was a bout a high powered exec and husband who falls takes an interest in a homeless person outside his office and eventually invites them to live with him as a charitable gesture…without realizing homeless people are crazy…only to get sucked into the homeless person life because he actually hates his upper middle class existence and in the process kills his wife, cuts her up and leaves her in garbage bags on the street corner in some drug rage…it was filled with hardcore graphic sex and good times…but in the 90s….they weren’t down…and said to myself…well I can’t make movies because I am a loser…but one day…thanks to humans being perverts…we will have mainstream movies with sex…and it’s happened a bunch of times…but this one that is at Cannes this year, which is the most intense of Film Fests…is just next fucking level…at least the movie posters are… The story of LOVE 3D according to IMDB: A sexual melodrama about a boy and a girl and another girl. It’s a love story, which celebrates sex in a joyous way. According to the Cannes festival: January the 1st, early morning. The telephone rings. Murphy wakes up next to his young wife and 2-year-old child. He listens to his voicemail: Electra’s mother, sick with worry, wants to know whether he has heard from her daughter. Electra’s been missing for a long time. She’s afraid something really bad has happened to her. Over the course of a long rainy day, Murphy finds himself alone in his apartment, reminiscing about the greatest love affair of his life, his two years with Electra. A burning passion full of promises, games, excesses and mistakes… Starring Aomi MUYOCK and Klara KRISTIN…. Featuring hipster bush, cock, and cum…it’s just a fucking win…and the direction both porn and mainstream should be taking… I’ve just divulged my secrets..good thing no one reads this site, except the guy who wrote 40 Year Old Virgin who stole some of my jokes…I bet he got into Film shcool… Here are the posters.. The post Sex in a Mainstream Movie at Cannes Has Dirty Posters of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Sex in a Mainstream Movie at Cannes Has Dirty Posters of the Day

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Posted in Hot Stuff, Sex

Tagged bikini girls, daughter, dirty-posters, Imdb, Jokes, life, Love, movie, novelty-act, Pictures, school, stars, TMZ, wife

Dry Hump Day and Other Videos of the Day

Posted on May 7, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Drunk Russian Gets Robbed Sex Toy Removal of the Day Driverless Truck….in the Desert… British Man VS Cnn Quick Thinking of the Day Bus Driver Beats Up a 15 Year Old Dude Has Knife in His Back…..after Fight with Girlfriend…. Song of the Day The post Dry Hump Day and Other Videos of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Dry Hump Day and Other Videos of the Day

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Posted in Hot Stuff, Sex

Tagged despite-looking, fight, Jokes, marine-mammal, quick-thinking, russian, Sex, stars

Aubrey Plaza Butt in a Bikini of the Day

Posted on May 7, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

I don’t watch TV, so this Aubrey Plaze, from Parks and Recreation is foreign to me….not quite as foreign as a prostitute I can’t quite understand when asking me to pay for the rub and tug…that kind of foreign is more Asian and Eastern European….this kind of foreign is more, I don’t know who the fuck she is…but her name sounds like something I would park in at the movie theater….and her ass looks like something I would park in…despite being a funny comedienne, something, I don’t really like because I am sexist in my comedy, and really no girl other than Joan Rivers has really ever made me laugh…maybe I just feel ike girls should be laughing at my jokes…and by joke I mean my penis size…it’s pretty uneventful… What isn’t unevenful is how hot her ass is in a bikini…I like that… TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE The post Aubrey Plaza Butt in a Bikini of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Aubrey Plaza Butt in a Bikini of the Day

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Posted in Hot Stuff, Sex

Tagged animals, bennyhollywood, black-fish, despite-looking, Jokes, like-something, marine-mammal, movie

Shay Mitchell Failed Crotch Shot of the Day

Posted on April 23, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

I have heard some many mixed things about Shay Mitchell, only because she’s from Canada and Canada and Canada has the inside scoop on Canadians…it circulates our Igloo community pretty easily through maple syrup telephone lines…and messenger moose… I have been told by people she went to school with that she was always an egotistical cunt who was out to win in the world of acting, because she loved the attention, felt she deserved the attention and getting cast in a massive show like Pretty Little Liars just supported all that she had been fed all her life, making her a bigger “I told you so” kind of twat… Maybe those are just haters gonna hate, when really they should only hate the fact that she’s not spread eagled in this instagram pic…because that’s the kind of thirsty for attention I like my famous Canadians turned Americans to be…because I hate that this is a failed Crotch shot…you see I have confidence in her attention generating noise she’s got the potential of making to really maximize her fame…I believe…we will one day see her nude…but today is not that day. The post Shay Mitchell Failed Crotch Shot of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Shay Mitchell Failed Crotch Shot of the Day

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Tagged antonio-perez, attention, bikini sluts, igloo, Jokes, Kate Moss, late-at-night, Paparazzi, pretty-little, stepping-on-kim, time, TMZ

Amy Schumer Kim K Publicity Stunt of the Day

Posted on April 23, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

I don’t like Amy Schumer because she’s not cute…but I guess she’s made the right jokes in her career, that allowed her to become relatively famous and break down the wall that you’d expect her to face, based on her looks alone…I mean bitch better be funny as fuck, while looking like this…and still getting on TV…just wouldn’t make sense if she wasn’t… Maybe I just don’t like female comedians, because girls just can’t be funny, or because their jokes are always about sucking dick and I am more into getting my dick sucked than listening to girls mock sucking dick… She’s been getting a lot of press, hosting shitty award shows…she’s relevant…she’s current…she is the new Whiteney Cummings, who you probably wouldn’t really want to cum on, but would…because you were drunk and it was late at night… Now she’s throwing herself in front of the Kanye and Kim…mocking them by pretedning they are GODS or some shit…and the whole thing is made better with Kim K tits… Here’s the video… I am more into the paparazzi stepping on Kim K’s dress… @TeamKanyeDaily @KimKardashian @LordPeezy pic.twitter.com/FcdGlUSZnA — Antonio Perez (@IAmYeezy77) April 21, 2015 But I’m really more into Kim K getting pissed on by black dudes…why hasn’t that sex tape been released yet? Here are her tits… The post Amy Schumer Kim K Publicity Stunt of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Amy Schumer Kim K Publicity Stunt of the Day

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Tagged antonio-perez, celeb news, internet, Jokes, Kate Moss, late-at-night, models, not-complaining, Paparazzi, publicity stunt, stars, stepping-on-kim, time, TMZ, trophy-mother

Jeremy Renner: Being a Father is Screwing My Career!

Posted on April 15, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Jeremy Renner, The Avengers: Age of Ultron star, loves his little 2-year-old so much that nothing else seems to matter. Renner had sweet Ava with ex-wife Sonni Pacheco . And now that their custody drama is over , he can’t stop gushing about his baby girl. Jeremy Renner on Ellen On Wednesday’s Ellen episode, the actor jokes that fatherhood is all consuming. Jeremy jokes, it “kind of screwed my career in a lot of ways.” He elaborates, “I don’t really care about it [my career] so much, because I care about her [Ava] so much. She’s like No. 1 in my life.” “And now I get to do movies on the side. Daddy’s my best role to date, I think,” he says. For Renner, being a parent “is the greatest thing in the world. And all I had to do was have sex! That’s amazing.” Ellen pulls up a photo of Renner and Ava that he posted to his WhoSay page earlier in the year. “Why is she in a bar?” Ellen asks. “I’m just curious.” “She’s German-Irish like her daddy,” Renner responds. “What do you want?” The big question is will Renner have a huge family like the one in which he grew up? “I’m the oldest of seven, but there’s a giant age gap,” he tells Ellen. “I’m 44, and the youngest is 2.” Um, wait? Isn’t that a 42 year age gap? Yup! Renner exclaims ”My dad had my brother the same week I had my daughter. So it’s kind of like my dad’s having his own grandkids kind of thing.” What a heartfelt and weird thing for a father and son to share. Renner thinks his dad’s late life “endeavors” are good news for him. Why? “I can still, ya know, make things happen later on in life,” he jokes. Jeremy and ex-wife, Sonni, have been in the midst of some high profile divorce drama . Let’s just hope they can keep little Ava out of it. View Slideshow: Celebrities Expecting Babies in 2015

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Jeremy Renner: Being a Father is Screwing My Career!

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Posted in Celebrities, Gossip

Tagged actor, avengers: age of ultron, Babies, celeb news, cruise, ellen degeneres, Gossip, Jokes, light, like-the-one, night, Sex, sonni-pacheco

#TidalForFail: The Illuminati Press Conference Got Endlessly Roasted On Twitter

Posted on March 31, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Tidal Press Conference Gets Destroyed Yesterday, Jay Z and all his Illuminati friends got together to beg people for money for his new business venture that’s going to fail. Rihanna was there. Nicki Minaj was there. People in mouse helmets were there. Memphis Bleek wasn’t. For the most part, it was a disaster. Twitter destroyed them for it and the jokes never stopped.

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#TidalForFail: The Illuminati Press Conference Got Endlessly Roasted On Twitter

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Posted in Celebrities, Hollywood, Hot Stuff

Tagged announces, bleek, destroyed, got-together, Hollywood, Jokes, memphis-bleek, mouse-helmets, News, originals, People, rihanna, secret-meeting, the-list, tidal-press

Kim Kardashian Blonde Hair Memes: Keeping Up With House Slytherin!

Posted on March 7, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

In case you somehow haven’t heard, Kim Kardashian dyed her hair blonde this week, and the Internet exploded in response. We may never know for sure why Kim went blonde , but we can be pretty sure the response has been a bit more negative than she expected. Kim has been the butt (pun intended) of even more jokes than usual lately and naturally, the social media geniuses of America have chosen to get their mock on using their favorite form of online humor – the meme: Kim Kardashian Hair Memes: The Best of the Blonde Jokes! 1. Kim Kardashian as Draco Malfoy View Photo The Kim-Draco Malfoy resemblance is uncanny. Does this make Amber Rose her Harry Potter? 2. Kim Kardashian and the Mean Girls View Photo Kim joined the blonde party a little too late in life. They’re all gonna laugh at you! 3. Kim Kardashian: Wannabe Beyonce? View Photo Is Kim going Single White Female on Bey? We’re sure Kanye wouldn’t mind! 4. Kim Kardashian as an Owl View Photo Kim looks an awful lot like this owl. So even though her hair is insanely unnatural, at least she was inspired by nature! Advertisement A message from our sponsor. 5. Kim Kardashian as Simon Camden View Photo Someone on Twitter though Kim looked like this kid from 7th Heaven. The resemblance pretty much ends at the blonde hair, but we’ll take it. The End. Up Next: ” Kim Kardashian Hair Memes: The Best of the Blonde Jokes! .” We’ll be redirecting you shortly… Some of the jokes are obvious. (She was begging for the Malfoy comparisons with the slicked-back coif and black velvet jacket.) There are others plenty of others, however, that we never would have thought of on our own. (Random 7th Heaven reference, anyone?) There’s even a meme that suggests that Kanye might be slowly turning Kim into a Beyonce doppelganger, a la Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo. That movie even features an actress named Kim making a big mistake by going blonde, but we’re guessing neither half of Kimye has seen it, so we’ll move on: The important thing is that we all agree Kim should go back to black before she returns to the US. Seriously, Kim, if you don’t have time while you’re in Paris, and you can’t take dye on the plane just bring some shoe polish on board and go MacGyver. America will thank you. Kim Kardashian Goes REALLY Blonde! 1. Kim Kardashian: Blonde and Beautiful View Photo Kim tried out a new hair color in Paris this week. Fans aren’t crazy about the look, but everyone agrees that the rest of her is on fleek, right? 2. Kim Kardashian: Blonde Hair and Botox View Photo Kim flaunted her new blonde looks for the paps, but there’s something up with her face. Did she overdo the Botox? 3. Kim Kardashian: Blonde With Kanye View Photo Kim and Kanye at Paris Fashion Week. The entire Internet seems to agree that the blonde hair isn’t working for Kim. 4. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: Paris Fashion Week 2015 View Photo It wouldn’t be Fashion Week without Kim and Kanye. Fortunately, they left North home this time. Advertisement A message from our sponsor. 5. Kim Kardashian with Platinum Hair View Photo Kim Kardashian is dressed sort of like a cowgirl while spending time in London. Oh, she also has some crazy blonde hair on her head. The End. Up Next: ” Kim Kardashian Goes REALLY Blonde! .” We’ll be redirecting you shortly…

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Kim Kardashian Blonde Hair Memes: Keeping Up With House Slytherin!

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Tagged america, blonde, father, gavin-rossdale, Gossip, instagram, internet, Jokes, kim kardashian, mick jagger, north, time, Tom Brady, Universe, wannabe-beyonce

Manti Te’o to NFL Opponents: Shut Up About My Fake Girlfriend!

Posted on December 23, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

San Diego Chargers linebacker Manti Te’o is so sick of other NFL stars harassing him about the fake girlfriend scandal he was embroiled in the year before last. Of course, Te’o doth protest too much, begging two obvious points: Yes, Manti was catfished, but when your online “girlfriend” supposedly dies and you milk the story for publicity, well, karma will get you. The more you react, well, the more people will needle you. Manti Te’o Speaks on Girlfriend The Catfisherman Te’o admits he was harassed about the situation “a few times” last season, but hoped people would move on. Suffice it to say, they have not done so. Just last weekend, the San Francisco 49ers’ Anthony Davis broached the Manti Te’o girlfriend hoax scandal, and let’s just say it didn’t go over well. “Asked Manti Te’o about his imaginary girlfriend last night and he snapped. lol I thought that was hilarious,” Davis tweeted after the two teams played. In response, “I told him, ‘Find a new joke,'” Te’o claims. We wouldn’t hold our breath if we were him. Manti Te’o Auto-Tune Manti was the victim of a prank in which a guy claiming to be a girl “dated” him online, but he then lied to the media in an effort to cover the whole thing up. Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (above, right) eventually admitted that he punked Manti, and not for any real reason other than he could, and well, the rest is history. Te’o saw his NFL draft stock tank a bit in the wake of the subsequent character issues this raised, but has secured a roster spot in the pros with the Chargers. Clearly he wishes people would move on, but the jokes are gonna keep coming either way. Better to let your play do the talking and ignore ’em, no? 14 Scandalous Sports Stories 1. LIAR! Lance Armstrong denied it and denied it, but he eventually came clean: yes, he cheated to win every Tour de France.