The key to not looking so fat – is making your shoulders look massive… This reminds me of so many 50 year old waitresses I’ve met at various diners across america, really skinny, strong legs, with a barrel belly and big shoulders and arms…making for a weird boxy beer drinking body, that is built from all the running back and forth to and from the kitchen carrying heavy trays of food…. It’s not attractive, just middle aged and white trash, which I guess Jessica Simpson is despite being rich as fuck for being a fashion icon, and pop star …. I mean if it wasn’t for her creepy, gay, stage dad who had dreams of being a showgirl as a little boy, dreams he channeled into his eldest prized hen, the only real reason he’d ever stick a dick in a vagina…that worked…she’d probably be working a diner too.. All this to say, weight watchers contract made this happen, otherwise she’d be 300 pounds, and now she looks like all the women I try to bang in Florida…which I am going to go find right now
Sometimes all it takes is a picture of a hot model like Edita Vilkeviciute enjoying her coffee at the kitchen table to remind you how much your life sucks… YOu know taping into some 1960s, black and white, simpler time, image you expected for yourself… You know, like it’s out of an old movie you saw back when you had hope and thought maybe your kitchen table would have a set of legs like this, the morning after you came inside her, early in your whirlwind romance… But instead the only legs your kitchen table have are duct taped back on, because your fat wife puts her fatness into her eating and the table can’t support the shit… I don’t know why, these Edita Vilkeviciute speak to my cold black heart…they make me believe in love, at least with someone who is a top model with legs like this…simulating a marriage you’d probably want to have since it’s better than what you have….
Last week, rumors of a Nick Cannon-Mariah Carey divorce flooded the Internet, prompting speculation that Mariah had become fed up with Nick’s wilder publicity stunts and was ready to pull the plug on their marriage. According to these reports, the now-infamous Nick Cannon sex list was the last straw for Mariah and she became intent on leaving her husband of six years. While Mariah still has yet to address these rumors publicly, Nick talked opened up about tabloid claims in a recent interview and denied that he and Mariah are experiencing any kind of marital problems: “There’s no merit or truth to it,” said Nick. “It’s kind of humorous, really. It couldn’t be further from the truth and it really affects the credibility of the so-called newspapers.” While there’s little reason to believe that Nick is lying about the state of his marriage, it is telling that he hasn’t mentioned his celebrity sex partners since first sharing his bang sheet in an interview with Howard Stern last month. We’re guessing that while Mariah wasn’t willing to go to divorce court over the incident, she did warn Nick that if he continues to go around telling the public how great sex with Kim Kardashian was, he’ll be spending a lot of nights on the couch. Mariah Carey and Kids on Easter 1. An Easter Family This is rather adorable. It’s a photo of Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon and their young twins on Easter.
Pippa Middleton and her “Sport and Social” column have been axed from her post at Britain’s respected Daily Telegraph after just six months on the job. Kate Middleton ‘s little sister confirms that her contract is not being renewed by the publication, which brought her on board to great fanfare late last year. The younger Middleton’s column with the Telegraph began with a piece on her new athletic passion, boxing, which she calls “a pure but pleasing agony.” Her columns went on to depict a string of exciting antics, from flipping pancakes to cycling underwater. However, a source at the newspaper says that: “The readers just weren’t into it. There was a lot of negative mail coming in after each column and there were too many off-limit subjects for her. They ran out of ideas.” It’s a second literary disappointment for Pippa Middleton , who was criticized for cashing in on connections, not talent, to secure a publishing deal. Future book plans were shelved by Viking after her Celebration debut tanked, although she continues to write for both Waitrose Kitchen and Vanity Fair . She also remains Lord of the Arsetocracy … so there’s that. Whether there was a false bottom or not, she’s got one of the best on the entire planet. Plus she’s still rich. Could be worse off. 27 Best Celebrity Butts: Badonkadonk Bonanza! 1. Kesha Hey, it’s Ke$ha! And there is Ke$ha’s butt! The singer is anything but shy in this Twit pic.
Have you recovered yet from the Revenge Season 3 finale? From the deaths, the imprisonment and that stunning return?!? Consider yourself SPOILER WARNED and read on for excerpts from an interview star Nick Wechsler conducted with Zap2It in anticipation of this fall’s return… The return of David Clark : “That is huge! that changes everything. That changes the engine of revenge for next season. What are the implications? What does that mean? Was he allowing it to happen? Was he happy about it? Was he not?” Is Conrad really dead? “I think this one has to stick and it kind of killed me because we all are just in love with Henry and we are losing a brilliant [actor].” An Emily/Jack romance? “They’re probably not available because of their heartbreak, but they’re going through the same thing at the same time and there’s a window now… if anything happens between them, it won’t happen until the end of the series. I feel like to do it any sooner might compromise the morality of the show by suggesting you can go do this stuff and get the reward.” Does he know what’s on tap for Season 4? Not yet. “I think it’s a team effort. They’re all already a bunch of chefs in the kitchen creating the meal, I just want to be like ‘I like this seasoning and I think this would enhance it a little bit more. What did you think of this shocking final? Go watch Revenge online TV Fanatic to relive the craziness and sound off now!
Holidays mean family and family means dinner! The traditional fare for Easter Sunday comes in two varieties: ham or standing rib roast. While those are tried and true staples, sometimes it’s nice to get a little adventurous. We have 9 Easter recipes to tickle your tastebuds and fancy up your fête . 9 Easter Recipes Open Slideshow 1. Easter Bunny Trail Mix Instead of the typical mid-morning snack, mix up a batch of Easter Bunny Trail Mix. The “carrots” are dried fruit! This is practically a health food! View As List 1. Easter Bunny Trail Mix Instead of the typical mid-morning snack, mix up a batch of Easter Bunny Trail Mix. The “carrots” are dried fruit! This is practically a health food! 2. Strawberry Spinach Salad A strawberry spinach salad makes an excellent starter for your Easter Sunday dinner. The colors are vibrant making it pretty AND delicious. 3. Ham Steaks Instead of the traditional spiral sliced ham, go for ham steaks on Easter Sunday. Topped with a maple-bourbon glaze, it’s bound to be amazing. 4. Braised Beef Shanks If pork isn’t your thing, go for braised beef shanks over a cheesy polenta! These cook slow, so give yourself plenty of time for optimum tenderness! 5. Smoked Salmon Deviled Eggs You have ALL those eggs laying around from the hunts, right? Turn them into Smoked Salmon Deviled Eggs and serve them with dinner. 6. Stovetop Mac and Cheese Mac and cheese is the ultimate comfort food and a perfect side for almost any main course. This stovetop mac and cheese cooks up as creamy as those cooked in the oven. 7. Easter Egg Italian Bread Here’s another use for all those eggs! But don’t boil them yet! This Easter Egg Italian bread starts with dyed, raw eggs! It’s also pretty to look at! 8. Gluten Free Pretzel Bread With this gluten free pretzel bread, there will be something for everyone at your table. Serve these as rolls with your meal, or slice and make sandwiches with leftovers! Mmm! 9. Coconut Truffles Instead of cakes or pies this Easter, serve these tasty two-bite coconut truffles! If you have any left over, freeze them for a midnight snack! If your little ones are like most, they eat breakfast and then they’re almost immediately hungry again. Make up a batch of Easter Trail Mix to hold them over between breakfast and lunch. It’s cute and there’s FRUIT! They won’t even know they’re eating something healthy because it’s just so adorable! This would also make an excellent Easter egg hunt snack food! To get a little “rabbit food” in your Sunday afternoon spread, try a strawberry-spinach salad with feta and balsamic vinegar! It’s light and good for you and it looks great on a plate! When it’s time for the main course, you have options! Try a twist on the traditional ham or braising some beef short ribs instead of a roast. Family get-togethers can be kind of stressful. Calm your nerves with some comfort food in the form of stovetop mac and cheese ! This creamy dish is every big as good as the kind you would bake in the oven and just as tasty. Bonus? This one’s actually good for more than just your soul! It’s Easter, so you probably have about three dozen more eggs than you’ll ever eat or actually need. What are you going to do with them all? Devil them, that’s what, and throw in some salmon while you’re at it! Or, you could bake them into Easter Egg Italian bread ! No holiday meal is complete without dessert. For finger-food fare, finish off the dinner with two-bite coconut truffles. Or take a look at one of these pies and whip one up! 14 Pi Day Pies You Should Definitely Try Open Slideshow 1. Apple Pi How awesome is this Apple Pi Pie? This is for the serious fan of 3.14. View As List 1. Apple Pi How awesome is this Apple Pi Pie? This is for the serious fan of 3.14. 2. Shepherd’s Pie Shepherd’s Pie is pretty hearty! The good news is this Irish staple doubles up for a good St. Patrick’s Day celebration meal! Pair it with a Guinness! 3. Pineapple Pie Another awesome Pi Pie, this Pineapple pie looks divine! 4. Pizza Pi Pie If sweet treats aren’t your thing, what about a new spin on an old classic: the Pizza Pi Pie. 5. Pecan Pie Mmm. Pecan pie. Alternate variations: Add chocolate chips or throw in a little bourbon and make it a Kentucky Derby Pie. 6. Sea Monster Pie If you want your kids to try new things, here’s one for the sea creature loving tots among us. 7. Whoopie Pie Whoopie pies are small and easy to eat! The cream filling and the soft cake-like outer layers make this a definite treat! 8. Frito Pie Ooooh, the Frito Pie! And look! Serving the pie IN THE BAG means NO DISHES! 9. Chocolate Mousse Pie This chocolate mousse pie will make your sweet tooth tingle! Don’t forget to brush after you eat! 10. Banana Cream Pie Bananas are fruit, so this banana cream pie is basically a health food. 11. Bacon Pie Who doesn’t love bacon? Use strips of the salty meat in place of your usual lattice for a nice blend of savory and sweet! 12. Apple Pie As American as… 13. Key Lime Pie For those who like a little tart with their tarts, the Key Lime Pie is for you. 14. Chicken Pot Pie For those who don’t know their way around the kitchen, Banquet has you covered.
Miley Cyrus is trying to make the best of a bad situation. The singer remains stuck in the hospital due to an allergic reaction to sinus infection medication and has postponed her U.S. tour until August. But at least she hasn’t lost her sense of humor. Miley Cyrus Instagram Photos Open Slideshow 1. Miley Cyrus Quacks Up Miley is all quacked up in this photo, snapped while she was hospitalized for an allergic reaction. View As List 1. Miley Cyrus Quacks Up Miley is all quacked up in this photo, snapped while she was hospitalized for an allergic reaction. 2. Miley Cyrus Hospital Pic Miley Cyrus suffered an allergic reaction to medication and was hospitalized in April 2014. But at least she was still able to snap some selfies. 3. Miley Cyrus in Hospital Miley Cyrus is in the hospital. She has an allergic reaction but will be just fine 4. Miley Cyrus Haircut Photo This is what it looks like when Miley Cyrus gets a haircut. Fascinating, isn’t it? 5. Totally Topless Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus is very topless in this Instagram photo. At least she has strategically placed her arm in a certain spot, though. 6. Smooching Their Pooch Miley Cyrus and her sister lay a smooch on the former’s dog in this adorable Twit pic. Cute stuff. 7. Miley and Dog We send our thoughts to Miley Cyrus. Her dog Floyd passed away in the spring of 2014. 8. Miley Cyrus and Floyd Miley Cyrus cuddles up here with Floyd. The dog sadly died in Apri 2014. 9. Miley Cyrus Sunburn Miley Cyrus has had too much sun. She might wanna lookout for skin cancer. 10. Miley Cyrus Bikini Crotch Miley Cyrus doesn’t just pose here in a bikini. She does a crotch grab. 11. Miley Cyrus Joint Rolling This is your basic photo of Miley Cyrus rolling a joint. She very much likes to smoke marijuana. 12. Miley Cyrus Lip Tattoo Miley Cyrus rocks an eccentric tattoo in this photo. Are you digging it? 13. Miley Cyrus Sex Toy Pic Miley Cyrus poses here with a sex toy. Why? Because that’s how Miley Cyrus rolls. 14. Miley Cyrus Instagram Image We’re up close and very personal with Miley Cyrus in this photo. She’s singing into a microphone on Instagram. “This hospitals full of a bunch of QUACKS (get it??? Quacks) #punnyeveninthehospy,” Cyrus wrote as a caption to the Instagram photo above yesterday. This is quite the different tone than Miley had on Twitter earlier in the week when she went off on tabloids that are spreading crazy rumors about her hospitalization. Is it the result of hard partying? Or a possibly fatal heart defect? “Shut the f*ck up & let me heal. stop scaring my family, friends, & fans,” she wrote at that time. Cyrus hopes to head to Europe next month as part of her Bangerz tour and then return to America on August 1 in Long Island. But a lot will depend on what her doctors have to say, much to the star’s frustration. “Sux seeing everyone havin fun in Nashville,” she Tweeted last night after canceling her show there Friday. “My home town & the place I was looking the most forward to. Pissed off @ everything/everyone rn.”
Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, a legendary boxer who spent 19 years in prison on a wrongful murder conviction, died this morning at home in Toronto. He was 76 years old. According to friend John Artis, Carter passed away from prostate cancer, a disease for which he was being treated for an unknown period of time. In 1966, Carter was convicted charges of fatally shooting two men and a woman in a Paterson, New Jersey restaurants. It took nearly two decades, but both jury verdicts were eventually overturned on different grounds of prosecutorial misconduct. Prior to his legal battles and imprisonment, Carter was known as a fearsome fighter. He narrowly lost a fight for the middleweight championship in 1964. Carter rose to national acclaim during his lengthy battle to clear his name, with Amnesty International describing him as a “prisoner of conscience” at one point. Bob Dylan also penned a hit track title “Hurricane” that championed his innocence and vilified the cops and became a Top 40 hit in 1976. In 1999, Denzel Washington portrayed Carter on the big screen in a movie also titled Hurricane . After his release, Carter moved to Toronto, where he served as the executive director of the Association in Defence of the Wrongly Convicted from 1993 to 2005. He received two honorary doctorates for his work. Celebrities We Lost in 2014 Open Slideshow 1. Philip Seymour Hoffman R.I.P. Philip Seymour Hoffman (1967-2014). He will forever be missed! View As List 1. Philip Seymour Hoffman R.I.P. Philip Seymour Hoffman (1967-2014). He will forever be missed! 2. James Avery James Avery has passed away. The beloved star of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was 65. 3. Pete Seeger Pete Seeger has passed away. The late singer and activist was 94. 4. Shirley Temple Shirley Temple was a childhood star in the 1930s. She passed away at the age of 85. 5. Phil Everly A photo of the late Phil Everly. He passed away in early 2014. 6. Anna Gordy Gaye Anna Gordy Gaye passed away in early 2014. She was the sister of Berry Gordy and the wife of Marvin Gaye. 7. Eric Lawson Eric Lawson stars here as The Marloboro Man. He died from lung cancer at the age of 72. 8. Roy Garber Roy Garber passed away in January 2014. He was a star on Shipping Wars. 9. Cassandra Lynn Hensley Rest in peace, Cassandra Lynn Hensley. The Playboy Playmate was found dead in January 2014. 10. Darryl Robinson Darryl Robinson of Cooking Channel fame has died. He was just 50. 11. Sid Caesar Sid Caesar has died. He was 91 years old and will be missed. 12. Ralph Waite Ralph Waite is seen here on NCIS. The actor died at the age of 86. 13. John Henson Picture Rest in peace, John Henson. This member of The Muppets family died in early 2014. 14. Jamie Coots Jamie Coots has died from a snake bite. The reality star appeared on the series Snake Salvation. 15. Michele Savoia Michele Savoia, a famed Broadway costume designer, has passed away at the age of 55. 16. Bob Casale Bob Casale, second from right, was the guitarist for the ’80s band Devo, best known for the hit song “Whip It.” R.I.P. 17. Harold Ramis Harold Ramis passed away at the age of 69. We’ll always adore the actor for his role in Ghostbusters. 18. Jim Lange Jim Lange has passed away. The Dating Game host was 81. 19. Tim Wilson Comedian Tim Wilson, who incorporated NASCAR into his routines, has died. R.I.P. 20. Speaker Knockerz Speaker Knockerz has passed away. The young emerging rapper was only 19. 21. Sheila MacRae Sheila MacRae, best known as Alice from The Honeymooners, died in March 2014 at the age of 92. 22. Cynthia Lynn Cynthia Lynn has died. The Hogan’s Heroes star was 76. 23. Bob Thomas Veteran journalist Bob Thomas has passed away at the age of 92. R.I.P. 24. Wesley Warren Wesley Warren, The Man with the 132-Pound Scrotum, died in March 2014 of a non-scrotum related injury. 25. David Brenner David Brenner has died. The fixture on The Tonight Show was 78. 26. L’Wren Scott L’Wren Scott, a fashion designer and the girlfriend of Mick Jagger, is dead. She was 49. 27. Scott Asheton Scott Asheton of The Stooges has died. The drummer was 64. 28. James Rebhorn James Rebhorn enjoyed a long, impressive acting career. He died at the age of 65. 29. Kate O’Mara Kate O’Mara of Dynasty fame has died at the age of 74. R.I.P. 30. Frankie Knuckles Frankie Knuckles, acclaimed DJ and house music mastermind, died March 31 at age 59. 31. Mickey Rooney Mickey Rooney passed away at the age of 93. He lost a battle with an undisclosed illness. 32. Peaches Geldof Peaches Geldof was only 25. 33. The Ultimate Warrior Days after being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, The Ultimate Warrior died at the age of 54. 34. Gabriel Garcia Marquez Beloved author Gabriel GarcÃa Márquez passed away in April 2014 at the age of 87.
The Internet is abuzz with ideas for theme foods and twee crafts to celebrate Easter. But folks in Colorado, Washington State, and MediCali have another big holiday on their hands: Sunday happens to fall on 4/20, national pot smoking day, and that means it’s not just the big-time tokers who will take this opportunity to get in to the green spirit. Bud hobbyists and first-time smokers alike tend to come out in droves for this day. So we thought we’d create this handy party-hosting guide to make sure that the less experienced amongst you can stock your cabinet so full of viable munchies (like Funfetti Cookies ), you could host Willie Nelson, George Clinton AND the Parliament Funkadelic without having to make an emergency Taco Bell run. Take a look at these toker treats as you try out that Red Velvet Cookies Recipe : 20 Munchies to Eat on 4/20 Open Slideshow 1. Slurpee A 711 staple, the Slurpee is your friend when you’re stoned. View As List 1. Slurpee A 711 staple, the Slurpee is your friend when you’re stoned. 2. Waffle Taco Finally! We understand the reason the Waffle Taco REALLY exists. It’s for all those who spend the night baked and then need a bite! 3. Fried Chicken Fried chicken is best served, well, fried chicken is best. Try it cold! You’ll like it. 4. Cocoa Krispies Mmmm. Cocoa Krispies! Just remember the snap, crackle, and pop aren’t REALLY in your living room. 5. Sour Patch Kids Sour Patch Kids can be purchased by the pound on Amazon. You’re welcome! 6. Cookies Oreos, chocolate chip, peanut butter. Whatever the variety, these little circles of sweetness will hit the spot. 7. Jello This Jello is channeling its inner Bob Marley for 4/20. It’s your kind of Jello. 8. Hot Pockets Hot Pockets come in so many varieties that no matter your craving, there’s something for you! Stock the freezer! 9. Bagel Bites Bagel Bites are mighty tasty! Just be careful because they’ll totally burn your mouth, and that might harsh your mellow. 10. Grilled Cheese Sandwich Grilled cheese sandwiches are simple, timeless, delicious works of art. If you see Jesus or the Virgin Mary, you might want to check your stash. 11. Funyuns Funyuns are basically only good when you’re high. That’s a fact. 12. Doritos Doritos, the nacho cheesier the better, are the perfect munchie foods! Watch out for the orange-stained fingertips or you’ll totes give yourself away. 13. Doughnuts Being high is an excuse to eat a dozen doughnuts all by yourself, isn’t it? Yes, it totally is. 14. Bacon Cheeseburger The bacon cheeseburger. Mmmm mmmm good. Because bacon. 15. White Castle Harold and Kumar didn’t have an adventure to White Castle for no reason! 16. Sour Belts Sour belts, cousin to the Sour Patch Kids, can also be bought in bulk on Amazon. Again, YOU’RE WELCOME. 17. Candy Bars Miniatures or full-size, you can’t go wrong with candy bars! 18. Ice Cream Ice Cream, soft-serve, scooped, on a cone, in a bowl, with sprinkles or without, would make an excellent choice! 19. Inside the Fridge Just raid the fridge! Whatever’s inside is good for the grubbing! 20. Potato Chips Potato chips leave less signs that they’ve been there than Doritos and they don’t stink like Funyuns. Keep some on hand just in case! Stoners eat like pregnant women. That’s basically all you need to know. We’ve all heard the old adage “never go grocery shopping hungry,” right? Well, multiply that times one million for going grocery shopping high. Before you know it you’ve got a cart full of things like cookie dough in a tub, frozen giant pretzels, mustard in four flavors, pre-made cream cheese frosting, and omigod you know what would go so good with this? Grape Shasta and Orange Sherbet. Whether you’re celebrating with a few close friends or the grand opening of your dispensary, the key to keeping your palate happy on this epic holiday is – say it with me – VARIETY. So get creative! What’s in your kitchen cabinet? OF COURSE you can mix Cocoa Krispies with chocolate pudding. That’s one HELL of a high-dea… These 20 celebrity stoners will be joining you in the festivities. 20 Celebrity Stoners for 4/20
