These two might as well just get back together, right? Joe Budden And Tahiry Spotted Together For Press Day Event Love & Hip Hop New York ex-lovebirds Joe Budden and Tahiry are jumping right back into the media ring to promote the latest season of the show that is set to air on Monday. Although she’s been relatively silent in public in response to Joe’s endless amount of shameless social media ploys to get her back in his life, Tahiry recently posted a few pics of them together while making their rounds for an MTV Love & Hip Hop Press Day event. They look pretty cozy to us! In true Joe fashion, he also posted a few flicks from their day together, insisting that she “loves him to death” and vowing to knock her up sometime within the next 6 months . Check out video footage of their coupled up press day and see Joe vowing to give Tahiry a little Budden sometime soon, on the flip. Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , I need advice. I broke up with my child’s father 3 years ago. He proposed, but I turned him down because he wasn’t saved, and he is in the music industry. I also kicked him out the apartment. He still resents me. He says that I’ve betrayed him. I also put him through a lot during our relationship. I now realize that he is a good man, and I made a terrible mistake. He is now dating, and he has revealed to me that he has been seeing someone for two years and he loves her. I really want my family back. How can I get him back? – Wanting Him Back Dear Ms. Wanting Him Back , So, you broke up with him and turned down his marriage proposal because he wasn’t saved, and is in the music industry. Now, two years later, he is seeing someone else, and he told you that he loves her, but you want him because you feel you made a terrible mistake. I’m sorry, but am I missing something. What happened? Are you that miserable and alone that you’re considering going backwards instead of moving forward? But, let’s be real and ask the serious question, why do you really want him back? That is the tee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Do you want him back because he is happily involved with someone else, and is in love with another woman? You see how happy he is, and how loving he is with another woman, and because you didn’t realize it or see it when he was with you all of a sudden you have this epiphany that you want to be a family with him? Chile, miss me. Misery loves company. He’s happy and in love, and you want what he has. Why can’t you just be happy for him? I’m sure if you were to have a new man, someone who loved you, and you were in love he would be happy for you. You broke up with him for a reason. You left him for a reason. And, you explicitly stated it’s because he is not saved, and he is in the music industry. That hasn’t changed. He still is not saved, and he is still involved with the music industry. Why do you want him back? Really? But, ma’am, isn’t it contradictory for you to be talking about him not being saved, yet, you were having sexual relations with a man before marriage? And, you produced a child. Huh? So, I take it that you’re saved, yet, you were laying up with him, and spreading your legs wide for him. You weren’t thinking about your morals and values while he was laying the pipe. But, you want to point fingers at him for not being saved. I love it! But, I get it. You have remorse and regret. You hate that you turned down the proposal, and after a few years of thinking, dating other guys, and you haven’t met someone and fell in love, you want what’s familiar. So, now you’re alone and you realize you should have accepted the proposal, worked on the relationship, and become the family you desired. You’re rehashing what happened, what went wrong, and how can you fix it. Ma’am, this is something you can’t fix. When you’re emotionally, mentally, and spiritually broken, then it requires working on yourself. Building who you are, and reconnecting to the source of spiritual nourishment. If he is not spiritually connected, or not saved, then you can’t make him saved. You can’t make him spiritually whole. That is something he has to do on his own, and be willing to do. If that is not what he desires or wants, then why do you want to go back to that? How will that fulfill you, or be nourishing to you. And, let’s think about this: What makes you think he wants to be with you? You put him out. You said you put him through a lot during your relationship. If your relationship was filled with drama, stress, and both of you were unhappy, then why go back for a repeat of this? You folks won’t leave well enough alone. You crave drama. You need it to survive and live. If you don’t have drama in your lives, and relationships then you feel incomplete. Also, why do you want to be with someone who resents you, and feels betrayed by you? Does that make any type of sense? Trying to get him back will only bring back the resentment and betrayal he feels. He will bring that back into the relationship with you. Girl, let him go and move on. If you feel you made a mistake, but the relationship was not what you wanted, and he was not the man you desired or needed, then just realize it for what it was, learn from it, and move on with your life. He is happily involved with someone else, and in love. Why interrupt his happiness, and what he has going for him because you feel you made a mistake. People, people, people if you don’t know anything else, please know that you learn from mistakes. You grow from them. You take the experience and become better. And, you try not to make the same mistake again. You don’t keep repeating them. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result or outcome is called crazy. Leave well enough, be happy that he is happy, and work on your relationship with him as a father and co-parent to your child. There is a reason why he is an ex, and a reason why you ended the relationship. Why repeat the past? Life is about moving forward, growing, and learning. Continue to work on you, build yourself, stay connected to your spiritual source, and continue to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Stay firm in your beliefs and desires. Your man will come along, and you will connect with someone who has the same vision, dreams, and hopes that you do. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I’ve been married to my husband for 4 and a half years, and we have to kids. My problem is that my husband and his sister are obsessed with each other so much so that I want to leave him because he allows her to act like his wife and she does things I don’t approve of. She’s always been jealous of me because I have a family and she doesn’t. She would always say ugly things about me and be sarcastic toward me. But, most of the time I ignore it because I feel it’s childish and I respect my husband too much, but he turns a blind eye. She does things like answer questions when I’m asking him a question. Or, she mingles in when we are having a private conversation that does not require her input. She even tries to play mother to my kids sometimes. She plays mind games with him by saying things like he doesn’t have time for her now that his married. There’s never a time that we go anywhere without her. She has to act like wifey to make people think that. I asked my husband for some time alone with him, but he said “Never gonna happen.” He speaks about all of our business to her and she makes sure that she let’s me know about it. He talks a lot about her. He pushes me away from him when she walks in the room. And, I can’t decide if it’s just out of respect or what. He is also at fault many times, but I try to understand that they have no parents and their family abandoned them. He’s not treating me too well and he always cuts me off when I want to explain my side. I’m always wrong in his eyes. But, what is driving me too the divorce is the fact that I made an effort to take him out to be alone, and he had to invite her to where we were without telling me. So, I got upset because I think I realized that he will never be the husband I need him to be because I feel he doesn’t contribute to our marriage. He just told me that he has had enough and to leave. So, I feel like doing just that. He won’t talk about his feelings or show me any affection, so I’m guessing he doesn’t love me. I’m also very worried about how my kids will deal with this. Please help. – My Husband And His Sister Dear Ms. My Husband And His Sister , Uhm, are you sure it’s his sister?!? Hello! Chile, by the way they are acting he and her both need the side eye with the lips pursed and the stank look. Ma’am, you’re better than me because I would have snatched her up and got her right together! And, in that order! Something isn’t right with this relationship, and I agree that they are a little too close for comfort. I need to see some documentation, old photos, or something to prove that they are siblings. What the hell type of incestuous relationship they got going on?!? Girl, is this woman sleeping in the same bed with y’all? I’m just asking. Ain’t no way in hell a woman should be that damn close to her brother. Sister or not, she needs to stay in her lane, and out of your marriage. But, I’m guessing that because they have no parents, and their family has abandoned them, that they’ve developed a bond in which they are totally reliant upon one another, and they both fear abandonment. Thus, they cling to one another in fear of losing one another. They’ve had no one else but each other, so unfortunately they have made each other dependent on one another. They have developed the mentality, “It’s us against the world. And, no one is going to keep us away from one another.” And, also, since they have no parents, and no other family members, she has become his surrogate mother. She has taken on the role of his mother, and may feel the need to be protective of him, which comes across as overbearing, overprotective, and incestuous. So, married or not, he is not going to let his sister go. She is his rock, and his shelter. She is his voice of reason, and go to person for times of trouble. And, vise versa he is those things for her. Remember, they’ve always been dependent on one another before you came into the picture. I’m certain they told one another that no matter what happens or what’s going on that they will never let anyone come into their lives and replace the other. And, that includes you. I’m surprised that he got married, and was able to have a family. This woman sounds like the type who will try to have your children sucking on her tit trying to breast feed them, and cutting you out of the pictures of their photo album and replacing her face with yours. Watch that woman! But, the more important factor about all of this is the fact that when you asked your husband for some time alone he told you, “Never gonna happen.” That right there should have been your clue to exit stage left. But, what’s more disturbing is that he pushes you away from him when she enters the room. The hell!!??!! So, he can’t show you any affection in front of her? Uhm, that is bizarre and weird. Hell, the next time he does it just reach down and grab his d**k and look her in her face and yell, “This is mine! It belongs to me.” LMBAO! Honestly, I’m rationalizing the reason he pushes you away from him is that it could because she may feel a certain type of way, or he may feel a way about it. It may be uncomforting, and/or he may feel ashamed by showing affection to another woman. But, nonetheless, you are his wife, and for him to push you away only shows his disregard, and disrespect of you. If he can’t respect and honor you in front of her, then he will never respect and honor you. GET OUT! And, look here, if he is choosing his sister over you, telling her all your business, inviting her on your date nights without your consent, and he’s not willing to communicate with you, has stopped showing you affection and love, and he has told you that he’s had enough and for you to leave, then, ma’am, it’s time to leave! Hell, I’ll be damned if I’m in a relationship with someone, and married to them, and they are always choosing their sibling over me. This is when you step in and say, “Look here, I know you both are special to one another, and y’all are family and everything, but, err, uhm, this –ish is going to cease with you telling them all of our business, and you can’t show me any affection and love because they will get jealous. And, I’ll be damned if you’re going to invite them on our date night without my consent. So, if you and your sibling need that much time together, then I’ll make this easy for the both of you. You can both have each other. I’m throwing up the deuces, and I’m taking your a** for everything. The house, the car, and all your damn money.” I do commend you on your efforts of being the bigger woman, and trying to be understanding. You’ve gone to your husband with your concerns. You’ve expressed how you feel, and you’ve gone above and beyond by being respectful to his sister, and not engaging her in her little childish antics. Yet, he doesn’t acknowledge, or see anything wrong with their relationship. And, she isn’t grown enough, or woman enough to know her place and position in this situation, so, therefore you have to make an adult decision, and re-evaluate the past four and a half years and ask yourself do you want to spend the next four, ten, or fifteen years dealing with this. Do you want to have to fight for your husband’s affection and love? Are you willing to put up with him always choosing her over you? Are you willing to share your husband with another woman, and who will always have his heart, mind, and soul? The bond between them is one you will never be able to develop between you and he because he has already decided that his sister means more to him than anything. It’s time to create an action plan, and get to moving. Ask your husband if he wants to seek counseling, therapy, or a marriage counselor to get to the root and issue of his relationship with his sister, and how it is affecting your marriage. If he doesn’t want to take you up on your offer, then it’s time to consult a lawyer, and figure out how you want to handle child support, and custody. He’s told you to leave, and he’s had enough. If he’s fed up and has told you to leave, then he has checked out of the marriage. He doesn’t want to save it. You’re going to have to pull it together emotionally and mentally. Be strong, and know it has nothing to do with you. You’ve done all you could. You’ve worked hard, and gave all your love. Now, it’s time to love you, and your children enough to walk away and save yourself. He and his sister have a bizarre and unusual relationship, and they both need serious help. And, unfortunately it has come at the detriment of your marriage. Good luck! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I have been with my man for 2 ½ years now, and I am 9 months pregnant with both of our first child. I am 22-years old and he is 23-years old. When I found out I was pregnant we decided to relocate from Tennessee to Kansas to better provide for the baby. However, a combination of bad luck and bad choices had us living in a car until I was 8 months pregnant. I’ve truly been through hell and back with this man by my side. He had no motivation to work and what money he came up with he spent on drugs. I consistently worked throughout the pregnancy, but we could never get on our feet on my minimum wage paychecks. He’s repeatedly tried to cheat. He’s sneaky, disrespectful and lies. He talks bad about me, and he puts his friends and drugs above me. He doesn’t even stick up for me or the baby in front of his family. He has been in and out of jail in Kansas for domestic violence against me. As cliché as this sounds, I stayed because I truly love him and thought we’d work through it. I believe the drugs turned him into a monster and the pregnancy hormones turned me into a bish. His only redeeming quality as a father is during the last weeks I was with him he was staying off the drugs, paying more attention to me and the baby, and overall trying to be a good provider. As my due date crept closer we were literally on the streets and I decided I would not be homeless with a baby for any reason. I decided to go back home to Tennessee. Conditions of his costly 1year probation included he could not leave the state and a strict no-contact order between me and him, so we decided the best thing would be for him to accept a shorter 4 month jail sentence and get it over with. Therefore, he will miss the birth next week and the first months of her life. The problem is before I left Kansas we made a plan. He was supposed to get out of jail and come to Tennessee to be with us. I am supposed to start college in January 2014 and he was going to work and watch the baby to cut back on child care costs. I already bought his bus ticket and have a place for us to stay. So, imagine my surprise when I talked to him on the phone and he’s decided he wants to stay in Kansas after he gets out and work with some of the guys he’s met in jail, no matter the fact that he’ll be homeless when he is released. At first he said he would come to Tennessee after he could get a car, but then decided he wants to get an apartment up there and send for us. Who knows how long that would take, but more importantly what type of man voluntarily misses out on time with his first baby like that? Plus, he knows my campus is in my hometown, so I can’t just move away like that. I’ve asked him to at least visit his child with the bus ticket, and he’s being shady about giving me an answer. A part of me feels selfish because I refuse to leave Tennessee where I have support and school. So, why should I hold him back from being in Kansas and getting his life on track? On the other side, I’m mad that I can take care of my business with a baby to raise, but he gets to stay up there and do it without her. What solution is there? I know he can’t cope with the physical part of long-distance, so I just want to end it. Honestly, I would die if my daughter were to date a guy like this. So my question is of loyalty. Is it wrong to leave him while he’s in jail? Should I continue to stay by his side during his incarceration and tell him when he’s free? I am the only one who is still here for him or will have any kind of contact with him. I pay for the phone calls, put money on his books and send mail. I’ve been loyal to this man the whole 2 ½ years and wanted to marry him one day. Now I’m a single parent and ready to move on. – He Says One Thing But Does Another Dear Ms. He Says One Thing But Does Another , I don’t know what the issue is. You’ve already decided what you’re going to do. So, just leave him. Why prolong this and draw it out? And, why in the hell would you stay by his side while he is incarcerated and tell him when he’s free? Get the –ish over with today and be done with him. He’s made his choice and decided on what he’s going to do, so why are you trying to be a ride or die chick, holding him down while he is incarcerated, and sending him money to put on his books and accepting his phone calls? I swear the hood –ish will never get old. Your man of two and half years has decided he is going to stay in Kansas, where he has done nothing but get into trouble, and now has a record because of his antics, has no home, no car, no job, and no means to make an income. And, you’ve offered him a bus ticket home, a place to stay, support to get back on his feet, and a chance for him to be with his child. Yet, he chose Kansas. I don’t understand some of the decisions and choices folks make when, especially dumba** choices that will jeopardize their livelihood, and well-being, but they are so stuck on stupid and can’t make rational choices because of their inept mental and emotional well-being. SMDH! Let’s look at the facts ma’am. 1.) Your man has a drug problem. There is nothing you can do for him. And, you do not want that type of person around your child, and to be left alone with your child. What happens when you’re at school and he comes across some money and he needs his drug fix, so in his impaired judgment he leaves the child alone to “run up the street for a minute,” to get his drugs? Then what? You can lose your child to Child Protective Services because your drug addict boyfriend can’t make rational choices due to his drug use. That is not a healthy environment to bring up a child in, nor is it a conducive environment to leave your child alone with a drug addict, despite him being the father. 2.) You worked, he did not, does not, and probably never will. You got a place to live for your family, and he’s coming to live with him, however, he still won’t have a job, no money, and no way to provide for you and the child. You want to be a responsible parent, and he wants to stay in Kansas and play. He’s sneaky, lies, talks bad about you, and repeatedly tries to cheat. And, you want to stay with him because……? (I’ll wait while you ponder this) 3.) And, he’s not a good father, so stop lying to yourself and to anyone who will listen. This man had you, pregnant in another state, with no place to live, and you were homeless. How is that a good provider? How is he taking care of you and his child, and preparing to be a good father if you’re struggling, dealing with his new prison record which will further make him unable to get a job because of his record? Please explain to me how a man who will decide to leave his girl and child to go and work with some men he met in jail. Really! Really? He’s going to work with some men he met in jail? Bwahahahahahahaha! Girl, stop! 4.) The man has assaulted you while you were pregnant, and has been in and out jail for domestic violence. Sigh! You women won’t stop chasing these silly a** little boys, and babying them and nurturing them like you’re their mothers, despite the physical abuse. The man has put hands on you. There is no reason, no need, and no redeeming factor to stay with a man who puts their hands on you. If he does it now, he will continue to do it. And, if you stay then just know that he will eventually do more physical harm to you, and we’ll be hearing about you on the news. And, your child will grow up parentless. So, stop taking his phone calls and running up your phone bill. Stop sending him money, and stop writing him. As a matter of fact write him off! End this tumultuous relationship and get yourself together. Go back to school, lean on your support system to help you with your child, and empower yourself. You’re young and have the entire world ahead of you. Dream bigger for you and your child. You can do anything you put your mind to, and you don’t need someone bringing you down and wearing you down in the process. You are not his mother, his provider, or his wife. Stop trying to make him do better, and be the man you want him to be. He is not going to change. As you build yourself, grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually you will look back at him and the experience and see it as a stepping stone and blessing to where you’re going. Use your experience with him as a way to look back and tell yourself that you will never get back into that situation ever again, or even date a man like him ever again! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , I have been dealing with this guy that I met about two years ago. He was my manager at my job. We began dating (which was against policy) and fast forward a few months and I’m pregnant. He was a pretty decent guy. That’s when things started to change. He started to go missing on several different occasions for days at a time. I quit my job because I got pregnant and found a new job. He told me to take it because I made more money even though it was far out and I don’t drive. He ended up going back on his promise to make sure I got to work so I had to quit. I couldn’t stand the two-hour bus ride in the heat every day. I was out of a job, pregnant, lacking the knowledge of my boyfriend’s whereabouts and not to mention extremely emotional. I was six months pregnant walking up and down the street looking for him. I didn’t want anything but to be held. Calling his phone all hours to see if he would answer. Dealing with his baby mamma drama that he couldn’t seem to get under control. All I wanted was for him to be with me and love me as much as I loved him. And for him to just acknowledge the fact that I was pregnant and excited about that he should be too. I go to his apartment and seen his other baby mother’s car out front and got the idea. When I would confront him he would basically act like he didn’t know anything. Fast forward and I’m in the hospital. After I just had my baby I’m wondering if the drama with his baby mother is still going on. They’re texting in the middle of the night while we’re at the hospital. He’s leaving the hospital to go talk to her. Blah. Blah. Blah. I felt alone. This man broke my heart. I loved him. But he didn’t love me. Fast forward to now. My son is six months. His dad wants to always be around me. Twenty-four seven. He wants a relationship. Do everything for me. Take vacations. Buy me things. But I don’t want any of it. He put me through so much pain. He is as sweet as he could be now. Crying telling me how he has changed. Blah. Blah. Blah. I feel bad for him sometimes, but then I think, why should I? I gave him my whole heart and he didn’t want it. So, now I’m taking my -ish back. But why do I feel so bad? I just want to let him go and all the pain he has caused me. All the nights I sat up crying over him are all a thing of the past. The love I have for him is gone. But, he just won’t let me let him go. Everyone criticizes me for not wanting to be with him now. Even my own mother. Saying things like, ‘You’re going to need him one day.” But, in my mind I’m thinking, why? When I needed him he wasn’t there so just because he cares now, I should too? So my question for you is, am I right for not caring? For wanting to date other men? For wanting my own happiness that doesn’t involve him? I’m tired of the lies, hurt, and baby mama drama. I just want to be free. – Wanting Happiness Dear Ms. Wanting Happiness , Ma’am, I’m truly sorry for the pain, agony, and hurt you endured with this man who led you to believe one thing and did another. He basically left you pregnant, walking the streets looking for him, encouraging you to leave the job for one that is further out, but did not help you with transportation and you had to quit. Then, on top of all this he filled your head with lies, and he was untrustworthy. He continued an ongoing relationship with his other baby momma, and while you’re in the hospital giving birth to his child, he is texting and calling his other baby momma. WOW! He is trifling, low-down, and a scum bag of a human. So, no, you don’t owe him anything. You don’t have to do anything but go to court and have him put on child support and make sure he is actively involved with his child’s life. You don’t have to engage with him other than making sure he abides by the visitation you set up with him about his child, and being an active father-figure to his child. It’s unfortunate you don’t have support from family and friends. They want you to continue to endure the drama and stress not knowing all the drama and stress he put you through. Just because he’s recently coming back around and saying he’s sorry, and that he’s changed, and bringing gifts and wants to be a family. Don’t let your family and friends bully you into going back into an unhealthy and unwanted relationship that you know is no good for you. They only see what’s happening on the outside. They did not endure or experience what he put you through. So, don’t fall for the, “Girl, he is a good man. He wants you. He’s apologizing. And, you’re going to need him one day.” Uhm, actually, you are the good woman, and he needs you because his other baby momma put his a** out and doesn’t want anything to do with him. That’s the real tea! He has nowhere else to go, so he is going to turn to the one place and the one person who wanted him. That’s you! He doesn’t realize the collateral damage he did when he put you through all that bull-ish. He thinks he can just show up and say, “I’m sorry. I want you and need you.” And, you will welcome him with open arms. No ma’am! Not tuhday! Girl, that will last all of about a good month and he will back to doing his old antics and his old behaviors. Trust! Don’t go back and don’t look back. Continue moving forward. Remember this one thing, never make someone a priority in your life when you are an option in theirs. Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s doormat. You’re too good for that. And, your emotions and feelings matter. They are not disposable or arbitrary. So, all that he’s done to you shows you the type of person he is. And, as you’re moving forward keep this in the forefront of your thoughts: Are you supposed to forget what he did, how he made you feel, and the days and nights he disappeared. Are you supposed to forget walking in the heat pregnant looking for him. You are supposed to forget taking the two-hour bus ride to a job he said he would provide you with transportation. Are you supposed to forget his baby momma staying at his apartment when you went looking for him and discovered her car. Are you supposed to forget he was texting and calling his baby momma while in you were in the hospital, and right after you gave birth to his child. Are you supposed to forget the heartache, the pain, the emotional, mental, and physical stress you caused you. So, continue to move forward without him. Replenish yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. You went above and beyond for a man who did not go above and beyond for you. It’s time to focus on you and your child. Go back to school, empower yourself, and surround yourself with positive affirming people who will continue to encourage and uplift you. You don’t need anyone or anybody in your life dragging you down, making you feel guilty, or not encouraging and supporting you. Get rid of the excess baggage. Then, put him on child support through the courts. Set a visitation plan, and let him know that the only communication you wish to engage in are around your child. Do not call about your private life, getting back together, and hearing how sorry he is or any of apologies. You get it, he’s sorry. Literally. Forgive him and thank him for the valuable lesson he taught you, and you’re going to use the lesson to do better, be better, and stay better. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , So, I met a guy online. We’ve been “talking” for a month now. We’ve been on two dates and have seen each other casually at his job and at my house a few more times. I thought he was becoming my boyfriend. So, one morning after a “juicing” date at my place, he worked out some sore muscles of mine with a great back massage. I thanked him with a BJ! It just happened! I didn’t plan for it to. Things got a little weird and distant that day. I thought maybe he was tired from his 24-hour shift at work. When we texted one another that’s what he said, “I’ve been sleeping…” Curiosity caused me to go back to our meeting place…online. And, who do I see “ONLINE NOW” plain as day? Boyfriend! Now we never established titles, but I certainly thought I was feeling those vibes. Where did I go wrong? – Sick And Tired Of Screwing Up Dear Ms. Sick And Tired Of Screwing Up , Uhm, ma’am, your first mistake was assuming he was your boyfriend after only a month of meeting him online. Next, you never established these titles of boyfriend and girlfriend, so why would you assume he was your boyfriend? Then, because you had some “vibes” of thinking the relationship was headed toward you and he becoming an item, you assumed he was feeling what you were feeling and you dropped down and decided to reciprocate his back massage with a BJ. Uhm, hmmm, he gives you a back massage and you turn around and give him a BJ? I don’t think that is appropriate reciprocity. But, that’s just me! Ole’ fast a**! Unless he went down on you, then why would you go down on him? Look, I tell you folks about meeting folks online and not clearly establishing any boundaries before you hook-up. You had two dates and have seen each other casually at his job and at your house a few times. So, here is the problem I have with this scenario. Why do you women bring these men back to your homes? Do any of these men have a place/home of their own? Why does most of the letters always include the men going to the woman’s house? If these men do not have a place of their own, then I would be concerned about his residency and why he is either living at home, or wherever he is living. Because nine times out of ten, if the situation moves forward guess what happens? The man moves in with the woman. How about this, how about inquiring that if he has a job then why doesn’t he have his own place? He can afford to live on his own, so why isn’t he living and paying his own way? I’m just inquiring and curious. If he is not living on his own, then in the back of your mind you should be wondering if he uses women, does he always shack up with women, and how is his credit? HELLO!!!! Next, what is “juicing” dates, and how does it lead to him working out sore muscles with a massage? I’m assuming you came from the gym and you decided to go back to your home and juice some vegetables and fruit. But, look here, sweetie, a juicing date could have been getting a juice drink at the gym, or Jamba Juice, Smoothie King, Trader Joe’s, or some Farmer’s Market in your area. Stop bringing these men to your home for “juicing” dates. Chile, the tee-hee-hee-hee-hee is that you got more juice that morning when you decided to give him a BJ after he gave you a back massage. I hope the protein was worth it. LMBAO! So, then you get suspicious after slurping his protein shake from his nut sac, and when you heard from him 24 hours later he said, “He was sleeping.” You go to the very place you met him, ONLINE, and discover that he is ONLINE looking for another hook-up. Welp, what more do you need to verify he was not interested in establishing you as his girlfriend, or having a serious relationship with you? He just wants a hook-up and nothing more. He just wants to get his “juicing” on with women and you were more than eager to please. You’ve known him for a month, and whatever bull-ish he told you, or whatever you heard to fool yourself into believing he was interested in a relationship, then you should have verified it all in a conversation. Before you dropped down and slurped from his nut sac, you should have established the relationship, where it was going, what he wanted and what he was looking for. And, you should have been clear about what you wanted and what you were looking for. There should have been a meeting of the minds and establishing that you both were on the same page, and not assuming, or having “vibes.” SMDH! And, if you were so eager to give him a BJ after he gave you a massage, he probably assumed that you met men online and did the same thing with them. If you were so eager to put his man meat in your mouth and slurp him up, then he probably felt you did this to other men. This sexual act is telling to a lot of men, and especially if you’ve never had sexual intercourse and you’re already giving out BJs. For some men it’s a quickie, and way to show power over women. Also, for some men, a woman who is quick and fast to give a BJ and there has been no intimacy such as kissing, or sexual intercourse between you, then he assumes you may a freak or hoe. And, he doesn’t consider you girlfriend material. He can just come over and whip out his dong and you drop down and pleasure him. This is a lesson learned. Stop bringing men to your home that you met online. Stop assuming or going off “vibes” if you have not had conversations with a man about where the relationship is going, or if you are on the same page. And, lastly, don’t give out BJs unless he has gone down on you. Quick being so over anxious and eager to please a man, and he is not working hard to please you. Chile, you didn’t get any flowers, candy, dinners, bags, more massages, or him whispering in your ear or sending notes saying, “You’re special and I really want to be with you. You turn me on, and I see myself with you. Spending my life with you. You are beautiful, intelligent, and you stimulate me in more ways than one.” Girl, you gave him a BJ and he was back online within 24 hours looking for another hook up. STOP THE MADNESS! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
Breaking Sports Video
