Tag Archives: media

How Kooky Is Mrs. Randy Quaid? Get a Load of This…

Maybe Evi Quaid was just getting into the spirit of awards season. Maybe she has a bananas reputation to uphold and she didn’t want to disappoint the media. (Mission accomplished, Evi!) Maybe…

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How Kooky Is Mrs. Randy Quaid? Get a Load of This…

Jessica Simpson Talks To Oprah About John Mayer, Weight Issues

‘My phone is ringing off the hook,’ she says of the aftermath of Mayer’s Playboy interview. By Jocelyn Vena Jessica Simpson on “Oprah” on March 3 Photo: HARPO When Jessica Simpson sat down with Oprah Winfrey on her talk show Wednesday (March 3), she addressed everything from criticism about her weight to her relationship with John Mayer to her new VH1 show, “The Price of Beauty.” “I’m doing very good,” she told Oprah, who she last sat down with five years ago, adding that the criticism she faces in the tabloids is always with her. “I can’t say that I’ve allowed myself to ignore it, because it’s everywhere. Those voices are inside my head, sometimes when I fall asleep.” As for Mayer and his comments in Playboy, in which he referred to his ex as “crack cocaine” and “sexual napalm,” Simpson said, “I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m — well, I’m a little bit angry. … I’m a little bit angry. Um … well, I don’t want people to know how I am in bed. I guess it could have been a lot worse. … My phone is ringing off the hook, I have to say.” While Mayer’s comments left her feeling “betrayed,” she said it was more difficult when people started saying that she had gained weight, noting that the “mom jeans” photo taken while she was performing was her lowest point. “People [were] talking about my weight for an entire year,” she said. “It’s like people just couldn’t stop talking about my weight fluctuating. “It would bother any woman, I would think,” she added. “I had to get to a place where I had to guard myself. The fact that I was famous last year for gaining 10 pounds, it’s ridiculous, and it’s really sad.” Although she doesn’t feel it’s fair that she’s received so much negative attention, she does say she “opened myself up to the world of judgment and of people’s opinions” after her reality show “Newlyweds” with ex-husband Nick Lachey. “The sad part about it is, when everything came out, I didn’t want to say anything about the weight, because I felt guilty,” she said. “I felt like if people look at me and maybe they’re a size bigger and they think they’re fat because of what the media says, I didn’t want to feed into it. I didn’t want to let people know it was affecting me.” Now, however, she said she loves her curves and is ready to expose the world’s ideas of beauty on her new reality show, “The Price of Beauty,” set for a March 15 debut. “I’m interested in learning more about myself and what I value in myself and letting that be the beautiful part of me, rather than putting on the makeup or wearing the right designer,” she said. “It really is about the heart of a woman that makes her beautiful.” Calling the pressure from the media to be thin “disgusting,” she said that’s why she decided to make the show. She added that her strength comes from her family. “I have an incredible family. They are my backbone,” she said. “And then I have my best friends that I surround myself with. I just try to journal and try to discover how I can fight this on my own, as well. “Nobody else can [define] beauty but myself,” she continued. “Nobody’s words, nobody’s compliments, nobody’s love, none of that. … It’s all what I have within myself. Every day will continue to be a journey. Every day, we’ll find something new out about ourselves that is authentic and is unique, but I really just finally relaxed. I don’t care what people have to say about my weight. I really don’t, because I think I look great.” Related Photos A Look Back: John Mayer And Jessica Simpson Related Artists Jessica Simpson

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Jessica Simpson Talks To Oprah About John Mayer, Weight Issues

Levi Johnston and Kathy Griffin back together again!

Griffin is going to film some reality TV with Levi while she is up here to perform her comedy act at the Atwood Concert Hall, on March 5 . Sources confirmed she arrived with her film crew just last night. I do not know if this is for her show ” My Life on the D-List ” or for some other reality show, but I do know that they are scouting locations in both Anchorage and Wasilla. Perhaps some of my Alaskan visitors can keep an eye out and let me know if they spot the couple in and around Anchorage or Wasilla. However if you do, please be respectful and don’t do anything to disrupt the filming. I particularly worry about Levi in Wasilla as I have heard that there are still some Palin-bots who are pissed at him. In fact I recently learned that whenever his mother Sherry goes to the store in Wasilla, which the terms of her house arrest allow to do, that various people will call and report her to her parole officer in an attempt to get her thrown back into jail. Can you believe these people? By the way, speaking of “these people”, apparently things in the Palin compound are not as super duper wonderful as Sarah has described it to the media. (Shocked? Yeah me too!) In fact apparently the brood is currently at least one Palin short. Yep, eldest daughter, and abstinence “after the fact” spokeswoman, Bristol has made a break for it and now has a place in Anchorage. At least one source reported that she purchased the place, but I am not sure if that is correct or whether she is simply renting a condo. If Bristol is going to school here in town this makes sense, though I do wonder who is watching Tripp during the day without Sarah’s entourage around to take up the slack. Levi is not living in town currently but I have little doubt he would drop everything and drive in to take care of his boy. And since we are on the subject of the Palin tribe in Anchorage, I have also heard a rumor that Track was staying in town around December/January and that he was seen by more than one person flashing large amounts of cash. Interesting no? Silly me I was not under the impression that a Private in the Army made that much scratch. It looks like Momma-bear is being quite generous with her wealth. Perhaps making sure her kids have enough money to resist any offers by the tabloids to tell a few unsavory tales?

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Levi Johnston and Kathy Griffin back together again!

Jackson Family Downplays Blanket Stun Gun Incident

A lawyer for Katherine Jackson is electrocuting reports that Jermaine Jackson’s 13-year-old son, Jaafar, allegedly tried to harm Michael Jackson’s youngest kid. The L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services visited the Jacksons home amid rumors that Jaafar ordered a stun gun online to taser Blanket . But the family insists it was all overblown. “Blanket Jackson never saw or heard the stun gun,” says attorney Adam Streisand in a statement released to the media last night. “Neither did Paris Jackson .” “Prince (Michael’s oldest son, not to be confused with Blanket, who is also Prince) saw the stun gun in the possession of security. There is no second stun gun.” BLANKET STATEMENT : The Jacksons deny he was in danger . A rep for the DCFS declined to comment at this time. Streisand says Jaafar, who lives with mother Alejandra at the home, ordered a stun gun online two weeks ago and opened the package alone in his bathroom. “Mrs. Jackson and security heard the sound coming from the second floor,” the lawyer says. “Immediately, security went upstairs and confiscated the stun gun.” “Mrs. Jackson took control over it and then had it removed from the house. There was no other incident. All of the kids are happy, healthy and wonderful.” “That is always Mrs. Jackson’s only objective and concern.” We can only hope that’s true … and Jafaar is grounded.

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Jackson Family Downplays Blanket Stun Gun Incident

How Many Men Has Megan Fox Slept With?

She may pose for sexy photos – really sexy photos, ridiculously sexy photos – but that doesn’t mean Megan Fox will just give her precious flower to anyone. In an interview with the UK edition of Harpers Bazaar , the actress admitted that “I’ve only been with two men my entire life.” Those incredibly lucky guys? “My childhood sweetheart and Brian [Austin Green]. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand,” she said. So, what does Fox spend her time doing if she’s not partying or sleeping around? The beauty says her life revolves around Green’s his seven-year-old son Kassius. “I am a stepmother to the fullest extent,” she said. “I have looked after Kassius since he was three and he has no memory of life without me. For some reason, no one wants to look at me that way.” For some reason? Sorry, Megan. But when you pose like this , must you really question why motherhood is not the first thing on the minds of men? In the interview, to Fox’s credit, she does acknowledge the role she’s played in creating the image of a sex symbol above all else. She says: “My biggest regret is that I’ve assisted the media in making me into a cartoon character. I don’t regret what has happened to me, but I regret the way I have dealt with it.” That’s fair and mature. That’s also a troubling sign that Fox’s days of posing in lingerie may soon be over.

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How Many Men Has Megan Fox Slept With?

The Story of Mort Zuckerman, Vanity Publisher and Would-be Senator [Field Guide]

Real estate magnate and publisher Mort Zuckerman , the subject of a profile in today’s Politico , is meeting with New York Republicans as he prepares himself for a Senate run. What do we know about Citizen Mort? Personal The first hurdle facing Mort Zuckerman in his path to the United States Senate is the fact that he is a known Canadian. Zuckerman was born in Montreal, in 1937. (He did become an American citizen in 1977.) Here is a slightly charitable description of Mort’s public persona, courtesy a 1992 New York Times piece: People who have known and worked with him paint a picture of a many-sided man possessed of a genuine warmth and capacity for friendship. But even his staunchest defenders concede that his reputation for flamboyance and self-promotion always precedes him. But while fellow press-hungry would-be mogul Donald Trump was a gaudy vulgarian, Mort had pretensions of class and sophistication. As a 1993 piece in The Independent put it : “Instead of a tacky palace in Palm Beach, there is the elegant house in East Hampton; instead of Ivana, Gloria. Steinem, that is.” Yes, Mort was a swinging bachelor in those days. Gloria Steinem was his most famous squeeze, but he’d also been linked to Nora Ephron and Diane von Furstenberg and Bianca Jagger and even Arianna Huffington. He hasn’t been romantically linked to anyone of note in literally years at this point, though—probably because Page Six is no longer allowed to report on his personal life, and no one else cares to. A Senate run ought to help change that. (The reason for Page Six’s silence: Mort and Rupe negotiated a truce, aided by their shared super-publicist, Howard Rubenstein. The Post still takes potshots at The Daily Snooze , but matters of family are kept out of the columns.) Mort was married to Marla Prather from 1996 through 2001. (Yes, Zuckerman, the former chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major Jewish Organizations, married a gentile. She went through a quickie conversion to make sure his kid would be a Jew.) His daughter with Marla, Abigail, was born in 1997. Abigail suffered from childhood cancer. After her hospitalization, Zuckerman quickly became a major donor to Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. In December of 2008, the birth of Mortimer’s second daughter, Renee Esther, was announced. The identity of the mother, though, was not announced . Ben Smith: The Daily News in 2008 ran an announcement congratulating Zuckerman on the birth of a daughter but made no mention of the child’s mother, prompting head-scratching in New York media circles. Recent visitors to his apartment said a baby is often present but that it’s considered impolite to inquire about the baby’s provenance. The story as we’ve heard it is that with daughter Abigail’s history of cancer, Mort wanted to ensure that he’d have someone to leave his vast fortune to. And so, in early 2008, he paid a surrogate to carry his second child. Hence: no mom. (Smith also makes passing reference to Mort’s “unconventional personal life” in his story. While it’s true that we should be suspicious of any man who publicly “dated” Arianna Huffington, we have no reason to suspect that he’s a closet homosexual, which is what that sort of euphemism usually means. On the other hand, we really don’t know shit about his affairs since the Murdoch cease-fire, as this mysterious baby business demonstrates.) Business In the early 1960s, Harvard Law grad Mort Zuckerman went to work at Cabot, Cabot & Forbes, the ancient Boston real estate development firm. After seven years, he left to start his own company, Boston Properties, and promptly sued Cabot, Cabot and Forbes. In 1980, Zuckerman bought The Atlantic. This was the millionaire real estate developers first foray into serious media ownership. At the time, some old-fashioned types thought he was buying the arts and letters publication for its historic Boston headquarters. Hah. He was buying it for influence. Millionaires with an interest in media are really good at attracting highbrow friends: He counts as friends such journalistic heavies as Writers Richard Goodwin and Doris Kearns and New Republic Editor and Publisher Martin Peretz. The same Time story quotes someone unnamed who had worked with Mort: “He’s very bright and very insecure, and has an overwhelming need for acceptance within a certain circle of society.” As Marty Peretz knows well enough, if you don’t have good enough ideas or a nice enough style to write for The New Republic or The Atlantic professionally, just buy the damn magazines and they have to print your garbage. In real estate, the ’80s were kind to Mort. He rode the boom and his connections with the Boston establishment helped him net some big projects. But in his attempt to develop a big piece of property at the edge of Central Park, this Jewish Canadian upstart from Boston went up against the Upper East Side elite, and lost. Monetarily, though, he continued doing well, right up until The Great Recession (he’d weathered each previous downturn just fine, oddly enough). He lost $25 million of his charitable trust fund and $15 million of his personal money to Bernie Madoff. Occupancy is down at his buildings. In 2009 he ripped the name Citigroup off the Citigroup building because he was tired of seeing his building in the b-roll on the news every time there was terrible news about Citi. (The news isn’t disastrous for Boston Properties, by any means—share prices have rebounded—but the way the commercial real estate market is looking, it could certainly become disastrous, soon.) His 2009 net worth was $1.5 billion —half what it was before the recession, but still a really unimaginable amount of money. He is, according to Forbes , the 236th richest person in America. Real estate pays the bills (and buys The Daily News full-color printers), but his true love remains media. The Atlantic just whet Mort’s appetite. He soon bought U.S. News & World Report , the perpetually third-place newsweekly, and installed himself as columnist and “editor in chief.” (Yes, right, we’ll get to that.) In 1993, he bought the Daily News. The News , at the time, was bankrupt. Now—well, it loses less money than The Post. He bought Fast Company and unloaded it in 2000 at the height of the boom, for $350 million. (“I averaged out,” he said.) Since selling Fast Company and The Atlantic (in 1999), though, the media business has not been friendly to Mort. He failed in his attempts to buy New York (twice), Newsday , and BusinessWeek . He teamed up with now-convicted felon Jeffrey Epstein to fund the much-missed Radar. U.S. News & World Report now theoretically comes out monthly (we say theoretically because no one has even seen a newstand copy in years) and exists primarily as yet one more venue for Mort’s endless political columns and for its annual list of colleges. Considering that Mort has made his career on what have turned out to be the two most disastrous industries in America, he may be seeking a government post just for a steady paycheck and a rock-solid pension plan. (Which would be more than he affords his Daily News employees—Mort killed pensions a while back and stopped contributing to their 401(k)s altogether last year). Politics Depending on who’s asking and and when, Mort is either a “longtime Democrat” or a “conservative Democrat” or a “moderate Conservative.” What he actually is is basically a rich New York Republican. He described his politics as “moderate, conservative” and said he had voted for President Bush in 1988, but he had been “extremely disappointed” with his performance as President. He’s donated more cash to Democrats than Republicans, especially since purchasing the (inconsistently) liberal populist Daily News. He voted for Obama. He also voted for Bush in 2004. He had a hard-on for toppling Saddam. You can’t really summarize his politics, because, by most conventional measures, they are incoherent—and he always tailors his message to his perceived audience. Wayne Barrett does a heroic job of of detailing just how incoherent Mort is on every issue of current import. With the president both blaming and vowing to tax the banks, Zuckerman seemed to agree partly, writing that “a good number of Americans are likely to remain furious at the spectacle of the financial world doing well while so many ordinary folks lose their jobs and their savings.” But the same day that story appeared, Fox asked him what he thought of Obama’s attacks on Wall Street “salaries and bonuses” and Mort rallied to the cause: “I don’t think it’s right to demonize these people. You just don’t diminish them and beat them over the heads and shoulders for political reasons. And that’s what it’s about.” Is this inconsistent? No, of course not: it is consistently what Serious Beltway Thinkers think. Consistency in thought can also be a challenge when you’re forced to say your own words, on TV, while having a full-time ghostwriter in charge of the words in print. He’s consistent on a couple issues, though—like Israel, which can do no wrong. He’s hawkish, pro-settler, and doesn’t actually really understand the issues involved beyond “Jews good, Arabs bad.” (Which can lead to embarrassing, uncorrected errors. ) That is not an unconventional opinion in New York politics, as you may have noticed. Generally, Mort fancies himself a public intellectual. His Lexington Ave office is like a massive library. It also houses the person who writes the words credited to the famous Public Intellectual Mort Zuckerman. Mort just calls in and rambles to this ghost for a while, and Harry Evans eventually edits it into something readable. (And sometimes it ends up in Tina Brown’s Daily Beast. ) He used to be described as an insecure lightweight who bought himself a platform. Planning a run for the Senate seems to suggest that a couple decades in the bubble have taken care of the insecurities. [Photo: AP]

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The Story of Mort Zuckerman, Vanity Publisher and Would-be Senator [Field Guide]

Kidz Bop – WTF?

Sergio takes a look at Kidz Bop's most annoying remakes of popular songs for and by kids in this week's 'White Hot Top 5.' Includes versions of songs by Kevin Rudolf, Katy Perry, Gnarls Barkley, Pink, and Sean Kingston. Sergio's White Top 5 is a recurring segment on Current TV's weekly television show, infoMania. For more Sergio visit http://current.com/white-hot-top-5/ and Current TV. infoMania is a half-hour satirical news show that airs on Current TV. The show puts a comedic spin on the 24-hour chaos and information overload brought about by the constant bombardment of the media. Hosted by Conor Knighton and co-starring Brett Erlich, Sarah Haskins, Ben Hoffman, Bryan Safi and Sergio Cilli, the show airs on Thursdays at 10 pm Eastern and Pacific Times and can be found online at http://current.com/infomania/ or on Current TV. And make sure to check out our facebook profile for special features at http://infomaniafacebook.com . added by: Sergio_Cilli

A Formal Offer of Employment for John Mayer, Gawker Columnist [Offers]

On Friday evening, John Mayer publicly apologized to a gathered “at capacity” audience for the recent kerfuffle over his Playboy interview. We would like to now take this time to finally extend a formal employment offer for Mr. Mayer. Dear John – We recently got wind of your apology at Madison Square Garden (“The Garden”) on Friday, February 26, 2009, sometime in the evening, during one of your performances. You explained to the audience before you, and we quote (via the New York Daily News ): “I hate to come off like an a—hole ever, and thank you guys for believing that I am not an a—hole,” he said. “It’s a clean me now, people, clean me….Never, ever, in my entire life did I ever think that it would be a good idea to be an a—hole…But you know what? There’s plenty of a—holes who think the same thing, so I have to thank you.” The article was entitled: John Mayer attempts to rescue his shamed reputation by apologizing – again – for being an ‘a—hole’. Let us assure you, Mr. Mayer, that your reputation for what noted, established urban sociologist Robert Sylvester Kelly once established as ” Real Talk ” has been violently misconstrued; the multitude of your talents has been, in a word, steamrolled. We see them differently. Particularly, as they were intended . It was once noted: ” If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter. ” George Washington said that. And the next person to say the next thing to be quoted in our next recruitment letter can—and should—be you. Why? Because that shit was funny . But an explosive reaction ensued for various reasons, chief among them: the words weren’t entirely coming from you. There was a middleman involved. Sure, you said them. And you took responsibility for them. But you didn’t write them. And you weren’t in control of the context. Which, regardless of the words within, were notably legion . Even the writer of the interview, Rob Tannenbaum, noted: The article is long and it’s complicated. It’s 6,870 words total. Holly Robinson Peete, an actress Mayer mentioned in the interview, called it on her blog “quite possibly one of the longest interviews ever published.” Which isn’t a fact (Playboy publishes an interview of that length every month), but it is a feeling. Articles are much shorter now. So are sentences. Who has time to read 6,870 words? If you just thought to yourself, Not many people! you’re correct. Enter the blog post. Short. Concise. Or shorter and more concise than other things people don’t take time to read. If you could go back and make “Split Screen Sadness” a better song, would you? Maybe. Maybe not. But you can’t . You know what’s nice about blogging? You can . Just ask Nikki Finke . But you probably wouldn’t make that mistake. Given your record of saying things that may offend people, you’re not “batting well.” Given your record of blogging, you’re 1.000 . As previously noted, your takedown of the celebrity paparazzi paraphernalia leech-economy complex was masterful. Your call-to-action against conspicuous media consumption was, in a word, inspired , plunging one of our writers into a bout of insecure paranoia . A good columnist can do this! This all goes without mentioning that everyone thinks you already work for us anyway . Jobs in this media economy are scarce , Mr. Mayer. Your reputation and talent for producing excellent editorial web content—and demonstration of a natural ability for creative prose—can be combined for what we see as a mutually beneficial relationship: an ability for you to get your message out to a wider audience, control it, and grow creatively. With that, the Weekend Gawker Services division of Gawker Dot Com, a Gawker Media property, would like to extend a formal offer of employment for you to join us as a guest columnist. We’ll pay you our regular columnist rate, which, upon receipt notification of this agreement , we’ll discuss further. But one thing’s certain: you can stop apologizing, and start being proactive. We’re in a troubling economy, our talents, diverse as they are, should all be put to good use. For you, for readers, for America. Basically, stop being a pussy and write for us. Or at the very least, get a new publicist. For fuck’s sake. We look forward to hearing from you, and for the fruits this beautiful editorial relationship will bear. So long as they don’t involve any literal incarnations of your penis. Regards, Foster Kamer Vice President of Editorial Content – Weekend Gawker Gawker.com FK/ym DBNR CC: Remy Stern

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A Formal Offer of Employment for John Mayer, Gawker Columnist [Offers]

Julia Allison’s Birthday Party, Starring Everyone But Julia Allison [Deep Thoughts]

I couldn’t abandon ship without saying goodbye to Julia Allison . Her birthday party was last night! And I know, I know: you’re so over Julia Allison, Why do you keep posting about her? I’m tired of hearing about her! Etc. Well, you bitches wouldn’t have clicked on the post if you didn’t want to read something about her, would you? Here’s what I think of Julia Allison: she’s like fuckin’ Bloody Mary, or Tao Lin. Every time her name pops up on the site, so does she. Emails! Comments! And so on. But people who completely freak out about Julia Allison and are her creepy internet stalkerazzi? I say, everything in moderation . And I don’t view her so much as a thing or this thing or a sociological experiment or whatever. Julia Allison is a business, and the business of Julia Allison is successful, and that business of being Julia Allison is predicated upon being a walking, talking publicity agency, fighting on all fronts, where the only client is Julia Allison. And people who want to be this well-known this badly probably will be—for better or, well, otherwise —but they also inherently accept everything that comes with it. Stalkerazzi and all! That said, I don’t really understand the out-and-out hatred of Julia Allison either. As far as breathing capitalist enterprises go, her business only comes at the cost of her own relationships and your airspace—which you can manipulate to your liking at any moment—and, well, Isn’t there someone better to rage against? Like Kim Jong-Il? At least with him, raging doesn’t necessarily help his cause . And let’s say Julia Allison does something nefarious, like lies about her media freebie disclosures, or cheats on her taxes, or stiffs a cab driver. You actually give a shit? You actually have time to give a shit? Especially if you aren’t paid to do so? Hopefully not. I just found her fascinating. A lot of Gawker readers did too, because they kept clicking until she landed the cover of Wired and was hanging out at Davos and shit. Isn’t that a goddamn gas? This person was so hated, she ended up at Davos. Ha. I guess I just wouldn’t be able to trust Julia Allison, because the everyday details of her personal life and relationships are—pretty much more than anyone I can think of off-hand—inextricably linked to her financial success. That must be tough. Ha. Here’s a gallery of pictures from her birthday party. She’s not in any of them. Obviously if you were there or know who her boyfriend is, I’d love to talk to you . This all makes me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn’t advocate huffing anything, but these might be more interesting on a glue high. You know? That’s her boyfriend on the left. If you know who it is, that’d be a fun story to go out with. She’s keeping him anonymous. Here they are at a party. Party! Here’s Julia Allison acolyte Jordan Reid. I actually bet Jordan’s a decent type! Did you know she was almost on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia ? True story . Also, her husband, standing next to her, isn’t really anonymous. I think she just put the smiley face there to impersonate Julia? This entire thing is like reading hieroglyphics and I just don’t get it. Really, truly. I don’t understand much of this. If anything. Anyway, her boyfriend is this guy Kendrick Strauch who used to be in Harlem Shakes , who was a band everyone in New York had heard of, seen, or listened to, but also a band nobody could name a song by. Anyway, they broke up. Julia Allison’s Birthday Party, or Indie Rock Obscurity? Ehhhh….*Makes Scales With Hands* We’re gonna get a little place. Okay, yeah, we’re gonna get a little place and w’re gonna… We gonna…gonna have a cow, and some pigs, and we’re gonna have, maybe-maybe, a chicken. Post-op castration patients are often rehabbed with pictures of their spouses’ friends photo albums to ease them into their new roles in the world. . Dorrian’s, A Portrait . Mixed Media., 2010. Art courtesy the artist. If one of these women were to appear above my bed demanding alimony payments, I’d shit myself. And then consult the closest Dickens novel for advice. When the Mighty Morphin Sephora Rangers combine powers, it’s like Voltron , except nothing cool happens. They just drunkenly tumble to the ground and scrape their knees. Bronimal Collective. The Brosten Celtics. BroYPD: Bro York’s Finest. The Bro Team! Florence + The Brochine. Grizzly Bro. The Bro Steady. LCD Brosystem. The Bro-End Theory. Of Bros and Men. Brosserie. Brontausaurs. Keep it on the down-bro. Etc.

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Julia Allison’s Birthday Party, Starring Everyone But Julia Allison [Deep Thoughts]

All The "Sad" Young Aspiring Media Careers: The Kids Are Apparently Just Fine [Youngfolks]

Since this is my last weekend on the site until I return, begging for a job as James Del’s assistant, I’ve invited some friends to jam with me. Joe Coscarelli is a young writer with Things To Say. Joe? “These English majors wanna be some super genius novelists/ They end up music journalists/ chicks ain’t that into it,” noted Craig Finn in 1990, as the lead singer of Lifter Puller. Finn went on to front The Hold Steady; music journalists went on to write listicles. I was a child. “Touch My Stuff,” indeed. (Here, I hoped to link to a YouTube video of the song, as blogs do. As it turns out, the only version of it that exists is an acoustic cover by a round boy in a small dorm room. This means something.) No one is listening. But this version is easier to understand. Finn’s sentiment sounds outdated now in a post-David Foster Wallace era. Or at least an era in which nobody sincerely cares about Chuck Klosterman anymore. Aspiring novelists are archaic. I know this because in four years of higher education, no one ever offered to show me a manuscript, but I’ve seen more blogs than bongs. The bearded, bespectacled Pavement fans Finn was singing about are unemployed or out of touch. Or dead. No one in their early twenties wants to be a music journalist —that would be absurd. These English majors want to be some super genius bloggers. They end up unpaid interns. Aspiring to write on the internet is like aspiring to shred on Guitar Hero . The best part of both is wearing your pajamas. The worst part is the tense shoulders. This past week, online, kids like me made a push for employment. It was sad, sloppy and sweet. It was transparent, but necessary, and tangentially related to the New Niceness we heard so much about. Hamilton Nolan wrote eloquently of the media via the internet and its “currency of ‘friends,'” and he spoke of the days when “feisty young upstarts believed they could circumvent the existing calcified media power structure via the amazing unfettered internet.” My friends and I aren’t that feisty. Pebbles are easier to throw at thrones than rocks because you can grab a whole handful and they fit in 140 characters. Plus, we wouldn’t want to jeopardize any job prospect, however slight. Today, it’s kissing ass. Observe: A senior at Columbia edits a semi-popular blog; it doesn’t pay. Said senior writes a profile for The Awl ; it doesn’t pay, but it gets more comments. The piece is an employment-oriented personal ad for a talented, eager and obsessive Midwesterner, but a reader calls it a “wet kiss (with tongue) to Gawker.” The subject is seeking full-time employment from The Empire, the one you’re reading, or a similar entity. Possibly the author is too? It was suggested. Everyone involved is a total sweetheart. They need to pay their rent and they don’t have a manuscript. Elsewhere, but really in the same place, a blogger-turned-journalist blogs advice to Millenials with misguided dreams of working in media . She was vexed, you see, with a boy who graduated from an Ivy “expecting to easily find work at a magazine.” Turns out, he works for this website, too, if you can call it work, as he doesn’t receive any compensation. He is frustrated and he is frustrating: he should “forget about the ‘media internships’ and ‘high-end retail’ jobs and do something else, where he will actually make some money and gain some life experience, and that does not include starting a Tumblr.” Get off my internets! Do something. Here is what we are doing: We ‘follow’ writers we like, in multiple senses, in hopes of them, for some reason, following back. We link to posts they write, often. We tend to the shaft. We disagree with them, respectfully, in hopes of a counter-argument. In hopes of being discovered. We work for free. We blog when they instant message us, asking about our internships. We compliment how cute their kids are. We ‘like’ them, we really ‘like’ them. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his followers count. Replies are encouraging; @’s are encouraging. It is all about ego and misplaced hero worship and low expectations. And it doesn’t come with a paycheck. But it is relatively easy, and the risks are not great, assuming your parents will subsidize your rent, or the hours at your shitty day job aren’t too bad, plus the pay is pretty good. And at that internship, your boss keeps promising he’s figuring out a way to pay you soon. Maybe by the time you graduate, there will be money in the budget for a real assistant’s position, says your boss at that other internship. And in the meantime it’s the bylines and the comments and sometimes the parties. David Carr retweeted you that one time and that was pretty heartening. “It ain’t just a money thing/ It’s a question of community,” Finn sang. “The liberty, the ecstasy, the love, the drugs, the unity.” Like the internet, really. It’s pathetic when we do this to ourselves and whether it even works remains unseen. But is this even what we really want? The ones who came before us insist it’s not, and they drink a lot . [ Ed. They also do way too much blow for people their age. Truth. ] But on some minuscule level that’s like an actor rejecting fame. If I would’ve known it was going to be like this… The aspiring media kids know what I mean. To the rest of you, I want you to know that this generation isn’t doomed yet. We’re not all like this, I promise. The entitled Ivy Leaguers giving nauseating quotes to Newsweek just need something to do while their girlfriends are at med school. Plenty of my peers are doing really well on the LSAT and at investment banks, continuing in the proud tradition of fucking this country somewhere very uncomfortable. They’re just not broadcasting it, or they’re only on Facebook. They will hold down respectable jobs and make their parents proud. They will make the money and we’ll marry them. Whenever you need a break from this, stop fucking reading Gawker. Close the tab and go outside. Get off your Tumblr. Do something . Which is all to say: tomorrow I’m going to start my novel. Joe Coscarelli used to slave under the well-regarded penis of Dan “Slim Shady” Abrams as the Weekend Editor at Mediaite before being like “peace I’m out this bitch.” I also hired him to do stuff at BlackBook once. I never really edited him. I didn’t here. You can go ahead and re-tweet him, but neither one of us gives a shit. He knows you might think this is meta. It isn’t.

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All The "Sad" Young Aspiring Media Careers: The Kids Are Apparently Just Fine [Youngfolks]