Tag Archives: ocean

Big Love: A Birth and a Death

As the fourth season becomes more overstuffed than a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving turkey, I’m starting to wonder just where all this operatic muck is going to take us. Let’s dispense with the big thing first. At the very end of the episode, we found out that Alby’s conflicted boyfriend Dale had hung himself in the little loveshack apartment Alby had rented for them. He’d been outed to Bill and, I think we’re to assume, his wife by Alby’s horrid spouse, played by the always-excellent Anne Dudek. So that’s horrible. Lots of folks are talking about what a big surprise it was, but I don’t see it that way at all, really. I mean, what were you expecting? That the tortured and illicit gay love between two Mormons on a show that is pretty cruel to all of its characters would end with a happy gone-marryin’ trip to Iowa? Maybe the hanging thing was surprising in its suddenness, but I’m not shocked it ended up there. What Alby does now — to his wife, and possibly to Bill — is what I’m worried about. The rest of episode was creepy and bleak and sad as well. We got a glimpse of a seedy motel where a bunch compounders were gathered for some fabulous sealing ceremonies. Scared young women cowering and crying in hotel rooms while gross old men knitted their doom. The whole Kansas compound folks are appropriately gross and crazy, and it was especially disturbing to see Cara Lynn being stroked by some creeper with six other wives. Luckily Nicki, regressing into a teenagerdom she never had (or something — there was a crazy outfit, that’s all I know) came to the rescue, and wasn’t stopped by an oddly sedate JJ. I assume we’ll get an explanation for all of that, namely why JJ kept saying “It isn’t what it looks like,” and I’m sure his reasons aren’t terribly noble. Oh, and how masterfully creepy was Zeljko Ivanek in the scene where he “seduced” Nicki’s mom? The mumbled song and long underpants and strange blue glow… Ugh, it was all terrifying. And that was a grown woman who’d done all this before. Imagine a thirteen year old in the same situation. Or, you know, don’t, actually. Moving on. The whole Ana plotline I thought was a bit… Well, I just don’t know why they would add yet ANOTHER element to this crazily crowded season. Was Ana ever really that compelling of a character anyway? And now she has to be pregnant with Bill’s premaritally-conceived love child, giving Barb yet another thing to be angry about? Maybe they’re going to hook this story in with another one and by season’s end we’ll say “Ohhhhhh, that’s why,” but right now I’m just not seeing it. They have enough balls up in the air right now. We don’t need another big pregnant one. Perhaps the wackiest of all the wacky stories is Ben’s new-found “independence,” which involves him hanging around with his grandmother and creepy, rabbity grandfather in Mexico. You know, eating authentic Mexican shrimp cocktail in a dusty parking lot. And meeting with fat, gay exotic bird smugglers who want nothing more than to touch Ben’s hair. Oh, and said fat, gay exotic bird smuggler? Well, he just happens to be hooked up with the menacing Green clan, who popped up at the end to take Ben and his grandparents away for messing with their bird trade. The scary cross-dressing wife lady had a Luger! While a bit over-the-top, the complete insanity of Hollis Green and his brood is delightful to watch. Honestly, I don’t find much of the casino/Sissy Spacek stuff terribly engaging. Maybe because I don’t really understand what’s going on. I liked Sissy saying “There’s nothing here to scary anybody” because it was funny and Barb’s monologue about the ocean because it was melancholy, but other than that the most I can glean from the plot is that Sissy is there to help them with, like, Politics… and stuff. What I do know for sure is that Barb is slowly (or not so slowly) becoming the head of the whole gaming operation and designing ice cream bars and self-actualizing and all that, so good for her. Same is going down for Margene, who’s giving lady-positive (but not feminist!) speeches at Toastmasters meetings. Nicki is the only one not branching out, because she doesn’t know how, so I suppose that little outfit (sideways ponytail, raccoony eye makeup, scandalously short skirt) was her sad little attempt at being like the other wives. This season is sort of about woman power, but only sort of. Honestly, I don’t really know just what the heck the major theme is here. Maybe there isn’t one! Maybe there are lots of little ones. Or maybe the theme is that everything is weird and unpredictable and often times more unpleasant than pleasant. Maybe it’s about the cost of secrets, the price we pay to compartmentalize ourselves and segregate certain parts of our heart from others. Naturally Bill’s grand dream, revealed toward the very end, is to come out as polygamists and go live in a laughably big mansion situated on top of a winy hill, all together, finally smooshed into one. There was something a little Norman Bates or Addams Family about the gigantic and strangely wild Victorian, and I kind of doubt that they’ll actually end up moving in there. Would the wives really want to give up their own houses? Increasingly, it seems unlikely. But, yes. Dale is dead. What will this do for all the UEB stuff? How does Alby explain the dead guy in an empty apartment that he’s renting? Is he going to exact revenge on someone or, also possible, everyone ? We shall see! Last night, Wanda said she had “a great foreboding.” Well, so do I. I think this whole season does. Though just what that dark mass looming there on the horizon is exactly, I still don’t know.

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Big Love: A Birth and a Death

A Guided Tour of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s Future Love Den

The National Enquirer says John Edwards proposed to Rielle Hunter and is buying a $3.5M beach house. Now that we’ve found the real estate listing, a guide to the custom mahogany cabinetry (that’s yuppie for “marital bliss”) that lies ahead. The Enquirer ‘s print edition included two photos from this listing with Bald Head Island Real Estate (which is, according to its website, is the only real estate firm serving the North Carolina beach community), which is the only Bald Head property currently listed for $3.5 million. Since John will likely support Elizabeth and Rielle’s lives for the rest of his life, moving in with the one of those women who doesn’t want him castrated (perhaps the only woman in America who still likes him) makes sense. When you lose this much for a woman, you have to at least try to make it work with her. My only question is whether our “Bald Head” jokes should focus on John’s hair or his gigundo penis . Onward to the tour! If you’d like to see these images on one page, click here . 15 Cape Fear (L#1025) Trail is a 4000-ft. ocean- and riverfront mansion boasting five bedrooms, six bathrooms, a whirlpool, an elevator, intercoms (fun for the kids!), central vacuum (fun for the maid!), and a wet bar. Community amenities include a boat dock, beach club, canoe pier, tennis courts, and a golf course. Bald Head Island’s PR team describes local “homesites”: Planners and designers have established a Bald Head Island aesthetic, reminiscent of a style called the “Architecture of the American Summer,” characterized by deep roof overhangs, wide porches and traditional cedar siding. Deep roof overhangs = better shadows in which to hide from paparazzi. With floor-to-ceiling windows and a patio, the master bedroom’s abundant natural light will make shooting daytime sex tapes a dream. Cannabis-themed rug sold separately. Here we see the Great Room and its vaulted “Cathedral Ceiling,” for when you’re ready to repent for living in sin. The “Gourmet Kitchen” includes mahogany custom cabinets, granite counters, a sub-zero refrigerator, wine cooler, double ovens, and maple hardwood floors. It’s like living inside the trunk of a huge redwood tree. The cheery dining room is large enough for whenever your first wife’s kids stop hating you. The master bathroom features ceramic tiles and a gleaming white whirlpool, which Frances Quinn will stain blue with Manic Panic when she reaches her inevitable teenage rebellion. Speaking of little Quinn, here are her picks for nursery. The multi-use space is bathed with the bright light of shame. Here’s the satellite view, revealing the lucky duck neighbor with the swimming pool and how far you have to walk to get to the ocean. At least they have a nice dock… This will probably get super hot in the sun, forcing John and Rielle to race down it screaming “ooh! aah! ouch!”, pumping their knees high so as to maximize the distance between their feet and the ground, as though they are Lipizanner horses. No matter how many times you burn your feet on the dock, you will never think to bring shoes. That’s just the way it is. Let us conclude with a clip from one of the Bald Head Island PR team’s video promos . (Which are very effective. I am completely sold on their “pre-fab Martha’s Vineyard of the South” aesthetic.) The island is personified as a female who “giggles when the ocean waves tickle her shoulder.” It would seem the future Mrs. John Edwards has found paradise at last.

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A Guided Tour of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s Future Love Den

Frances Bean Cobain To Make Recording Debut

Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love’s daughter sings on Dresden Dolls members’ project, Evelyn Evelyn. By Kyle Anderson Frances Bean Cobain Photo: Getty Images It was probably only a matter of time before Frances Bean Cobain — the daughter of late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain and Hole mastermind Courtney Love — dipped her toe into the ocean of the music business

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Frances Bean Cobain To Make Recording Debut

Sarah Harding Swimsuit Pictures

Earlier today I had pictures of Girls Aloud hottie Sarah Harding almost flashing her junk getting out of a car in a little skirt.

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Sarah Harding Swimsuit Pictures

Orlando Will Not Be ‘Bloom’ing In Pirates 4

Actor Orlando Bloom has announced that he will not be returning for a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Bloom, who played the role of Will Turner in the first three swashbuckling flicks, tells MTV News: “I think Will is sort of swimming around with the fish at the bottom of the ocean. I had a great time making those movies

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Orlando Will Not Be ‘Bloom’ing In Pirates 4

Republican Savior’s Wife Starred in Half-Naked Music Video About Handjobs

We have now seen every member of Senator-elect Scott Brown ‘s family in some state of undress. Here’s wife Gail Huff in a bikini, coaxing a tube of sunscreen to metaphoric orgasm, in a music video from 1982. Digney Fignus’ ” Girl with a Curious Hand ” proves hastily-elected political upstarts are the only kind of politician worth having, in terms of embarrassing internet detritus.

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Republican Savior’s Wife Starred in Half-Naked Music Video About Handjobs

Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Are Back In Full Force

For the most part Jessica Simpson’s fluctuating weight gain/loss has been really tough on me, it’s hard to watch someone you care about let themselves go like that, I don’t know whether to give her sexy eyeballs or roll her back into the ocean. However, on this occasion I abso-f@#king love it. She must have started at the bottom and slowly squeezed her body into the tightest pair of spanks on the market for all that fatty goodness to be spilling out like this.

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Jessica Simpson’s Breasts Are Back In Full Force

Capone-N-Noreaga Are Taking Their War Report Sequel ‘Real Serious’

‘ The War Report has its own following, its own legacy,’ N.O.R.E. says of high expectations. By Shaheem Reid Capone-N-Noreaga Photo: MTV News Capone-N-Noreaga are getting back to the grimy hip-hop of their 1997 classic, The War Report, on their upcoming new album, N.O.R.E

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Capone-N-Noreaga Are Taking Their War Report Sequel ‘Real Serious’

Adam Lambert Goes on the Record

Adam Lambert may have had a few issues with ABC recently, but there’s one television network that is happy to welcome the American Idol runner-up to its headquarters: Fuse TV.

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Adam Lambert Goes on the Record

Josh Duhamel, Fergie Renew Wedding Vows

Nicole Forrester who?! One has to think that was the message Josh Duhamel was trying to send last week when he surprised his wife, Fergie, with a vow renewal ceremony. The couple, who married exactly a year ago today, wed again Wednesday, with just the two of them and a minister just outside Santa Barbara, Calif. “It was a total surprise for Fergie,” a source said

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Josh Duhamel, Fergie Renew Wedding Vows