You can’t help but laugh when reading through this collection of 19 Motherly Text Message Fails . Parents trying to be hip is simply hilarious. But it’s difficult to browse around the following gallery without feeling a twinge of sadness. Somewhere out there, some guy wanted to have virtual sex with his girlfriend… only to be turned down for Pop Tarts or Oreo Cereal. Your heart just goes out to these people. Except for the dude whose significant other replied to his attempt at sexting with the picture of a cheese grater. He should just run away screaming. Prepare to scream in laughter yourself when you click through this list of epic sext message fails: 11 Epic Sext Message Fails Open Slideshow 1. Mmm… Pop Tarts. Sometimes you’re in the mood for Pop Tarts instead of a pounding. Can you really blame a woman? View As List 1. Mmm… Pop Tarts. Sometimes you’re in the mood for Pop Tarts instead of a pounding. Can you really blame a woman? 2. Spacing Issues A little space, and a little spelling, can go a long way when trying to be seductive. 3. Emotion Fail! When swallowing goes terribly, terribly wrong. 4. Satisfy Her Craving What’s better than a Pop Tart? Oreo Cereal. 5. A Little Too Rough Some gals do like it rough. But most have their limits. 6. A Monster in Bed Some folks like Skinemax. Others? Pixar. 7. Being (Semi) Naughty A bit of PG-13 sexy talk. 8. Patriotism vs. Patootie-ism God bless America… and also this person for his sexting snafu. 9. The End of an Erection Safe to say this is one way to put a fast end to an erection. 10. Heating Things Up Come on. This kind of creativty would totally turn us on! 11. You Tell Her, Grandma! This will teach an autobot to try and sext up an old lady.
When Hollywood legend Kim Novak presented at the Academy Awards in February, the iconic actress didn’t receive quite the reaction she expected from her rare public appearance. Kim Novak Presents at Academy Awards Jokes and rumors about Novak’s plastic surgery and slurred speech were seemingly everywhere on the Internet in the days to follow the Oscars. Now, the actress is speaking out against the “bullies” and “jabs.” In a lengthy post on her Facebook page, Novak admits to receiving “fat injections” in her face in order to smooth out her skin and blames her speech difficulties on the fact that she had “taken a pill to relax.” “After the Oscars, I was bullied by the press and the public on the Internet and TV,” Novak writes. “However, I will no longer hold myself back from speaking out against bullies. We can’t let people get away with affecting our lives.” Novak claims the cruel criticism she received triggered a personal “tailspin” and she goes on to specifically call out Donald Trump who tweeted that Kim should “sue her plastic surgeon” during her presentation. The Donald ragging on other peoples appearances? We’re definitely Team Kim on this one. She may have not brought her A-game on Oscar night, but Kim is 81! At that age, we can definitely understand the desire to pop a Xanax and visit the plastic surgeon before appearing on TV in front of millions. Donald has no such excuse for that flattened tabby cat he calls a hairpiece. 25 Heinous Celebrity Plastic Surgery Fails Open Slideshow 1. Heidi Montag Boob Job! The queen of plastic surgery. It’s shocking how different Heidi Montag used to look and how badly this obsession turned out for her. View As List 1. Heidi Montag Boob Job! The queen of plastic surgery. It’s shocking how different Heidi Montag used to look and how badly this obsession turned out for her. 2. Heidi Montag Nose Job! Yup, she had the nose job done too. 3. Heidi Montag Pre-Boob Job Here’s a full-length shot before she altered her appearance forever. 4. The Princess of Plastic Surgery And this is what happened. Unreal. 5. Bristol Palin Before Plastic Surgery Well, before she reportedly had plastic surgery, anyway. You have to admit, she looks different than this now. Very different. 6. Bristol Palin After Plastic Surgery We don’t know for a fact that Bristol Palin had plastic surgery. But she looks a lot different in the face nowadays. Just saying. 7. Alexa Ray Joel Astonishingly, that’s Alexa Ray Joel on the right AND left. 8. Michael Jackson Plastic Surgery Not a lot needs to be said about this freak of nature. But come on, what a crazy dude! 9. Lindsay Lohan Plastic Surgery? Did Lindsay Lohan get plastic surgery? Look at these then-and-now pics and decide. 10. Ashley Horn Plastic Surgery Pics Ashley Horn shows off her plastic surgery to look like half-sister Lindsay Lohan. That is wrong. Just wrong. 11. Farrah Abraham Plastic Surgery Farrah Abraham’s plastic surgery is not exactly a secret. 12. Plastic Surgery Cover Did Kim Kardashian get plastic surgery? The answer to that question is obvious, according to this tabloid cover story. 13. Plastic Surgery Addicts Teen Mom stars Amber Portwood, Jenelle Evans and Maci Bookout are a bunch of plastic surgery addicts. At least according to this tabloid. 14. Jenelle Evans Before Boob Job Jenelle Evans poses in a bikini before getting a boob job. What a cute girl … is something you might think if you didn’t know her. 15. Jenelle Evans’ Boob Job Check out the results of Jenelle Evans’ boob job … according to some talented photoshop artists at least. We’re not sure if this pic is authentic … but then again neither is that rack. 16. Anna Faris Plastic Surgery Anna Faris’ lips got a little bigger between 2002 and 2008, don’t you think? Is that the only plastic surgery this actress got? 17. Justin Bieber Fan Plastic Surgery This Justin Bieber fan got plastic surgery to look like his idol. That is scary, scary stuff. 18. Nikki Cox: Bad Plastic Surgery Good grief, what the hell happened to Nikki Cox’s lips? Ick. 19. Tara Reid: The Plastic Surgery Debacle Yes, she’s pretty up front about it. Her chest is pretty up front most of the time, too. 20. Jessica Simpson Lip Injections Holy crap. Jessica Simpson has looked better. That’s as nicely as we can put it. 21. Lindsay Lohan Lips They’re not small or non-plump. Good grief lady. 22. Lara Flynn Boyle Photo Lara Flynn Boyle has had some plastic surgery it would appear. That face? Not looking so natural. 23. Vienna Girardi Nose Job Pic Yes, Vienna Girardi got a nose job. Check out the before-and-after shots of the reality star now. 24. Ashley Tisdale Nose Job Pics Ashley Tisdale has a new nose. Job well done, surgeons. Look at the High School Musical star before and after she got all hacked up. The difference is like so obvious. 25. Lisa Rinna, Husband WOW
When Hollywood legend Kim Novak presented at the Academy Awards in February, the iconic actress didn’t receive quite the reaction she expected from her rare public appearance. Kim Novak Presents at Academy Awards Jokes and rumors about Novak’s plastic surgery and slurred speech were seemingly everywhere on the Internet in the days to follow the Oscars. Now, the actress is speaking out against the “bullies” and “jabs.” In a lengthy post on her Facebook page, Novak admits to receiving “fat injections” in her face in order to smooth out her skin and blames her speech difficulties on the fact that she had “taken a pill to relax.” “After the Oscars, I was bullied by the press and the public on the Internet and TV,” Novak writes. “However, I will no longer hold myself back from speaking out against bullies. We can’t let people get away with affecting our lives.” Novak claims the cruel criticism she received triggered a personal “tailspin” and she goes on to specifically call out Donald Trump who tweeted that Kim should “sue her plastic surgeon” during her presentation. The Donald ragging on other peoples appearances? We’re definitely Team Kim on this one. She may have not brought her A-game on Oscar night, but Kim is 81! At that age, we can definitely understand the desire to pop a Xanax and visit the plastic surgeon before appearing on TV in front of millions. Donald has no such excuse for that flattened tabby cat he calls a hairpiece. 25 Heinous Celebrity Plastic Surgery Fails Open Slideshow 1. Heidi Montag Boob Job! The queen of plastic surgery. It’s shocking how different Heidi Montag used to look and how badly this obsession turned out for her. View As List 1. Heidi Montag Boob Job! The queen of plastic surgery. It’s shocking how different Heidi Montag used to look and how badly this obsession turned out for her. 2. Heidi Montag Nose Job! Yup, she had the nose job done too. 3. Heidi Montag Pre-Boob Job Here’s a full-length shot before she altered her appearance forever. 4. The Princess of Plastic Surgery And this is what happened. Unreal. 5. Bristol Palin Before Plastic Surgery Well, before she reportedly had plastic surgery, anyway. You have to admit, she looks different than this now. Very different. 6. Bristol Palin After Plastic Surgery We don’t know for a fact that Bristol Palin had plastic surgery. But she looks a lot different in the face nowadays. Just saying. 7. Alexa Ray Joel Astonishingly, that’s Alexa Ray Joel on the right AND left. 8. Michael Jackson Plastic Surgery Not a lot needs to be said about this freak of nature. But come on, what a crazy dude! 9. Lindsay Lohan Plastic Surgery? Did Lindsay Lohan get plastic surgery? Look at these then-and-now pics and decide. 10. Ashley Horn Plastic Surgery Pics Ashley Horn shows off her plastic surgery to look like half-sister Lindsay Lohan. That is wrong. Just wrong. 11. Farrah Abraham Plastic Surgery Farrah Abraham’s plastic surgery is not exactly a secret. 12. Plastic Surgery Cover Did Kim Kardashian get plastic surgery? The answer to that question is obvious, according to this tabloid cover story. 13. Plastic Surgery Addicts Teen Mom stars Amber Portwood, Jenelle Evans and Maci Bookout are a bunch of plastic surgery addicts. At least according to this tabloid. 14. Jenelle Evans Before Boob Job Jenelle Evans poses in a bikini before getting a boob job. What a cute girl … is something you might think if you didn’t know her. 15. Jenelle Evans’ Boob Job Check out the results of Jenelle Evans’ boob job … according to some talented photoshop artists at least. We’re not sure if this pic is authentic … but then again neither is that rack. 16. Anna Faris Plastic Surgery Anna Faris’ lips got a little bigger between 2002 and 2008, don’t you think? Is that the only plastic surgery this actress got? 17. Justin Bieber Fan Plastic Surgery This Justin Bieber fan got plastic surgery to look like his idol. That is scary, scary stuff. 18. Nikki Cox: Bad Plastic Surgery Good grief, what the hell happened to Nikki Cox’s lips? Ick. 19. Tara Reid: The Plastic Surgery Debacle Yes, she’s pretty up front about it. Her chest is pretty up front most of the time, too. 20. Jessica Simpson Lip Injections Holy crap. Jessica Simpson has looked better. That’s as nicely as we can put it. 21. Lindsay Lohan Lips They’re not small or non-plump. Good grief lady. 22. Lara Flynn Boyle Photo Lara Flynn Boyle has had some plastic surgery it would appear. That face? Not looking so natural. 23. Vienna Girardi Nose Job Pic Yes, Vienna Girardi got a nose job. Check out the before-and-after shots of the reality star now. 24. Ashley Tisdale Nose Job Pics Ashley Tisdale has a new nose. Job well done, surgeons. Look at the High School Musical star before and after she got all hacked up. The difference is like so obvious. 25. Lisa Rinna, Husband WOW
This plastic beyotch needs to have several seats. Human Barbie Blames Mixed Race People For Plastic Surgery Popularity Did the doctors nip and tuck her brain too? According to NY Daily News: She may be a living doll, but she doesn’t have a pretty mouth. Valeria Lukyanova, the Ukranian woman dubbed “Human Barbie” because of her multiple plastic surgeries, shared her thoughts on race and beauty in a new interview with GQ Magazine – implying that the push for plastic surgery procedures in the Western world is “because of the race-mixing.” “Ethnicities are mixing now, so there’s degeneration, and it didn’t used to be like that,” said Lukyanova, according to GQ. “Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this.” “I love the Nordic image myself,” continued Lukyanova, whose age has been reported as 38. “I have white skin; I am a Nordic type – perhaps a little Eastern Baltic, but closer to Nordic.” The conversation shocked her interviewer, GQ Russia editor Michael Idov, who dubbed his subject “a racist space alien.” ‘Human Ken Doll’ Justin Jedlica says he doesn’t ‘really get’ his counterpart, Valeria Lukyanova aka ‘Human Barbie.’ “I don’t get why people think she’s so interesting,” Jedlica said. “She has extensions. She wears stage makeup. She’s an illusionist.” Lord help her fake, racist azz. Continue reading →
I posted something on Facebook the yesterday about the instagram model lie, which I guess is the real model lie, as well as the real pig who made it onto TV via a sex tape for having a big round fake ass… It’s basically how to do before and after fitness pics, that make a girl go from a fatty to a ripped toned babe, in a matter of minutes, using shading from self tanning make-up, the right clothes, and angles… After seeing Kim Kardashian Paparazzi pics from the last few days, years, months, fucking forever, it is safe to say, every scam, lie, smoke and mirror trick in the book, from possibly not even being a selfie, but rather shot by a photographer and edited, since there is NO way this bitch looks like this… My gay lover at DLISTED POSTED THESE PICS OF HER FROM YESTERDAY It’s safe to say…not the same fucking person…other than the ass implant you can see from her front…it’s all a smoke show…kinda like everything about her… This is what Kim K’s Bikini Selfie Reminds me of…a fucking disaster. UPDATE – Apparently Kim K put on this bikini to prove she fits in her 15 year old sister’s bikini because it’s important for the world to know that fabric stretches and that her 4 fooot 11 fat ass wears the same size as her 6 foot tall sister… SOURCE
Joanna Krupa is a funny story to me. She was a low level Men’s Magazine model who grew up in Chicago or some shit, but pretended she was all war torn communist because her family escaped Poland in the 80s when she was 2… That’s not to say she wasn’t a hot low level, men’s magazine, local model who really wanted to be as famous as possible, who probably made 30k a year with her modelling, but it is to say that she realized that she needed to make a serious move at around 30, that would give her the exposure she always felt she deserved…you know she didn’t buy those fake tits to be a stripper…. So she booked Dancing with the Stars, became household, and everything fucking changed for her, taking her from no name, irrelevant girl with a sugar daddies, because sugar daddies like published models to fuck…to a reality star with sugar daddies, because that’s the whole basis of her show… But no matter how top tier her career gets with garbage TV projects…she’s always gonna be the eager little model who never was to me… Here she is in a pic for Randall Slavin, who in case you didn’t know, and you probably didn’t, shoots Victoria’s Secret.
In the event you don’t know, there’s a girl named Jen Selter who has gone viral for taking these staged fitness butt selfies on instagram… She’s got a shitty face, her butt isn’t all that good, she’s just one of those instagram people who know how to pose properly….proven by these Vanity Fair pics, where she looks below fucking average at best…and her ass, this celebrated booty…looks like shit… Now, being the most important guy on the internet, I have scoop on this girl… Her story is that she’s a very rich New Yorker, who’s dad hired a PR company to hustler her ass to the internet, generating huge fucking buzz, but what they didn’t tell you, since they are PR people, is that she’s had a lot of plastic surgery … and people I know who know her are convinced that these are just butt implants…and I’m not saying that to be a hater…but they seem to think she’s not into fitness, that she’s had her face re-done, badly, I mean I’d hate to see what she looked like before she had her face done…and that this hype is all a lie… The good news is that sure she monetizes her instagram a little, but she’ll probably never really be famous, or hosting TV, or a Kardashian with a reality show, what she does requires no talent…but then again…mainstream media is starving and they’ll take anyone they think people want to watch….so who knows…maybe she’ll be the next rapper fucking, vile human being with a sex tape that I will not only watch, but promote, because that shit will make me enough money to buy the Tesla I always wanted… All this to say, her ass isn’t even that good. You’re all crazy. I can’t believe Vanity Fair is covering this nonsense. The world is doomed. TO see the article CLICK HERE
Bruce Jenner has a new look these days. That’s as delicately as we can put it. The former Olympic champion and current reality TV patriarch visited a local convenience store near the Kardashian family compound in Calabasas, Ca., Monday. His transformation? Even more apparent than in the past couple of months … Bruce Jenner: Gaunt, Long-Haired The Keeping Up With the Kardashians star, 64, appeared gaunt but upbeat as he purchased coffee and several packs of cigarettes, reports indicate. With his shoulder-length ombre locks and reduced Adam’s apple, the Bruce Jenner sex change rumors will no doubt resurface after this outing. Such chatter has been dismissed as ridiculous, but he did have the apple shaved down, and a source says he has “has always been obsessed with his looks.” Bruce, for all his fame and fortune, has “never felt comfortable in his skin.” He’s also uncomfortable at home at times. Though currently separated from wife Kris Jenner, Bruce is still a family man who still makes time for his kids. Later in the day he was spotted filming the long-running E! reality series with stepdaughters Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian and grandson Mason Disick. Here’s hoping he’s doing well, and finds a good place in his life this year. Bruce seems like a really good guy who’s going through a lot, and the idea of unnecessary surgery as a means of addressing this life crisis is scary … 9 Photos of Bruce Jenner Looking Sort of Like a Woman Open Slideshow 1. Bruce Jenner Picture Bruce Jenner has come a long way since his days of Gold Medal winning. He looks sort of like a woman, don’t you think? View As List 1. Bruce Jenner Picture Bruce Jenner has come a long way since his days of Gold Medal winning. He looks sort of like a woman, don’t you think? 2. Bruce Jenner Goes for a Walk Bruce Jenner is a very lucky man. He no longer has to live in the same house as Kris Jenner. 3. Bruce Jenner on the Street Bruce Jenner has undergone two procedures for skin cancer. But the reality star is expected to be okay. 4. Brody and Bruce Jenner Brody Jenner hugs his dad in this photo. The two are not very close, however. 5. Bruce Jenner on Extra Bruce Jenner smiles here on the set of Extra. A month away from becoming a grandfather, he says he has met Kanye West one time. 6. Bruce Jenner Scowls Bruce Jenner reportedly wants to leave Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Can you blame him? 7. Jenner, Bruce Bruce Jenner has reportedly had his Adam’s Apple removed. Hey, man, whatever makes you happy. 8. Bruce Jenner, Long Hair Bruce Jenner exits his car in this photograph. Rumors of a sex change continue to plague the reality star. 9. Bruce Jenner Goes Shopping Yes, this really is a photo of Bruce Jenner. We understand if you thought it was a woman.
I don’t find Ashley Tisdale hot…only because she looks like her face got hit with a fucking shovel…even after the plastic surgery. But for some reason, she has the most Loyal fan base that thinks she’s this remarkable creature, despite her plastic surgery…and that confuses me. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, to which I conclude, of course there is a lot wrong with me…just like Ashley Tisdale’s face…maybe that’s why I hate her, because I see my imperfections in her imperfect overrated face… Here she is in a hipster shoot…boring.
