Tag Archives: radio

McCain challenger J.D. Hayworth just lost at least half of the Teabagger vote.

“Hey Bill, I view this entire debate as esoteric. It’s as esoteric as arguing about the eligibility of Chester Alan Arthur well over a century after he served as president,” said Hayworth, referring to the 19th-century president whose detractors would spread rumors that he was born in Canada. “Look, Barack Obama’s the 44th president of the United States. His election was certified. I believe he was born in Hawaii. I made certain statements on the air to — to provoke conversation. That’s what happens in broadcasting.” Did Hayworth just admit that he only pretended to support the birther movement to get more listeners for his radio program? You can almost hear teabagger heads exploding all over Arizona.

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McCain challenger J.D. Hayworth just lost at least half of the Teabagger vote.

Glee Live! In Concert! Tour Dates Announced

The cast of ‘Glee’ will go on seven-date trek in May. By Jocelyn Vena Jenna Ushkowitz, Chris Colfer, Kevin McHale, Amber Riley and Lea Michele on “Glee” Photo: Carin Baer/FOX Do you love “Glee”? Well, fans in Phoenix, New York, Chicago and Los Angeles will get the chance to see the cast onstage with Glee Live! In Concert! The show’s stars — including Lea Michele (Rachel), Cory Monteith (Finn), Amber Riley (Mercedes), Chris Colfer (Kurt), Mark Salling (Puck), Dianna Agron (Quinn), Jenna Ushkowitz (Tina) and Kevin McHale (Artie) — are set to sing live starting May 18 in Phoenix, before wrapping up the seven-date trek in New York at Radio City Music Hall. The stars will sing show favorites like “Don’t Stop Believin’,” “Somebody to Love,” “Jump,” “Don’t Rain on My Parade” and “Sweet Caroline.” “The response of the fans to our little show has been so immediate and so gratifying, we wanted to get out and thank them live and in person,” show creator Ryan Murphy said. “And what show lends itself more to a concert than ‘Glee’? We can’t wait to take this show on the road, and the actors couldn’t be more excited to perform live for audiences in these four cities.” Michele, who has experience on the Broadway stage, added that the concert will be the best way to end the show’s first season: “This has been such an extraordinary year for ‘Glee,’ and I can’t think of a better way to finish up the first season than performing live onstage with the cast.” The show will be back April 13, with production on season two of the show set to begin shortly after their tour wraps. “This show has changed my life in so many ways,” Monteith said. “If you had told me a year ago that I’d be performing classic-rock songs in concert theaters around the country, I would never have believed you. We are psyched!” Before the stars hit the road, they are expected to perform at the White House Easter Egg Roll on Monday, April 5. Glee Live! In Concert! tour dates, according to Fox:

Coldplay’s New Album Could Be Ready By Christmas

Producer Brian Eno calls fifth LP ‘different from anything they’ve done before.’ By James Montgomery Coldplay’s Chris Martin Photo: ChinaFotoPress/Getty Images Coldplay are aiming to have their new album in stores by Christmas, and once again, they’ve tapped Brian Eno to help them make that goal a reality. That’s according to Eno himself, who told BBC Radio’s 6 Music that he’s joined forces with the band again (he produced 2008’s Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends ) for an album that should be available just in time for the holidays. “I think it could be. It’s quite different from anything they’ve done before … so far, anyway,” Eno said. “I don’t know how it will end up being, but it’s very fresh.” As was the case with the Viva la Vida sessions (which saw the band travel throughout much of Central and South America and record in a series of Barcelona churches) and the subsequent studio time that birthed the quickie Prospekt’s March EP, Eno is shaking things up once again. This time he’s forcing Martin to work separately from his Coldplay mates and pairing up the band members at random. “I think that if you have a group of four people, that’s lots of possible combinations,” he explained. “You can have any one of them on their own, and you can have lots of couples within that four. … I think every one of those is a unique musical entity that will produce something unique. It’s not rocket science, and it’s not Svengali-ism either. It’s not some attempt to subvert the band, but just to see what other possibilities are lurking within them that might not come out within their normal working situations.” Coldplay are currently on tour in South America, but they’ve already begun work on the new album, in a brand-new London studio (which is reportedly a converted church). They’ve been chronicling the experience in a series of blog posts written by the mysterious “Roadie #42,” and it sounds very much like the sessions are going quite well. Demos are being mixed, and there’s even a tentative track listing for the new album. “Work begins brisk and early each day with minds focused intently on the job in hand,” one blog entry reads. “If a song is deemed not to be working, the root of the pain is sought out and generally identified very quickly. New approaches, slight massages or even radical amputations are approached with urgency. Co-producers Rik Simpson and Dan Green have put together a bunch of rough mixes and sequenced them together according to the ‘possible running order’ that Chris recently wrote up. … There is now a file all locked up in the depths of the building that they can huddle round and listen to from start to finish. They can judge their progress now — and then again when they get home.” A spokesperson for Coldplay could not be reached for comment by press time. Related Artists Coldplay

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Coldplay’s New Album Could Be Ready By Christmas

Lloyd Banks Says ‘Beamer, Benz Or Bentley’ Is One Of Many Hits To Come

‘I’mma rap my ass off this year. I’m still in that zone,’ G-Unit rapper says. By Shaheem Reid Lloyd Banks Photo: MTV News “Beamer, Benz or Bentley” is Lloyd Banks’ fastest rising single on radio since 2004’s “On Fire.” DJs haven’t just been playing it, they’ve been testifying on-air about how hot the record is. Banks says his Juelz Santana assisted banger came about while he was penning records for his V5 mixtape , which dropped just before New Year’s. “That was the first CD I wrote all of the material for,” Banks said about V5 . “All of the other mixtapes was just scattered-around material. ‘I’ll take those five [songs from there]. I’ll take those five.’ That momentum led to ‘Beamer, Benz or Bentley.’ “I didn’t want to just come back with a commercial record that’s gonna be worked mainstream,” he continued, explaining why he chose to do a mixtape. “The first thing [some of the fans are] gonna do is question you: ‘Where have you been?’ For some people, this is my first record back, for those that just pay attention to the radio. But for those who follow MTV.com and ThisIs50.com, they know I’ve been leaving my mark on the Internet scene for the past year.” It was Skull Gang artist John Depp (the Queens rapper, not the movie star) who brought together Juelz and Banks, who happens to be Depp’s cousin. “The Juelz feature is something that didn’t happen in [the past] because we had two of our own entities,” Banks explained. “G-Unit had a lot of our own artists we had to showcase, same with Dipset. I was doing records with Prodigy, Mobb Deep, with everybody. I didn’t have to go outside the circle. I was excited about the staff we had there. Now it’s time for change.” The resulting collaboration debuted at #76 on this week’s Billboard Hot 100. “To have ‘Beamer, Benz or Bentley’ added to Hot 97 within three or four days was incredible,” Banks said. “That was one mix-show weekend that really came at the right time. I’m so thankful, man. It goes to show as long as you keep striving for what you believe in and your goals, you can make it happen.” Banks said he did feel some of the effects of a G-Unit backlash over the past couple of years, but he thinks that’s finally over. “A lot of the backlash was due to the success of G-Unit,” Banks concluded. “People forgot about the talent we possess and just start thinking about all the business moves. … I wanted to go back to the formula. This is what you respect? You respect rappers? Well, I’mma rap my ass off this year. I’m still in that zone. ” ‘Beamer, Benz or Bentley’ is just one record. I got another smash on the way with somebody that they probably never thought I would work with,” he teased. And he and Santana recorded other material together, including a song currently slated to appear on Juelz’s upcoming mixtape The Reagan Era. Related Artists Lloyd Banks Juelz Santana

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Lloyd Banks Says ‘Beamer, Benz Or Bentley’ Is One Of Many Hits To Come

Kevin Smith Reveals Why He’s Laying Low After Airplane Drama

‘When you could have come to my aid, all you did was let me dangle,’ writer/director says of the press. By Larry Carroll, with additional reporting by Anya Zadrozny Kevin Smith Photo: Soren McCarty/ Getty Images In the entire history of the cinema, you’d have a hard time finding a filmmaker who has made himself more accessible than Kevin Smith. From his low-budget convenience-store beginnings to his current incarnation as director of the Bruce Willis comedy “Cop Out,” every move the guy has made over the last decade-and-a-half seems to have been chronicled in some sort of media report, blog, tweet, book or podcast. Which makes it all the more odd that the “Clerks” filmmaker has done very little press to promote his new movie, which opens Friday (February 26). Over the last few days, MTV News covered a “Cop Out” press junket and red-carpet premiere in New York City and both times Smith avoided on-camera interviews. What gives? To say it simply: Kevin is upset at the media. To say it more accurately: There are three factors in play. “If I’m not the guy who’s making Kevin Smith movies then who am I?” – First off is the fact that “Cop Out” represents Kevin’s first non-writing directorial effort. Much like recent Woody Allen films, the studio seems intent on marketing it without his famous name — and trailers like this one need to be freeze-framed to even catch his credit block. As Smith recently told MTV Radio in one of the few interviews he has done to promote the film, he agrees with the technique and is trying to step back from his usual media presence. “[‘Cop Out’] has nothing to say itself; it’s a popcorn movie,” he explained. “Let me see if we can work on this other part of the craft, just me as the director, and leave the personality stuff out of it. Because I’ve got SModcast now, I’ve got this Twitter account I’m on every day, I do Q&A’s onstage all the time. So I can be myself, express myself in any number of forums.” “Before, it used to just be the films, so I’d do it in my films — now I can do it everywhere on a regular basis for free; I don’t feel the need to put it in films,” he added — then admitted that the “Cop Out” experience has him reevaluating his own place in Hollywood. “Without [making references to my life in films] I’m like, ‘Who am I? If I’m not the guy who’s making Kevin Smith movies then who am I?’ I’m trying to figure out if I have any skills after 15 years as a professional director.” “I’m trying to take the high road” – As everyone and their mother knows by now, Smith was booted from a Southwest Airlines flight last week. After tweeting extensively about it, Smith is trying his best to not talk about the situation anymore — in an excellent Huffington Post article , the writer explains that “he seems reticent to even make normal media appearances to promote the film” because he doesn’t want people to ask him about Southwest. On Tuesday (February 23) a follower even went so far as to ask whether Kevin was doing the usual media blitz we would expect to see a few days before one of his films opens. “I did only the print & radio. Skipped TV,” he tweeted to his 1.6 million followers . “As all anyone was gonna ask about was SWA, which I’d already said enough about. Despite righteous indignation, [I’m] trying to take the high road.” When MTV News approached Kevin’s publicity folks for further comment, Warner Brothers declined to make a statement and his personal publicist said, “He very clearly explains himself and the situation [in the tweets]. There is nothing else to add.” “I was so mad at the press” – The final — and most significant — reason why you’re not seeing Kevin Smith on TV this week is the same one that has made his audience love him for all these years: The man is brutally honest and talkative to a fault. As he explained in Tuesday’s tweet, however, he did speak to a handful of radio outlets — and the aforementioned MTV radio interview offers unique insight into his mindset these days. “It’s on my blog. I would waste time talking about it now, but you could pull it off my SModcast where I do the whole story,” Kevin responded when asked the inevitable Southwest question. “I did about 24 video clips called ‘Final Words’ that also contains the whole story. And the blog has it all outlined; it would be a waste of time to go all over it again now.” A good, short, concise, polite answer. The only problem is, fans of Kevin Smith know that such a thing is an impossibility. Sure enough, he spent the rest of the radio interview — approximately one-third of the entire thing — doing exactly what he had just called “a waste of time.” The point seemed to be that Smith wants to get his own message out there and then get back to talking about his movie. So, although we rarely run an article this long, we now present Kevin’s unedited thoughts on Southwest, the media and how he was wronged: “The long story short? My parents taught me if you get f—ed and you don’t want to get f—ed, then you start screaming. And that’s what happened. I got lied to, I got f—ed over and I started complaining. And the airline was like, ‘Well, something did happen — but he is fat and fat people should buy two seats.’ And they put the information out there side by side and made it about weight. But it wasn’t about weight — it was about a dude who bounced me for no reason, except maybe he didn’t like a joke I told him on my way down the jet way.” “First they were like, ‘The pilot told us you have to get off because you’re a safety concern.’ I was like, ‘Are you kidding me? Tell me the pilot’s name.’ And they lied — they lied again and again … two days later, they told me, ‘The pilot didn’t say it, some employee made the call.’ And I was like, ‘OK, so it had nothing to do [with my weight],’ because I could put my armrests down. I literally sat in the seat for five seconds before this chick — who had been all the way up at the desk in the airport — came over. If I just hit my seat and she’s saying the pilot wants me off, I was like, ‘Where’d you get that message, ma’am?’ She’s like, ‘Well, the pilot told me.’ And I can’t even see the pilot! I’m sitting in the front row of the bulkhead — if I can’t see the pilot, how can he see me? “She’s like, ‘Well, we have phones.’ And I’m like, ‘Well, I know you have phones, ma’am. But I’m telling you — I literally sat and here you are.’ She said, ‘Can you please just come with me?’ The lie compounds; the lie compounds. “I go outside, I’m like, ‘Give me more information,’ and she’s like, ‘The pilot, the pilot.’ Two days later, Southwest is going, ‘It wasn’t the pilot.’ But they don’t change that on their blog — they don’t point out that they’ve changed the information. “Everyone’s going, ‘He’s fat’ for the next f—ing three days; the top of Google News is everyone in the world telling me I’m fat. Everyone on network [TV] telling me I’m fat; ‘Entertainment Tonight’ put a f—ing chick in a fat suit and put her on a plane. I’m like, ‘What does this have to do [with anything]?’ “Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know how many ways to say this: For 15 years, I’ve been completely honest with everybody. I believe in honesty. And I’ve been saying I’m fat for 15 years. This ain’t about being fat — they obfuscated the f—ing truth with my fat, which really bums me out. They used my own fat against me. They hid behind my fat. And that’s my job — to hide behind my fat. “The [fat story] is the sexy story that everybody wants to write … I was so mad at the press because for 15 years I’ve done nothing but tell you the truth and give you interesting sh– to write about. And this one time, when you could have come to my aid, all you did was let me dangle and let these f—ers call me fat. Heartbreaking, heartbreaking.” Check out everything we’ve got on “Cop Out.” For breaking news, celebrity columns, humor and more — updated around the clock — visit MTVMoviesBlog.com .

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Kevin Smith Reveals Why He’s Laying Low After Airplane Drama

Adam Lambert on Ke$ha: She’s a Great Kisser!

Adam Lambert is on record: he won’t rule out sex with women . Following a development this week, we now have an idea of what it would take to land Lambert if you’re a member of the softer gender: don glitter and record a number-one single. During a party on February 13 at a gay nightclub in New York City called Providence, the American Idol runner-up played a serious game of tonsil hockey with Ke$ha. “She’s really pretty, we were laughing and we just started kissing. She’s a great [kisser],” Adam told the radio show BLI In The Morning yesterday. Care to elaborate, Adam? “She tasted like Goldschl

The Weird, Weird Murder of Robert Wone

Last summer, the Washington Post delved into the murder of Robert Wone , an ambitious D.C. lawyer who was allegedly killed by three well-to-do gay friends in a polyamourous sadomasochistic relationship. Something called the “EROSTEK ET302R electrical shockwave generator” was involved. Wone, a politically ambitious 32-year-old lawyer for Radio Free Asia, was stabbed to death in the million-dollar townhouse owned by his college friend Joseph Price in 2006. While Wone was straight and married, Price lived with his husband Victor Zaborsky, an ad executive, and his lover Dylan Ward, who played the dominant role in their sadomasochistic relationship. Price, Zaborsky, and Ward say Wone was staying over at their house when an intruder broke in and stabbed him. Prosecutors say they lured Wone there, drugged him, and got into to some really strange sex play. What kind of sex play? The kind that involves the EROSTEK ET302R, which is, according to newly filed documents in the case —prosecutors have charged the three men with obstruction of justice, and the homicide investigation continues—an electro-ejaculation device that was found in Price and Zaborsky’s home, along with a staggering array of extremely avant garde sex toys. Investigators found semen on and around Wone’s anus, but the strange thing is that it was his own semen . So they theorized that Zaborsky, Price, and Ward drugged him and used the EROSTEK to, um, milk him. When he died of an overdose, they suspect, they staged a stabbing and invented an intruder as a cover-up. The whole thing is strange beyond measure, not least because the three accused men were all highly successful and seemingly the picture of upper-class gay propriety: Price was a prominent attorney and co-founder of a Virginia gay rights group; Zaborsky was one of the marketing executives behind the “Got Milk?” campaign; and Ward was a Georgetown grad. And they lived together as a self-described “family” and had a veritable dungeon full of stuff like this, from prosecutors’ newly filed evidence tally: Not to mention books like, Juice: Electricity for Pain and Pleasure :

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The Weird, Weird Murder of Robert Wone

Lady Gaga Discusses Her ‘Very Forward’ Brit Awards Performance

Singer planned to do ‘something that I felt was a true representation of the future.’ By James Dinh Lady Gaga performs at the Brit Awards Tuesday Photo: Jon Furniss/ Getty Images Lady Gaga’s awards-show performances have been a big part of her story over the past year, but her set at the Brit Awards on Tuesday night took on a more serious meaning, as she dedicated it to her friend, designer Alexander McQueen , who died earlier this month. After the ceremony, the singer spoke to reporters about her emotional tribute and her success at the show. “I wanted to do a very, very forward performance, something that I felt was a true representation of the future,” she said of her McQueen tribute. “I re-inspired my song ‘Telephone’ into an acoustic, sort of jazz version, and then I went into a song called ‘Dance in the Dark,’ and I used a brand-new instrument that the Haus of Gaga has built named Emma.” Along with her memorable performance, Gaga also won awards in all three of her nominated categories, including Best International Album, Best International Female Solo Artist and International Breakthrough Act. “I really did not expect to win all three tonight, or really any at all, so I’m just so excited,” she told the BBC Radio 1 . “Honestly, I’m never the one who wins all the awards, and I have never been the one to feel like the winner my whole life. I’ve always been an outsider, so I really felt so accepted tonight and like people really understand my music and my message and what I do.” And how did she plan to celebrate? “I am going to get miserably drunk with all of my friends and celebrate and get ready,” she said, presumably referring to her British tour , which begins February 18 in Manchester and wraps in March, then heads to New Zealand, Australia and Japan. Related Photos Gaga Steals The Show At The Brit Awards Related Artists Lady Gaga

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Lady Gaga Discusses Her ‘Very Forward’ Brit Awards Performance

Lil Wayne Shot Nine Music Videos Last Weekend

Preparing for Wayne’s (delayed) stint in jail, MC shot footage for songs from Tha Carter IV, Rebirth and Young Money LPs. By Shaheem Reid Lil Wayne (file) Photo: Newscom Video director David Rousseau said he and the Cash Money team might need to check the Guinness Book of World Records: He and his company Creativeseen may be the new record-holders for most music videos shot in 48 hours. Lil Wayne was expected to begin serving his one-year sentence on a weapons-possession charge on Tuesday (February 9), and while that sentencing was postponed until March 2 , the MC has spent recent weeks manically recording music and videos — and over the past weekend, he hit the latter with a vengeance. Cash Money chiefs Ronald “Slim” Williams and his brother Brian (a.k.a. Baby, a.k.a. The Birdman) enlisted Rousseau to shoot nine videos for Lil Wayne during Friday, Saturday and parts of Sunday. The director said he and his crew started setting up for the production around 9 a.m. Friday and the last camera stopped rolling at around 8 a.m. on Super Bowl Sunday. “We shot some sh– from the [ We Are Young Money compilation] album, we shot something from [Wayne’s forthcoming] Tha Carter IV. Some stuff from [Wayne’s recent LP] Rebirth, ” the director told MTV News on Tuesday (February 9), before Wayne’s sentencing was postponed. “We knew what our deadline was. We’re trying to get maximum coverage for Wayne. Most of the time we only shot Wayne’s verses — we’ll finish the rest of the videos off in the next couple of weeks. Rousseau, who had previously directed the soon to be released Young Money video “Roger That” and the recently released Kevin Rudolf/ Wayne/ Birdman/ Jay Sean collaboration “I Made It (Cash Money Heroes),” said the Williams brothers contacted him two weeks ago about his huge task. “We were put on hold,” Rousseau tells. “Cash Money said, ‘This is our deadline. This is a hard deadline.’ It was basically a ‘Mission: Impossible’ [scenario]: This is your mission if you choose to accept it. Everybody is on board because everybody knows what’s at stake. Unlike T.I. and some of these other guys that’s disappeared while they were in, the point is to keep Wayne [visible] on TV and everything for whatever time he’s in. There was a plan in action. Slim and Baby really could foresee that. He’s at the height of his career, you can’t let that momentum slip.” Some of the videos that were shot over the weekend were “Da Da Da,” “Knockout” and “Get a Life” from Rebirth and a brand new Weezy song from the highly anticipated Carter IV. “Da Da Da” features the rock band !Mayday! — which performed at Wayne’s “farewell” party on Sunday night — and was shot on location at the Marlin Hotel in Miami. The rest of the clips were filmed at the New Art studio in North Miami in front of a green screen and white background, so footage can be added later. “There isn’t a title for it,” Rousseau said of the Carter IV song. “Honestly, I can’t tell you too much about it. That was a complete secret. We had to kick everyone off the set for it. No photography, even their official photographer had to leave. That’s under wraps. The album is still under production. It’s a crazy song.” Rousseau did divulge that the video from Tha Carter IV record would have parts of performance as well as a storyline, as does the video for “Knockout.” “We got some concepts,” the director said about what we can expect from the videos. “Cash Money came to the table with certain rough concepts. We went off that. In the next couple of weeks, we’ll figure out what we got; ‘Let’s take this over here, let’s take this over there.’ At the end of the day, what it comes down to is making sure you got Wayne in the can. There’s rough ideas for everything. They may not be completely sculpted out, but there is a plan. Nothing is done, just to do it. Everything was pre-thought, whether it be by Baby or Slim or Wayne himself. They’re in the loop. As a label they were prepped.” Along with the Cash Money/ Young Money family, Juelz Santana, Yo Gotti and boxer Sugar Shane Mosley came out for the shoots. “We tried to keep it wide, medium, close-up, just him vibing. Then we let him go change clothes,” Rousseau said about the different shots in the videos. “Then other people would come in for 30 minutes. Wayne would come back out, same thing; wide, medium, close-up. Then we bring out somebody else who is on the song, Nicki Minaj, Sean Garrett, Baby, Tyga. Then again, 35 minutes [later] Wayne would come out. The only way to keep him fresh is [doing it] like a basketball team. You know, you can’t give your starter too many minutes: You got him for 35 minutes on the court, outfit change. It was a tight schedule. We shot 16, 18 hours [at a day]. He was there the whole time. He was a trooper. “He was in a zone,” Rousseau continued. “He was ready. It was a work mentality. He’s getting prepared for everything that’s about to happen to him. He knows it’s the fourth quarter. He was completely cooperative, and completely professional.” Asked how he maintains such a rigorous schedule, Wayne told BBC Radio 1’s Tim Westwood last weekend, “Determination. You set a goal. I’m one of those people that don’t stop until the goal is done.” Besides the aforementioned videos, Weezy told Westwood that he recently shot four in Los Angeles, one in Dallas and has “been shooting” in Atlanta as well. Those videos include Rebirth ‘s “Drop the World” (with Eminem) as well as “Roger That” and “Girl I Got You” from Young Money LP. He also filmed “WTF” with Shawty Lo in Atlanta. Of course, Wayne now has a bit more time to work on these videos — and probably a lot more. Related Videos Lil Wayne Goes To Jail Related Photos Lil Wayne’s Battle With His Gun Possession Case Related Artists Lil Wayne

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Lil Wayne Shot Nine Music Videos Last Weekend

Kell on Earth: For Whom the Kell Tolls

We were so busy buying bread and toilet paper for the impending snowstorm last night that we missed Kell on Earth . Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there during the filming, so she filled us on what happened. The Emu, The Witch, and the Wardrobe Malfuction By Betsey Morgenstern Last we left off, the computer glitch I hacked into Kelly Cutrone ‘s computer system at People’s Revolution PR caused the lists for the Shadow Ralph Pucci show to print out all wrong and Little Stephanie was freaking out and about to cry and Kelly was all, “If you have to cry, cry outside,” and I just laughed and laughed. Hahaha. That’s what Betsey said. It’s an hour before the show and the client is demanding the list and the seating chart but because they can’t print the list out, we’re totally screwed. But Kelly is a cool character and she has a solution. We’re handwriting out the lists and filling in the blanks and, instead of having a paper list that’s wrong, she has us bring all our computers to the site so that we can use the list that’s in the database that is correct. God, Kelly does think quick on her feet. I’m still pissed at Little Stephanie and don’t want this to go smoothly at all, so I formulate a plan. I get on Craigslist and some of the fashion blogs and leave this post: Hey everyone, I work for the PR company that does the Shadow Ralph Pucci show and there aren’t nearly enough people coming tonight and we need bodies to fill the seats badly . Just show up at 7 in the tents and tell the girl at the desk that Stephanie put you on the list. They’ll give you a seat to see the show. You’ll get some fashion, and we’ll get a full house. Everyone wins! We get to the venue and hell is breaking loose at the front door. While Kelly scampers around backstage me and 7 other black-clad PR girls are trying to work the door. They’re checking people on the computer and writing out seat assignments for everyone who is supposed to be there. That’s what we were supposed to do at least. I wasn’t even looking people up I was just putting them in random seats, let Kelly figure it out inside. That’s when all the dummies from the internet started showing up demanding seats, even though they weren’t even invited. Emily was freaking out about how all these nobodies were just showing up trying to fool their way into a show. She was all, “Who are these people? Who told them they could do this.” I didn’t dare answer, I just smiled and said, “People can be such assholes.” Things were getting horrible for Kelly inside, I heard her over the radio saying that Ralph Pucci was getting all upset because there were photographers backstage and he was bitching about them being too close and then they would go away and he would bitch that there was no one taking his picture and then they would come and he would be like “Get those idiots away from me. I am an artiste !” Kelly decided to leave and help sort out the mess with the seating, kicking people out of the front row who thought they were supposed to sit there. Oops! Was that my fault? One guy even gave her all this attitude and when she said, “I’m sorry, you can’t sit here,” he was all, “You should be sorry!” I was ready for Kelly to throw him to the ground and punch him in the face, but I have learned in my short time working for her that she is much more professional than you would imagine. The show itself went well, but everything else was just a mess. Kelly got fired the next day. When she found out she hung up the phone with a loud bang and cursed and swore. At the intern desk nearby, I just hung my head low so that my hair would cover my face as I giggled while attaching 61-cent stamps to envelopes that only needed 44-cent stamps. That’s wasting 21 cents an envelope. See, Big Stephanie is in charge of the interns and she is basically an emu. She’s tall and slender and her head darts around in random directions, but she doesn’t do much of anything. Also her brain is the size of two peanuts squished together. After spending 20 minutes showing everyone how to use a phone (which, duh), she then told us to mail all these invitations to the Generations Denim presentation that was happening the next week. I asked, “Stephanie, which stamps do we use?” She said, “No one told me so, I don’t know.” “Well, then we should use the more expensive ones so that we’re sure they get there, right?” “I was given no direction, so I don’t know.” “OK, then I’m going to use the more expensive ones.” “I’m not going to tell you to do that so I don’t get blamed, but I’m not not going to tell you to do that either.” Of course 20 minutes later Emily tells her that she should use 44-cent stamps so then we have to peel all the 61-cent stamps off and put them back onto the little sheet the come on and put on the 44-cent stamps. Oh, it’s such a joy working with Big Emu Stephanie. I swear to god I would have quit by now if it weren’t for Tim, the hot Irish fellow intern who I always flirt with at work. We had a real run in a few days after the stamp incident. We were all in the office and Little Stephanie went with Little Andrew to get her roots touched up, and Big Stephanie had us sending out gift bags full of jeans to all the editors who would be going to the Generations Denim fashion presentation. We asked B.S. what to do and she said, “I don’t know, but they need to go out now. So do them now. Just do them.” So Tim picks up a sharpie and starts writing all the editors names on the bag. Mary was taking the jeans off the shelf, Sally was folding them, Sam was opening the bag, Harry was placing the jeans in the bag, and I was putting the bags on the floor. We had a whole system. That is until Kelly shows up in the room and sees the nasty tattered bags with loose jeans in them. “This isn’t how you send a gift,” she screamed. We told her that Big Stephanie told us to send them out right away but didn’t tell us how, and she called everyone together and gave us a big lecture about how we’re going to fuck up her business and then she and her daughter will be out on the street and will have no food and her daughter will have no clothes, so she and her daughter can’t go through her closet and play “back to school looks” like she is the star of an eight-year-old fashion show. Anyway, she tells us to take a 30 minute break because she needs her space. I make sure that I’m walking out next to Tim. “Hey, Tim, that was really harsh back there.” “I knoooow,” he brogues. “I dinna want to upset Kella. I feel realla baaa.” I kind of have no idea what he is saying, but as the strange syllables pour out of his beautiful mouth, I start to get a little horny. And we do have 30 minutes to do whatever we want.”Hey, Tim, know what will make you feel better? Maybe we should have sex.” “That sounds fun. But where are we ginna gooo?” “Let’s just walk down Broadway a little bit. They have a public bathroom at Uniqlo. I’m sure they won’t mind if we use that.” “Come on. That sounds like fin.” We went to the store and I had a little poke around with his shellaleigh and we scared a whole bunch of fat tourists from Florida, and it took way longer than I thought it would. What guy last 45 minutes in a public toilet? After we were done we had be gone from Kelly’s for like an hour. When we got into the office, she was pissed. “Tim, where the fuck have you been? I’m trying to run a business here. I said go for 30 minutes, I meant 30 minutes, not come back whenever the fuck you want. Where have you been?” “Oh, Kella. I was, ah…I was ah…tryin’ to call me mum. Yeah. She’s rill worried about me, because I haven’t called home in foreva, so I was tryin’ to find a pay phone so I could call.” “Tim, that’s so sweat,” Kelly said. As soon as you mention mothers her sweet side comes out and she turns into a genuinely kind human being. Tim knew this, the only problem was that his mother died in a car crash when he was 12. “Call her now,” Kelly insisted handing the phone toward him. He didn’t know what to do and just stood there. “Call me,” I whispered out of the side of my mouth while pulling on his pant leg. He nodded like he heard me and I ran off to the bathroom and turned my phone on vibrate. When the phone rang, I put on my best Irish accent and started talking dirty to Tim. He really liked it, even though he had to pretend like he was talking to his mother. Then Kelly insisted on talking to me. I think my accent was good enough, and we giggled and cooed for a few minutes and Kelly was satisfied that she was a nice kind person and all was right with the world. It was a lot to go through for a shag, but Tim was really worth it. When we got back into the intern room, everyone was pissed at Big Stephanie for getting us in trouble so we came up with a plan. The next day when we showed up for work and people asked if we knew we were supposed to work at the Generations denim show, we would all say, “No,” so that Stephanie would get in trouble. The plan went off without a hitch, and Emily even cussed Stephanie out across the office for being an incompetent emu boob. Of course, we all still ended up working at the presentation where the models just stood around in this room with a giant tree made out of recycled newspapers or some shit and the walls were covered in cardboard. In another room, Kelly created a rain fall effect by taking a bunch of Swarovski that her friend George Wayne , the Vanity Fair contributor had swallowed, shat out, and buffed back to a fine polish. One of the models in the room was named Maurice and I was going to have him. Before the show, I started to chat him up and he kept rebuffing me, telling me that there was no way he was going to sleep with some lowly PR girl and then he had the audacity to ask me to go get him a glass of water. What? Oh please, Maurice, better men then you have turned me down, and then to order me around. Yes, I went to go get him his water, but I also stopped by my purse where I happened to have a spare rufie (don’t ask) and slipped it into his drink. Actually, only half because who knows when I might need the rest. “Here you go, Maurice, dear. Enjoy.” Of course, 20 minutes into the show, he totally passed out, taking down half of the George Wayne memorial Swarovski crystal curtain. I was hoping that he would have to like there half dead for the entire show, but Kelly is too good for me. She got the paramedics there, took care of Maurice and then got them out before anyone even noticed. One of these days, Kelly, I’m really going to fuck you up, but it appears today was not the day. Just you wait, Kelly. Just you wait.

Link:
Kell on Earth: For Whom the Kell Tolls