Reese Witherspoon is the dumpy full of shit Jesus lover who got knocked up on the set of Cruel Intentions, forced a motherfucker to marry her, pumped out 10 kids, only to cheat on the motherfucker with another dude, all while pretending to be the wholesome church goer….and now she’s out showing off her gut like it is a veiled Italian widow….waiting to die….and that may be porn to you…but it’s not good to me…posting it anyway…
No matter how much this pig worksout, she’ll always be a fucking pig. I don’t get it. Maybe she should lay off the dairy products, or the deep south where she’s from fried foods. Maybe she should stop putting her faith in Jesus like the good Mormon or whatever the fuck she pretends to be, all going to church all the time, despite living her life filled with divorce and sex out of wedlock…..She’s hollywood trash playing wholesome southern woman, who if in fact was a wholesome southern woman, she wouldn’t be in Hollywood….. So here she is in workout clothes looking dumpy as shit, confusing all of us, but expecting her to blame it on getting run over a few weeks ago, cuz that’s just what fat women do…they make excuses….
We realize she’s (probably) just joking, but the mental image of these two as les-be- Friends is so bonerrific, we just had to share. Reese Witherspoon presented her gal pal Jennifer Aniston with an award at the Elle Women in Hollywood gala this week, and at the event Reese recalled her excitement at being cast as Jill on Friends : “I would not stop watching Friends. They were my friends and there was no taking me away from my friends.” But once she was actually on set, stage fright took over until Jennifer Aniston took her aside and helped her get it together for the live studio audience. The two became (real-life) friends, and Reese has nothing but glowing (or growing , eh fellas?) things to say about Jennifer: “There are not that many people actually who have this incredible combination of sex appeal and complete lovability,” Reese said. “You just want to get your nails done with her and you want to make out with her—at least I do.” “And that’s what we do sometimes on Saturdays. First we get our nails done—so cute!—and then we make out. It’s totally awesome.” If only! How about some photographic evidence, ladies? Members can see Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon nude on MrSkin.com- the rest we’ll leave up to your imagination.
Happy Monday! Also in today’s edition of The Broadsheet: Bobcat Goldthwait explains his pop-culture revenge fantasy … Amitabh Bachchan is the only one not getting rich off Baz Luhrmann’s Great Gatsby … A Hollywood terror may soon be back on the street … and more.
Reese Witherspoon, 35, suffered minor injuries and went home to recover, her rep said at the time. The driver, meanwhile, was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Reese Witherspoon wants to move on after her accident. The actress is not pressing charges against the 84-year-old driver who struck her as she was jogging Wednesday in Santa Monica, Calif., her rep tells us.
Jason Biggs, who was already our favorite Twitter celebrity (er, celebrity on Twitter?), put the news of Reese Witherspoon getting hit by a car and sustaining minor injuries in perspective last night. Since the Oscar-winner is out of the hospital and hopefully in tiptop Tracy Flick form, we like to think Mr. Biggs’s quip registers as playful sarcasm. Ahem: “I just heard the news about Reese Witherspoon doing a voice in ‘Cars 3’. Wow!” [ @BiggsJason ]
A couple of weeks ago I was talking about Reese Witherspoon getting married a second time like a good little Christian who goes to church and has sex out of wedlock cuz she’s actually bullshit as all actors are.. enough to get knocked up, leaving her no choice but to get married to make the whole thing as authentic as her slutty uterus tattoo all lesbian dolphin hugging…. So it’s only natural that I’ve been craving to see pics of her in a bikini to really embrace her sloppy body and take it all in in one massive question mark when compared to how many pics I’ve posted of her compulsively jogging for the press so that we don’t call her out for being a chubby piggy girl… So my dreams have been answered, cuz middle aged moms who may be pregnant in bikinis are my dream….but I’ve never been one for having big dreams…if anything my dreams have been pretty low level bottom feeder….so it all makes sense… To See The Rest of the Reese Witherspoon Bikini Pics FOLLOW THIS LINK
No this performance isn’t at her old folks home, you know to keep them busy and their brains working pre-death and it is not the grand entrance at some over the top 60th birthday party she’s put on for herself….this is Christie Brinkley actually tapping into her crossover talents of song and dance she left behind when she decided to spend her life getting her great tits into a bikini, marrying Billy Joel and raising an ugly daughter….only to realize when those great tits, and hot model figure slowly turn menopausal, it’s time to channel to outlets to pay the fucking rent, I mean other than living off Billy Joel’s pile of money, and her own pile of money, making me think this is less about finances, but more about finding purpose in some vain, irritating, not naked enough way. Good times. She’s too old for this nonsense…bitch needs to become a nudist and retire on a paparazzi filled nudist beach…. Here’s a clip from a VHS featuring Christie Brinkley that I used to Jerk off to……back when she mattered….
Here are some pictures I can only assume are staged for the paparazzi because I don’t know anyone who has a pool built like an aquarium, even though I know a few bitches who should only swim in aquariums, you know as the featured whale or some shit…. I can only assume things were done this way, because looking at a bitch through water is the number one cure for cellulite…cuz she gets all distorted and worth fucking…not the Britney’s mom has ever not been worth fucking, I mean being Britney’s stepdad is fucking porn to me….that’s one shower I’d “accidentally walk in on” and one bed I’d “acidentally crawl into when drunk”….and one spanking I’d be more than happy to give…all while spending all her money….amazing…well not really amazing…but worth looking at for the depth of the fantasy this offers…. To See the Rest of the Pics Follow this Link
Here are some pictures I can only assume are staged for the paparazzi because I don’t know anyone who has a pool built like an aquarium, even though I know a few bitches who should only swim in aquariums, you know as the featured whale or some shit…. I can only assume things were done this way, because looking at a bitch through water is the number one cure for cellulite…cuz she gets all distorted and worth fucking…not the Britney’s mom has ever not been worth fucking, I mean being Britney’s stepdad is fucking porn to me….that’s one shower I’d “accidentally walk in on” and one bed I’d “acidentally crawl into when drunk”….and one spanking I’d be more than happy to give…all while spending all her money….amazing…well not really amazing…but worth looking at for the depth of the fantasy this offers…. To See the Rest of the Pics Follow this Link
