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Dance Moms fans are overjoyed that Abby Lee Miller is cancer free at last. Now, Miller is back on Dance Moms , making her triumphant return in an emotional Lifetime special. But she admits that she had a lot of doubt and fear during her cancer battle. At one point, she reveals, she wanted to die . On Tuesday night, Lifetime aired a powerful documentary, Dance Moms: The Return of Abby . The title may make Abby Lee Miller sound like monster in a chilling horror franchise, but the only person being terrorized at first was Abby. Speaking frankly of how she felt during her hospitalization with Burkitt lyphoma, Abby revealed: “I wanted to die. I did.” “And if I lose dance, there is no point in being here,” she expressed. “I felt like I lost my purpose,” Abby admitted. “And I needed to find it.” “I don’t know what I am going to do,” Abby lamented. She was upset about her cancer diagnosis, but nothing short of dismayed when she learned that she would have to undergo chemotherapy. Chemo is an agonizing, miserable process — and at times, she wasn’t sure if it was worth it. “I’m not going to keep doing the cancer treatment if I can’t walk,” Abby at one point announced. That is heartbreaking. Then, the Lifetime special follows her as she returns to the studio. “I have had a miserable year,” Abby admits. “It almost killed me.” But it’s clear that, by this point, her attitude has greatly improved. “I will teach again,” she half-vows, half-threatens. “I will create a winning team again.” “And,” she adds. “I hope and pray that I will walk again.” Sure enough, we see Abby keeping her promise — teaching again. “You have to fight to win,”  she instructs them. “People have talked crap about me for the last two years,” Abby notes. Try eight years — that’s how long she’s been famous. “Well I’m back,” Abby says. “And my students are going to be champions.” “I am definitely a fighter and this is the fight of my life,” Abby acknowledges. “I’m proud,” she expresses. “I’m grateful that I survived this year.” People have a lot of opinions about Abby Lee Miller, but we’re definitely glad that she didn’t die of cancer. “And I am ready to move on,” Abby announces. She adds that she wants to “get back in the studio, do what I love to do.” “The audience is going to think I’ve mellowed,” Abby predicts, adding: “maybe I just don’t care enough.” “It might not be mellow,” she suggests. Abby offers: “it might just be ‘Eh. You’re not that talented, kiddo, move over.'” How charming. “I’m very detail-oriented,” she notes. “I’m the same. I have always said that people don’t change.” “Circumstances, situations change,” Abby admits. “But people are what they are.” “Your genetic makeup is what it is,” she expresses. “So, I’m thankful, I’m blessed, I’m appreciative, I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had.” “I didn’t maybe think so before,” Abby notes candidly. “But now, after coming close to death’s door, you know, I appreciate Lifetime a little bit more.” View Slideshow: Celebrities Who Beat Cancer

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Abby Lee Miller: My Cancer and Paralysis Made Me Want to Die