Tag Archives: wikipedia

Jerry Seinfeld’s New Show Almost Cancels Out Seinfeld [The Marriage Ref]

Everyone was puzzled upon learning that Jerry Seinfeld ‘s triumphant return to NBC would be as the producer of a reality/game show called The Marriage Ref . After seeing the first episode, we are still puzzled. The Marriage Ref is a mess. The Marriage Ref is about married couples getting in absurd arguments and the panel of celebrities who riff on them. Seinfeld told The New York Times that the marriage refs do not themselves need to be experts at marriage. This is good because judging from his screamy phone calls and rage-related divorce from Kim Bassinger, we could not imagine Alec Baldwin would handle a fight with his wife with the same wit and charm as he did the problems of other couples. Plus, if all celebrities who sucked at marriage were ruled out of the show, it would basically just be the Michelle Obama and Kevin Bacon up there wisecracking every episode. (although Wikipedia tells us that Seinfeld and Kelly Ripa, the third ref, have improbably functional marriages.) Many things are bad about The Marriage Ref . The worst is that the married couples never actually appear in the studio, except in a short docudrama introducing their problems, and via satellite to hear the refs’ judgment. So limited, The Marriage Ref falls into the reality show trap of making real relationships seem more contrived than anything even the hackiest comedy writer could come up with. The first marriage our panel referees is being torn apart by the husband’s desire to have his dead dog taxidermied. The dog’s name is The Fonz. The wife hated The Fonz. If this is an actual argument two real humans had (the excruciatingly edited video suggests not) there is something strange going on in this man’s head worth exploring: Is he an insane person? Is he dangerous? On what obscure message board did he meet his wife? This could have been funny! Instead, the conflict is boiled down in the video basically to: Husband = lovable, bumbling schlub; Wife = no-fun harpy. There is a funny dark moment when the wife reveals that the day The Fonz died was the best day of her life, but it is spoken with such a practiced sneer that it obscures the real sadism that is a necessary component of love. It’s just way too fake, and you have to pity the panel of legitimately funny people (well, Kelly Ripa is funny, sort of) who have to dredge jokes out of relationships that are so poorly caricatured—without making fun of the caricaturing itself. It’s like if the Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys only made jokes the characters of the terrible sci-fi movies they riffed on would find funny. Even with this sparse material, Alec Baldwin got off a few good one-liners (“I think if you’re going to stuff your dog, you should stuff it in either a useful or an attractive position.”). Seinfeld managed to dice up the problems in a humorous way, and Kelly Ripa told it like it was, in that way she does. The host, comedian Tom Papa, was generally agreeable but laughed too much at the panels’ jokes. But the humor behind many of those jokes came from way too similar a place as The Jay Leno Show , which, in a nightmare world, would be The Marriage Ref ‘s lead-in, and NBC would feature an hour-and-a-half of an audience laughing at the fact someone said the word “thong”—just the word itself! Not even a joke about it! In this world, it would be as if there never was a wildly popular sit-com called Seinfeld that showed how the funniest parts of a relationship are often the least obvious. A show that changed comedy in such a way that it is possible to imagine an actually funny version of The Marriage Ref , where all of the show’s guests (Tina Fey, Ricky Gervais and Larry David will all be on future episodes) get together at a nondescript diner after taping the show and kvetch about how hard it is to say no to something you absolutely know is a terrible idea.

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Jerry Seinfeld’s New Show Almost Cancels Out Seinfeld [The Marriage Ref]

Bai Ling is 43 of the Day

Bai Ling is 43 years old. This may not be a secret to any of you, since it was on Wikipedia and IMDB and I guess all the mainstream media over the last few years have probably mentioned this if they have bothered mentioning Bai Ling, which I don’t think they would as she is only known for being the really long nippled Chinese girl who hits the red carpet on the regular and doesn’t really do anything else, which I guess she can thank her rich Chinese father who finances her insanity, but I had no fucking idea. I really thought she was Paris Hilton’s age, but maybe just because she had Paris Hilton’s level of accomplishment and purpose in the world. Either way, 43 is pretty fuckin’ old and this has been a little known fact that was public information that no one bothered paying attention to becaue no one gave a fuck that you can bring up at parties or when hanging with your friend and you can’t think of better things to discuss…..”hey mom, guess what, Bai Ling’s 43″ and she says “Who?” kinda thing….you liked those quotes didn’t you…it made this post come alive. Pics via PacificCoastNews

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Bai Ling is 43 of the Day

Stink Bugs

CULTURE BUZZ : Stink bugs, bugs that emit a rotten cheese-like odor, are the new bedbugs.

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Stink Bugs

How Gawker Hired John Mayer, or, An Epidemiological Case Study in Fake Celebrity ‘News’

I am proud to announce that Gawker.com has hired a new columnist: really fucking good guitar player , digital cleanser and chronic masturbator John Mayer . I know it’s true because I read it on the internet. It is tough to sympathize too much with the pampered, entitled life of a celebrity

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How Gawker Hired John Mayer, or, An Epidemiological Case Study in Fake Celebrity ‘News’

The FBI’s Awful Bin Laden PhotoShop

The FBI is still using a highly embarrassing “age-progressed” PhotoShop of bin Laden on its Most Wanted page.

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The FBI’s Awful Bin Laden PhotoShop

The LaDanian Tomlinson Electric Glide

LaDanian Tomlinson has officially become the greatest athlete musician of all time. Sorry, Shaq

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The LaDanian Tomlinson Electric Glide

Bayonetta

TECH BUZZ : Highly anticipated video game for the Xbox 360 features a heroine witch with glasses. All your slutty librarian fantasies are coming true! She looks like Jane Child crossed with Lisa Loeb, and she even pushes up her glasses cutely before she's about to perform a sadistic attack

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Bayonetta

Gwen Stefani’s Man Body in a Bikini of the Day

The day Gwen Stefani started wearing that pregnant belly prosthetic, I knew she was commited to pretending she was a chick despite having no doubt her No Doubt tits weren’t attached to something with a pussy, but were more likely designed by LAMB for someone with a cock and now she’s on the beach in a bikini keepin up the tranny lie. I’m not sure when or if she’s going to give up the act, she seems to have invested a lot into making the world think those broad shoulders, ripped stomach and garbage tits are not something you’d find on a mother of two but more on a topless pit boy high on poppers in the gay club and ready for anal…..but instead her and Rossdale are going suburban with their homosexual marriage and the whole thing weirds me out… If you don’t believe Rossdale’s a fag and that Stefani’s a man just read his Wikipedia …

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Gwen Stefani’s Man Body in a Bikini of the Day

Joe Francis Crowned Douche of the Decade, Disputes Rape Assertion By Gawker

Joe Francis has been named the Douche of the Decade by a prominent celebrity gossip site. He’s cool with that – but not about Gawker calling him a rapist. The Girls Gone Wild kingpin is vowing to sue the site for $10 million after it referred to him as “a rapist” while crowning him the winner of its recent poll.

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Joe Francis Crowned Douche of the Decade, Disputes Rape Assertion By Gawker

Gabrielle Union Flashing Some Bikini Bottom of the Day

I never heard of Gabrielle Union before, mainly because I’m not up to speed on black movies and the girls who are in them, despite having a thing for black girls. So I checked out her Wikipedia and the only thing that stood out was interesting was: In 1992, at age 19, Union was attacked, beaten and raped at her part-time job in a shoestore. You’d think that would have taught her not to wear a short skirt in public anymore….but based on these pictures of her flashing her cooch in her underwear for all sexually predators to get boners over, I guess she hasn’t…

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Gabrielle Union Flashing Some Bikini Bottom of the Day