Dear Bossip , I’ve been in a relationship with my fiancé for 2 years now and I am absolutely miserable! I’ve known him for almost 20 years and always knew him to be such a sweet guy. I actually thought I was too wild for him. After we reconnected, he pursued me heavily and promised me he would be the man I’ve been searching for all this time. We dated for 8 months in a long distance relationship, but we saw each other at least twice a month and talked every day. He eventually moved to the city I live in because he could easily find a job here in his line of work, and my daughter is in high school. We agreed to split the bills 50/50, as we kept our own separate bank accounts. I have YET to receive half of the bill money from him because he ALWAYS says he doesn’t have money. He’s got to go visit his mother, buy a TV for his mother, put up a ceiling fan for his mother…the list goes on and on. AND, keep in mind, his mother lives in another state! He gets upset with me for not wanting to go with him every time he goes to visit her, but I talk to her on the phone every week and listen to him talk about her every day. He has no problem with me paying for every meal, paying all the bills and keeping the gas tank full. I’m just so embarrassed to go anywhere because he NEVER offers to pick up the tab. He always tells me that he doesn’t have any money, but he buys clothes every other week. I arch my own eyebrows, do my own hair, and don’t shop for myself basically because between paying all the bills and taking care of the household needs and kids, there’s not a lot left. He seems to be fine with the idea that I do nothing for myself. When he proposed to me, he told me that he had his finances in order and that we were going to be able to save and have the things we had talked about having for our future. None of the things he promised have taken place yet and I’m just miserable living with this man who puts everything before me or our relationship. The five kids he has doesn’t even cause problems because he’s even stingy with them, not wanting to take them anywhere when they come visit because he says he doesn’t have the money. I just don’t like the man he is and can’t believe that after 20 years, this is who he is! Please help…….. Sick AND Tired Dear Ms. Sick AND Tired , Welp, I don’t know what you’re complaining for. It’s two years in and you haven’t done anything about it, and he continues to live off you and your income. He continues to spend on his mother, and save his money, yet, the lie, yes THE LIE he told you that you were going to split the bills 50/50 meant that you would continue to pay the bills at your house, and he’d pay the bills at his momma house. But, err, uhm, a man who is running up behind his momma all the damn time, and spending more time with her than his woman, well, you can forget about him ever being solely yours and completely with you. He belongs to his momma, and you only inherited a boy. You are his second momma. You’re basically taking care of him. Think about it: You feed him. You clean up behind him. You take care of him. You nurture him. You scold him. You baby him. You treat him just like he wants to be treated, and he’ll never be a man because you and his momma continue to treat him like he’s some freaking little a** boy! He’s not going to change, and he’s not going to ever be a man because he will always have his momma, and he will always find a woman who will be his second momma. And, if you’re sick and tired, then the next time he has to rush home to his momma and fix something, or give her something, then you tell him, “You stay your a** with your momma. You go live with her. You let her continue to take care of you. It’s obvious she’s your woman. So, go be with your woman!” And, you pack all his –ish, ship it to him, and change your number and the locks on your door. Why do you keep putting up with this grown little boy who can’t even take care of you and the household? Honey, when you realized that he wasn’t taking care of his five children that should have set off the bells in your head. His own kids won’t even ask him for anything because he doesn’t spend anything on them. SMDH! That’s sad. But, I want to know when he promised you that he would be the man you’d been searching for, what man exactly was he referring to? Did he give you an outlined description? Did he break it down and tell you instead of showing you? Yes, that’s right, he didn’t show you, he told you what you wanted to hear. As Drake so eloquently rapped, “You hate the fact that you bought the dream that they sold you.” No man should be living off his woman and he got a job. No man who promises to marry you and make a family with you should not be in a position whereas he can’t take care of his family. And, no man should be putting his momma before his soon-to-be wife, or his wife. People will tell you what you want to hear, especially if they can see desperation, desire, and a yearning in your eyes, and in your voice. He heard the tiredness in your voice of looking for a man. He saw the loneliness in your eyes. And, he knew exactly what bull-ish lines to feed your hungry a**. Instead of listening to what he was telling you, you should have told that bum bish to show you! So, chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. Get out of this relationship immediately because once you’re married it will only get worse. Nothing is going to change. He is only going to mooch off of you and take from you until the wheels fall off. Get that trifling bum off your wagon and go get your hair and nails done. Go shopping and buy yourself a new wardrobe. The hell you look like paying all the bills, taking him to dinner, and supporting his grown a** and he got a damn job. I wish I might. You got the game completely “F’d” up! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: My Fiance Promised To Split The Bills 50/50 & I’ve Yet To Receive His Half
