Singer’s second full-length studio album of original material predicted to sell more than 410,000. By Gil Kaufman, with additional reporting by Jocelyn Vena Justin Bieber on his “Believe” album cover Photo: You’d be a fool to expect Justin Bieber to debut anywhere but the #1 spot on the Billboard 200 album chart next week. But experts are predicting that not only will JB top the tally, but he’s headed for his best first-week ever and the likely crown of the year’s biggest debut. According to Billboard , Believe is on course to move between 410,000-440,000 units by the end of the reporting week on Sunday. If Bieber reaches those heights, he will move past the year’s biggest debut to date, Madonna’s MDNA , which opened with 359,000. Those kinds of numbers would also give Bieber his biggest first frame so far, beating the debut of 2010’s My World 2.0 , which moved 291,000 units in its first week. Before the expected numbers hit, Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun, was already feeling bullish about the prospects. “I think it’s gonna do well because I think people are really giving it a shot,” he said of the album that critics have been praising for its maturity. “At the same time, I think that’s my biggest hope that people judge him on the music. That they go and they listen to the album and they don’t go in with any expectations. There’s a lot of hype around him because of who he is and just shut your eyes, put on your headphones, and put on the music and then just decide if this album is worthy of your time.” Bieber is also hustling hard to make sure he makes the biggest impact possible with Believe , from his drama-filled prime-time NBC special to an MTV “Bieber Live” show that harkened back to the old “Total Request Live” era that helped make Timberlake a superstar. Those appearances, plus his worldwide promo tour and a string of co-signs from some of raps biggest names, could help Bieber land the biggest debut sales week of the year. Even though he’s burning the oil to get the word out to as many people as possible, Bieber is adamant about not sacrificing his art in the process. “I was very involved in the process [of making this album] — I played instruments, produced, wrote — so I want people to know it’s not all hype,” he said during the “Live” show. “I want people to know I’ve been working hard on my music. Focus on the music. Don’t think I’m just this product pushed out there. I work hard, and music is really important to me. I see a lot of hate online, which is inevitable, but at the end of the day, I’m just trying to prove them wrong by making good music.” Maybe he’s a bit biased (okay, of course he is), but Braun said that if people follow his advice and give Bieber a fair shake, “I think nine-and-three-fourths out of 10 people will say yes.” We will find out on Wednesday when the new Billboard 200 is revealed. Related Videos ‘Bieber Live’ Related Artists Justin Bieber
POSTED: Usher discusses giving Justin Bieber advice and reveals that he has unbearable gas. Originally posted here: POSTED: Usher Gives Justin Bieber Advice, But Says He Doesn't …
Some were skeptical that Woody Allen would make an appearance at the opening night of the LA Film Festival , even with his latest Euro-whimsy To Rome With Love premiering in the kick-off slot Thursday night. But show up Woody did, with five of his starlets in tow — including Alison Pill, Greta Gerwig , and a dazzling Penelope Cruz — to debut his 43rd feature film with a few charmingly self-deprecating zingers. “I had a wonderful time making the picture in Rome,” Allen said, introducing his film to a packed theater at LA Live with a quip. “That doesn’t mean that you’ll enjoy it.” Allen continued, quietly demurring the palpable adoration of the opening night crowd, joined by Cruz, Pill, Gerwig, and Italian co-stars Alessandra Mastronardi and Simona Caparrini. “I had fun. I was there for three months eating pasta, working with beautiful actresses and scintillating leading men. It was great for me. But whether it came out or not, you have to be the judge. If you like it, I want you to tell your friends and pressure Sony, so they don’t put it in the Witness Protection Program.” [Sony Pictures Classics releases the film in select cities next week.] Allen’s Roman outing follows in the vein of his Oscar-nominated hit Midnight in Paris , exploring the spirit of the Eternal City through four light-hearted, if exhausting and scattered vignettes. In one, renowned architect Alec Baldwin visits his old Rome stomping grounds, running into Jesse Eisenberg’s 30 years-younger counterpart as he falls into an ill-advised affair. In another, a fiery hooker (Cruz) upends the life of a timid Italian newlywed. Roberto Benigni (“delightful, brilliant, sensational,” lauded Allen) shines in his own Fellini-esque tale of an average Roman businessman who becomes an overnight celebrity, enjoying — then bemoaning — the trappings of fame. And Allen stars himself, alongside Pill and a wonderfully acerbic Judy Davis, as a neurotic visiting American navigating culture clash with his Italian in-laws. To Rome may lack the pure magic and cohesion of Midnight in Paris , but it’s more fascinated with riffing on the fantasy that the Italian city inspires. (Critics were mixed following the film’s LA Film Fest premiere.) Among the themes turned over and over by Allen’s characters: Celebrity, desire, and the twin, or dueling, identities entrenched in the very fabric of the city — a place where the ruins of ancient civilization are an inescapable part of the modern landscape, a reminder of humanity’s impulse to reach for greatness, even at the risk of great failure. That hunger for life’s “what ifs?” is, the film argues, as essential as it is impossible to ignore. A starstruck woman ponders the extramarital affair that would make for a lifetime of stories; a mortician seizes the chance at operatic greatness, even under the silliest of circumstances. In the film’s most Allenesque pairing, Baldwin’s knowing John peppers Eisenberg’s Jack with the advice he knows he won’t heed, because he didn’t take it himself as a young man. Their double dose of relentless, self-aware commentary — about life, love, and the wrong choices (and ill-advised love affairs) you just can’t help choosing — speaks to a filmmaker who is all too haunted by his past, yet content to come to terms with the naivete of his younger self. Given how baldly he confronts the funny business of art and celebrity in the film, from all sides — the fleeting pointlessness (and compulsive appeal) of being famous for famous’ sake in today’s reality TV culture, the eternal struggle to balance art and commerce, even the oiliness and pretension pervasive to Hollywood types alike, personified by Italian actor Antonio Albanese and with particular deftness by Ellen Page — Allen’s pre-screening sign-off remained softly humble. “Thank you very much for showing up tonight,” he said. “If you like the picture, I’m thrilled. If you hate it and think it was a waste of time coming, don’t let me know [pause] because I get depressed easily.” To Rome with Love opens on June 22. Read more from the LA Film Fest here . Follow Jen Yamato on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .
The film: Telling Lies in America (1997) Why It’s An Inessential Essential: Two years after Showgirls got screenwriter Joe Eszterhas ( Basic Instinct , Burn Hollywood Burn: An Alan Smithee Film ) blacklisted, the wily self-promoter returned with Telling Lies in America . Lies , based on a semi-autobiographical story, is somewhat similar to Showgirls in that they have common themes. Both films treat selling out and deception as an integral part of getting ahead in show business. But Lies , directed by Guy Ferland, is obviously not as garishly sarcastic as Showgirls is (few films are…). It’s refreshing in that sense to see Eszterhas show genuine affection for his con men and hucksters in Lies rather than alternately mock and then half-heartedly show affection for his desperate protagonists. Set in heartland America during 1960, Telling Lies in America stars a young Brad Renfro as Karchy, a high school-aged immigrant that dreams of becoming a disc jockey. Karchy hates the catholic school his father Dr. Istvan Jones (the ever-reliable Maximilian Schell) has sent him to and is, as stiff-necked Father Norton (Paul Dooley) delights in reminding him, on the verge of flunking out. Karchy’s dream of becoming a disc jockey is his ticket away from his mundane troubles and possibly even his means of scoring with older woman Diney Majeski ( Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart). Thankfully, DJ Billy Magic (a winningly sleazy Kevin Bacon) is looking for a young dupe/assistant. Johnny and Karchy, who changes his name to Chucky, are thus able to form a symbiotic relationship. They each lie and take advantage of each other but not necessarily with malicious intent. All praise is due to Eszterhas, whose name is plastered on Lies ‘s opening credits (though “Joe Eszterhas Presents” undoubtedly didn’t mean what Eszterhas wanted it to mean at the time), for giving an ostentatiously moral bildungsroman an appreciable level of sophistication. Everybody cheats everybody else in Lies , even Diney, a female protagonist that Eszterhas allows to be intelligently ambivalent about her relationship with Karchy. Thanks to Eszterhas’s sensitive scenario and Flockhart’s semi-nuanced performance, Diney isn’t a tease but rather just uncertain about what she wants. Magic is similarly complex. He starts out as a loser scrounging for work but never once blows his cool so much that he shouts or pouts his way out of a confrontation. The affection Eszterhas has for his characters is salient and it makes Telling Lies in America proof that he’s not just coasting on the reputation he got from working with Paul Verhoeven. How the Blu-Ray Makes the Case for the Film: The only special feature on Shout! Factory’s Blu-Ray release of Telling Lies in America is a B-feature of Traveller , another 1997 drama about, well, telling lies in America! Bill Paxton and a very young Mark Wahlberg co-star as Bokky and Pat, a pair of grifters that are also members of a community called, “travellers.” Against the advice of his fellow travelers, Bokky takes Pat in and the two form a father-son bond. Bokky and Pat’s relationship is one of several ways that Traveller is more generic than the idiosyncratically thoughtful Telling Lies in America . In Traveller , Bokky makes the same mistakes that got Pat’s biological father killed, including falling in love with one of his own marks (Juliana Margulies!). Pat thus has to save Bokky, his surrogate dad, from his own worst impulses. Traveller therefore suggests that being jaded is a good thing, which decidedly sets it apart from the relatively straight-laced Lies . Still, the two films make a good double feature as they both feature snappy dialogue and similarly polished takes on very seedy characters. Simon Abrams is a NY-based freelance film critic whose work has been featured in outlets like The Village Voice, Time Out New York, Vulture and Esquire. Additionally, some people like his writing, which he collects at Extended Cut .
“[I]f I had to stand up in front of students and justify the real-world utility of a Film Studies major, I’d say, “OK, maybe if you want to be in the industry you can bust your ass and end up as an assistant in the marketing department for Pixar. Maybe you’ll even get health insurance. But we’re moving into a service economy, and most of you will end up working at Wal-Mart, and the way that Film Studies will be useful to you will be when you try to pick up someone in a bar, you’ll have something to talk about, because everybody likes to talk about movies.” Your move, Gary Ross . [ Vetoxa via Looker ]
Dear Bossip , Preface: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. He’s my first love. Now, he’s one of my best friends, if not my very best friend. We spent this past Christmas together, which was the first time either of us had ever spent it away from our families. He invited me to go on his family’s reunion cruise. He got a job as a counselor at the same sleep away summer camp as me for this July and August. We go to college in different states now, and he used some of the inheritance money he received from his recently deceased grandmother to come down here and visit me. He’s been nothing but a wonderful, loving boyfriend, and I can’t imagine not marrying this kid one day and having all his babies. He frequently talks about when we’re going to get married. We even almost went to city hall one day last summer on a whim. He has this whole little plan about how he’s going to get the money to buy me a ring and a house for us and how we will effectively live happily ever after. He gets me in a way I’ve yet to experience with anyone else, and I honestly feel like we truly love each other. Problem: We’re both 22. We both drink. Sometimes we drink a lot. Sometimes when we both drink a lot, we argue. But sometimes, when he drinks too much, the night ends in him choking me. It’s not every time he gets too drunk, but it’s happened more than once. Maybe 7 times in the entirety of our relationship. The last time he blacked out, he punched me repeatedly in the head, and my hearing is still recovering. He woke up in the morning completely unaware. He’s admitted to having a drinking problem for years now. I proposed a break after the last time he hurt me for him to decide if he’s really ready to make the changes necessary to ensure that blacking out and choking me never happens again. Question: How big of a mistake am I making? I’m not stupid. I’m a college senior at one of the most prestigious universities in the country. I am well aware of the statistics in this country about domestic violence in this country, specifically in the Black community, and I know that logically, I should have left after the very first time. Even if we were both drunk. It doesn’t matter. And, I know that the popular opinion is that if I stay with him, he could potentially kill me one day. But am I so wrong in thinking that an abusive alcoholic can become a recovering abusive alcoholic? Or am I too first love drunk to objectively view the situation? I think it’s the fact that it has only happened when he or both of us have been obliterated that I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt. Plus, we have literally never fight sober. We don’t argue sober. We either agree or compromise through communication. The drunken nights, though severe, are my only qualm about the relationship. And he’s seen me through some dark times in my life. I don’t want to give up on him. I know in my heart that he’s not this guy. So, I guess, what do you think? I’ve never told anyone that before. I can’t tell anyone, honestly. I guess I’m just hoping for some sort of outside opinion. – Punch Drunk Love Dear Ms. Punch Drunk Love , This is Breaking News! This just came in! You say that you are not stupid, well, according to my bull-ish calculator, YES YOU ARE! The hell you trying to justify or reason this damn boy beating on you??!!! No, this is not cool. No, this is not okay. And, hell to the MF’ing naw you shouldn’t stay a minute longer. Get your –ish, and get the hell out!!!! He is not going to change, won’t change, and isn’t interested in changing. And, if you’re so damn smart and intelligent, and you attend one of the most prestigious universities in the country, then how come you can’t use your intelligence and deduce that a boy who beats a woman repeatedly, a boy who admits to being an alcoholic, and a boy who refuses to get treatment for said disease will only continue to beat you, remain an alcoholic, and remain in denial about his illness? Don’t they teach something like that during your core classes at prestigious universities? Don’t you intelligent high-siddity know-it-all women use your brains for common sense, or y’all are too smart for your own damn good, and you figure you’re too intelligent to allow yourself to be beaten by a man because you attend a prestigious university? And, I’m curious as to what prestigious university you attend, or has his punching you in the head rattled your brain and caused delusions of grandeur and you have misconstrued your community college as a prestigious university? Chile, puhlease! Miss me already. And, he didn’t choke your ass “Maybe” 7 times. He did choke your ass 7 TIMES! Then, this fool punched you repeatedly in the head, and you’re recovering from the hearing loss, and you’re asking me what you should do? Really! REEEEEAAAAAALLY????? Here’s what you do: The next time he drinks himself to the point of blackening out, then I want you to boil you some grits, and when they are piping hot I want you to stand over him and pour them over his genitals. And, while he’s recovering in the hospital you tell him that you don’t remember anything at all because you were so drunk that you are unaware of what happened because you blacked out. It’s interesting that you referred to your boyfriend as a “kid” early on in your letter. So, I am only left to surmise that you are correct in your assertion, and that he is not a man, because a real man does not put his hands on a woman. A real man does not drink himself into a stupor and beats his woman, and then awakens the next day with no recollection of what happened. Oh, yeah, those gifts he gives you, and those promises of making you his wife and loving you are only a ploy and his lame sorry ass excuses to you so that you won’t leave him. Because quite frankly no woman with any amount of common sense, or half a brain, and definitely someone who is college educated from a prestigious university would not allow herself to be used as a punching bag for ANY MAN! And, sweetie, if you can’t tell anyone. And, you’ve never told anyone. Then what does that make you….hmmm…I think the correct word is ENABLER! If he knows he has a drinking problem, but he won’t get help for it, then guess what, Ms. Oh-So-Smarty-Pants, he isn’t interested in getting help. They say the first sign of someone who is an addict is the fact that they know they have a problem. If he knows this and he doesn’t do anything about it, then he isn’t interested in healing, and getting treatment. He will forever, and will always be an alcoholic. And, you are enabling him by drinking with him. You are enabling him by allowing him to use you as a punching bag, and then act as if nothing happened. There are no repercussions for his behavior. HE NEEDS TO BE IN AN ALCOHOL TREATMENT PROGRAM. He needs to find out what is they source of his drinking and why he is doing it, and especially getting to the point of blacking out, and beating you in the process. Hold up, hold up, let me take that back….HIS ASS NEEDS TO BE LOCKED THE HELL UP!!!! I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t be me sitting there letting some man punch me and choke me out, and he’s still walking on two legs. No ma’am! As he is blacked out from his drunken stupor, I would be all the black off his ass and then call the police and tell them where to come pick his narrow ass up! And, I want you to know this, and listen to me good, you hear me damn it!!!! You can’t fix him. You can’t change him. You can’t make him be who he isn’t. He is an alcoholic. He is an abuser. He is a monster and like most people when they see a monster, YOU RUN! And, love is not beating on someone. It’s not abusing the person you’re with in any fashion. It’s not hurting them physically, mentally, or emotionally. That is not love, and he doesn’t love you! You’re 22-years old and he is already using you as his target of frustration and anger, and beating you to a pulp, but somehow and some where in your small ass brain you are trying to outweigh the bad with what good again? There is nothing you can say to me, or anyone who is a battered person and has survived an abusive relationship that will make us agree with you and tell you that you should stay. I don’t and will not ever condone or support any man who puts his hands on a woman for any damn reason. Hell, I don’t support any persons putting their hands on their mates, or the person they claim they love. And, here your silly young dumbass is sitting up here trying to justify a man CHOKING YOU and PUNCHING YOU IN THE HEAD! Whew, girl, you gon’ get my blood pressure up! If you feel you can’t talk to anyone, or you are too embarrassed to say something, then have your parents write me. Better yet, I want to sit down with them. I will tell them what’s going on, and let’s see how your father handles the situation. As a matter of fact, let’s have a family meeting, and I pray to GOD that you have a Bubba, Ray Ray, and June Bug in your family. I want them to hear the sordid details of how this boy beats you until he blacks out, and how he doesn’t remember anything the next day. I bet his ass will remember the ass whooping they put on him when I finish telling them what he does to you! So, in the meantime, refer him to an alcohol treatment program. That is all you can do for him. You can’t save him, fix him, or make him be in treatment. That is not your job. If he refuses or doesn’t want to get help, then that should be your ticket and answer to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! And, then I want you to get into some counseling and speak with someone about your emotional and mental state, as well as being a victim of domestic assault. Please, please, please do not try to justify his niceness, and goodness when he’s sober for when he’s drunk and pummeling you. That doesn’t make sense. There is no justification or reasoning for his behavior. It’ wrong. Pure and simple. And, if you don’t get out just know that this is a prelude to what your life will be like with him forever, if you make it to forever, because one night after he’s drunk and going upside your head he may actually strangle you and kill you. And, that’s some real bull-ish right there. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
‘Our Mindless movement is all about being confident, just being yourself,’ Battle of the Boy Bands hopefuls tell MTV News. By Kelly Marino Mindless Behavior Photo: Getty Images The first round of MTV News’ Battle of the Boy Bands has officially ended, but there is still time for fans to cast their votes for their favorite heartthrob group in hopes to title them the ultimate boy band of all time. Another group urging their biggest followers to vote for them are the guys from Mindless Behavior . But before you get mindless with your votes, here are some facts about the foursome that might help steer your mind in the right direction: Highest Chart Achievement Their single “Mrs. Right” featuring rapper Diggy Simmons reached #8 on the U.S. Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop charts after its 2011 release. Defining Tune The guys confess they would travel the world just to find the right kind of girl in the beat-popping hit “Mrs. Right,” causing female hearts in every country to flutter. Standout Video During their pledge to search high and low for “Mrs. Right,” the boys get a lesson or two in geography from their teacher, Professor LL Cool J. Directed by Brett Ratner, the video also features Mike Epps as the school janitor, who joins in on the fun during a pep rally to cheer on Diggy Simmons and the group’s signature dance moves. Debut Album Their debut album, #1 Girl, hit the U.S. in September 2011, debuting at #7 on the Billboard 200 with 36,000 copies sold in its first week. Biggest Competition Despite all of their success, the boys weren’t afraid to admit who they thought might be their biggest competition amid the new wave of boy bands that has exploded on the scene. “As far as other boy bands who I feel [are] our biggest competition is One Direction and the Wanted,” Roc Royal told us. “That’s a huge competition for us, because we all have different movements, and they come from the U.K., and they also have fans out here, which, they have a lot of fans out here, so it’s crazy.” So why do the guys think they should win our Battle of the Boys Band? Well, it’s simple, really: “There’s a lot of boy bands in the poll, but we’re definitely unique,” Princeton stated. “So please vote for us.” Ray Ray chimed in: “I think we should win the title for Best Boy Band of All Time because we have a great movement. Our Mindless movement is all about being confident, just being yourself, not caring what other people think, stopping all the bullying and, one, we’re really great artists. We have songs that anyone can listen to. That’s why I think we should win.” “And we love all of the fans,” Princeton added. When it comes to learning the key to becoming a great boy band, the group even filled us in on a little secret the Backstreet Boys once told them while on tour together: “When we were on tour with the Backstreet Boys, the advice that they gave us was ‘Stick together no matter what,’ ” Ray Ray shared. “They said: You might have arguments here and there, but just stick together. You have to become family although you’re in a group. You have to literally become family, and you got to stick together.” Voting in round two of MTV’s Battle of the Boy Bands runs until noon ET on Monday, April 30. Winners are determined by fan votes, so if your favorite band made the cut, make sure you keep voting. Tune in to AMTV and MTV Hits for their boy-band video takeovers each day and make sure to spread the word on Twitter using the hashtag #BBB and like us on Facebook for updates! Vote for your favorite band, discuss and share on Facebook and Twitter in the MTV Battle of the Boy Bands interactive bracket! Related Videos Battle Of The Boy Bands
Dear Bossip , Well, I have been with this dude for about 4 years. He’s everything to me, and he has been there through thick and thin. I always had his back whenever he got locked up. He is only 8 years younger than me. I have 7 children, but only one of them is his. He works on a garbage truck and every morning I wake up at 3:00am to take him to work, but he doesn’t help with the bills or provide for his child at ALL! Not to include that I have to do everything on my own with no job. I pay his phone bill, and I support his habit (smoking). So, last year I found out he was talking to another girl and she claimed that she is pregnant by him, which means she should be about 8 months pregnant now. So, about a week ago I get a random message on Facebook. This girl tells me that she knows where I stay, she knows what kind of car I drive, and that she’s seen us leaving together before. She says that she is confused because he is supposed to be her boyfriend, and he tells her that I’m dropping him off at his mom’s house. Soon as I confronted him with this information he told me that the girl is lying, so I forgave him. A few days passed and he proposed to me. So, I am confused on if I should spend the rest of my life with this man or if he is not worth it at all. – Ms. Love Me Some Him Dear Ms. Love Me Some Him , Sigh! Really? Really! You love you some him! Girl, stop! Just stop this madness. You have 7 children, and only one of them belongs to him. You don’t have a job, yet, you are paying his cell phone bill, and supporting his weed habit. You see people, this right here is the prime example of how your tax dollars are being spent with those who use the government as a crutch, and instead of providing and caring for their children they are busy taking care of grown ass trifling no-good men who ain’t –ish and won’t be –ish! You mean to tell me that you wake your nappy headed ass up at 3:00 in the morning to take him to work, and he doesn’t help with any bills or provide for his child? What are you thinking when you are getting out of your bed, starting your car up, picking him up, taking him to work, and then going back home? Oh, my bad, silly me, you don’t have a brain. Donkey’s don’t think, they just do. Let me ask you this: Who is home with your children when you leave at 3:00 in the morning? Do you even wake up and get your own kids ready for school in the morning? Do you even put in the same amount of effort of caring for your children and providing for them as you do for the very man who does not provide for his child AT ALL? Process those questions and let me know what you come up with. What’s also sad is that you’re concerned about him and this other chick who is pregnant and carrying his child. This same man whom you wake up at 3:00 in the morning to take to work, and he doesn’t help in any shape, form, or fashion with you and his child. So, while you’re taking him to work, he finds the time to lay up with her, and carry on another relationship, but you say that you are confused because you’re not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Are you freaking kidding me right now? WOW! WOW! WOW! There truly is a genetic stupid mutation happening right under our noses, and you were able to write your letter and email it without being caught. I’m deleting this immediately. I don’t want the government coming after me! But, hold up, let’s look at the fact that this man who doesn’t provide anything financially, emotionally, or mentally for his own child, however, he’s willing to take money from you and allow you to pay his cell phone bill, and his pound of weed. Does that make any type of logical sense to you? In your reasoning mind, does that even sound like a man who is capable or able to propose marriage to you, and come into your home and care for you and your 7 children? Look here, Miss, I don’t know who the father of your other children may be, but, lawd, please, please, please I do hope that you….wait, wait, wait a freaking minute…you’ve been with this man for 4 years, and you say that he’s been there through thick and thin, and you’ve been there for him whenever he’s been locked up. How is this possible? How can he be there for you if he’s frequently locked up? How has he been there through thick and thin, yet, he’s not supporting his child? Is his d**king you down compensation for paying his cell phone bill, and supporting his weed habit? Where did you learn that a relationship is being with a man who doesn’t care for his child, you take care of him, and he sleeps with other women? The problem is not with him. The problem is you! You have allowed this to happen, and it began with child number 1. You began this pattern with whomever the men you’ve allowed to use you as a doormat and dumping post for their semen. You’ve allowed yourself to misconstrue love and sex, and having a baby as a commitment, and some possible way of having a man to remain with you. There is something that you are lacking, and I’m certain that it’s because you didn’t have love in your home. Your father is definitely not in your life, and your mother did not provide any type of structure for how to conduct yourself as a lady. You’ve been searching for love, and a father figure (The Looking For Daddy Syndrome) all your life, and any man who shows you some type of affection it makes you feel loved and wanted. And, thus, your 7 children, also give you some type of love and feelings of being needed and wanted. Girl, let me stop because this can go on for a while. To answer your question, this man is not serious about marrying you. He is not remotely interested in having you as his wife. Just as he has cheated on you and got another woman pregnant, and you support him financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically, you will always find yourself giving of yourself to him to prove your love for him, yet, he will not do anything to give of himself to you, nor will he give you his heart and love. He’s selfish, immature, and definitely not a man. So, if this is the type of man you want, then knock yourself out, and I wish you a blessed married life. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I need help. I met this guy on a dating site and I have fallen in love with him. I really don’t believe he feels the same way. I spend days at a time at his house cooking and cleaning up his apartment. He tells me he misses me, but I really think he misses me cooking and cleaning for him because his house is always a hot mess when I come back. And to make matters worst I recently went back on the dating site only to find he is still active on it. Also, he told me he wish he could date his female best friend. I’m at a cross roads with him. He frequently tells me he does not have a girl friend, which includes me, yet, he encourages me to spend time with his mother. I’m at the point of just walking away. – Feeling Like A Housemaid Dear Ms. Feeling Like A Housemaid , Ma’am…ma’am…. Could you lean into the computer screen. Closer. Closer. Closer. WHOMP! (That’s me knocking you upside your damn head!) I don’t understand some of you women sometimes. Like, really, where do you live? Have your brains suffered that much damage from wearing them too tight weaves that you can’t think or comprehend any longer? Have men really f’d up your sense of judgment? Is the d**k that potent that you forget who you are? If every time you go to this man’s home, and you are cleaning his apartment, and cooking for him, yet, he hasn’t made you his woman, or even acknowledges you as his girlfriend, then, yes, dumbass, you are a housemaid. You are a convenient piece of ass with nothing else to offer. The sad part is that you are a housemaid who is not even being compensated for your time, or work. But, I bet any amount of money that you are that one trick he knows he can call on whenever he needs something. I bet you pay some of his bills, too, don’t you? I bet you take your EBT card and hit up Piggly Wiggly and stock up on groceries to take to his home to fill up his fridge and cabinets. SMDH! You are truly simple. Simple. Simple. Simple. This man has said to you that he wished he could date his female best friend. He didn’t say he could or would date you. He didn’t say he could or would make you his woman. Yet, he has no problem with you coming to his home and cleaning and cooking for him. He has no problem banging your back out on the fresh linens you washed and put on his bed. And, what’s so sad about you is that you wait on his calls with baited breath because you have no life, no self-esteem, and no sense of worth. He calls you up casually and says he “misses” you and wants you to come over and take care of him. (Cocks head to the side). Yes, Ms. Get-A-Freaking-Clue, you’re right with your observation that when he says he misses you it’s because he only misses you cleaning his apartment and cooking for him. WOW! (Talking in baby talk to you – Did you come up with that conclusion all by yourself? You are a good girl. A real good girl. How do you think you should be rewarded?) But, here’s another clue – As he’s sitting in his dirty ass apartment, and his other woman, or women, are coming through, he doesn’t want to appear like he’s a dirty ass bum, so he calls you (the dumb chick who jets over to his crib like the Speedy Gonzales you are), and you provide your dutiful services of housemaid washing the dirty sex stained sheets he’s been screwing his other women on. Simple. Simple. Simple. Let’s move forward. When a man tells you that he is interested in another woman, i.e., best friend, baby momma, or some random chick he’s been screwing for a minute, then, uhm, sweetie, it’s time to start back stepping out his house and out of his life. His affection, heart, and attention are focused on whom? I’ll give you a clue – NOT YOU! He doesn’t see you. He has no vision for you. And, if you went back on the dating site where you met him, and he is still active on the site, then, in all your wisdom, in all your knowing, and in all your common sense, do you think he will ever, ever, ever make you his woman or settle down with you? (Starts filing my nails. I’ll wait while you ponder this.) Yet, you are up in his house, in his face for days at a time, cleaning his apartment, washing his clothes, scrubbing the floors, and have pots of food cooking on all eyes on the stove, and with something baking in the oven. And, on top of that, he frequently tells you that he does not have a girlfriend. When he is piping you down does he make you wear your maid outfit, too? Ms. Honey, that man is not, never, ever going to make you his woman. You’re the help. And, what do we say about the help – We don’t date the help, sweetie. Girl, please stop being a chamber maid for this man. You are not his maid, housewife, woman, girlfriend, momma, or grand momma. Tell that trifling bum to kick rocks and eat dirt. He’s a grown ass man calling you to clean up his house and cook for him, and your happy d**k thirsty dumbass is doing it for free? Please make it stop baby Jesus! The next time he calls you tell him that you have an invoice for him for your cleaning and cooking services. Let him know that you need payment in full. Not 30 days, not next week, and not tomorrow. But, today! It should tally up to about a couple of thousands of dollars. And, I’m being generous. Then, I want you to walk away. With all your courage, with all your might, and with all your strength, I want you to free yourself and stop allowing yourself to be used, and taken advantage of by this shiftless, tired, and lazy ass bum. Reclaim your life, your sanity, and your EBT card. Hold it up and yell from the mountaintops, “It’s my card and I own it now!” Then, I want you to claim victory and freedom. Claim and re-inherit your vagina from his clutches. Don’t be a victim any longer to the d**k. I know it’s going to be hard, but you can do it. You can let it go, and no longer be held hostage to the d**k. Run, Cora, Run! Be free! Free at last! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
