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Dear Bossip: We’re Both Under 20 & Live Together, But It’s Difficult & I Feel Our High School Romance Is Over

Posted on July 15, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve been with my boyfriend, on and off, all through high school. We’re both under 20 years of age and have an apartment together. I guess everything is fading because every other week or month he’s been asking me would I like to go back home, like I just can. I moved away from my family, but me and my family aren’t that close anyway. And, I’ve been getting frustrated with him about that, but lately he told me he’s not physically nor sexually attracted to me anymore. Quiet honestly, I’m not attracted to myself; I’m not saying this because I feel bad or anything. I know I’m not looking my best, but how can I when I’m young and pay bills? I can’t even by myself a new hair bow. I need a makeover, or sweepstakes. But, it’s not that easy because the apartment and bills are in my name and we have a savings account together. He’s controlling, and I’m tired of that, too. It’s always he can say and do whatever, but I can’t and he’s overly insecure. If you seen him you wouldn’t think that because he’s very good looking. I don’t know. I really need some advice. It’s not easy not having anyone to talk to. I’ve also felt that I was pulling away from him because my interest has been on girls lately. But, also, because I feel like I’m too good to keep putting up with this after all I’ve done and continue to do. Is our high school romance over? Please let me know. – Ms. Trying To Get Me Good Dear Ms. Trying To Get Me Good , Yes, the high school romance is over. You are no longer lovebirds living under the protection and roofs of your parents, sneaking out with each other on the weekdays and week nights to meet up and talk about your dreams and fantasies. You are no longer in high school, meeting at your locker in between classes, kissing and feeling one another up, and making plans to skip school. Nope. Those days are long gone. You both decided you wanted to be adults, and play grown-ups, and move out on your own and live in your high school sweetheart bliss. Welp, you did and it’s not so pretty is it? Life is hard, and it’s tough. Life is full of paying bills, going to work, and being responsible adults. It’s not about laying up and laying around your loved one all day, and not having a worry in a world. It’s about taking care of yourselves, feeding yourselves, and struggling to keep the lights on, the water, paying car notes, your phones, and traveling back and forth to work. Welcome to adulthood. Welcome to being independent and living on your own. Now, because –ish has hit the fan, and the reality has set in for him, he is ready to bail out and call it quits. He’s ready to run home and go back to the safety net he once had. He’s figured out that life is not kind. It’s not hanging out in the streets and not worrying if food will be on the table and in the fridge when he comes home. He has to work. Be a man. And, take care of his responsibilities. And, you have become part of his responsibility. No longer is it just about him, or just about you. It’s the two of you in this together. So, now what do you do? Do you give up and run back home? Unfortunately, you say you can’t go home because you’re not close with your family. What will you do, or what can you do? Well, it will suck if he just up and leaves you and returns home. That is why he keeps asking you if you would like to go back home. The reality is that he wants to go back and home. And, because you can’t he is frustrated. He is angry. And, you are part of his frustration and anger. And, this puts a strain on your relationship and his feelings for you where he no longer finds you attractive physically or sexually. He wants out and feels obligated to stay. SMH! You have options. And, you need to strongly consider them. The first is let him go home. Let him leave, and end this relationship. He is not about this life, and you can’t afford to take care of him emotionally or mentally, nor be in this unhealthy relationship where he resents you. Why be with someone who doesn’t find you physically or sexually attractive? Why be with someone who resents you, and wants to control you? It’s not worth your sanity, health, and well-being. Let him go, wish him well, and figure out how you can either stay in this apartment by yourself, or you find a smaller studio apartment that you can afford. It’s time to look out for you! The next option is that you both return home to your parent’s homes. Yes, that means you will have to learn how to work on your relationship with your parent/s, and resolve the matter as an adult. No more arguing, no more talking back, and no more bucking their rules. I know it’s hard being a young adult living with your parent/s, and you think you know it all. Well, apparently that hasn’t worked out for you because look at your situation. At some point, you have to grow up, and start to take responsibility for your part and what you contribute to the dissention in the relationship. Sit down, talk, and work it out. Whatever is going on at home, you can talk about it. Learn to listen, and learn how to better communicate with one another. Being at home will allow you the opportunity to continue working, save some money, and you can give yourself 6 months to a year to earn enough money to move into another smaller and more affordable apartment alone. Yes, alone. The relationship with your boyfriend is over. It’s time to focus on you, building you, and taking care of yourself. And, also get back into school. Having an education, and empowering yourself will pay off in the long run so you won’t end up in this same rut. The final option is that you and your boyfriend can reassess your situation, get into couple’s counseling, and find an apartment that is more affordable to your income. There are some issues and challenges you both face and need to address. You have problems at home, and with your family that you bringing into this relationship. He resents you, and is unhappy in this situation, and has emotionally, mentally, and physically shut down from you. You see the layers that is being created simply because neither of you are not ready for the types of responsibilities you’re taking on, and you’re both under 20 years of age? You’re also complicating matters with your sexuality, and questioning whether you want to be with girls. You don’t find yourself pretty or attractive. You give all your power over to him, and you allow him to dictate to you what you can and cannot do. If you remain in this relationship, and in this situation it will only get worse. He will become verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, and then physically abusive. And, you will stay because you feel you have no place to go, nowhere to turn, and no one to talk to. You have the power to change this situation, and this circumstance. Think of you. Think of what you desire and what you want out of life. If it means ending it with him, then end it. If it means you struggle on your own without him, then it’s better to struggle alone than with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. The worst thing you can do is try to make someone stay with you who doesn’t want to be with you, or force something that is no longer working. If he wants to leave, then let him leave. Hell, help him pack, and wish him well. He is doing you a favor. And, I’m sure there are some programs, centers, and groups that can assist you in finding an apartment, a better job, and getting into college, either community college, or a trade school. Find a spiritual foundation, church, or center where you can go and talk to someone, and also a place where you can get motivated and inspired. Surround yourself with positive reinforcements. You can reclaim your life, and your power, but you have to be willing to do it. So, look at your options, and welcome to the real world. Welcome to life. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean :  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!     

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Dear Bossip: We’re Both Under 20 & Live Together, But It’s Difficult & I Feel Our High School Romance Is Over

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Dear Bossip: I Ended My Engagement, Moved To A New City & At My New Job I Started Dating A Co-Worker, But He Won’t Commit

Posted on May 14, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I need help with my situation. I was engaged with my boyfriend of 5 years, and with 2 months left until our wedding I found out he’d been cheating on me for the past 3 years. I obviously broke things off. After a few months I moved to a new, and bigger city. On my third day at my new job I met “A.” We hit it off from there, and started talking on the phone for hours, texting every day, and going out on dates. It has been almost 3 months that we’ve been talking, and I’m ready for a relationship with him. He takes such good care of me, and I get the legit sense that he has feelings for me. However, he won’t be in a relationship with me because of two things: We work together, and I quit smoking shortly after meeting him, which makes him think I did it for him. We had a sit down talk and we decided we’d be friends and friends only. On the following days he started flirting with me again, and he started kissing and hugging me all over again. So, I just went with it and refused to let myself ask him where this is all going, since he only wants to be friends. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up hooking up the other day. It was the best sex of my life. We had such a wonderful connection, and he even held me close and tight, and kissed me until he fell asleep. But, he still won’t date me. I don’t know what to make of this situation. I am completely in love with him, and all of his actions show that he feels the same. What can I do? – What Now Dear Ms. What Now , He has that disease that most men have when they break up with a woman. It’s called, “I can still hit that if I want to.” And, you fell for it. You went right back into the same web of games he’d been playing with you since you arrived as the “new” girl in the office. His mission was to get you in the bed before any of the other men. Look, you’re the new girl in the big city from a small town. He played on your naivety, sized you up, and made you feel special. I’m sure he wanted to show you around the city, and introduce you to different places. You were so enamored by this man and his chivalry, and because you’d just come out of a painful situation, he played on your weakness and he started plotting. He knew that no other man had been with you since you moved to the city, and you were “new” cootie kat. All men want the new cootie kat when it lands in the city. They can smell it as soon as you step into the room. They are equipped with special sensors which lets them know when a new woman is in town, and she has not been touched, held, or plucked yet. So, they start the hound, and the hunt on how to make you their new bedpost notch. And, ma’am, let’s be real about the lame excuse he gave you for not wanting to pursue a relationship with you. He didn’t want to get involved with you because he felt you gave up smoking for him. Really? That’s a sorry a** excuse. He could have come up with a better one than that. And, he did. He said he didn’t want to date someone he worked with. I’m an advocate for folks not sleeping and dating with their co-workers. It’s a no-no for office politics and romances. DO NOT –ISH WHERE YOU WORK! So, he was clever and he pulled out (pun intended) before things got to serious. He let you down, ended your hopes and desires for something serious, and he got you where he wanted you. Now, you are the, I-Can-Hit-That-When-I-Want-To-Girl. He never wanted anything serious with you. He never wanted you to be his girl, his woman, or to have any type of future with you other than someone to kick it with every now and then. You are his new side chick, his freak buddy. He will lay with you, give you good sex, make you feel as if he is really into you, and will cuddle, hold you, and kiss you. But, he does not want anything more than what he is getting in the bed with you. You are nothing more to him but some a**! Therefore, you have to decide what you want and if this is something you wish to continue. Can you handle being his freak buddy? Can you handle emotionally disconnecting yourself from the idea that he will make you his woman, and you will have some future together? Can you handle going to work and knowing he is only using you for sex, and that he could meet another woman and start a new relationship with her? I don’t think you are built for that type of relationship, and I don’t think you are that type of woman. You deserve more, and something better. You deserve greater and a man who will commit to you, love you, and not treat you like a game, or some piece of a**. End this relationship before it goes any further, and you become too attached to him emotionally, mentally, and physically. It will get worse if you don’t. Don’t disrupt your work environment and employment for a man who will have no problem leaving you to save his own job and sanity. He’s made it clear he won’t date a co-worker, so make it clear to him that you won’t continue to sleep with one. Spend the next few months working on you, empowering you, and building yourself. You need time to heal yourself, and get to know you. Don’t allow any distractions to come along and play on your weakness, or vulnerability. Go out, have fun, enjoy the new city, and make new friends. Take it slow, and the man for you will eventually show up and make himself known to you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean :  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!       Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/954035/dear-bossip-my-husband-spends-an-enormous-amount-of-time-with-his-mother-i-cant-stand-it-or-her/#sthash.TWkSjr3K.dpuf Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/963740/dear-bossip-my-man-obsesses-over-other-womens-assets-he-told-me-i-should-conisder-butt-augmentation/#sthash.nfCH8hBk.dpuf

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Dear Bossip: I Ended My Engagement, Moved To A New City & At My New Job I Started Dating A Co-Worker, But He Won’t Commit

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Dear Bossip: My Husband Has Continued Communicating With An Ex-Mutual “Friend” Who Solicited Him Despite My Wishes

Posted on April 21, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m such a HUGE fan and I need your advice and help. My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We started dating in 2002. During that time, we both had a mutual friend that was a female, and I actually considered her to be a friend. Then, 2 years into our relationship, he told me that she was sending him flirty and sexy texts and trying to get him to come to her house. Initially, he lied to me about it, but I caught him in a lie, which caused him to show me the messages. He said that he didn’t reciprocate any of those feelings back to her, but I was always skeptical.  As time progressed, she and I rarely spoke to each other due to this situation. However, her and my husband acted as if nothing happened.  He knows how I feel about him and her communicating, but he still does it. About 2 months ago, we got into a huge fight because I found out he started following her on Instagram.  Then, he had the balls to say that she didn’t do anything to me for me to dislike her, and this pissed me off so bad because I felt like he was defending her.  To me, it was so disrespectful and disgusting. I honestly thought about leaving his ass for this, but I thought about our 2 kids and how it would affect them. I want our marriage to work out so badly, but I will leave his ass with a quickness if he continues to feel like this woman isn’t an issue.  Please help me because I’m about to fire his a**! – Confused and Pissed Dear Ms. Confused and Pissed , You have every right to be angry and disgusted by your husband’s inconsiderate and nonchalant behavior. He clearly doesn’t get why you are upset that he is still communicating with a woman who has crossed the line and practically propositioned him to sleep with her. He can play dumb all he wants, but you knock some sense into his head. And, one thing you clearly have to know is that woman is not your friend, and she never was! She is trifling, and she knows it. And, your husband is just as trifling for sitting up there talking about he doesn’t see what the big deal is and dismissing your feelings and requests to stop communicating with her. He would get a big huge awakening when he came home from work and the house was empty. Now follow that on Instagram! Ma’am, I agree with you that he is dead a** wrong for continuing to keep in contact with her, and he is dead a** wrong for following her on Instagram. You explicitly made it known that you don’t appreciate what transpired between them, and he knows that you don’t want them communicating with one another, but he continues to do so. Therefore, he doesn’t respect you, and he doesn’t respect your feelings and wishes. Why not? Why is he ignoring you? What is he getting out of this? What attention is he seeking from her? He is getting a rise out of you, and he knows it, but at the cost of your marriage? Why? I bet it’s because your husband likes the attention. He enjoys the fact that another woman is interested in him. He finds it flattering because it plays into his ego and machismo. And, he probably doesn’t feel he is doing anything wrong because he said that he didn’t reciprocate any of the feelings she has for him and he didn’t respond to her texts. So, in his mind, he didn’t do anything, and doesn’t think there is no need for concern. That’s some bull-ish! If he didn’t reciprocate her feelings, or respond to the texts, then, why did he lie about it and try to cover it up when you confronted him the first time? Ole’ busted a**! I find it bizarre that he said she didn’t do anything to you for you not to like her. Oh, really? So, it’s okay and appropriate to send flirtatious text messages to a friend’s spouse? And, it’s okay to invite them over to your house, and they are doing all of this behind the friend’s back? Yeah, he is getting off on this. Ask your husband would he mind if his best friend was sending you flirty and sexy text messages? Ask your husband would he mind if his best friend invited you over to his house alone, and he didn’t tell your husband about it? There is clearly a double standard, and your husband is trying to belittle your feelings, and emotions. I’m sure he feels that because nothing happened then you’re making it more than it is. You are exacerbating this situation. But, he has to know that he is married. He has to honor you, your requests, and your feelings. He is playing a dangerous game, and if it doesn’t end then she will do more damage to your marriage than you can imagine. You put your foot down with him and get him right together! You put a stop to all of this –ish today! You sit with your husband and you explain to him why it’s inappropriate what she did, and why she did it. You explain to him that he is married and he should not be entertaining any woman, especially one that is clearly crossing the line. You explain to him how it makes you feel, what it does to you, and what it is doing to your marriage. You let him know how it hurts you that he is ignoring your requests when you have asked him to stop this behavior, and how you feel disrespected that he is not listening to you and honoring you as his wife. You then tell him he needs to cut it off with her, or else there will be consequences to pay. There will be repercussions if he does not end this childish antics, and his need to have his ego stroked, or some woman boosting his head. There are boundaries between married couples and “so-called friends.” You and he should have a conversation over boundaries, and what’s appropriate and what’s inappropriate. You have to communicate what you are not going to put up with, and how he needs to honor your requests as his wife. There is respect on both ends. There can be no dismissing of your feelings or emotions. There can be no dismissing of your requests. Your marriage is not a dictatorship, and he can do whatever he wants. There is a line, and limit. You set the tone. If he doesn’t get it together, then there will be hell and high water to pay. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean :  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/948516/dear-bossip-i-was-dating-a-great-guy-but-he-died-in-a-car-accident-now-my-ex-wants-to-reconnect/#sthash.4pnS8eGk.dpuf Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/949233/dear-bossip-my-boyfriend-revealed-he-was-molested-by-a-pastor-then-i-noticed-he-had-tranny-friends-online-he-visited-gay-websites/#sthash.tVCIFbzY.dpuf    

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Dear Bossip: After He Got Locked Up We Became An Item & I Learned He’s Using My Money To Write Some Other Woman

Posted on February 27, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip, I’m in my 30s, and me and my homeboy was cool as hell. We had always flirted with each other, but we were with other people. We would send X-rated pics, sweet texting, etc. He got locked up and his girlfriend at the time played him out. I stepped in and did the bid. It was getting heavy between us. I met his mom and created a bond with her. We planned a future together. I was even planning to move to be closer to him. Mind you he was a drug dealer (Big Boy). But, anyway, I found out that this girl that act like his sis they end up hooking up. But, he’s telling me to stay away from her. He said she was his ex-jail mate’s girlfriend, and her boyfriend found a letter that they are planning this all along. He’s telling me she was helping us. Bull-ish! Like my money was paying for stamps to mail her letters and stuff. Or, he’s just using her until he gets out next month? I didn’t put him in there. I really love him. I should just chalk it up right? I feel he is just a hungry person trying to eat by any means no matter who he hurts. – Ride Or Die Dear Ms. Ride Or Die , This can’t be life! You can’t be for real with this letter. I know you can’t be a grown woman talking about she knowingly decided to get into a relationship with a dude who is locked up, and really thinks your life is going to change for the better once he gets out. You really don’t believe that. (Glances over at the brochures for my Women’s Academy For Intellectually Challenged Women). Ma’am, I refuse to become complicit in this scheme and drama between you and your “Big Boy” drug dealer locked up boyfriend. You mean to tell me that you, A GROWN A** WOMAN, in her 30s, is going to ride or die, and do a bid with your “homeboy” that now, all of  a sudden, you’re dating him while he’s locked up because his girlfriend played him out? You’re riding with a dude who is locked up for criminal activity, and you really think you have a possible future with him? What future is that ma’am? (I’ll wait). So, let me get this straight: Your man’s ex-jail mate’s girlfriend (I can’t believe I just typed that), is playing like his sis. But, they have hooked up. How, may I ask, have they hooked up? She’s writing him just like you are. She is putting money on his books just like you are. So, therefore, he is pimping you and her from his jail cell. Your Big Boy, your drug dealer, is running game from behind jail walls, and you’re sitting up getting mad and angry because he is only doing what he knows how to do. He’s a hustler. He’s a boy. And, he’s locked up! He is using you and her, just like he uses other people in his life. You are nothing but someone to pass the time with while he’s locked up. He will never be serious about you, care about you, or love you. He is only telling you what you want to hear in order that you keep him connected to the outside world. You are his eyes and ears of what’s happening in the streets. He plays the role of keeping you strung on this false sense of hope of a relationship by gassing you up, and playing with your emotions and mentality. You are a game to him. A pawn. Damn, donkeys! Girl, please grow up. Get your life together, and stop acting like your thirteen. You are in your 30s bragging about dating a man who is locked up. And, he is not a smart criminal at that. He’s just as dumb! He’s not a real “Big Boy,” if he’s sitting in jail and he’s got you and some other chick writing him and sending him money. Girl, stop! Please stop! How about you focus on getting some education, we’re accepting students for the Fall semester into our academy, so get your application in early. We can even offer a full scholarship for grown birds who do bird behavior, but don’t see themselves as birds. We will need a letter of recommendation, and statement of purpose explaining why you feel you’re not a bird. You are too damn old to be acting like this, and you certainly are too damn old to be talking about you met his mother and formed a bond. So, what does that prove? He’s in jail because he committed a crime. He has no goals, no ambition, and no direction. He will do nothing for you, bring nothing to the table, or improve your situation (which isn’t much in the first place). Regardless, please think about a real future of empowering yourself, acting like a mature woman, an adult who has some damn sense. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean :  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!       

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Dear Bossip: After He Got Locked Up We Became An Item & I Learned He’s Using My Money To Write Some Other Woman

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Dear Bossip: My Man Has A Drinking Problem & He Curses Me Out & Doesn’t Remember Anything

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Benny Hollywood

Dear Bossip , I have some issues with my younger boyfriend. Ok here goes: I am 34 years old and my boyfriend of 5 ½ months is 26 years old. Recently, it has come to light he has a drinking problem. When we first met we would chill and have a few drinks together and it was cool. No problems, none of that. Well, all that changed in the last 2 months. Mind you that at 26 years old he is doing alright for himself compared to other dudes. He works full-time, has his own place, and takes care of the 2 kids he has on a regular basis. Now, with that being said here is the problem: Every day after work he gets drunk. And, after he finishes drinking he will call and come over and when he gets to my house he is very disrespectful to me. He has called me names (bish), u know the one name that will get you cut, LOL. He likes to say I don’t do -ish for him, and the things he does for me he says I don’t appreciate it. And, the list goes on. Now, the kicker is the next day when he sobers up and I am mad at him he ALWAYS wonders why and says he doesn’t remember any of it and apologizes. Now, my problem is I don’t know what to do because I like him a lot, and when he is sober everything is good. I don’t know if I should stick around and try to help him, or should I say “F” it and keep it moving. Please help me on how to handle this situation. I really do like him and want to work on it and see where things go, but I’m not the one to sit back and just allow a man to talk crazy to me and take it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. – Loving A Drunk Youngster Dear Ms. Loving A Drunk Youngster , SMDH! Ma’am, please get out of this relationship IMMEDIATELY! Do not wait, do not hold out, and do not stick around thinking you can change him, help him, or “like” him through his addiction. He has an addiction problem, and you cannot fix him. Point blank! And, I don’t care if he has a job, his own place, and takes care of his two kids, he is what you will call a functioning alcoholic. He will remain in denial because if he can do all of this and take care of things and still go to work, then he doesn’t think or feel he has a problem. PLEASE GET OUT! I’m curious as to what is there to work on? He’s an alcoholic who is in denial about his drinking problem. What can you work on? And, what do you mean you don’t know what to do because you like him? Ma’am, it’s been nearly six months and this man has already shown you who he is. Get the “F” out of the relationship! HELLO!  You know what, since you playing dumb and don’t know what to do, how about you go to the corner liquor store and pick up an alcoholic and take him home and start a relationship with him. Ain’t no difference between your man and the corner liquor store man. Stop justifying his –ish! And, why stick around? He calls you out of your name, he’s been drunk during the entire relationship, he doesn’t remember what he does after his binge drinking, and I’m sure he doesn’t even remember most of the sex you’ve had, or most of the things you’ve discussed or talked about in regards to your relationship. He’s not even coherent. So, please help me to understand what is there to work on, why are you still there, and why are you putting up with this? UGH! I don’t understand how you claim that you don’t sit back and just allow a man to talk crazy to you and take it. Yet, you’re doing it! And, then you claim when he calls you out of your name and calls you a bish, that it is the one thing that will get someone cut. Yet, you put LOL after the statement. What’s funny about a man who gets so inebriated that he curses you out, tells you what you don’t do for him, and how you don’t appreciate him, and lord knows what else he says, and you are still sitting up there pouting with your arms folded mad at him the next day because he doesn’t remember? Girl, I can’t! Did you really read your own letter and see what you wrote? Did you take the time to reflect on your situation and say to yourself, “You know what, this man is a drunk. He is an alcoholic. He berates me. He demeans me. He makes me feel like –ish. He even calls me out of my name. What is healthy about this? What woman in her right mind would sit back and let a man treat her like this? What woman would feel so low that she would not muster the courage to get out of an unhealthy situation knowing and seeing the signs of someone who is abusive and has a drinking problem?” Look here, you cannot help someone who does not want to help their own self. If he doesn’t recognize he has a problem, then there is nothing you can do. You cannot make him go to AA, or any drinking rehab unless he first acknowledges he has a drinking problem. And, even then it will be a life-long ongoing treatment for him. Regardless of how much you like him, it is not your problem, and it is not up to you to stick around to see him through it. He has to do the work, and heal himself. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he is doing, then please do not stick around waiting on him to see he has a problem. Besides, he doesn’t respect or love himself because I can only imagine that if he is drinking to the point of blacking out and not remembering what happened the day before, then I don’t know how he can care for his two children, and he is left alone with them. He is putting his children at danger, which should tell you that he does not care about anyone, and he is selfish. He would put everyone else’s life at danger with his drinking. What happens when you are out and he is driving? What then? What happens when he begins to berate you in public, or embarrass himself, then what? What happens when he becomes physically, then what? I strongly urge you to get out of the relationship today. And, I want you to do some soul searching and look within yourself to get to the core of why you choose to stay in this relationship. Knowing what you know, what you have experienced, and why you allow someone to treat you this way, then what does this say about you? How low is your self-esteem, and why are you allowing this to go on? Also, stop thinking you can fix him, or help him. YOU CAN’T!!! Again, why are you letting this go on and allowing this man to talk to you crazy, any kind of way, and show little respect to you? Answer those questions and then hopefully you will be able to muster the little strength you have, and the little dignity you have to walk away and leave the drunkard on the sidewalk where you found him. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!              Continue reading →

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