Tag Archives: Barack Obama

Does Sad Obama Have Seasonal Affective Disorder? [Sad]

Poor Barack Hussein Obama. Fred Hiatt of The Washington Post thinks he has a “happiness deficit” because he hates his job . But we have another theory: Barack Obama isn’t sad… he’s afflicted by SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. Hiatt— overlord of the worst opinion section in America —paints our president in such melancholy hues that you can imagine Hamlet slapping his back with a heartening “Buck up, kiddo.” The problem, Hiatt writes, is that Obama “doesn’t seem all that happy being president.” Hiatt wonders with concern: “What part of it does he enjoy?” Obama bristles at “schmoozing with foreign leaders;” he only reluctantly goes about “rolling up his sleeves and wading into the crowd;” he even prefers a game of basketball to “putting his feet up on his desk after a long day and chewing over events with aides.” Hiatt cites this sad excerpt from a January People interview: President Obama spoke in such a hush about the loneliness of his decisions on war and terrorism that one could hear between his words the tick of an old lighthouse clock across the room. An old lighthouse clock . Symbolic, because lighthouse keepers also hate their jobs. Is Obama just your typical disaffected commander-in-chief, joylessly clocking into the Oval Office each day and googling “retirement communities + greater Chicago area” between meetings? Since we’re playing Presidential psychologist, we’d like to suggest a more clinical explanation for Obama’s recent funk. It’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it afflicts as many as 1.5-9% of adult Americans. Obama’s physical found nothing last month, but the evidence suggests, Contra Fred Hiatt, that Obama’s Happiness Deficit is in fact nothing more than a seasonal deficit of Vitamin D. Obama’s Big Sad Time really began with the death of the public option back in December. It reached its peak with the election of Scott Brown in February. This is the dead of winter! Wikipedia, work your magic: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter . Our seasonally-depressed president has been in no state to weather the normal ups-and-downs of the presidency. The hallowed look in his eyes grew hallower. His hair grew even grayer. He speaks in hushed tones of loneliness and wants nothing to do with other world leaders who would only remind him of his own pain. He’s smoking again, popping Provigil like it was Tic Tacs . Just gotta make it to spring, he probably mutters to himself during a midnight trip to the White House kitchen, another sleepless night, another microwave burrito and endless C-Span marathon… to forget. But spring approaches! We are hopeful that with the sun and the crocuses will come a reborn Obama as his nervous system floods with Sweet Lady Vitamin D. Until that time, though, we have a suggestion that’s probably healthier than cigs and late-night C-Span marathons:

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Does Sad Obama Have Seasonal Affective Disorder? [Sad]

Ted Casablanca’s Awful Truth blind item is NOT the Palins. At least I am pretty sure it is not.

Okay I have been sent this post from Ted Casablanc almost a half dozen times. And sometiems people have becoem cranky wiht me for not puting it up. So okay here it is. The may not be swingers like Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off, but Henrietta Hard-Ball and her blandly good-looking husband, Elijah Schwad, have a convenient relationship when it comes to sex. Like so many famous couples. Henrietta’s allowed to pursue (with ferocious abandon, mind you) her high-powered career, as long as Elijah takes care of the family and the home. It’s an arrangement that’s served both spouses well, for many reasons. But ah, the only reason that causes us to really care about her is the one that makes Elijah happy. Can you guess what it is? A little bed-time dynamic that might make even Toothy Tile jump for joy? Yep, you guessed it (otherwise you’re reading the wrong column, really), Elijah lives to get it on with the dudes. But like so many selfish men—is there any other kind?—Elijah also wanted a happy home and a family, so he brokered a deal with the attractive, driven Henrietta, who’s about as interested in sex these days as Lindsay Lohan is in working. So both kinda fake-married folks get what they want—a career for her, a harem of hotties for him. What’s even more interesting about this scenario is the fact that Henrietta and Elijah don’t have your typical celeb following. Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick they are not. Let’s just say that one of them works in a business that is mercilessly driven by what Middle America deigns right and wrong. If anybody in this corn-fed fanbase the kinky twosome so direly depends on ever got wind of the debauched details in the couple’s sex arrangement, life would be over for them both—in seconds. Hmmm. That’s quite a gamble, wonder why either of them are even taking it? Oh, that’s right, Henrietta’s never been known to see anything close to reason, completely forgot. AND IT AIN’T: Gisele and Tom Brady, Mo’Nique and Sidney Hicks, Michelle and Barack Obama Yes, I agree that the description of this couple sounds suspiciously like Todd and Sarah Palin. However unless Casablanca has uncovered something that has escaped the notice of every journalist and blogger up here, the description of this man having sex with other guys precludes him from being Todd Palin. Believe me I have heard almost every single kind of rumor that you can hear about the Palins, and I have never even heard a whisper of one like this. I could go down a list of all of the actual rumors I have heard, but I have no idea which ones have any validity, or which ones have been shared in confidence and nobody else is supposed to know. (I get a lot of those!) But for the record, as far as I know Todd likes the ladies. Believe me if I knew otherwise I would probably have hinted at it by now. Or I would just confirm that Casablanca is on to something. But I have no information that leads me to that conclusion. (By the way if you click the title and read the comments on the Awful Truth it is pretty clear they have little doubt that it is about Todd and Sarah. Gee I wonder who it’s REALLY about?)

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Ted Casablanca’s Awful Truth blind item is NOT the Palins. At least I am pretty sure it is not.

McCain challenger J.D. Hayworth just lost at least half of the Teabagger vote.

“Hey Bill, I view this entire debate as esoteric. It’s as esoteric as arguing about the eligibility of Chester Alan Arthur well over a century after he served as president,” said Hayworth, referring to the 19th-century president whose detractors would spread rumors that he was born in Canada. “Look, Barack Obama’s the 44th president of the United States. His election was certified. I believe he was born in Hawaii. I made certain statements on the air to — to provoke conversation. That’s what happens in broadcasting.” Did Hayworth just admit that he only pretended to support the birther movement to get more listeners for his radio program? You can almost hear teabagger heads exploding all over Arizona.

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McCain challenger J.D. Hayworth just lost at least half of the Teabagger vote.

Philip Morris USA Continues to Slowly Assassinate President Barack Obama [Politics]

President Barack Obama ‘s first periodic physical exam—in which the Chief White House Physician examines him at Bethesda Medical Center to serve up “a candid assessment of the President’s ability to carry out his duties”—is complete. The results? He’s fine! President Barack Obama is, as they say, “Fit for duty.” But note the physicians recommendation, from the report : For those who like words more than words in pictures, that says “Continue smoking cessation efforts,” as in, keep quitting smoking. For the record: cessation |seˈsā sh ən| noun a ceasing; an end : the cessation of hostilities | a cessation of animal testing of cosmetics. a pause or interruption : a cessation of respiration requiring resuscitation. And how many smokers do you know who are “quitting” (all of them) and who have actually quit? None. Also, it notes that the president is using what’s referred to as a “nicotine replacement therapy.” Obama is not superhuman. We know this because he doesn’t shoot lightening out of his dick. Therefore, like every other red-blooded American who’s on The Gum, The Patch, or The E-Cigarette, he’s either (A) still smoking or (B) addicted to The Gum, The Patch, or The E-Cigarette. I know this because there are 1. No fewer than five smokers on the Gawker masthead, all of whom have probably told someone in the last year that they’re “trying to quit” and 2. One who chews nine boxes of The Gum a day and 3. If you’ve ever smoked, know a smoker, have tried to quit, or have quit, you just know this. There’s no such thing as “quitting” smoking. Just like there’s no such thing as being on a “diet.” You’re either healthy or you’re not. Or “kinda seeing someone.” You’re either leaving your cell phone charger at her apartment, or you’re not. Or you’re just dealing with more bullshit from people telling you to stop doing something you know isn’t good for you, that you also kinda want to stop doing, but for the moment, don’t, because you have more important shit on your mind, and you’re either gonna get around to it before you’re dying from it, or not. Bottom line. Obama’s probably still smoking. And this is a good thing. After the year he’s had, we’d have cause for concern if he wasn’t smoking. You know? Smokers know. Let the guy enjoy a nail every once in a while. It’s for our own good. Gawker Presidential Health Assessment : He’s fine. Fuckoff.

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Philip Morris USA Continues to Slowly Assassinate President Barack Obama [Politics]

Phillip Morris USA Continues to Slowly Assassinate President Barack Obama [Politics]

President Barack Obama ‘s first periodic physical exam—in which the Chief White House Physician examines him at Bethesda Medical Center to serve up “a candid assessment of the President’s ability to carry out his duties”—is complete. The results? He’s fine! President Barack Obama is, as they say, “Fit for duty.” But note the physicians recommendation, from the report : For those who like words more than words in pictures, that says “Continue smoking cessation efforts,” as in, keep quitting smoking. For the record: cessation |seˈsā sh ən| noun a ceasing; an end : the cessation of hostilities | a cessation of animal testing of cosmetics. a pause or interruption : a cessation of respiration requiring resuscitation. And how many smokers do you know who are “quitting” (all of them) and who have actually quit? None. Also, it notes that the president is using what’s referred to as a “nicotine replacement therapy.” Obama is not superhuman. We know this because he doesn’t shoot lightening out of his dick. Therefore, like every other red-blooded American who’s on The Gum, The Patch, or The E-Cigarette, he’s either (A) still smoking or (B) addicted to The Gum, The Patch, or The E-Cigarette. I know this because there are 1. No fewer than five smokers on the Gawker masthead, all of whom have probably told someone in the last year that they’re “trying to quit” and 2. One who chews nine boxes of The Gum a day and 3. If you’ve ever smoked, know a smoker, have tried to quit, or have quit, you just know this. There’s no such thing as “quitting” smoking. Just like there’s no such thing as being on a “diet.” You’re either healthy or you’re not. Or “kinda seeing someone.” You’re either leaving your cell phone charger at her apartment, or you’re not. Or you’re just dealing with more bullshit from people telling you to stop doing something you know isn’t good for you, that you also kinda want to stop doing, but for the moment, don’t, because you have more important shit on your mind, and you’re either gonna get around to it before you’re dying from it, or not. Bottom line. Obama’s probably still smoking. And this is a good thing. After the year he’s had, we’d have cause for concern if he wasn’t smoking. You know? Smokers know. Let the guy enjoy a nail every once in a while. It’s for our own good. Gawker Presidential Health Assessment : He’s fine. Fuckoff.

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Phillip Morris USA Continues to Slowly Assassinate President Barack Obama [Politics]

The Fall of the House of Murdoch [Decline]

Rupert Murdoch —the dashing, daring, fearsome and fearless press baron, the mogul among moguls—will will celebrate his 79th birthday next month. As he approaches his final years at the helm of his empire, he finds it crumbling around him. Sure, News Corp. reported a better-than-expected $250 million profit last quarter on the strength of Fox News and Avatar , and all indications are that it has weathered the recession intact. But Murdoch’s lifelong crusade has always been about more than just money—it’s been about acquiring power, routing enemies, and the glorification of his own ego. And he has always accomplished those goals surrounded by a merry gang of corporate bandits, happily slitting throats and cutting deals with a vicious and entrepreneurial esprit de corps traceable to Murdoch’s own tyrannical mien. It was an extraordinarily well-run company, guided by an iron fist. No more. “It’s terrible now,” a News Corp. insider tells Gawker, relating the slow, Shakespearian devolution of Murdoch’s fierce machinery into turmoil, factionalism, and infighting. The old man, nearing the end of his reign, no longer inspires enough fear or loyalty within his own ranks to keep the jostling for power beneath the surface, and a Lord of the Flies ugliness abounds. Roger Ailes has transformed Fox News into a highly profitable rogue political operation, jeopardizing Murdoch’s most prized asset—his access to political power—with an unending stream of volatile rhetoric. His longtime consigliere and liaison to the Democratic power structure, Gary Ginsberg, decamped last year and just joined Time Warner. Matthew Freud, his own son-in-law, is lobbing bombs at Ailes in the pages of the New York Times . And Murdoch himself, though spry by any standards for a 78-year-old, is showing his age: His leadership has become unfocused, insiders say, and he’s made a bizarre string of public statements, from agreeing with Glenn Beck that Barack Obama is a racist to claiming he never said that a few days later to blaming New York’s political woes on Gov. David Paterson’s blindness . The internal turmoil has led the News Corp. insider to commit the unforgivable sin of speaking of Murdoch in the past tense: “He had a good run.” The growing factionalism within News Corp.’s ranks as Murdoch nears the end of his days is likely to be the topic of a New York magazine story on the company, by reporter Gabriel Sherman, that is set to run next week. Sherman’s nosing around has sparked considerable chatter in Murdoch-land, and insiders are said to fear that it may begin to shake loose some of the crumbling edifice of Murdoch’s empire. If Murdoch were to stop for a moment when he celebrates his birthday next month and, King Lear-like, survey his kingdom, here is what he would see: The Hapless Heir The battle for who will replace Murdoch at the helm seems to have come down to a choice of his son James or anybody else. Lachlan Murdoch has been exiled to Australia and recently sold off the bulk of his personal shares in his father’s company to fund his own acquisitions. Murdoch’s daughter Elizabeth seems unwilling to give up Shine, her television production company, and is an unlikely choice. That leaves James, whose anal-retentive management style is said to be reviled by many News Corp. regulars. Where Rupert and his old number two Peter Chernin—whose conflicts with James led to his departure last year—were freewheeling and tended to trust their deputies, James is controlling and obsessed with memos and progress reports. As he inserts himself into News Corp.’s operations, he’s undermining the buccaneering culture his father encouraged. “With all the memos and structure, it’s almost more like GE than News Corp. now,” says one insider. James’ chief flunky is Matthew Anderson , the overly aggressive and scheming flack that James brought on board in the wake of Chernin’s departure to help grease the skids for his ascension, who demands that talking points and briefings be prepared for his boss to engage in the most casual conversations. The Meddling Wife To mix Shakespearean metaphors, Murdoch’s second wife Wendi Deng is the Lady Macbeth of his kingdom. Obsessed with Hollywood glitz and eager to raise her profile as a mogul’s wife—and harboring ambitions of her own as a potential power player in her husband’s model—Deng floats among News Corp.’s properties, dabbling in films and even maintaining an office at MySpace at one point (she’s still involved with MySpace’s operations in China). She briefly partnered with the wife of former MGM chairman Harry Sloan on a movie starring her friend Zhang Ziyi —the star of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon —before the project fell through. Deng’s social ambition is gargantuan, and she is cultivating a mogul’s wives sewing circle including Anne Wojcicki, the wife of Google co-founder Sergei Brin. The Rogue Knight Roger Ailes’ Fox News brings in $700 million in annual profit to Fox News, and was the only reason the company made money last year. But the festival of white rage that Ailes has unleashed to bring those dollars in has put Murdoch in an awkward position with the White House—a place he never likes to be, politics aside. The tension between profit and access blew up last month in a bizarre New York Times story featuring Ailes banging his dick on the table about how successful he’s been and Matthew Freud, Elizabeth Murdoch’s husband, delivering a pointed attack on Fox News’ “horrendous and sustained disregard of the journalistic standards.” It’s unclear where Murdoch stands on Fox News, aside from the fact that he loves money. Insiders say it was none other than Wendi Deng and James Murdoch who arranged for the Times ‘ Tim Arango to talk to Freud for that story, meaning Murdoch’s closest family members are plotting against his biggest earner. Add to those the mess at the New York Post , which is facing a rash of lawsuits exposing the foul racism and sexism that editor Col Allan has fostered, and the boondoggle of MySpace, which Murdoch bought for $580 million in 2006 only to watch it get demolished by Facebook. Murdoch is a vile man, who has done vile things. It’s fitting that the black empire he built so efficiently over the course of his life should begin to fray at the end of his reign. But it’s still kind of sad.

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The Fall of the House of Murdoch [Decline]

Kanye West’s Greatest Blog Moments

‘Why won’t you let me be great?,’ ‘South Park’ and more all-caps greatness. By Kyle Anderson Kanye West Photo: Kevin Mazur/ WireImage Even when he decided to lay low following his interruption of Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the 2009 Video Music Awards, Kanye West has remained connected to his fans and admirers via his blog . In between posts about video premieres, friends’ songs, and looks, books and anything else he’s excited about, Kanye has populated his blog with delightfully sprawling rants about whatever happened to be bothering him on any given day. He has also often responded to criticism in this way, constructing long diatribes that, because they are almost always published in all capital letters, can come across as the rantings of a madman. Kanye launched his long-promised new blog, KanyeWest.com , on Wednesday (February 24), and although at press time it only featured a provocative photo of his girlfriend Amber Rose and his new “Coldest Winter” video (and its relation to his Kanye University site , which includes his blog, remains unclear at press time), it feels like a good time to roll out our favorite Kanye blog moments.

The Walrus Was Barack

Barack Obama’s mother looks exactly like a young Paul McCartney Uncanny! View

George W. Bush Billboard Asks: Miss Me Yet?

Rumors are swirling that if you drive down I-35 in Minnesota, you’ll see a billboard featuring a smiling George W. Bush accompanied by the question “Miss me yet?” This was initially discredited as a photoshopped hoax, but it’s real. But the dual mysteries surrounding who paid for the ad, and what their motivation was, remain. Are they Obama supporters sarcastically hoping to remind people about George W., or Bush fans sincerely yearning for the “good” days of the past administration? Mary McNamara, general manager at the Minneapolis office of Schubert & Hoey Outdoor Advertising, the company which owns and leases out the billboard, says: “The ad was purchased by a group of small business owners who wish to remain anonymous.” However, “some of the people in the group were Obama supporters.” McNamara added that the message the group hoped to convey was one of “Hope and change, where is it?” She went on to say that she has yet to receive any negative feedback about the ad, which has been up for weeks. Not everyone buys that. Cindy Erickson, the chairwoman of the Democratic Party in Chisago County, where the billboard is located, suspects the ad’s funders are in actuality conservative activists posing as Obama supporters. “I don’t have any idea who did it, but my thought was that they’re Tea Party people,” she said. “Regardless, it’s been the subject of many conversations around here.” Minnesota was a “blue” state in ’08, but Chisago is part of a Republican-leaning string of suburban counties that Obama lost about 55-45 in the presidential election. While it’s subject to some interpretation, there’s little doubt that Obama has been under fire. Has George, however unwittingly, joined Sarah Palin in laying into him? What do you think of the Bush billboard?

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George W. Bush Billboard Asks: Miss Me Yet?

White House Openly Ridicules Sarah Palin

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs took a blatant shot at former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today. You could say it was an open-handed slap of sorts. Robert Gibbs addressed the press corps this afternoon with a mini grocery list on his hand. The ingredients: Eggs, Milk, Bread (crossed out), Hope, Change. This was a response to Palin using crib notes while reciting her speech and laying into President Obama at the National Tea Party convention in Nashville. Because you really need to write down “I’m proud to be an American!” – her #1 political position – on your hand. Is memorization that hard? You betcha! Robert Gibbs mocks Sarah Palin’s “notes” from Sunday night . Pretty funny, really, when you consider she rips Obama for using a Teleprompter. Also funny? In her Q&A, she really went off-message … or off-English. Make no mistake, the White House didn’t appreciate Palin’s cheap shots, and the administration isn’t kidding when it talks about fighting back harder. After all, Palin hates their agenda even more than Levi Johnston ! If this continues, it’s going to get pretty stormy in D.C., and not just because the city’s about to get slammed by a second blizzard in less than a week. Should Sarah Palin run for president?

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White House Openly Ridicules Sarah Palin