I had the chance to sit down with Skid Row star, Celebrity Sex Addict Star, Vivid Porn director and Star, and Now Author Phil Varone and ask him 10 questions… If I had more time I would have gone into how much of a con artist and scam that Dr Drew murderer and opportunist is. Here’s what he had to say. 1- Was being a rockstar like being a pornstar but without the cameras? A Rock Star is a little different to say the least. The funny part is, we always had cameras around us when being in a band. I think both industries are very much the same and a lot different as well. 2- What industry has more morals, the music industry or the porn industry? The Adult industry for sure. The music industry was loaded with thieves and liars. Being young and new years ago, I was ripped off for my whole career. 3- How many women have you been with? It’s hard to say, but in the thousands for sure. 4- I’ve been to swingers clubs many times, and the women are all old and fat and something I wouldn’t have sex with if I had standards, how did you find swingers worth looking at for your movies? Well, I think that’s a stereotype when it comes to swinging. There is a new generation of swingers and they are young, very attractive and full of energy. I’m a member of a few swinger sites and that’s how I meet them. 5- You were on the Dr Drew Sex Addicts show, Is being on camera just the next level in sex addiction. I don’t identify as a sex addict. I did the show to be on TV and like any other show on TV, they were casting people to try to make it interesting. I was the token Rock Star that slept with a bunch of groupies. 6- I read that you are back out touring with your old band Saigon Kick, where can we find out where we can see you guys perform or am I asking too late? We just finished the first run of 5 shows. These were test shows to see if the fans where still there and if the band could actually get along. It was a very successful run so there might be some shows in the future. 7. Do you still have groupies that show up for performances? There are groupies, but nothing like the old days. I’m shooting a series for Vivid called groupies, so that will be a fun one that takes you back stage and the viewer will see how I try to score. 8. What’s the name of your latest movie from Vivid and what is it about? It’s called 100% Real Swinger Series –Big Bear. I loaded up an RV with swingers and rented a cabin for the weekend. That one is very fun!!! 9. How do you maintain a solid personal relationship as a swinger? Well, swinging is a lifestyle and my gf is in the lifestyle as well. It’s the only way I would have it. 10. I understand that your memoirs are about to be published.What’s the title and when can we get copies? The book is called UN-Philtered – REAL LIFE ON AND OFF THE ROCK ‘N ROLL TOUR BUS. Anyone can get ebook copies by going on RIVERDALE AVENUE BOOKS
Dear Bossip , I am a 30-year old single woman who has been out of the dating game for a year due to a very bad break up. I have always been the faithful type and I don’t make a habit of sleeping around. Last year around this time I found myself awaiting the return of my fiancé who was serving in Iraq. For 18-months I kept to myself and just counted the days until my man was to come back home. Well, I got a special surprise one day when I answered the door and it was my boo. He was back a whole week earlier. To make a long story short, he took me right then and there. The sex was off the chain. About three weeks after that I started having some female issues, so I went to my Gynecologist and I found out I had herpes and gonorrhea. I know I could have only gotten it from him because for the past four years he has been the only partner I have been with. When I confronted him about it he was not angry or surprised by it until I broke up with him. Now, a whole year later I have been flirting with a guy in my office who has asked me out so many times it’s not even funny. I finally said yes and we have been going out and having fun for about three months now. We have not had any sexual contact yet, but I want to so bad. I have all the information about protection and how not to spread herpes, but my question is how do I even bring up the subject without him automatically thinking I am a skank or something? I don’t know too many black men that are willing to date someone who they know has an STD. – Stuck With A Disease Dear Stuck With A Disease , Damn! Damn! Damn! (In my Florida Evans voice). Now this is some ole’ low down dirty trifling bull-ish right here. Please don’t tell me that that man is still breathing and walking! Honey, all of your cousins, brothers, and uncles should have whooped his MoFo behind! Here you are being the dutiful girlfriend who stuck by her man’s side while he went off to war to fight for our country. You did the upright and admirable thing and held down the home front. I bet any amount of money that you supported him emotionally while he was away. You sent letters, cards, and care packages to him for the entire eighteen months he was in Iraq. You didn’t even stray outside of your relationship. You remained faithful. Yet, this disease infested trifling a** dirty dog is having sex with lawd knows who, and what, and comes back home and brings you a special package. One you can’t get rid of it. Yeah, you would have been entitled to a “beat his a** and clip his nuts” get out of jail free card! This should be a lesson for all women out there. If your man is out of your life for a period of time, i.e., overseas, prison, or wherever, and he comes back into your life, girl, until you’ve both been tested for all diseases and have gotten a clean bill of health from your doctor, please use condoms. Or better yet, don’t engage in sex until your results return!! Okay, Ms. Thing, back to you. So, you want to know about the guy in the office who you’ve recently started dating and you haven’t had sex with yet, but you want to. You want to know how to bring up the subject matter without him thinking you’re a skank or something. But, what I am reading and interpreting from your questions is, if you should tell him about your herpes, or if you should take precautions and don’t say anything? So, let me ask you this. The fact that your ex didn’t say anything to you and gave you herpes and gonorrhea, how do you feel about that? Didn’t you feel betrayed? Didn’t you feel deceived? I’m sure you were hurt, angry, bitter, and probably asked, “Why me?” So then, why would you do the same thing to someone else? Why would you not tell someone about the risks and potential harm you are putting them in? It’s called being selfish. It’s called being self-righteous, and arrogant. You don’t care about anyone else except you and what you are getting out of the situation. You are willing to put someone else’s health and life at risk because you want some sex to satisfy your own selfish pleasures. Girl, that is wrong. Be honest, upfront and tell the truth! You want to know when to tell him about your situation? Ms. Honey, it’s time you tell him now. Today. Right now. This very moment. It’s been three months and you’ve been avoiding it because you’re afraid of what he is going to think. He deserves to know. He has a right to know. I am certain he wants to have sex with you, but I am clear, and very clear, that it is you who is putting him off because you’re afraid of how he will respond to your situation. Don’t you dare wait until you have sex with him, and while he’s laid up next to you then you decide you want to become Ms. Truthful and Honest and tell him, “I have herpes, but it’s all good because we used condoms and I know all about the precautions.” Don’t be surprised if he jumps out of the bed, leaves you lying there, and never speaks to you again. You have to tell him because it’s the right thing to do. You can’t worry about how he is going to respond or what he is going to think. You can explain to him what happened, how it happened, and that you are treating your herpes. However, it is up to him if he decides to stay in the relationship, or if he decides he wants to sleep with you. If you’re honest and tell him the truth, and educate him on the precautions to take, you never know how he’s going to respond. So, Ms. Thing, I’m sorry about what happened to you, but, please don’t go around manipulating and deceiving others because you feel no one will love, or date you because you don’t want to disclose the fact that you have a disease that is infectious. That is trifling and low-down. Be a woman and be upfront about your situation. Don’t mislead others for your own selfish pleasures. In being honest and truthful you never know how your mate will respond. Respect, love, truth, and honesty goes a long way baby – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Artists Whose Personalities Make Their Music Annoying Listening to music is an interesting experience. If we don’t like the artists then sometimes we don’t like the music. Some artists are just so annoying that we like their music less because of it. These celebrities damn near make us want to boycott their music because we just can’t stand them at all. Sorry, it’s not the music. It’s you.
Dear Bossip , I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and I am pregnant. We connected instantly and love each other a lot. We are both happy about the baby and spending our lives together just sounds amazing. My issue is that he smokes weed every day. He has done so for about 4 years and says he “wants to quit.” Let me inform you that this “man” cannot hold a job due to failing drug tests. We have yet to go on a first date because he “never has money.” He has anger issues and is rarely positive. He had a job for about a week then got fired because his drug test came back tampered with. He says he wants a job but can’t quit the weed. It is so bad that one day me, him, his friend, and his friend’s girl went riding around. His friend saw a guy selling roses on the street and got his girlfriend one. I said, “awww,” hoping he would do the same. Nope, he instead says, “Man, why would you do that? You make me look bad. You know this is my re-up money for weed.” So, apparently $5 is too much to spend on me. He never has money for me, but always has money for weed. I want to go to movies and out to eat, just basic romance. Romance doesn’t exist here! I fear the weed is making his anger worse. Our arguments don’t seem like arguments they seem like him telling me what I am doing “wrong” and his harsh words make me cry. I am starting to think that I decided to have a child with the wrong guy and I don’t know what to do. He is incredibly selfish and I think I am figuring this out when it’s too late. We’re about to have a child and I don’t want him to pick weed over my child because that is just ridiculous and I hope he has more sense. I need some advice please. – In Love With A Weed Head Dear Ms. In Love With A Weed Head , You’ve been dating a man for 9 months, and you’re already pregnant!?! Sigh! Here we go with this backwards asinine bull-ish, yet, again! Ladies and gentlemen, and all you tax payers out there this is where and what your money benefits. This is the support that you contribute to each year to help pay for. Ms. Honey, you barely know this man, and you’re up here talking about y’all are so in love. In the beginning of your letter you’re saying how you both are excited about the baby, and how spending your lives together sounds amazing. Bwahahahahahahaha! Uhm, sweetie, notice that by the end of your letter you’re expressing regret that you’ve decided to have a child with the wrong guy, and you don’t know what to do. He’s selfish and your arguments are of him telling you what you did wrong and his harsh words make you cry. Now, I may not be a rocket scientist, but, err, uhm, I do know this — if in one letter, you go from being in love and excited about having a baby to regret over your decision and the uncertainty of your future together, then by my math and calculations you’re not as happy as you say you are, and you’re hoping things will turn around, but you know they won’t, therefore, you’re considering if going through with this entire relationship will end up with you being another statistic as a BABY MOMMA TO A NO-GOOD TRIFLING ABSENTEE FATHER. And, my answer is, yes, you’re correct in your assumption. Now, let me see if I can get this short yellow bus to pick you up and bring you to my school, The Women’s Academy For Transformation From Donkey To Lady . I’m holding a spot especially for you! Ma’am, by reading your letter, and from what you shared about him and his weed habit, as well as his behaviors, I’m surmising that he may have a mental health problem. Now, I’m not a specialist, psychiatrist, or expert, but from what you’ve described about his erratic behavior, mood swings, anger issues, inability to hold a job, and his need for weed every day all day is a typical sign of someone who is self-medicating themselves who suffers from a mental health issue that he may not have been diagnosed. But, again, I’m speculating based on the information you provided. Also, he has an addiction. That is certain. He is addicted to drugs, and if you can’t see that, and refuse to believe that he is, then you are just as in denial as he is. And, you are an enabler, along with his family and friends. Yes, all of you are playing a part of his drug addiction by allowing him to continue to use drugs, yet, no one is stepping in to help him see this, or even offer treatment. You all sit by and say, “Well, it’s just weed. So, what he smokes every day. He’s not hurting anyone.” Despite what you think or heard, marijuana is a drug. And, if your man is using every day, and he is using his money, the very little he has, to buy it, and he is unable to maintain a job, and his behavior is affected when he is not using, then HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! If he will prefer to buy drugs over food, or even to take you out and do nice things with you, HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! If he refuses to stop using in the efforts of maintaining and holding a job longer than a week, HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! And, if you think that he will choose weed over his child, then you are absolutely correct. HE WILL CHOOSE WEED OVER HIS OWN CHILD BECAUSE HE HAS A DRUG PROBLEM! No, he is not a winner. No, you did not choose wisely with this man as a mate. No, you are not a priority to him, nor will your child. He will choose weed over you and his child every time. He is not fit to be a father. He is not suitable as a mate. He is not worthy to waste your time investing in this relationship because for the short 9 months you’ve been together, he has been consistent in one thing, and one thing only – buying and smoking weed every day. This is what you’ve known about him the entire time you’ve been with him, yet, YOU decided to overlook this and procreate with him. Why? I don’t know. The –ish people do for love, for a man, and for a relationship baffles me every day when I open my inbox and read the letters. So, what woman in her right mind would continue to lay with a man, and have unprotected sex with a man who has no job, cannot maintain a job, and who smokes weed every day? Oh, yeah, that woman is you, and I’m certain that you are not in your right mind. Something is clearly wrong with you. At some point you have to take responsibility for your actions. You have to take responsibility for your part in all of this. You allow him to talk down to you, berate you, and make you feel bad. You allow him to buy weed every day, yet, he has no job, and the little money he gets, which is probably from you, helps him to get high and not take responsibility for his life, or the life he has helped to create with you. Therefore, he is not, will not, and cannot be accountable. He has no respect for you, nor are you are priority to him. If he will not buy a $5 rose for you now, he will not spend $5 in the future on you, or his child. If he won’t take you out to dinner, movie, or do simple things, he will not do it later. And, he won’t even spend time with his child once the child is here. If he won’t stop smoking weed to maintain and keep a job now, then he will not stop smoking weed when the child is born to help take care of his responsibility. He has shown you who he is. Believe him. And, I believe that his only responsibility is to make sure he gets his weed every day to drown out whatever misery, pain, or mental/emotional challenge he has. You will be another statistic of a baby momma dealing with a no-good trifling man who won’t pay child support, or help care for his child. And, you will become bitter and angry because you will feel that he is doing you wrong. The cycle continues, and will repeat, yet again. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
With that Tierra nonsense finally behind us, The Bachelor is getting serious. Sean Lowe has reached the hometown dates. In other words, high stakes. With four women remaining and only three spots remaining to continue on his “journey” next week, one very special someone had to get the chop. But who? Check out The Bachelor spoilers to learn what happens next week and beyond, then come along for THG’s +/- recap of the hometown date episode … Plus 25 right off the bat for the fact that we finally get to see some real dates, i.e. Sean hanging out with the girls without six other girls waiting around. And no Tierra, in general. Plus 5 . The first hometown date goes to AshLee Frazier, who is definitely the oldest, most mature and most serious of the final four. Does that make her a favorite? Not necessarily. They talk about meeting her family and then they do it. That’s about it. They have a nice time, and everyone gets along very well. No points , though because while he seems perfectly content with AshLee, the fun-loving and passionate side of Sean seems lacking when he’s with her. Similar values and backgrounds? No question. Compatible over the long run? Unclear. Guess it all depends on who else he’s still dating here, right? Enter Catherine Giudici, who’s as fun as you can get. They throw fish at each other at Seattle’s Pike Place Fish Market and laugh their brains out. Plus 70 . Sean and Catherine really click – it’s natural, spirited and maybe even a little romantic – but surprisingly, this was his least successful family meeting. Catherine’s family GRILLED both of them, seemingly unconvinced any of this could be genuine. Minus 50 , because they weren’t even listening. Being protective is one thing, but were they just going overboard? It appears she went on the show as a whim, and is now in it for love. They don’t buy it. He also doesn’t get his theoretical proposal blessing from her mom. Burn! Minus 20 . Catherine has life goals and he doesn’t know where he fits in. Burn again! Minus 20 . She’s still in the running, but this hometown date didn’t do her too many favors. Lindsay Yenter, meanwhile, had a great date. In Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. Sean met her family, including her dad, who’s a 2-star Army General. Plus 40 for his service to our country. Minus 40 for the producers having Lindsay putting Sean Lowe through a fake army boot camp of sorts. The meeting with her mom and dad went as well as one can hope for under these or any circumstances, however. What nice people they are. Her mom adores Sean and loves how he makes her daughter feel, and respects that he doesn’t dole out the “I love you” bomb lightly. Plus 40 . Her dad, despite the Army exterior, even grants Sean permission to maybe, perhaps, ask his daughter to maybe marry him someday. Plus 10 . Minus 30 , though, for Sean asking this so often and awkwardly, especially if he can’t or won’t say “I love you.” What reactions does he think he’ll get? Lindsay is young and not necessarily the “mature beyond her years” sort of young. Just young. Cute, fun, kind and sweet, but still, very young. Is she ready to settle down? Is Catherine? Maybe AshLee is still in the running after all … it all depends what Sean’s looking for out of all this. Oh, Desiree Hartsock. How you managed to shake up this episode. Plus 30 for the drama that played out, even if some of it was scripted. When she brought Sean back to her house, a jilted ex-boyfriend showed up to try to win her back … and totally fooled Sean. He was an actor. Sort of lame by the producers to pull that, but it was fun to watch Sean squirm a little, and the actor even got in his face, so Plus 20 overall. Des’ parents seemed to approve of Sean, though her brother Nate dominated the interviews (that’s what we’ll call it) and not in a good way at all. First, he tells Desiree Sean feels nothing for her, then pulls Sean away to tell him he doesn’t appreciate The Bachelor playing his sister for a fool. Minus 50 because how would he even know that if it were true? A little guarded skepticism is one thing, but this was just way over the top by Nate. Desiree knew it cast a pall over the whole night, and was hurt, frightened and confused by what happened. Would it be too much for Sean to get past? By the time the rose ceremony came around, he convinced that he wanted to keep AshLee and Lindsay. Plus 25 . The final rose? Still up for grabs! Concerns about Desiree’s brother permeated, though. Whatever his issues with Catherine, he sort of knows where he stands there, unlike with Des. Desiree pleaded for forgiveness for her brother’s behavior … which only made things worse for her when Sean ended up giving that last rose to Catherine. Plus 25 , because that was the right choice, even if Desiree was devastated, and Sean clearly wasn’t sure she was wrong. But, hey, life goes on. Celibate Fantasy Suite time next week! So much hugging! Plus 25 ! EPISODE TOTAL: EVEN! SEASON TOTAL: +32! Who do you want to win The Bachelor? AshLee Frazier Catherine Giudici Lindsay Yenter View Poll »
Debbie Ford, a best-selling author known for the book “The Dark Side of Light Chasers,” has passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was 57. A family spokesman confirms that Ford died at home in San Diego. Her 1998 self-help book spawned an empire for the author, as she aimed to help readers overcome their personal demons. Ford went on to pen eight more books, lead workshops and host TV/radio shows devoted to this topic. She also shared her own struggles with drug addiction and a divorce. Wrote Ford’s sister in a statement: “From the time she was a little girl, Debbie was one of those people who had a strong mind of her own, and did things on her own terms and that is how she lived. And she was always so funny! Even up to the end, she had us laughing. “She leaves us with such an impressive body of work. We know that her contributions will live on through the millions of people she has touched with her books and teachings, and the thousands she has trained in her work.” She is survived by her mother, son and brother and we send our thought to all of Ford’s loved ones.
Dear Bossip , I am a single mother to a one year old boy. Promising myself that I won’t have to sing the “single black mama” song for the rest of my life, I continued with med school and recently graduated. During this time, I met the man of my dreams. He’s open, generous, kind, understanding and forgiving. Besides the fact that I love him, I have never met another human being like him in my life. He is truly the type of person that no one can speak ill of. When we met, I had vowed celibacy, maybe that it why things were different this time around. I got to know him in every single way without being intimate with him. He accepts me, faults and all and the reason I am writing you is because I whole heartedly want to be able to do the same for him. About a month after we began dating, we were having a conversation about sexual transmitted diseases. He randomly adds to the conversation that gay men are not allowed to give blood being of the risks of HIV. At first I thought, “How horrible, gay men are people too and not all gays should be assumed to have HIV.” However, my second thought was, “Why would you be concerned about gay men being able to give blood unless you were gay?” Without even knowing I blurted out, “Are you gay?” He answered no. I then asked, “Are you bisexual?” He again answered no. I left his apartment that night feeling very uneasy. The next day he said he wanted to talk. While we were in school, I’d asked him if he ever slept with anyone in the school and he told me he didn’t want to talk about it. I pressed him and he said he was involved in a horrible love triangle that would’ve ruined his career but he refused to tell me anymore. Well, today he was ready to tell me the whole story. He was sleeping with a girl who wanted to be his girlfriend. They were good friends with another couple in the school. My boyfriend began “hooking up” with his friend’s boyfriend. He had a sexual relationship with him, but he says he has never had sex with a man. Long story short, all parties are made aware of the undercover relationship. Both females involved are scorned (understandably) and tell everyone in the school, essentially outing both men who no one knew were gay before. When I found out I was heartbroken, angry and embarrassed, I felt as if I had been dating a gay man and no one felt the need to tap me on the shoulder and say, “Hey, you know he’s gay right?” He says that he is bisexual but prefers women. He tried to explain that his attraction to men differs from that of his attraction to women. I don’t know how I managed to get over it, but I did. It took time, and a lot of Googling, but I eventually accepted it, or so I thought. I recently met his parents and we are supposed to be taking our first vacation together later this summer. He has yet to meet my family and son. I don’t know if I mentioned that I am African and he is Jewish. At first I thought this was the reason I have been hesitant to bring him home, and also the fact that my family is crazy, old school and will ruin a relationship they don’t approve of. But, lately I have been thinking maybe it’s because I have a bisexual boyfriend. Am I afraid he will be improper with my son? Am I afraid that his openness about his sexuality will cause my family to disown me? Can we get married if I’m Christian? How will that work? I have all of these questions. I feel like I am at a point in the relationship where if I cannot see myself spending my life with him I should not drag it out. BUT I sincerely care for him, and minus his bisexuality, he would be perfect. I don’t know what to do. – Sexuality Obsolete Dear Ms. Sexuality Obsolete , So, let me get this straight (no pun intended) LOL! Your man is bisexual, but he did not come out forthright to disclose this information to you until you pressed him about it? And, when you did question him, he lied, then eventually told you the truth? And, though you say you’ve gotten over his sexual preference, you’re considering marriage with a man who is bisexual, and you’re wondering if your religion will impact your lives? Girl, you obviously missed the short yellow bus this morning. I’m going to call them and have them swing back through and wait for you. I swear these letters get better and better every day. Well, let me ask you this – What do you stand to gain in marrying a man who is bisexual? He has revealed to you, that though he prefers women, he has an attraction for men. So, are you going to throw on a strap-on and bang him out? What happens when he feels the need to satisfy his attraction for men, and need some stiff loving? What happens when he’s out and about, or gone for long extended periods of time, or you’re gone for long extended periods of time, and he wants to get his man meat satisfaction? How is he supposed to shut off the part of him that has an attraction for men just because he marries you? No matter what you think, hope, or want to love him enough to be with just you, he has a desire to be with men. There is nothing you can do to make him only want and desire just you. He’s going to fulfill his desires for men, regardless of what he tells you. Unfortunately, you don’t have the necessary equipment to satisfy his long dong desires. Now, being the educated, smart, intelligent woman that you say that you are, I’m concerned that you would put yourself in this situation knowing all this information about his bisexuality and, yet, you will continue the relationship. Obviously, there is something missing within you that you feel he is the only man that can bring you love, happiness, joy, and monogamy. So, ask yourself, “What am I missing within myself? Why do I feel the need to be with a man who is bisexual and needs the comfort, and pleasure from another man? While I’m giving him 100% of me, I will only be getting 50% of him. Is that enough for me? And, when he comes to me and tells me that he is desiring a man and needs to satisfy his desires am I strong enough to let him get his back blown out and come back home to me?” But, this is a sidebar question: You say that you completed medical school and your boyfriend randomly adds to the conversation that gay men are not allowed to give blood being of the risks of HIV. And, at first you thought, “How horrible, gay men are people too and not all gays should be assumed to have HIV.” Uhm, hmmm, if you just finished medical school wouldn’t that be something you learn in school? How could you not know that bit of information? I’m just asking because that seems so odd that you, someone who has finished medical school, would not know. (Giving you the side eye) What medical school did you attend? (Lips pursed rolling eyes) Anyway, there is nothing that can come of your relationship with this man. He is bisexual. He will never be completely yours. He has a desire and attraction for men. He will step out and get his fill regardless of how strong he tells you that he is or wants to deny himself. He’s lying. Just like he lied to you when you asked him about his sexuality. He has no problem lying, and if he did it once he’ll do it again. You say that you’re wondering and are afraid that he will be improper with your son. Then, you need not be with this man. Besides, him being bisexual has nothing to do with pedophilia. He has an attraction for men, not little boys. Therefore, please educate yourself. And, again, if you’re thinking he’s going to do something with your son, and this will always be on your mind, then why even entertain continuing the relationship, let alone marriage? SMDH! Chile, I swear you’re not as educated as you think you are. Did that short yellow bus arrive yet? Next, you’re afraid that his openness about his sexuality will cause your family to disown you. Uhm, you think! Of course they will disown you. They will be giving you the side eye, and probably will knock some damn sense into your head. They will never accept him. That’s the truth of the matter. Can you get married if you’re Christian? How will that work? It won’t. Ma’am, he’s Jewish. If he’s traditional Jewish, you will have to convert. Otherwise, this will not work. But, let me wrap this up. You say that you care for him, minus his bisexuality. Well, boo boo, that is a part of him. You can’t ignore it and hope it goes away. It’s not. Therefore, by my deductions and calculations this relationship is not going to work, last, or endure. Why drag this out? Honey, get out and move on. Otherwise, you’re going to find yourself like his ex-girlfriend and discover your man is sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I recently reconnected with someone I grew up with and dated as a adolescent again via Facebook. It’s been 12 years since I seen him, but I spoke with him a few months ago, but never stayed in contact as I was going through a lot around that time and I wasn’t together to reach out to anybody. I reactivated my page again and befriended him. He asked me why he got deleted. I told him it was nothing personal as my whole page was erased. We talked here and there. Nothing major. More like talking about the old days growing up. He asked for my Skype info, which I gave. He has never Skyped me when he said he would. His response via Facebook chat when I made a joke about being stood up on Skype for the first time was that he went to the store and ran into his friend, and from there he and his friend went to the bar to watch the football game, but made it clear that it would never happen again. No biggie for me. I jokingly said you get a pass being that it is football season. Nothing to make an argument over. A week after that we spoke again via Facebook. We talked in-depth about the past and creating a future if it is meant to be. He said that he always liked me and wanted me to be that one for him. I expressed the same feeling–as I have always like him, thought about him and made efforts periodically to find him on any social network. I saw him as a great father, husband and just overall qualities and characteristics in a man for any women if not me. I did not think much of it before so I did not give him my number prior to the conversation, however he did not give me his! After the conversation I gave him my number and he said he would call me after he finishes up some projects he is working on. It has been 3 days now and he has not reached out to me of any sort. I am assuming he himself deactivated his page as it is no longer on Facebook at this time. I had to re-log in another old account to make sure if It was deactivated or if he blocked me or if he made his information invisible. I asked about his last relationship. I usually do not as I could care less. I figured whatever they did within that relationship, I too will find out, which is a red flag for me and which is not. His response was to make a long story short, he messed up. She had everything but his trust. He ran down the list of all her qualities, and I said is there any more you would like to make a list on..got damn!?!? To me that was a red flag that maybe he is not over his ex like he say he is and two, he said he does not trust people so if he does not trust people, then how could he possibly trust me? His response was be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Just be a good girl. I believe the ones that do not trust people are actually the ones that cannot be trusted as he said he started seeing other women who wanted him. I guess she was doing things too and that is when he started doing his dirt. He also said the sex was boring and basically there was nothing there anymore and no, she did not leave any foot prints on his heart. My question to you is, number 1) why would he take his page off Facebook without at least saying something to me to say hey, I am taking my page off but I will call you or text. 2) Is he still with his “ex” and she found out he and I were chatting and that is why he took his page down? 3) Why hasn’t he reached out to me if he is in fact single, and especially after the conversation we had? 4) Is he regretting what he expressed or maybe is nervous or embarrassed? 5) Being that I do not have his number yet, which I could get from his sister, but I am not because he personally did not give it to me, I do have his Skype info. Should I address it through whatever contact information he gave me, or should I leave it be like I have been because actions speak louder than words? And, it is a bit odd that someone does not want to reach out to somebody they want to reconnect with again and verbally pick back up on that conversation before he and I were schedules to see each other next weekend. Side note: I am seeing his sister for that weekend and he and I were going to meet up in between then. I am confused with a lot of scenarios going through my head as to why. Not so much as I want to make it work, but more so as to why men do what they do and react how they do — Researcher Dear Ms. Researcher, Ma’am, you’ve made two concerted efforts in making yourself available to this little boy who told you that he was interested in you, and that he wanted you to be that one for him. First, he stood you up for a Skype conversation, with some bull-ish story about going to the store and running into a friend, and then going to the bar to watch the football game. Plausible? Perhaps. Did it really occur? Hell naw. Honey, in my Maury voice, “That was a lie.” Second, after lengthy conversations via Facbook, he never once made an effort to give you his number. You made the first move and provided him with your number. Yes, that is a red flag. Then, three days pass and he still has not called. This same little boy who told you that he wanted you to be that one for him. This same little boy who told you how much he really liked you, and to the extent of being in a relationship with you. However, he hasn’t called, texted, or Skyped to inform you what’s going on, why he deactivated his page, or why he is being so elusive about making simple contact. (Sips tea and clears throat) Boo boo, he is still involved with this ex, or he is married, or he has another woman. Yes, he is lying about his relationship status, and he’s lying to you. Let bygones be bygones and be glad that he deleted himself out of your life. For the record, any man who spends the majority of his time communicating via social media without so much as giving you his number, or being available to Skype, is hiding something. In this day and age of cell phones, Skype, and other forms of communicating with a voice and having actual face time, there is no excuse why a man would be so evasive about his pursuits or interest, unless he is involved with someone else. Therefore, nothing can be traced back because he can always delete his social media information, and create a new account. With no cell phone records of incoming and outgoing calls, his woman, wife, girlfriend, or bed partner cannot find any evidence of him cheating. He’s a master of the game, and therefore, the fact that he disappeared out of your life, let him remain disappeared out of your life. But, let’s look at this statement you wrote, “He said he does not trust people so if he does not trust people, then how could he possibly trust me? His response was be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Just be a good girl.” You are absolutely right, he cannot and will not trust you if he doesn’t trust people. And, if he doesn’t trust people, then he is not to be trusted himself. Yes, when he revealed to you that he and his ex messed up, then he is not to be trusted. He’s revealed to you what he is capable of. He will cheat. He will lie. He will manipulate. He will deceive. Therefore, believe him. Second, he said be good to him and he’ll be good to you. Uhm, why not just be good regardless. These supposedly grown a** people playing tit for tat talkin’ ‘bout be good to me and I’ll be good to you. Well, this let’s me know that you are not a good person. If you’re involved with someone who is not good to you, hopefully you will get out of the relationship, and not feel the need to enact revenge because someone did something toward you. Chile, ain’t nobody got time for that. Third, he said, “Just be a good girl.” WOW! Really! Did you say to him, “Well, you just be a good boy.” The hell! You are not a girl. You are a grown a** woman. You’re not a little girl who needs to be scolded and told to behave and be good. Chile, miss me! Girl, let me answer your questions and be done: 1) Why would he take his page off Facebook without at least saying something to me to say hey, “I am taking my page off but I will call you or text.” – He is involved, or reconnected with his ex. He lied to you and led you to believe that he wanted a relationship. On the real, you were something to do while he was trying to get back with his ex, or he is communicating with other women and found someone to bide his time until he’s ready to bed you. 2) Is he still with his “ex” and she found out he and I were chatting and that is why he took his page down? – Yes. Yes. Yes. He got busted and she made him delete his page. And, it wasn’t just because of you, he was caught chatting with several other women online. 3) Why hasn’t he reached out to me if he is in fact single, and especially after the conversation we had? – He isn’t single. He lied. 4) Is he regretting what he expressed or maybe is nervous or embarrassed? – No. He got caught cheating and now he is trying to reconcile with his woman. 5) Being that I do not have his number yet, which I could get from his sister, but I am not because he personally did not give it to me, I do have his Skype info. Should I address it through whatever contact information he gave me, or should I leave it be like I have been because actions speak louder than words? – No. Leave it and him alone. If he really wanted to connect with you, he would have made the first move and reached out to you. You’ve given him your Skype info and phone number. Don’t be thirsty to run after a man if he hasn’t reached out to you. He’s lying and hiding something. Move on. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , The question I have is how can I tell when my girlfriend is in denial? She has this guy that’s a friend, so she says. They have been friends for like 7 months. She says they have never done anything, but she tells me she goes to his house and sits in his room and waits on him to come out the shower and she says she watches him get dressed. I didn’t believe what I heard. And, she says nothing is going on. Just yesterday I found a condom wrapper on her bathroom floor. So, when I asked her about it she started laughing, talking about I put it there from the last time I was there. I know that wasn’t true. I don’t even use Trojan’s. So, the other morning she gets a bunch of clothes in the mail from UPS from her friend. I feel like I’m in competition with this guy. – Is She In Denial Dear Mr. Is She In Denial , (* *) Blank stare at you and this email. Uhm, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but homie, you’re the one in denial. She clearly has game and is running it on you and her “friend.” Now, come on, bruh, what woman is claiming a man as a friend that she’s only known for 7 months? (Come, let me help you off that yellow bus. You’re holding up traffic.) And, for real, for real, she is sitting in his house, in his room, and waits for him to come out of the shower and watches him get dressed. But, they haven’t done anything? LMBAO! You’re just as gullible as you want to be, aren’t you? Naw, they are not having sex, he is banging her, and they may not be doing it at his house, but they sure as hell are doing it at her house. You found a condom wrapper on the bathroom floor and it’s a brand you don’t use, and she starts laughing claiming you put it there. (In my Fred Sanford voice – “You big dummy!”) If you don’t use Trojan condoms and it’s on your girlfriend’s bathroom floor, then how do you think it got there? I’ll wait for your response. Now, if you found a condom wrapper (no condom inside) on your girlfriend’s bathroom floor, where do you think it came from if you don’t use Trojan’s, and where is the condom? Again, I’ll wait for your response. Okay, I’m back. Sorry it’s taking me some time to answer your letter but there was this yellow bus sitting in the middle of the road and this boy was refusing to get off. He kept banging his head on the seat mumbling something about his girlfriend and her “friend.” Now your woman has received a UPS package filled with clothes from her “friend.” I don’t know what she is lacing her vagina walls with, but whatever it is it obviously has you delusional, deranged, and diluted. Look, Mr. Is She In Denial , let me wrap this up. It’s obvious your girl got another man and is playing the both of you. Her game is so tight that she got you believing imaginary tales of her being friends with another man, and watching him get dressed as he gets out of the shower. (* *) Blank stare. Chile, miss me and that train ride. If she is friends with him, then ask her to have all three of you go hang out. Tell her to introduce you to her friend. As a matter of fact, confront them when you do go out about the clothes he sent her and why he sent them, if he is her friend. Maybe he works at Macy’s and got a great discount. LMBAO! And, if you got the condom wrapper put it on the table and ask him if he forgot it the last time he was at her house. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t with you people. Boy, you really are silly and whipped on that girl’s coochie. She must have put it on you something awful. I suggest you get out of the relationship, move on, and stop being in denial about her situation with her “friend.” He’s not her friend. Well, maybe a friend with benefits. She is getting something from the both of you, and you’re stupid enough to continue giving it to her. Homie, you’re being played! Get your underwear from out your a** and man up. Stop being hooked on coochie and get hooked on reality! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , First let me tell you I like that you are always giving it to people real. Tough love is the best way to get through a thick skull. Mr. Dean I am in a struggle with my mind and my heart. I have friend whom I have been friends with for over 12 years and I do not agree with most of her lifestyle choices. Normally I am not bothered by those choices because they do not directly affect my life, but most recently she has asked me to be in her wedding. My problem is I am a strong believer in marriage and I believe those who cannot be faithful should get married. My friend is one of those people. Since she has been engaged she has slept with two rap stars (one of them is also recently engaged), an ex-boyfriend, a friend, and she has had not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 abortions. None of those pregnancies were by her fiancé either. I tried to talk to her to show her without coming off as a hater that she is not acting like a woman who is engaged to be married. But, it is like talking to a brick wall. She claims that once she says, “I Do,” that her cheating ways will be behind her. I do not buy it. The man she is engaged to seems to be a really committed man. They have one child together and she has a child from a previous relationship that he wants to adopt. Every time I think what she is out there doing I want to knock her over head because she putting this man and her child’s lives at risk, not to mention a lot of women have a hard time finding a good man. I am in a struggle with my morals and my duty as a friend. I do not want to be in a wedding that goes against everything I believe in and I do not think I can attend the wedding either. I am not sure if when the pastor asks, “Does anyone know a reason these two cannot be wed” that I won’t scream, “I object.” I am deep in my faith and I cannot watch my friend lie before God. So, my question to you is should I walk away from this friendship so I do not compromise my morals or just stand in line at her wedding asking God to forgive me? – Confused Friend Dear Ms. Confused Friend, Chile, mind your business. Mind your business. Mind your business. I understand that she is your friend and you are concerned about her and her judgments as a woman. But, she is grown. She is an adult. And, the choices she has, and is making are a result of something much deeper than what you hope to object to in her being married. Who knows what she is dealing with emotionally and mentally? Something could have happened to her as a child and this is behavior is a result of that, or those incidents. She probably hasn’t, nor won’t tell you about them because she may be too embarrassed to discuss. But, let’s discuss the fact that you have been friends for 12 years, and you mean to tell me that in all those years you did not say anything to her about her behavior and lifestyle choices? After four abortions something should have told you that something is not right with her, and she needs some serious therapy and psychological help. Also, the fact that she is sleeping around aimlessly with various men should have also clued you in that she is dealing with issues that are deeply rooted emotionally and mentally. Or, perhaps you were benefitting from her relationships and living vicariously through her as she was spreading her legs from the east to the west coast. If she is screwing rappers, and she is benefitting from those relationships, then guess who else is benefitting from them? You are! You’re her friend, and when she comes to you with some free tickets to a concert, or hanging out in VIP popping bottles, and she’s tricking off his money, guess who is right there with her enjoying those benefits? You are! So, did it bother then, or did you 12 years later develop some morals and values and think you’re better than her? So, she is getting married, and her fiancé may or may not know about her lifestyle or past. What are you going to do about it? Reveal to him what she has been doing and break up their relationship. Maybe he knows. Maybe she has been forthright with him and it doesn’t bother him. Maybe he has his demons as well and she is willing to accept his, as well as he accepts hers. Just because you think he’s a nice guy that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a past. We all have a past. So, whatever arrangements the two of them, it has nothing to do with you. Their relationship is not your concern. Their relationship is between them. It doesn’t involve you or concern you. MIND YOUR BUSINESS. I’m here to tell you that interfering in someone else’s relationship is a recipe for disaster. You may have good intentions and want the best for all parties, especially for your friend, but putting your nose into something you know nothing about, or don’t have all the details or information about, then do what you do best, MIND YOUR BUSINESS. Because if you say something, and get too involved in their relationship, and they end up breaking up, and she tells him what you said, but they end up working things out and get back together, then guess what? You’re the a**ed out friend who butted into their business, and they both will shun you and not invite you to their wedding. MIND YOUR BUSINESS. If it bothers you that much what she is doing, and you don’t approve of her life or choices, then end your friendship. Don’t go to the wedding and you won’t have to be offended. Don’t sit up there in the front with your bridesmaid gown on rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth. Save your money, and wish her the best and move on with your life. And, unless she has asked you for your opinion about her life, and what she’s doing, and whom she’s doing, then you talking and giving your opinion and advice is all in vain. I am a firm believer that unless someone asks you for your opinion and advice, then you do not offer it. Sometimes folks just like to vent, or share, therefore, you should reserve all your judgments and opinions because it has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t affect your life, situation, or circumstance. If they ask you what you think, then say something, but until then keep your mouth shut, and MIND YOUR BUSINESS! If she asks you for your insights, then you can let her know that you support her, and you want the best for her, but you cannot support her choices and decisions because they are detrimental to her and others. And, you truly want the best for her, and for her to have a happy life. And, if this is what makes her happy, then as my grandmother would say, “If you like it, I love it.” Don’t take her drama and issues with you into the New Year. Leave them in 2012, and you move on with a new attitude for 2013. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
