Dear Bossip , I look forward to reading these letters everyday its usually the first thing I do before I even log into work! Well, I have a dilemma on my hands. I’m a 32-year old mother of 3 kids, and I’ve been dating this nice Southern man for about 1 year. I recently introduced him to my children and they really like him. He is a great guy, family oriented, gainfully employed, great sense of humor, basically all the things I’ve asked for, BUT he is dumb as a brick. I don’t mean to be mean but I’m serious. Even to the point where my 15-year old has given him the side eye at some of the things he says. Don’t get me wrong I’m no scholar myself. I do okay though, and when I need too I Google or right-click something I’m willing to take the time to learn. But, this man just decides to use my brain instead. He’s always asking, “What should I say?” Or, “How do you spell this?” It’s getting to be so annoying!!! I don’t know if you have ever argued with a special brained person, but let me just say I’d rather beat my head against a wall. It’s starting to affect the way I look at him as a possible mate for the future. But, as the old saying goes I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water. Am I being too picky? What do I do? – Brained Burned Out Dear Ms. Brained Burned Out , LMBAO! Well, when you asked for this great guy who is family oriented, gainfully employed, with a great sense of humor, did you think to ask for someone who is smart, intelligent, wise, and educated? LOL! I’m from the school that you get what you ask for. So, if you’re not specific in your request from the universe, then you will end up with what you got. If you just want a man, any man, then you will get any man. That is why so many people end up in the relationships they have. They are not specific in the requests for the type of man they need. If you don’t expand your own ideas of a mate, then you will get what you ask for. If you don’t ask for a single, eligible, spiritual, loving, successful, gainfully employed, smart man who believes in monogamy, and who is able to express his love, desires, wants, and needs, and who desires and willing to be in love, desires and willing to be committed, desires and willing to grow and become a better man, then you will not meet or get this type of man. Be specific in your request for the man, or woman, you need in your life. And, believe me when I tell you this, people show up in your life to teach you lessons, to help you grow, and to become a better you. And, this man may be the one to help you grow, teach you a lesson, and experience something you’ve never experienced before. LOOK FOR THE LESSON IN THIS, AND IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. He just may be the man of your dreams if you’re willing to invest in him. Now, I’m not saying you have to stay in the relationship with him. If you’re not compatible, and you feel you are not growing, and he’s not helping you to grow, then get out of the relationship. But, you can encourage him. Engage him. Invite him to sit at the computer with you and learn as you’re teaching him. Recommend books to him. Take him to the museum, and on other cultured events where couples can learn and do things together. Make your date nights educational, yet, exciting for you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Take up a cooking class together. Hell, you can even learn a foreign language together. The point I’m making is that your man appears to be willing to learn and to be shaped. The fact that he is asking questions says it all. He wants to know. And, I’m sure he knows he’s not smart as a whip. Besides, Ms. Honey, if he is everything you want and desire in a man, but lacks the brain smarts then shape that man into the man you want and need for him to be. Help him to see his potential. Help him to realize his greatness. This is just an investment in him, and in your relationship. And, think about it, he’s not cheating on you, misusing you, abusing you, got another woman pregnant, and he doesn’t make you feel inadequate or unworthy. You said he is a great guy. Then make him wonderful! Yes, it can become redundant, overwhelming, and a pain in the a** when you’re constantly helping him with something. You’ve been doing it for over a year. So, if you’re not willing to invest in him, and the relationship, and he’s really becoming annoying, then imagine if you stay another year, 5 years, or 10 years. It will only get worse and you will resent him, thus, his mere presence will be an annoyance for you. You will start to belittle him and embarrass him in public. You will get joy out of making him feel stupid. And, that is not healthy or smart. So, get out now if you don’t want this to be the rest of your life with him. But, just know that the next time you ask for a man, be more specific in your request: SMART, INTELLIGENT, WISE, and HUMBLE WITH HIS INTELLIGENCE. You don’t want to get a smart a** who knows every damn thang! LOL! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: He’s Everything I Asked For, But Jeez, He’s Not The Smartest Or Brightest
