Dear Bossip, First off, let me begin by saying thank you for reading my letter. I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy. We both have great careers (he is a pastor and professor and I am a high school principal) I couldn’t be happier with our lives. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage whom I love as if she were my own. Recently, her mother (his ex wife) has come back into the picture. She was just released from jail and has no place to go. She has no family, friends, or money. What she does have is enormous love and respect from her daughter. Long story short, my husband suggested that she move into our finished basement until she can get back on her feet. Reluctantly, I agreed but told him that she can only stay for 2 months. He told me this was the Christian thing to do. I regret every part of saying that now. Lately, I have noticed that she is making passes at my husband (touching him on the shoulder, subtle glances etc). I told him about this and that I didn’t like it but he told me that I am overreacting and not to pay it any mind. This is where it gets interesting. I allowed her to use our washer one day because she didn’t have money to wash her own clothes. In her basket I noticed my husband’s boxers. I dismissed it thinking that he thought it was our basket when putting his dirty clothes in the laundry room. However, my suspicions are getting stronger now because I noticed a pregnancy test in trash of the guest bath in the basement. I confronted my husband about this and his alibi is that he was out of town. Which he was. He was out of town the same weekend his ex-wife “caught the Greyhound” to see her sick mother in a nursing home in Tennessee where she is from. Since I was under the impression that she had no family I’m very concerned, suspicious, and angry at the possibility of them sleeping together under my nose and conceiving a child. Am I being too suspicious or do you think I’m headed for divorce? – Christian In Crisis Dear Ms. Christian In Crisis , Chile, the moment he would have fixed his lips to say, “Ex-wife, leaving jail, and can she come here to stay,” I would have cut his ass off in mid-sentence, “Hell naw! Hell to the no! And, if you don’t understand that, let me say it in a Christian tone, Hell, freaking no!!” I don’t know what type of pastor your husband is, but, err, uhm, GET THAT WOMAN OUT OF YOUR HOUSE TODAY! NOT TOMORROW, NOT NEXT WEEK, OR NEXT MONTH. TELL HER TO PACK HER –ISH AND GET THE HELL OUT TODAY!! And, I’m going to say this and repeat it throughout my response: IT’S YOUR HOME! STOP LETTING THIS GO DOWN IN YOUR HOUSE AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! PUT HER OUT! I hate when so-called Christians want to throw things in your face and say, “Well, it’s the Christian thing to do.” Oh, really??? Like, moving your ex-con ex-wife into your home with your current wife because she doesn’t have anywhere to go? Chile, puhlease, there are shelters all across America. I’m certain that your “pastor” husband knows of many shelters and food pantries for those in need. I mean most pastors are connected to the community, and I’m certain there are plenty of homeless, and hungry folks in your congregation that he often helps or refers to places that are specifically designed to help those in need. His ex-wife should seek out those services to get back on her feet. Your home is not a mission or shelter. IT’S YOUR HOME! STOP LETTING THIS GO DOWN IN YOUR HOUSE AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! PUT HER OUT! But, hold up, I thought you said she didn’t have any family? So where did this mother in a nursing home appear from? SMDH! No ma’am. And, you mean to tell me that she has no friends? Really? Really! Not a single friend in the whole entire world that she can call upon? Girl, when your husband told you it was, “the Christian thing to do,” I would have responded, “Well, she’s got a friend in Jesus. Call on him and He will help her figure it out.” LMBAO! IT’S YOUR HOME! STOP LETTING THIS GO DOWN IN YOUR HOUSE AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! PUT HER OUT! Then, this heifer is making passes and flirting with your husband right in front of you?! And, you haven’t punched her in her mouth, yet? What the hell are you waiting on? Again, I am going to reiterate that this is happening in YOUR HOME, and your husband has the gall and nerve to say to you that you’re overreacting and pay it no mind. Oh, really? Hmph, well, invite your ex-boyfriend over and flirt with him in front of your husband and if he gets upset, then you tell him to stop overreacting and pay it no mind. Get the freak out of here! Talking about pay it no mind. IT’S YOUR HOME! STOP LETTING THIS GO DOWN IN YOUR HOUSE AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! PUT HER OUT! Your husband is probably getting his jollies and loving the fact that he has the two women he’s in love with living in his home. Oh, my bad, I shouldn’t have said “two women he’s in love with.” But, it’s the truth! Believe that! And, I can only imagine the attention he is getting and how he feels knowing that the two of you are going after him playing into his male machismo. It makes him feel like he is the man and the king of the castle. His ego is surely inflated and he’s walking around swinging his nuts like he’s the bull and you two are the damn donkey cows fighting for his attention. It wouldn’t be me. I would burst his damn ego, and put my foot in both of their asses. It’s time to stop being the “good Christian” and be a “smart Christian.” Listen here: If you know a dog bites, and you trust in God to protect you, do you think being a good Christian and walking down the street tempting the dog that bites is wise, or do you use your common sense and avoid the street and use an alternative route? IT’S YOUR HOME! STOP LETTING THIS GO DOWN IN YOUR HOUSE AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! PUT HER OUT! Lastly, you found your husband’s boxers in his ex-wife’s laundry basket…. And they both happened to conveniently be out of town at the same time? Say no more…Let me say a prayer for you and for them. I suggest you get your prayer cloth, holy oil, and crucifix because it’s time to start whooping some ass! Some beat-downs are in order. And, when you’re done, let them take that to the altar and leave it there. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: My Husband Is A Pastor & His Ex-Wife Was Released From Jail & I Agreed To Let Her Move In With Us
