Daily News Columnist Shaun King Suspended From Facebook For Sharing Hate Mail Twitter Despite all types of requests for receipts and changes in the ways he profits from Black pain, Shaun King is still out here tryna prove he’s down for the people. Unfortunately, this latest attempt didn’t go as planned, according to CBS News . “Every day I get as many — 50 or more sometimes — overtly racist emails. I even get mail now at the New York Daily News office … ‘Silence of the Lambs’ weird stuff,” said King. “Sometimes I’ll take a screen shot of one of these ugly things and post it.” On Friday morning, King took a screen shot of an email he received that used both the f- and n-words, and posted it on Twitter and Facebook saying this is the type of ugliness he gets “every day all day.” A few hours later when he went to Facebook, King says he had been logged out. When he logged back in he got a message saying he had been suspended from posting for 24 hours. “I am constantly harassed on Facebook and Twitter. … I don’t know if these people have been blocked. The policy is not clear to me.” “I accept that Facebook and every other social media platform is trying hard how to monitor and censor the ugliness that goes on,” King said. “If the policy is we don’t allow hate speech and people to be harassed, I say great – delete it. But don’t ban people.” King noted that it was odd that his Facebook post was blocked because the offensive language was in a screen grab, rather than a typed message. Which means, if the censoring was automatic, there would have had to be some sort of visual recognition program to read the words off the image. Poor thang. But wait: Facebook is blocking people from words in pictures now? What part of the game is that? Continue reading →
Dear Bossip , About 5 months ago I had a one night stand with one of my co-workers of four years. That night was something special for me because I secretly felt something for him since the day I started working for the company. We (the co-workers) all got drunk and he started flirting with me that night. I didn’t think twice about being with him that night, even though I had a boyfriend at that time. I sort of felt guilty afterwards because he is married and I am friends with his wife. She was always nice to me and they have a one year old daughter together. After that night, he was nice to me but somewhat distant. Two months went by and I found out I was pregnant. I told him and it came to him like a shock. First thing he said is that I should consider abortion because he can’t be there for me due to his work schedule. I talked to my family about it and they disagreed on terminating my pregnancy. They said they would help me out even though they are not financially stable. I told him that I would still continue my pregnancy and that he would need to provide for me. He said that he will help me out but that I will have to keep quiet about the situation. As the days went by he would come by the office and we would chat for a while. Then, there was this night that I asked him to take me out to eat. A month went by and I asked if he can come to the sonogram and he agreed. During these times he has never approached me sexually or tried to touch me, but I had my hopes that he would come through. I then told my boyfriend that I couldn’t be with him because I was pregnant with someone else’s child. He tried to convince me to stay and that he would take care of the baby, but I felt bad for doing that to him. I told this to my baby’s father and all of a sudden he got upset. He said that I shouldn’t be selfish and that I should give my boyfriend an opportunity to be a full-time husband and a paternal figure to my baby. We argued and he confessed that he was secretly wishing that night had never happened. He said that he never planned on leaving his wife and child and that he regrets everything. He also said that everything he has ever done was because he felt blackmailed and afraid that I would tell his wife. I became extremely upset and that night I drove to my cousin’s house. We decided to message his wife and tell her everything. I told her that her husband kept looking for me and that he has been lying for years. I didn’t feel bad telling her this because deep down inside me I wanted her to leave him. The next day he didn’t show up for work and apparently I learned that he asked for a schedule change (so we are working different hours). I tried calling him but he won’t answer his phone. This has been two weeks now and I feel terribly lonely. One of my co-workers today told me that next week is his final week and he is quitting the job. My question is should I go after him? I was hoping his anger would diminish and he would call me, but I haven’t heard anything from him since that day with his wife. I don’t want to go through a second pregnancy alone again and I am really hoping that he would come around. Should I just continue to wait for him to call or should I go see him before he leaves the job? – Hoping He Doesn’t Leave Me Dear Ms. Hoping He Doesn’t Leave Me , Uhm, ma’am, how are you going to go after someone who doesn’t want to be followed, or chased? How are you going to make someone be a part of your life who doesn’t want to be there, or involved? You are expecting this man to drop his life, his marriage, and his family to be with you? Are you serious? You haven’t heard from him ever since you confronted and told his wife about you and he, and you are expecting him to come running to you with open arms? Ma’am, something is seriously wrong with you. No! Don’t go after him. No! Don’t wait for him to call because he isn’t. No! Don’t go see him before he leaves the job. He obviously doesn’t want anything to do with you, or to see you because he changed his work schedule, and he is quitting his job and didn’t tell you. Therefore, he is avoiding you. He is and has gotten rid of you. Running after him is not going to change anything. He is gone, been gone, and is going to stay gone. I truly feel that this was a set-up by you from the very beginning. I feel that you had plotted and planned all of this. You even admit that you were vying for him, and secretly wanting him since the day you started working for the company. Therefore, you were waiting your moment and opportunity. And, it happened when you and some co-workers were out drinking and he flirted, and you knew that was your moment. What’s sad is that both of you were wrong, as he is married, and you were in a relationship. You’re both disgusting, and trifling. And, of course, lo and behold, you become pregnant after this one-night stand, and you want him to leave his wife and life to be with you. Instead of being rational and thinking clearly about the situation, you made this all about what you want – and deep down inside you want him. You kept this baby as a pawn to keep this man in your life. You are using the baby as a way to manipulate and maneuver yourself as his woman. Welp, that didn’t work, and it won’t work. What’s sad is that you cheated on your boyfriend, and despite you being pregnant with another man’s child he was willing to stick by your side and care for the child. He was willing to step in and be part of the child’s life. You dumped him, and told him that you didn’t want to be with him because you felt bad for what you did. Ma’am, you didn’t feel bad for what you did. If you felt bad then you wouldn’t have cheated in the beginning. You don’t feel bad because why would you end a relationship with a good man who is willing to be there for you and your child, a man who is willing to step in as a parental figure? Your goal and aim was to be with your co-worker, and to get him to leave his wife to be with you. That is what you wanted and what you are after. Then, on top of this, you claim that you and his wife are friends, and that she was and has always been nice to you. Therefore, you betrayed her, and you betrayed your friendship with his wife. You were smiling in her face while plotting on ways to sleep with her husband. You were only being nice and friendly with her because you wanted her to think you two were close and that she could trust you around her husband. SMDH! You are vicious and devious. You are conniving, and spiteful. The only thing you can do now is to put him on child support. He doesn’t want to be a part of your and his child’s life. Girl, he told you that he never planned on leaving his wife and child and that he regrets everything. He also told you that everything he ever did was because he felt blackmailed and that he was afraid you would tell his wife. He was never into you, never cared about you, never loved you, and, hell, he didn’t even like you. The both of you were drunk, and horny and he took advantage of the situation and moment, just like you did. You can’t make him, force him, or beg him to be with you, want you, or to do something he doesn’t want to do. HE DOESN’T WANT YOU! What is truly sad is that you said this is your second pregnancy that you are experiencing alone. This will be another child you have and no man is involved. Ma’am, why do these men keep walking out of your life, and what is going on that you are choosing men who are not available? Why would you sleep with a married man and expect for him to leave his wife for you? Why are you sleeping with co-workers? Why would you allow the influence of alcohol, or use alcohol as an excuse to do what you did? You are a grown woman acting like a child. You are not responsible, or have any control. You are out of control. You have unrealistic ideas of relationships, and of men. You choose men who are not available. You don’t think things through clearly, therefore, you lack rational thinking skills. You are petty and childish because you would text his wife, the woman you claim is your friend, and tell her what you did because he won’t give you what you want. Please grow up. Please get into some therapy, and counseling. Please learn how to make adult choices and decisions. Think about your children and how this will affect them as they grow older. You have a lot of growing and maturing to do. And, I hope this doesn’t become a cycle that you continue in the future, and also pass along to your children. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE !
Dear Bossip , Me and my boyfriend are both in our 20s, and have been together for almost 3 years. We recently just had a child together (his fourth and my first). We have been discussing marriage for almost 2 of the 3 years we’ve been together, but we haven’t actually did it yet. We are both college students and are working on our future. Being raised a Christian I have recently decided to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and want to stop having pre-marital sex. He doesn’t agree since we have already been having sex and he’s used to it. We have compromised on giving up sex for 6 months to strengthen our relationship. He says that he wants to attend graduate school and be more stable before getting married, which is another year from now. But, I don’t see the need to wait since we have already been playing house. He also thinks I need to mature more before fully committing, which I don’t disagree with. Our main problem is that he wants me to do things I feel a wife only does for her husband (like to follow his lead, and to be more submissive, including other things). Some of the other things I don’t mind doing, like cooking and cleaning, since I would be doing them if he wasn’t there anyhow. I just don’t want to completely give myself to him without marriage and then we never get married and I’ve given all my youthful years to him along with husband perks for nothing. We have been working on our differences and we really want to work things out if for nothing else then for the sake of our child. But, I don’t want to wait forever. So, my question is should I give him a sample of what I can be as a wife and then just wait until he’s ready to get married? He said that he wouldn’t mind setting a date and getting rings, but I’m just not sure if we are moving in that direction. – Playing House Dear Ms. Playing House , This is a huge problem, and unfortunately you’ve already committed yourself to playing house and acting like a married couple, yet, now you want to do it officially. This is really ass backwards. But, my first concern is having a child with a man who already has three children. Though, you didn’t state if the other three children were with one woman or multiple women, I am still concerned that you had a child with a man in his 20s, and he’s producing multiple children with different women. That is a problem. Is he paying child support for his other children? Is he actively involved in their lives? How is relationship with his children’s mother/s? What arrangements does he have in regards to custody of his children? Are you involved in their lives as well? Marrying him means you inherit his children and you become a blended family. His children have a brother/sister, and do they know one another, and how are you going to move forward in building a relationship with multiple children? You didn’t discuss this as a concern in your letter, but that is something very serious to think about. I am not sure if you and he are ready for marriage. You are clearly putting the cart before the horse, especially by living together, playing house, and he wants you to cook, clean, and you follow him and he is the lead, including being submissive to him. Huh? So, he wants you to start acting like a wife and then he will marry you. But, how is he going to gauge this assessment of your behavior and what is the barometer of measurement in knowing if you’re doing things right or wrong? Who is keeping tabs? How long will this go on before he decides it is “okay,” or he approves of the changes and will move forward with marriage? And, I don’t understand that you and this man have been dating for 3 years, have produced a child, and now that you have a renewed sense of your Christian faith you want to stop engaging in pre-marital sex because of what? Sweetie, all you’re doing is withholding sex from him. That’s what you’re really doing. You’ve had a change of heart and mind regarding your situation, and relationship, and you’re re-evaluating where it’s going. You’re having second thoughts, and doubting if it really is going to turn into a marriage, and you don’t want to invest all this time and energy into something and don’t want to feel as if you won’t get anything for your investment. Technically, all you want to do is to stop what you’ve already started. Well, ma’am, all of this should have been done in the beginning when you first started dating. You shouldn’t have been engaging in pre-marital sex, and living together, and giving him the cow and the milk. Now, you’re trying to reverse what you should have already begun three years ago. Sorry, but, he’s won. He’s giving you ultimatums to your ultimatum. In order for him to change and consider marriage he wants you to change and make some adjustments and then he will consider marriage. He wants you to start acting more like a wife because in effect you’re withholding sex in order to get what you want. And, for him to get what he wants, he told you that you are not ready, and not mature enough, and you have to wait another year because he wants to attend graduate school and become more stable in his life. Hmmm, was he all of these things before he decided to help procreate four children? He’s laying with women and having unprotected sex, and producing children, then, is he financially capable and able to be taking care of his four children? Is he actively involved with all his children, or just your child? He’s talking about maturity, but his immaturity in creating children and I am assuming he’s not taking care of all them shows that he isn’t father of the year. How mature can he be that in his 20s he already has four children, and we can deduce that he has at least two baby mommas. And, if you’re living together, and you’re both in school, then is he working? Did he move in with you? Is his name on the lease? What bills is he paying in the home? Do you split the rent, or are you covering the rent? He wants you to cook and clean, but how is he contributing to the household? And, what if things don’t work out between you and him, and he dates another woman, and they produce children before marriage? Ma’am, my point is that he’s not mature either. You and he have not discussed pre-marital counseling. Yes, before you get married you should seek counsel from your pastor, or a counselor. And, since you’ve had a change of heart and want to reconnect with your Christian values, then, is he attending church with you? Is he making changes and recommitting himself to his Christian values, or he never had any? What good is it if you’re recommitting yourself, and he is not? If you’re going to start fresh and anew with your Christian faith, and he is not, yet, he wants you to submit yourself to him, and follow his lead, then who and what is he following? You’ll be a fool to follow a man with no spiritual or religious guidance. He’s already led you astray and have you playing house, telling you that he is not going to marry you until at least he has a graduate degree and is stable in his life, and he doesn’t see why you’re withholding sex because you’ve already been spreading it wide for him so why stop now. He can’t keep his d**k in his pants and already has four children, but he wants you to follow him and be submissive to him. Uhm, no! If you’re going to really recommit yourself to your renewed faith and make these adjustments before marriage, then consult a spiritual advisor, or your pastor. Seek pre-marital counsel and see if you and he are on the same page, and if this is someone you really want to commit yourself to. You’re making all these changes to your life to prove your marriage and wife material, but what changes is he making in his life to prove he is marriage and husband material? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE ! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Eclipsed Opens On Broadway To Crowd Of Famous Folks We can’t think of a better way to get the week started than photos of Danai Gurira and Lupita Nyong’o on opening night of their Broadway show “Eclipsed.” Don’t they both look gorgeous in their brightly colored gowns??? Also looking lovely was La La Anthony, who wore this sage green number. Niiiiiice riiiiight? Hit the flip for more photos from the night and don’t forget to weigh in on Who Looked More Bangin! SplashNews/WENN
Dear Bossip , I have been living with a married man for 6 long years. I have left him TWICE and came back believing that there is nothing between him and his wife. He visits her (their) home at least weekly to visit the dogs. And, he fixes anything that she might need, car, house, etc. When we go out he is lurching at every female he sees. He locks his damn cell phone, and takes phone numbers with an excuse why for each one. So, I left my home in Las Vegas for this clown 6 years ago – my home, my job, my family, and all the while he is sitting pretty with his life pretty much still intact, with one exception, he has ME to go places with, and to play mistress. The problem is that I really cannot afford to get out on my own. I am scared once again that I just won’t make it. He told me and I quote, “I made a promise to my wife to be her friend and help her out. If you don’t like it leave!” This dog has made my life miserable and now I am stuck once again with nowhere to go. And, I am financially struggling. All the while he pays ALL her bills. – Miserable Mistress Dear Ms. Miserable Mistress , You are throwing him under the bus and making him out to be this big bad villain who is taking care of his wife, and mistreats you and won’t make you feel as if you’re the only woman in his life. Yet, you picked up your life, gave up your home, job, and family to go live with a married man in another state, and you really think he owes you something? You really do think that things are going to be great, exciting, and wonderful because you’ve been sleeping with another woman’s husband for 6 long years? Girl, you are foolish and as dumb as your letter. You are getting exactly what you deserve. He is treating you like a side chick, well, some side chicks do get treated better. He’s treating you like a live-in hoe. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. You devalued yourself the moment you began sleeping with a married man. You devalued your worth the moment you felt it okay to lay up with another woman’s husband, then, pack up your entire life and give it all up to live with a man who has told you that basically he is not going to stop taking care of his wife, and you need to get on board or leave. And, you chose to get on board. So, why are you complaining? I’m curious to know why you would give up everything to go be a live-in mistress. Why? What were you hoping would change or what were you expecting? You really moved in with a married man and thought he would be faithful to only you! Really? SMDH! Women are that thirsty, and hungry for a man that they are moving in with married men now? If you’re that desperate for a man, then he will treat you any type of way because you don’t have any respect for yourself. Now, you’re acting mad because when you and he are out he is lurching after women, taking numbers and giving you excuses for each one. Why are you mad? He’s been like that, will always be like that, and won’t change for you or any other woman. How do you think he got you? The same behavior he is exhibiting now is the same behavior he used to win you over, and he’s been like this for the 6 years you’ve been with him. HE HAS NOT CHANGED. You are just noticing it and complaining about it. Hell, you signed up for this. You let him get it away with it. If you left him twice and went back, then you made the choice to go back. You didn’t have to, but you went back. So, ask yourself, why? What did you think or expect to happen? He is not going to change for you. His wife was smart enough to leave him, and she continues to take his money and gets him to come to their home and fix things, and I’m sure he’s taking care of other business too while he’s there. And, what’s sad is that he is still married, his wife knows about you and has resigned herself to this situation, and you got your bird ass living in his home and he’s told you to get on board or leave. And, you’re stewing mad because you expect him to be different, be monogamous and be a one woman man. Bwahahahahahaha! You are silly. I don’t know any woman, any smart, intelligent, career-oriented and independent woman who would give up all her things to go live with a married man in another state. That doesn’t even make sense. That sounds dumb just typing it. Now, you’re mad and complaining because he is taking care of his wife financially, and the house they had/have together, and you’re struggling financially with nowhere to go. He’s probably sleeping with other women, especially if he is lurching after them in public while he’s out with you, and he’s collecting numbers. He is using those numbers. You’re just fool enough to believe his excuses, or fool enough to think he won’t step out on you. You think it’s a competition between you and his wife, and there is no competition. He’s made that known and so has wife. That is why he comes and goes to her home as he pleases, and he will keep coming and going without any resistance from you because you don’t have any claim over him. He’s told you that you have no say, no claim, no hold, and no authority over him. He is going to do what he wants to do. Welp, I guess you’re reaping the karma that you created. Get used to it, and this life of misery. You’re in hell, and it will only get worse. You can wake up, get out, ask for forgiveness from his wife, and yourself, and move out and try to get back your life. Or, you stay, continue to let him walk all over you, and just know that one day he may get tired of you and fed up and put you out. Then what? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I am a 27 year old woman who went back to school over 3 years ago to start a second career as a registered nurse. My boyfriend and I, of almost 7 years, have a 2 year old son together. All of my life I have been extremely independent. I moved out of my mother’s house when I was 19 and have been taking care of my own since then. When we first got together, my boyfriend wasn’t very stable in life. I did all I could in my power to help build him into a man (working steadily, getting him to help his parents with bills, etc.). It was hard work, but I slowly started to see improvement. When I first started school, I had to cut down on my work hours so I could focus on my studies. My boyfriend ended up being the one paying for most of our bills. Not too long after I started school I became pregnant. Luckily, my family is an amazing support system and helps a ton with the baby. But, later in my pregnancy I began having complications and couldn’t work anymore. Also, I was approaching the last semester of school and was advised by my dean that I should not work if possible to focus on school and passing my licensing exam at the end of the semester. Well, during all of this, my boyfriend makes me feel like the biggest bum on the planet. We have a lot of stress over finances and he constantly tells me I do nothing and that it isn’t fair to him that he works ridiculous hours. Now, I feel terrible. I know he works like a dog and all, but I think it’s “F’d” up of him to belittle me when since the beginning of our relationship I’ve been the provider and the stable one. For the first time in a long time in my life I’m relying on someone else to hold me down while I try to better myself for the sake of my family. At times, I feel trapped and depressed because I feel like my son and I deserve better in life. He knew what the situation was when I started school and got pregnant. We both knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I felt like we had a partnership and it would be okay in the end. Now, I don’t even know if I want him to share in my success. Is that messed up? In the bottom of my heart I think I want things to work, but I feel like the disrespect has been too frequent and too far. I don’t want my son to witness that, but at the same time I don’t want him to grow up without a father present in his life. – Nurse My Soul Dear Ms. Nurse My Soul , One of the main reasons relationships end, and marriages end in divorce is because of money issues and finances. Money woes ends relationships. You and boyfriend have been together for 7 years with no marriage, and no progress forward other than playing house, and acting like a married couple. You spend years rebuilding him, and transforming him into the man you want him to be – Again, here we are with another woman changing a man into what she desires and what she wants, and in the end he turns the tables on you. You get him to change his ways, do everything you want him to do, and when they become that man, the better man, he soon forgets all the investment you did. And, because there is no obligation to you, he can simply walk away, with no thanks, and move on to another woman who will thank you for cleaning him up, building him up, and transforming him. But, I digress. You do all this work in changing him, and then decide to move in together, and have a child. All the while, you want to better yourself, and go back to school and improve your situation. And, while you’re doing all this for yourself and for him you are the one who is footing the bills, taking care of the finances, the house, the bills, and all the economics. SMDH! Now, because you are unable to work due to the pregnancy, then, have his baby, and now it’s his turn to take care of the finances and to support your dream, it is a problem. He can’t and doesn’t seem to be able to function and work the enormous hours to keep you afloat, and he doesn’t see why he should bear the burden of being the sole money-earner in the household. Well, this is what you created, and now you get to see a side of the same man you helped to build and transform turn on you. How does that feel? Well, I guess you are feeling it because you say that you are depressed, upset, hurt, angry, and reconsidering your relationship, as you should. You want to know why does he belittle you, make you feel bad, and isn’t supportive, or even consider the fact that you held him down in the beginning, and seems to have selective memory about all you’ve done for him. Well, it’s because he doesn’t care, he’s insensitive, inconsiderate, and a jerk. He can’t see the future or what’s ahead of him because he has limited insight, vision, and depth. Notice that it was you who helped him to transform into the man he is today. He couldn’t see that far ahead himself. So, if he can’t see the future for himself, then how can you expect him to see a future for you, him, and your son? He hasn’t had the foresight to even marry you after seven years of being together. Honey, wake up and see this for what it is – a failed relationship. Your investment has now reneged on you, and you can’t even get a return on it. It’s time you start thinking about you and your child. It’s time that you get back on your feet, get yourself a job, build yourself a nice savings, and find yourself an apartment for you and your child. This relationship has run its course. If your man can’t handle this, or support you now, then how can he support you in the future? He holds resentment toward you, and he resents that you are making him take on all the bills while he assumes you’re laying up at home only taking care of your child, and not contributing to the household finances. He feels you are taking his money out of his pocket, leaving him with little for himself, and he probably feels he is working all these hours only to get nothing in return. Therefore, he doesn’t see a future with you. He doesn’t see why he needs to invest in you and his child, and the future that you want to have. You and he are not on the same page. Therefore, get yourself together, and start rethinking how you can do for you and your son as a single parent. Get your career, and spend some time building yourself, loving yourself, and investing in yourself. It’s time to do for you. You’ve done for your man and poured into him, so, now it’s time to pour into yourself. Trust me, he will regret this down the road, especially when you are gone, out of his life, and you put him on child support. Yes, put him on child support, and let him continue to be responsible for his child. He can be part of his child’s life, and you can work out arrangements for joint custody, or visitation. You don’t have to be bitter about this situation, just smarter and wiser. Be better for yourself and your child. Be better because you deserve better. And, finally, you can have the peace of mind, happiness, and joy you deserve and need. Why be in a miserable relationship that causes you to be depressed, or with a man who makes you feel un-needed, unwanted, and a burden? – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I met a man at my job about a year ago. We will call him “Devon.” Devon was very persistent to get to know me. He would treat me to lunch every day and we would have conversations about everything. As time passed, we began to form a connection with one another. We had so much in common and we were definitely attracted to one another. I’m ashamed to say it, but, we were both in relationships. I can say that I wasn’t happy with my situation at home. I was more so comfortable than happy. I had someone I could depend on, but the love and sex were gone. I always asked Devon was he happy with his girlfriend and what was their relationship status, but he never would answer. I respected him for not telling me their business, but after a while it was like she didn’t exist. I ended my current situation at home and my ex had moved out. Devon would come over nearly every day. I believe with us spending so much time together, we both developed some sort of feelings. About 5 months had passed but we still hadn’t had sex. I’m an attractive woman and I don’t have any issues as far as dating, but I can honestly say I’ve never connected to ANY man like I have with him. It was really hard for me to walk away from that. Not to mention he had the qualities of a man that I always wanted. (Aside from cheating). We began to have a sexual relationship. The sex was amazing as well. Soon after that, we started telling each other we love each other. I never wanted nor expected him to end his relationship at home. Mainly because in the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t playing fair and I do believe in Karma. So, I guess I settled for becoming his “hook up chick.” After a while, I started to want more and I also wanted to know about his “girlfriend” just to see what she was like. So, I found her on social media. I saw pics of them hugged up. I realized the day the pics were taken he had asked to come spend time with me earlier that day. I was upset because he was really playing the role of the loving boyfriend. I tried blocking this woman out, but it was obvious he was “happy” with her. So, I decided it was finally time to leave him alone knowing I didn’t deserve that. I told him how I felt because I wanted him to know he hurt me and played with my emotions. He then claimed he just wanted to talk and showed up at my house. We didn’t have sex, instead he just held and kissed me. Like that was his way of saying he didn’t want me out of his life. I know he could have other women, but he still doesn’t want me to leave him alone. I’ve been avoiding seeing him. However, he has been making many attempts, along with calling and texting. I must admit, we had some great times and we connected. That’s what makes it hard to walk away. I love him but this situation has got me feeling so ashamed. Do I just change my number and move on? How do I heal from this? – Ms Ashamed Dear Ms. Ashamed , You’re messy! Point blank. You knowingly got involved with a co-worker who is already in a relationship. Mistake number one. You were also in a relationship, but you claim you were not happy, but comfortable. Regardless, you were already in a relationship and pursed another man. Mistake number two. You got involved with a co-worker. Mistake number three. You revealed intimate details about your relationship with “Devon,” yet, he never shared any details about his relationship with his girlfriend. Mistake number four. You were unhappy in your relationship and not once did you confide in your ex about your unhappiness. You didn’t address the issue at home, but went outside your relationship to seek solace. Mistake number five. Now, you are writing me a letter asking me to give you advice on helping you heal from this mess you made because you started sleeping with a man who had a girlfriend, and you knowingly and willingly became a side chick, so you want someone else to clean it up. Mistake number six. I want you to notice that you pursued a relationship with Devon because you were unhappy with your ex. You wanted Devon to save you from your mess. You wanted him to be your clean up man. (Yes, that is a pun, and yes, you want someone else to clean up behind the mess you keep creating.) Devon was never upfront with you about his relationship status with his girlfriend, and he was smart not too. He was playing you all along. He wanted one thing from you and he eventually got it. So, with his plan to make you his side chick, which you agreed to become, he listened to you whine and bish about your relationship, and he let you believe whatever you wanted to believe about him and his relationship. You both were in the wrong, and you both are trifling. The games you two are playing is how people get hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is how diseases spread because people like you and Devon cheat on their spouses, and you don’t care about your own well-being or the people you are in relationships with. You are reckless. Immature. And, silly. Therefore, what I can tell you is that, first, you should have never gotten involved with someone you work with. Never sleep with a co-worker. Never confide in your co-worker about the intimate details of your relationship. They are your co-worker, not your friend, not your partner, and not your therapist. Second, you created this mess and decided to become his side chick. So, you knew your role and your lane. You allowed this to happen, even though you always wanted more from him. If you don’t want to be a side chick, then stop being a side chick. Third, he is not going to leave his girlfriend for you. He is not going to make you his woman. He wasn’t, isn’t, and doesn’t love you. You are fooling yourself to think he has any romantic feelings for you beyond sleeping with you on the side. He likes you, and he likes having sex with you that is why he keeps texting and calling you. He doesn’t want to give up his side chick. He is having his cake and eating it, too. Other than that, love is in your imaginary. Last, grow up! Think. Stop these childish games. Quit pursuing men who are already in relationships. He is not in love with you. You’re in love with someone who is unavailable. Why don’t you learn how to love yourself? Learn to work on you first, and stop looking for others to clean up the mess you make. Own your –ish. Take responsibility for your actions. – Terrance Dean ***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)*** Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? S hare your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
SMH… Talk about ignorance is bliss . NY Post Columnist Calls Politician A “Spear Chucker” This guy needs to face some serious repercussions for his careless choice of words. According to NY Daily News reports: New York Post political columnist Fred Dicker called an upstate senator a “spear chucker” for the predominantly black New York City Democratic delegation in a controversial on-air comment Thursday. A listener to Dicker’s radio show immediately called him out for the racially offensive comment. Dicker insisted he didn’t know the phrase was a racist slur. “There was NEVER any racial suggestion at all,” Dicker told the Daily News in an email. “I said on the air that I was referring to a political ‘spear carrier’ and thought that the other phrase meant the same thing,” Dicker said. “As soon as a listener called a possible misinterpretation to my attention, I quickly explained my position.” During his radio show on WGDJ Talk AM 1300, the veteran columnist, who is white, criticized state Sen. Neil Breslin (D-Albany), who is also white. “Has anyone heard anything from Neil Breslin in the last few years? He’s just like a spear carrier, spear chucker, for these New York City Democrats, but he doesn’t say anything about what’s going on around here,” Dicker said. Following a commercial break, Dicker clarified his statement after receiving the email from a listener. “I didn’t think it was a slur,” Dicker said on air. A spokeswoman for Rep. Charles Rangel said Dicker should apologize, saying, “Fred Dicker’s use of an unacceptable racial term on his radio program was highly insensitive and offensive.” The blunder comes after another on-air gaffe in January in which Dicker called the Newtown school shooting a “little convenient massacre.” Do you think they should take him off the air? Should the Post suspend him? CBS Local
Wendy, being a mom can be so stressful. Wendy Williams Explains Breakdown Over Son She made up with her son and hopefully, they can continue on a great path. According to Life And Style: Being a mom is hard work — and Wendy Williams knows that all too well. In the new issue of Life & Style, our columnist opens up about the tearful confession she had on her show, regarding her relationship with 13-year-old son Kevin Jr., and the tension they have faced this past year. Like many teenagers, he often refuses to help around the house. But Wendy won’t stand for it. “I’m trying to discipline my son,” Wendy tells Life & Style of her parenting. “I don’t want to be his friend — I am his mother, and I am the boss.” Most importantly, she says, “I will not get lost in the pool of disrespect that I see coming from kids his age. He will not curse at me and he will never, ever roll his eyes!” Though tension runs high, it’s clear Kevin respects his mother no matter what. When he learned about her Jan. 20 breakdown on The Wendy Williams Show, he rushed to her side to reassure her that he loved her. “There’s no guarantee he’ll turn out right — but I’m doing what I think is right as his mom.” He seems like a sweet kid.
By Raynard Jackson, NNPA Columnist: I was flipping through the TV channels last week and came across one of Spike Lee’s best movies, School Daze. This was…
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