Dame Dash Announces That He And Kanye West Have Purchased Online Retailer Karmaloop Recently during his appearance on The Breakfast Club, Kanye West admitted to owing Dame Dash a debt of gratitude for giving him an opportunity to be an artist under the Roc-A-Fella Records umbrella. Yesterday, it appears that Dame cashed in on Kanye’s guilty conscience… Via XXLMag The rumors of Kanye West and Dame Dash purchasing Karmaloop may have been officially confirmed after Dash posted a set of videos on Instagram alongside Ye confirming the purchase of the lifestyle website. Rumors of Kanye and Dash purchasing the online streetwear site, began this week when the hip-hop mogul revealed in an interview that him and Yeezy were buying out Karmaloop. Greg Selkoe, CEO of the lifestyle retailer took to Twitter and denied Dash’s comments on Monday afternoon, while mentioning that KL was not in debt for the 101 million that it was presumed. With Dame Dash posting the set of videos alongside West today and confirming the purchase of Karmaloop, it looks like the two hip-hop figures will be venturing off to take over the online streetwear world with a revamped Karmaloop on their side. Kanye looks like he’d rather be at a Golden Coral with Rob Kardashian than to be standing there as Dame Dash’s co-signer. More extremely awkward vids on the flip side. Sidebar: For a guy who railed against “unmanly” social media and “chatty patties”, Damon sure does like to air out his business on Instagram. That doesn’t sound very “boss” to us… Image via Instagram
Dear Bossip , Last week my boyfriend went out of town to go work with his uncle, which is all fine and dandy. He gave me a call on Saturday and he hasn’t called since. Before he left, and when he called on Saturday, he said he was coming back on Tuesday. Well, this is why I’m upset. So, on Monday, I was doing a little snooping, but something was just telling me that something wasn’t right. I admit that when you go looking for stuff where you don’t have no business you might get your feelings hurt. So, any who, I went on his mother’s Facebook page through my friends page because I don’t have an account. His mother writes a status on Monday saying, “Yay! My baby is here, my baby is here.” He told me he was going to visit his mom while he was down there doing work for his uncle. So, something just told me to look at her comments and it read, “My son and his girlfriend and my granddaughter are here.” I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, so who the heck is she talking about? I already knew he was there with his 1 st baby mama and their daughter. Now I’m pissed. Then, here comes Wednesday morning and she posts a pic of his daughter, then she posts another pic of him and his baby mama together without the child. So, all the signs are saying they are together and have a relationship, and they are more than just co-parenting. I confront him because I had a feeling he was at her house. I went there, and he’s trying to tell me I’m tripping and that she only gave him a ride from him mom’s house because his uncle went to jail and couldn’t give him a ride. I was like, “Why you posing in a picture with just you two like you are a couple.” He says, “Well, my mom asked for a picture of us. So, I just took it. I didn’t think nothing of it.” I told him that he obviously gave the impression to his mom that he and his baby mother were still together and I’m not even in the picture. He said the reason he couldn’t call me is because he didn’t have any more minutes and his family doesn’t have phones to call out to my number. Mind you, his baby mother tried to call the police on me because me and him were arguing outside the apartment. She says she’s going to get evicted all because she wanted to call the police. I told him that didn’t have anything to do with he and I, and she is the one who called the police. I didn’t do anything to her. So, now they’re trying to put the blame on me. If you ask me it all sounds like a bunch of bull-ish. I don’t know whether to think if the mom is being messy or if he’s just lying. He said he called his mom and yelled at her and asked her why did she put that pic of him and his baby mother on Facebook because it makes it seem like they are together. So, she later put another status up talking crap and saying I’m not about to take the picture of my son and his family off. I was like how is she calling you a family if you’re not together? Mind you he has two kids, but he doesn’t spend time with his second baby mother like he does with the first one. Both of his daughters are 5 months apart and I’m not one of his baby mothers. I want to know what do you think I should do. – Something Isn’t Right Dear Ms. Something Isn’t Right , Who has time for all this foolish? Girl, stop. Stop and grow up. Listen to what he’s telling you. Pay attention to all the clues staring at you in your face. First things first – Why are you dating a man who has two baby momma’s? Why are you dating a man who has two children by two different women and the children are 5 months apart? This means he was cheating on his first baby momma with the second baby momma. Thus, we can deduce he is not faithful, not to be trusted, and is a liar. Second, let’s take at face value that he went out of town to help his uncle. And, let’s take at face value that while he was out of town his uncle got arrested. So, he’s stuck out of town and has no way of getting home. But, he was able to call his baby mother, and she drove all the way out of town to go get him and to bring him back home. My question is why didn’t he call you, his current girlfriend, to come and get him if he was stuck out of town? Third, he comes back into town, and you still haven’t heard from him. Yet, he’s posted up at his baby mother’s house. HUH?!?! See, you’re so misguided and focused on one thing that you clearly haven’t thought any of this through properly. Your energy is directed toward his baby mother, and it’s because you don’t like her, you’re jealous of her, and you want to find a way to confront her. Your boyfriend is the problem. Your boyfriend is the liar. Your boyfriend is the one who is unfaithful. Your boyfriend is the one telling you lies, telling his baby momma lies, and telling his own momma lies. When you went to his baby momma house to confront him and he tells you that his uncle got arrested and he had no way to get home, the only thing you were concerned with was why his mother was posting pics of him, his baby momma, and their child on Facebook. You didn’t even ask him why didn’t he call you to come pick him up. You didn’t even confront him about the so-called lie that he had no minutes on his phone and that is why you haven’t heard from his since Saturday. But, he was able to somehow get in touch with his baby momma and tell her to come get him. You didn’t even confront him about the other lie that his mother and no one in his family had a phone that dials out to call you. HUH? Girl, bye! You should have stopped, tilted your head, looked him dead in his eyes, and reached all the way back and slapped the dog –ish out of him for that one right there. (I kid!!) LOL! You didn’t even confront him about his uncle who was arrested. Really, arrested? For what? Is he still in jail? You haven’t heard from your boyfriend since Saturday. He comes back home on Wednesday, and he is at his baby momma house. He didn’t come straight to you. He didn’t even call you. Therefore, yes, his mother is correct. They are a family. They are still together. They are in a relationship. You are the side chick. When you and he were arguing outside of her apartment and she called the police, he took sides with her because you rolled up to her residence causing a ruckus. You rolled up like you were his woman. Well, sweetie, did he leave with you, or did he stay with her? BOOM! BAM! POW! Look, the moment he told you that he was going out of town with his uncle for work, and for whatever reason his baby momma ended up with him at his momma’s house, and he knew you would find out, so, he’s had time to come up with a lie to tell you. What he didn’t anticipate was you going on Facebook and going to his momma’s page and seeing the pictures. Now, he’s back peddling. He still hasn’t explained why you haven’t heard from him since Saturday. No minutes or not, he was able to call his baby momma. And, he got back home without his uncle. Why weren’t you the first place he came when he returned home? And, the real reason he didn’t call you to come to pick him up is because he wasn’t ready for you to meet his mother. He’s not that serious about you, and he had, has, nor have any intentions on introducing you to his mother. So, you can stew and be mad at her, but your boyfriend is the liar. He’s been playing you, still playing, and will keep playing you because you will believe anything that comes out of his mouth. You have all the proof you need. You can ask him to come forward with the truth, and what really happened. You can ask him why he didn’t call you to come get him instead of his baby momma. You can ask him if he ever had any intentions on introducing you to his mother. You can ask all kinds of questions, but the reality is, he is not your man. He is not boyfriend material, for you. He is not someone you should be spending your time or energy with. You are rolling up at his baby momma house to confront him. That’s pathetic and sad. You shouldn’t be arguing with a man outside his baby momma’s house. Have some damn dignity, and be a lady. Have some respect for yourself. The hell you look like being a bird for some man who isn’t worth your time. – Terrance Dean Photo courtesy: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I’m reaching out because I’m with a man who may still be in love with someone else. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we have a 5 year old together. We just recently moved into our first apartment. About 3 years ago I found out he was talking to some girl and it was going on about 3 months after I had birth! Since the baby we haven’t been getting along, but I never thought he would fall in love with someone else. She’s only known me to be just the BABYMOM. As soon as he goes to jail she’s hitting me up telling me he doesn’t love me and he’s only with me for the sake of our son. She even has his family on her side hating me. She tried to piss me off and she put a ring up on Facebook, as if he proposed to her. His family comments saying they’re happy and that his (dead) mother would be so proud. They have a bunch of pictures on her page of them looking all happy, but he can’t even take a picture with the mother of his child? He won’t take family pictures with us, and it’s a problem. He said he doesn’t want her to see it and get her feelings hurt, but he can sit here unbothered about mine. There was even a time she tried to jump me because she found out we were moving together and he was siding with her. After that he continued to keep their relationship going and it hurt so much because his loyalty was to her. But, again I took him back! We moved in together, but someone is still in the picture! I had enough and told him to get out and leave me alone. He said no, and that he’d do anything to have his family. I told him to get rid of his phone and he did. Weeks go by and we were doing good for once on our own, but then he calls me by her name! Then, he tries to justify it. It hurts so much. I gave him everything – a family he never had. He lost his mom when he was young and now it seems like I’m just taking her place. I love him so much, but after he fell in love with her I can’t seem to get him back. I feel like I’m waiting around for him to tell me he wants to be with her. I always try to get over it. I hate this girl for making me feel like this. I hate him for loving her and treating her way better than me. I try to keep it together for our son’s sake. I want marriage and a bigger family with what I started with him. Please HELP ME! – He’s In Love With Someone Else Dear Ms. He’s In Love With Someone Else , Let him go! Move on! Why be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? I don’t understand that logic. You can’t make someone love you, choose you, or be with you if they are in love with someone else. Stop being his option! Put him out of your home and let him go be with the other woman. You are spinning your wheels trying to get him to love you, be with you, and commit to you when his head and heart is with someone else. There is nothing you can do. He’s gone emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s sad because in your letter you stated you, “gave him everything – a family he never had.” You were trying to fulfill a void in his life, and that is the wrong reason to be with someone. So many women get caught in this trap with men, especially with men who don’t have mothers in their lives. You want to be that woman he turns to. You want to show him that you support him, and you will encourage him, and nurture him through his hard times, and when he feels alone in the world. Sweetie, that is not a relationship. You’re trying to be his surrogate mother. And, as you acknowledged, that is exactly what you became. Instead of being his woman, his girlfriend, you have become this surrogate mother taking care of a man, pouring your love onto him, and doing for him, but he wants to be with someone else. Besides, he was never really yours from the beginning. If you learned he was seeing another woman 3 months after you gave birth, and your child is 5 years old now, and you’ve been together 7 years, then, that means after 2 years of dating he was ready to go. You probably only had one good year of dating, but after you became pregnant in year 2, it seems he realized that you were not the woman he wanted to be with. Something happened in your relationship during that time when things went downhill, and that is when you should have left him. Do you realize that you’ve been fighting for a man for the past 5 years to stay with you and to be with you? You have spent all your energy and time on “their” relationship, and trying to get him to be actively involved with “your” relationship. Girl, let him go. End it and move on and save yourself the drama, stress, and aggravation. She’s posting photos of them together on Facebook, but he doesn’t want you to post any photos of you and your child with him because he doesn’t want her to get mad. Then, his family is co-signing her bull-ish, and their relationship, but they don’t support you. He’s called you by her name, and he’s still seeing her. I mean, come on! Why are you holding on to this relationship? Why are you fighting for something that he clearly doesn’t want to have with you? He’s going to tell you any and everything, but the reality is that his heart is with someone else. He wants to be with another woman. So, why are you allowing yourself to mistreated, used, and emotionally abused? You want him to choose you, and you want to be a family with him because you feel that you’ve invested in him and this relationship. Therefore, you feel he owes you something. You feel he owes you his heart because you have given him your heart. And, you want him to see you as the good woman you feel that you are. Well, if he can’t and doesn’t recognize that, then it’s time to move on, and stop investing in someone who is not investing in you and your child. He’s not and will never be the man you want him to be. He’s searching for something and unfortunately you can’t give it to him. Don’t spend another day, month, or year wasting your time on him when he clearly doesn’t want to be there. Grow up, get a backbone and stop letting him lay up with you and another woman. Stop letting him have the benefit of having his cake and eating it too. Stop giving him the satisfaction of knowing he has somewhere to lay his head, and someone to do and everything for him. Stop being his surrogate mother, and end this relationship, and put him out. You’ve given him enough of your time, energy, and space in your life. It’s time to do for you, and your child. It’s time to stop being his doormat and letting him walk over you. He’s already chosen who has his heart, and it’s not you. Now, it’s time for you to choose you, and do you. – Terrance Dean Photo courtesy: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I have a two-year old daughter and her father is impossible to co-parent with. My daughter used to go to his house (mind you, he lives with his mother and he is 27 years old) for a few days out of the week. I’ve allowed him to have her Monday-Friday until she came back with terrible bleeding diaper rash and diarrhea. I found out that they were still feeding my two-year old baby food out of the jar instead of regular food. He was also leaving her in the care of his mother’s friend, an elderly woman, while he went to work. I went to pick my daughter up from her house and found my daughter asleep on an egg-carton mattress pad on the floor with a soiled diaper. When I asked why she hadn’t been changed the woman told me that there were no diapers in her diaper bag, but when I looked in the bag there were diapers. When I brought this up to her father he told me that I was being dramatic and that he didn’t have time for it. We were together for 4 years prior to her being born, but I made the choice to end things and I’ve moved on. But, he constantly harasses me via text message, calling the police when it isn’t his weekend to have her to tell them that I am keeping him from seeing her, even though I have sole custody of her and I made the choice to limit how often she is with him because of all of those concerns. I just want my daughter to grow up in a stable environment and to be taken care of when she is not in my care. What do I do? – He Can’t Co-Parent Dear Ms. He Can’t Co-Parent , You were with this man for four years, and not once did it ever dawn on you that if you were to have a child with him he would not be a fit parent? Not once did it occur to you during your relationship that he was not a suitable and responsible adult who could care for a child, and who would go out of his way for the well-being of his child? I swear these clues, insights, and glimpses are not impossible to notice. If your partner can’t take care of himself, then why do you think he can take care of another human being? He is 27 years old and lives with his mother. HELLO!?! If he can’t get an apartment, be an adult and take care of his responsibilities and take care of himself, then sweetie, why procreate with him? If he can’t pay his bills, or even do the minimal things of cleaning, cooking, and tending his own life, then why would you think he could take care of a child? You women know these things, and you know these men are not capable or suitable partners whom you should be laying with and creating babies. He can’t take care of himself. He barely knows how to wash his own ass, but you want him to take care of your child. He can’t cook for himself, but you want him to feed your baby. What? McDonald’s. Or some other fast food. He doesn’t know you’re not supposed to feed a 2-year old baby food out of the jar, but that’s because he’s a child himself. If you told him to feed her table food, then, who do you think is going to cook it? He sure in the hell is not going to cook any food for her. SMDH! Then, you want him to be responsible when he has his daughter during his visits and spend quality time with her, but he is too busy running the streets after work. If he was running the streets when you were with him, then why do you think he would stop because he has his child? His definition of quality time with his daughter is that she is at his momma’s house. He leaves her with his momma, and when she is tired and fed up, he leaves your child with a family friend. SMDH! Therefore, I’m confused as to why are you mad at him when you knew all of this from the beginning. Why would you think he would be doing his fatherly duties and being the attentive parent? You know all of this. You know how he is, but you want to make him be something he is not, and will not ever be. What you do is you document all of this. Take pictures when you go to pick up your daughter. Create a journal, file, and document all the pictures so when you go back to court and complain about his parenting skills, you will have proof. You don’t want to be in court arguing with him in front of the judge, and complaining about what he doesn’t do, but you have no proof. He is an unsuitable parent, and you should prove this in court. Therefore, they can arrange for supervised visits, and he won’t be able to leave your daughter with strangers. You won’t have to worry about your daughter being on an egg-mattress sleeping in a soiled diaper. You will not have to stress and fight with him over feeding your daughter table food instead of baby food from a jar. To eliminate all this back and forth with him – document, document, document! He is petty and childish. He’s calling the police and wants to make you out to be the bad guy. Document, document, document all of this. Take it to court, give it to the judge, and let them know you want supervised visits with him. And, then you should consider looking at other arrangements with a daycare, or someone you trust with whom you can leave your child. He is not a fit parent. – Terrance Dean Photo courtesy: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mendeecees Poses With He And Yandy’s Daughter Mendeecees is continuing to be a proud papa and posing for pictures with he and Yandy Smith’s daughter. The “Love & Hip Hop” star posted the below picture this weekend of he and his baby girl, who has a head of hair, lounging. “Watching TV with my baby,” he captioned the photo. The picture marks the first time the couple’s shown their newborn’s face. What do YOU think about this preciousness??? Instagram
Dear Bossip , I was sitting here conflicted with thoughts and needed some advice. I just recently married my husband and things have completely gone downhill. His kids’ mother is the number one enemy in our life. Well, correction, she was and now all of a sudden she’s found God and wants to play nice. He constantly texts her and responds to messages from her, and not just messages pertaining to the kids either. She sends naked photos, as well as songs telling him to listen to them to try to make him miss her. I am not sure why he responds to these messages to her nor do I think he feels like these things are inappropriate. He was once married to her and I thought he left the past in the past, but clearly maybe he has not. I don’t know too many REAL men who walk around still texting, calling, or talking to a messy ass ex-wife who does nothing but keep drama going, after dragging him through the mud with child support, the divorce, and even trying to keep his children from him, especially when you have a perfectly good wife at home. The kids have their own cell phones and they also use his phone so the need for them to text is none in my opinion. Even the children know she flirts with him and they have asked her to stop because it’s pathetic. Am I looking too much into this situation? Do you think it’s respectful for him to continue to text and respond to flirtatious messages from his ex-wife? How would you stop this situation? Do you think he feels like he is only worth all the drama? – His Messy Ex-Wife Dear Ms. His Messy Ex-Wife , Whatever is going on, and whatever your husband is going through needs to end TUHDAY! There is no reason he and his ex-wife should be sexting, sending photos, or love songs to one another, and especially she should not be doing any of these things with your husband. But, I’m gathering both of them are enjoying this attention, and they like this little game they have going on with one another. Otherwise, your husband would know it’s inappropriate and he would put her in her place and check her behavior. So, are the photos and songs drudging up memories for him? Does he feel some type of way and have they not really resolved their issues? Why does he feel the need to constantly respond to her messages and texts? If it has nothing to do with the kids, and they are divorced, then why is she reaching out to him, and why is he responding? There doesn’t need to be any communication between them, photos, or love songs. If they are not talking about the kids, then there is no reason for her to be texting him and calling. And, he shouldn’t be entertaining her. Therefore, you need to sit down with your husband and resolve this matter immediately. Let him know how you feel, why it bothers you, and how you won’t be disrespected in your own marriage. Tell him it’s not cute, nor is it appropriate for his ex-wife to be sending messages, naked photos, and songs to him. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, and he doesn’t find it inappropriate, then, I am quite sure he is feeding off her attention, and there are unresolved feelings, and the photos and songs are reminders of their time together. It’s obvious she hasn’t let him go, and she is doing everything to get his attention. She doesn’t want to be ignored. And, now that he is giving her the attention she wants, she is doing everything in her power to get her claws back into him. And, he’s falling for it. Nip this –ish in the bud right now. All that ego stroking, and pandering to him is what she knows will get him and under his skin. She’s done it before when they were married, and he’s falling for the same game and ploy she used as a tactic when they were together. Whatever his ego needs, or whatever stroking he needs should not be coming from his ex-wife, but from you, and he needs to recognize that you are now his wife. You are the woman in his world, and she is his past, and she needs to remain as part of his past. What she is doing is disrespectful to you, your husband, the kids, and your marriage. It’s a good thing she found God, but that doesn’t give her new found spiritual enlightenment to infringe upon your marriage and try to reconcile with her ex-husband. He needs to handle it. Put her in check. And, he seriously needs to let her know that he will not put up with it, nor will he allow her to disrespect you, his woman, his wife. You have to be adamant that this behavior will not be tolerated, and it will not continue. If he doesn’t handle it, then you will have to speak with her, and it won’t be pretty. You can do an initial talk with her woman to woman, and let her know that this has to stop, and she needs to let him go and move on. But, if this continues, then your next conversation with her won’t be so pretty. Give your husband the opportunity to handle it. And, make sure he knows how you feel, and what you won’t put up with or tolerate. Put your foot down, and don’t move or budge on how you feel or what your suspicions are. Happy home means a happy wife. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
“My heart is pure” Keke Palmer Shuts Down A Fan KeKe Palmer recently got into a social media squabble with a fan who rudely told the actress that she “was turning into a thot.” The “Cinderella” star who’s rumored to be dating August Alsina , posted the below photo on Instagram yesterday of her chic haircut and plethora of piercings… and while some fans were complimentary in the comments section others were rude and told KeKe they “missed the old her.” Obviously offended, KeKe clapped back… and the fan did as well. SMH…these “fans” can be so nasty & so rude sometimes. See what else KeKe had to say about her “fans” calling her a thot after the flip.
Dear Bossip , So, I met this guy when I was on a short weekend gateway. We both happened to stay in the same hostel and clicked really quickly. He’s from Africa and was travelling around Asia countries, expecting to return home some time four months later. For sake of completion I will just mention that I’m Asian myself and live in Asia too. To cut long stories short, neither of us is denying that we have feelings for each other. We can spend hours talking in the hostel common area til the receptionist thinks we have dated for some time; that’s how good the chemistry was. But, of course, at that time, he was on his tour with two other guy friends, but even before he returns home, he has made some effort to visit me where I live, three times within four months. During that period, we were consistently in touch with each other. We exchanged so much about each other – jobs, careers, past relationships, travel experiences, life goals, etc. I find him very inspiring to me and it’s because I learned so much from the way he lives life that I have decided to quit my job as a lawyer in order to be a happy person. I do think he has made me the best version of myself, if not then at least the happiest version. Whenever we have the chance to be together, it all feels like I found where I belong – it’s homely, it’s comfortable, and I know it’s not just the sex (although yes, that too). Sadly, reality will always be harsh. He’s home been bound some two and half months ago. We’re still keeping in touch – sometimes we talk like friends, sometimes we flirt and sext each other and sometimes we get depressed because we could not share a future together (well, at least not given the current situation). Everything falls apart when I start inquiring as to whether we should make this a relationship, or should we just break the deal. This happened a month ago. We tried no contact, which really broke me within three days; we tried chatting plainly as friends, which eventually he came to admit it’s hard for him (for me too); we tried keeping minimal contact, which made me felt like he’s just purposely ignoring me. But, in the back of our minds, we know that we could not meet in the next two years as he’s going to start his training contract in order to qualify as a lawyer at home, and I know it is hard because I’ve been through the same procedure at home. Due to this, it all became a mess, because he’s made up his mind that he does not want to be in a relationship with someone that he could not see for two years. And, it’s made worse by the fact that he does not know if he wants to continue practicing as a lawyer at home (in order to live up to people’s expectations), or return to Asia for teaching (it’s his passion). I know it’s not fair and I know most guys won’t do a long distance relationship, which is a stretch of two years. As it stands now, we’ve reached the point that we don’t contact each other anymore as it causes too much emotional stir up on both of us. But, I think he deserves a place in my life. I really would like to try again after two years or whenever we have the chance to meet again. It’s just now, I’m not sure why he’s not saying anything about it. I can understand why he doesn’t want a long distance relationship, but at the same time I would very much rather be fighting together for this than to not know what he’s thinking. Do you think it’s worth it for me to keep a special place for him in my heart? I know for a fact that he will shut himself down from any relationship for about a year or so (I know this when we talked about our exes). Every time he takes it for real, so I do have some kind of advantage to roll it back in my hands. Am I just being silly, or truly fighting for something that’s worth it? – From Asia With Love Dear Ms. From Asia With Love , What are you fighting for? You and he were never in a relationship. You and he were not boyfriend and girlfriend, or long term partners. It was a hot fling that lasted a very short period of time. So, please explain to me what you are truly fighting for? (Sips tea) Let’s be clear, you’re in Asia. He is in Africa. That is not even remotely close in proximity. What type of long distance relationship do you really think will happen or occur? Chile, these women get some African d**k and go crazy! I’m sure your short weekend tourist fling with your African lover was amazing, wonderful, and he opened your eyes to some things by sharing his life with you. But, the reality is that he lives in Africa. You are in Asia. He is about to begin a two year program to become a lawyer. He will not have the time, finances, nor the energy to dedicate to you in a long distance relationship. Why fool yourself? Why even think you and he can have any type of intimate relationship for the next two years? It’s not a reality. And, you shouldn’t put your life on hold waiting on him to complete his program. What if he decides to stay in Africa, then what? He can meet another woman during that time, and you can meet another man. Why shut yourself off from the possibility of meeting someone new? Sweetie, it was a weekend filled and packed with a world wind of romance, passionate sex, and blissful lust speaking. He hooked you on that African penis and now you’re talking about you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Honey, you don’t know that much about him. You only know what he told you, and what he shared with you. I’m sure there is much more to his life than what he revealed in a weekend. And, let’s be clear, he’s only visited you three times in four months, and that is while he was in Asia. So, if he came to see you only three times in four months, then what do you think he was doing the other times he was not with you? (Sips tea) If he was really wrapped up in you and really wanted to make it work and he was madly in love with you as you are with him, then don’t you think he would have spent more time with you in those four months? Girl, he only saw you once a month, and one month he didn’t see you at all! D**k is a dangerous drug. And, he got you with that ole’ African d**k. I’m sure he inspired you, and gave you some great wisdom about life, but to up and quit your career as a lawyer is a bit rash. Don’t you find it ironic that, although he was in Asia to teach, but he is back in Africa to become a lawyer. If he was so unhappy and didn’t want to pursue a career as a lawyer, then why go through with the program? Why not stay and teach in Asia, or why not teach in Africa? So, don’t be fooled or too quick to stop your career and pursue your passions, well, not until you have well thought out and devised plan. Why quit your career and you have not fully thought it through, nor have you saved enough money to last you a few months while you pursue your passion? Long story, short: Don’t put your life on hold, or disrupt your life for a man. If he is not willing to disrupt his life or put his life on hold for you, then don’t you bend over backwards, or stop what you’re doing to follow him. Don’t wait on a man if he is not willing to wait on you. And, he’s told you that he is not willing to commit to a long distance relationship, and he is not willing to hold out for two years for you. He’s not making any promises or guarantees that you and he will be together. He is going on with his life, and so should you. And, notice that it’s you who is pursuing him. I bet you are the one doing all the calling, texting, and everything else. He is not chasing after you. Never, ever chase after a man. It was a great time, with great sex, and great conversation. Keep that memory, but soon it will fade. Soon he will be a faded memory of a hot and steamy romance which you had for a short while. Get back into the dating pool and I’m sure you’ll meet another wonderful, smart, inspiring, loving, and caring man who will sweep you off your feet. Just make sure he is local and not from another country or continent. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , I need help co-parenting with my daughter’s father. My daughter’s father and I were in relationship for fifteen years. He was the love of my life. We haven’t been together for five years and we still can’t co- parents. My daughter’s father has cheated on me three times with three different chicks and I tried to forgive him. It’s hard to forgive someone who you loved such much and for him to disrespect me so many times. He made a video tape having sex with this one chick. I tried to forgive him, but I decided to walk away from our relationship. Before I called it quits I can remember early in the relationship several people would ask him when we were getting married. On several occasions he responded he would never get married to me. Why would I stay in a relationship with a dude more than fifteen years who cheated on me one time too many and he doesn’t plan on marrying me? He brought me a promise ring like it’s supposes to keep me waiting. I have my own apartment, career, car and money and purchase everything in my apartment by myself. My daughter’s father always complains about paying bills. He wanted me to take him out to a restaurant and movies and wanted me to pay for it. I come from the old school where dudes are supposed to take a chick out and wine and dine her. My daughter’s father never came home after work. Sometimes he would come home at 7pm or whenever he feel like it, which could be at 11:30pm sometimes. He felt like just because he paid the rent and he was a man he had the upper hand. He felt like he didn’t need to help our daughter with her homework or see her before she went to bed. Every time I went food shopping he would get upset because he had to help me bring them the groceries in the house. What the heck I look like sitting around waiting for him to change his mind or decide if he wanted to be in our life. My daughter’s father was livid at me before I called it quits. I started hanging out, going to clubs, and drinking and having fun. After I was tired of partying I started working 10 hour shifts six days a week because I didn’t want to spend any time around him. Saturday after work I would travel to another state and stay the night over family member’s homes with my son until Sunday night because he refused to leave. Why should I stay in the house or relationship with a dude who doesn’t plan on marrying me? Fast forward to now, my daughter’s father and I can’t talk on the telephone without a screaming match. I tired communicating directly with his girlfriend, whom he has been in relationship with for five years. She is sick and tired of being in the middle of our mess and she changed her telephone number. My daughter has her own cell phone to talk to her father directly, but we have to communicate. I can’t have a conversation with him unless he reflects on the past. He gets too emotional on the telephone and he is always making up an excuse to hang up the phone. One time, my daughter’s father said to me, “Eventually I would have married you. You were impatient.” We never resolve the issue at hand when we talk on the telephone. I pray to God to heal our relationship so that we can co-parent and to learn how to communicate again. The judge is tired of us coming back and forth to court. The judge said we need to learn how to co-parent and communicate with each other. The judge asked us what happen in our relationship and why can’t we come to an agreement. But, neither of us wants to reveal what happen. I come from a two-parent home in the suburbs and he comes from a single-parent home in the inner city. I don’t like the fact that when I talk to my family members about my daughter’s father they always respond he doesn’t know how to be a man because he didn’t have father around when he was a child. I’m tired of people giving me the same old sorry accuse. Problems between my daughter’s father are real deep. I can’t write the things down to share with anyone because I am too embarrassed. I get too upset with myself for putting up with BS for so long. In the last five years I feel like I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride with my daughter’s father, and it’s not over. We can’t come to an agreement on anything. It’s been five years and he’s moved on, yet, he still has resentment towards me. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 ½ years, but we are not together. My ex was sick and tired of me and my daughter’s father arguing all the time. Every time me and my daughter’s father see each other we always smile and laugh. My ex was upset. I believe we smile at each other because we remember all the good times we had together. But, on the phone we fight like cats and dogs. I apologized to him and asked him to forgive me if I’ve done anything wrong to him and he apologized to me as well. But, we always end up back at the same place. When I meet a dude who has kids with their exes and they say that their child’s mother and them is best friends I get jealous. My daughter’s father and I would never be friends or cordial. I don’t want to bring my new dude onto a rollercoaster ride to see him jump off. I need help communicating with daughter’s father. He doesn’t take me serious and always take my kindness for my weakness. My daughter turns thirteen next year and she graduates from the eighth grade. We can’t sit next to each other and have decent conversation. Everybody is looking forward to daughter eight grade graduation, but me I terrified daughter father going to cause a scene. – My Nightmare Daughter’s Father Dear Ms. My Nightmare Daughter’s Father, I don’t understand how and why some of you women fall into these situations with these men that you have chosen, and you cohabitate with them, and then create children, yet, only to break-up and you are unable to be cordial with one another and communicate effectively to at least co-parent for the sake of the child. I don’t get it. Then, you were in a relationship for 15 years, he’s cheated on you with three different women that you know of, but, you are the one who stayed after he cheated the first time. You had an out, but you stayed. Why? What’s sad is that you took him back three different times before you decided you were fed up. You left him because he said he would never marry you, but it took 15 years before you walked away. I’m sorry, but who the hell is waiting 15 years on someone and there is no progress in your relationship? You are not moving forward, you are not growing, and you are not maturing. Fifteen years with someone, and then all of a sudden you get fed up! I’m sorry, but you chose this man, and you keep choosing his behavior and allowing him to do what he did, so why would expect his behavior to change after the relationship ended? He is not going to change. He is not going to be the father, dad, or co-parent you hope he will be for the sake of your child. He’s shown you his a** for 15 years, and you refuse to believe or accept who he is. Girl, I’m so tired of saying this, but, WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM. You and he keep running back and forth to court and you want the judge to handle it, but you and he are dishonest and don’t want to reveal the real reason why you two can’t get along. If you keep playing this game, then you’re not serious about wanting to co-parent with him. I feel that you like and enjoy the drama. It gives you the opportunity for you and he to continue to argue, fight, and have this ‘other’ sadistic relationship that no one wants to be a part of. Hell, his own girlfriend changed her number because she doesn’t want to be in the middle of it. And, you’ve lost your ex-boyfriend over it because he didn’t want to be around your incessant need to be in drama with your daughter’s father. So, therefore, it leads me to believe that you and he enjoy this sick game and all this back and forth that you two are engaged in. There is something that the both of you are getting out of it, and until you’re really ready to let him go and move on with your life, then you and he will continue this soap opera drama you two seem to enjoy. Why do you two continue to talk about the past? Why are you holding on to it, and what you had? Why are you and he arguing on the phone, and it has nothing to do with your daughter? As a matter of act why are you even engaging him and it has nothing to do with your daughter? Why are you doing all this grinning and cheesing up in each other’s face, and you’re talking about it’s because you and he remember what you once had. It’s over! Let that –ish go! Ma’am you gave me all this back story of your relationship with him, what he did, and how you shouldn’t have to wait on someone who wasn’t going to marry you. But, you chose him. You chose to stay 15 years. You chose to produce a child with him. You obviously kept choosing him to stay with him after he cheated on you three different times. So, was the back story an attempt to paint him as the bad guy? Honey, I don’t do voluntary suffering and misery. You stayed, so you got what you got. If you want to co-parent, and you’re serious about it, then you and he need to be in therapy. You need to let go of your past, and your relationship. It’s over. It’s ended. It’s done. It’s no longer. However, you and he are holding on to some unfinished business. So, go to therapy with a mediating third party and let them help you decipher through this bull-ish. Let them help you resolve this game, and end this back and forth. You two can’t seem to do it yourselves, and it’s obvious that you don’t want to the judge to handle it. Therefore, therapy with a professional counselor will help you get to the root of your issues, the underlying tension of your drama, and end this torrid love/hate relationship you have with one another, and this ongoing relationship that you two don’t seem to want to let go. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Dear Bossip , All my life I have tried to force myself to get rid of these thoughts. These thoughts haunt me daily. I am attracted to women being a male, but there’s something I’ve been forcing myself to control and that is that I’m seeing men as attractive. I hate it, and I hate myself. I do not want to be gay. I sometimes cry myself to sleep and I am deeply depressed. I need to know why in the world these thoughts consume me when I can’t control them. I’m stuck because I don’t feel as though people are born that way and things happened to me during my childhood that traumatized me that could possibly force me to have these feelings. I’ve been sexually abused by a man in my family and I told no one. Now, what is happening to me is being twisted around to make me feel as though it was my fault by my aggressor. The only reason I won’t say anything is because the fact that it happened disgusts me. I wish I could find help and some reason for why I have these feelings. Again, I don’t want to be this way. What should I do? I am on the verge of losing my mind. I have a feeling a lot of young men are dealing with this issue and me stepping up to ask these questions can help someone else. – Struggling With My Sexuality Dear Mr. Struggling With My Sexuality , I truly feel for you, and I empathize with you and your struggle to understand your sexual thoughts and desires. I cannot tell you how to fight these desires, feelings, and thoughts you have for the same sex. I cannot tell you that these are abnormal thoughts, and it is not who you are. Your feelings, thoughts, and desires are your own, and only you can decide for yourself how you will identify, if you choose to do so. However, just know that you are okay the way that you are. You are fine. You are a beautiful human being, and there is nothing wrong with you, and nothing you need to fix. The fact that you mentioned that you are attracted to both men and women may mean that you could be a bisexual male. It’s interesting that you stated that since you have an attraction to men you shared that you don’t want to be gay. You still have desires for women, from what you stated. I suggest that you research and read up on bisexuality. Also, understand the entire range of LGBT – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transsexual. I am concerned that you were abused by a man in your family and have not told anyone. I do hope that you will strongly consider talking with someone, and deal with what happened to you. I am also concerned that your aggressor turns the situation back on you, which means you are still in contact with this person, and he makes it appear as if his rape and assault on you was an invitation by you, or something you did. That is not the case. Your aggressor is a pedophile and someone who is mentally ill. What they are doing to you, and have done to you, is classic for a pedophile who doesn’t want their secret to get out, and they know they are wrong for what they did. He doesn’t want you to tell you anyone, and he is making you feel guilty for what happened, thus, he is manipulating you and controlling you. Tell someone. Tell everyone. Tell anyone who will listen and put him blast. Do not allow him to continue to control you, and make you feel you warranted what he did to you. I also recommend that you get into therapy and speak with a licensed and professional therapist to deal with your depression, the assault you endured, and your thoughts about your sexuality. You cannot manage this alone, and you cannot keep these bottled up. You will do more harm and damage to yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Please get help and deal with these issues before you spiral out of control. Being gay or bisexual is not wrong and neither does it mean that there is something wrong with you. Your sexual identity is a part of who you are, and no one can determine your sexuality but you. Please do not feel that people are not born that way, and that there is something wrong with being LGBTQIA. People think that persons choose to be gay, and it is not the case. Ask a heterosexual person if they choose to be heterosexual. They may say or tell you it’s wrong or abnormal to be gay or bisexual. And, then you ask them what is right and normal. And, normal based on what? Normal defined by whom? Normal according to whom? Hell, there are many people who thought, and still think that being black is abnormal. You can’t help who you are, and know that you are brilliantly and beautifully designed the way you are. It’s going to be long process for you to get to where you learn to love, accept, and appreciate who you are. Work on embracing yourself. It begins with you first. I do hope that you will stop hating yourself. I do hope that you will stop allowing your rapist to turn this on you. And, I do hope that you get the help you need. If you keep beating yourself up, hating yourself, and accepting the blame for what your rapist did to you then you will end up harming yourself and others emotionally, mentally, and physically. Lastly, I do recommend reaching out to an LGBT community center in your area, and schedule some time to go and speak with someone. They can help you with resources, and information that can help you understand who you are, and provide support groups and meetings, as well as a counselor/therapist you can speak with. So, today, claim victory over your life. Claim love. Claim acceptance. And, claim power. You deserve to be accepted, loved, appreciated, and empowered. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
