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Dear Bossip: I Have Thoughts About The Same Sex & I Don’t Want To Be Gay

Posted on January 15, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , All my life I have tried to force myself to get rid of these thoughts. These thoughts haunt me daily. I am attracted to women being a male, but there’s something I’ve been forcing myself to control and that is that I’m seeing men as attractive. I hate it, and I hate myself. I do not want to be gay. I sometimes cry myself to sleep and I am deeply depressed. I need to know why in the world these thoughts consume me when I can’t control them. I’m stuck because I don’t feel as though people are born that way and things happened to me during my childhood that traumatized me that could possibly force me to have these feelings. I’ve been sexually abused by a man in my family and I told no one. Now, what is happening to me is being twisted around to make me feel as though it was my fault by my aggressor. The only reason I won’t say anything is because the fact that it happened disgusts me. I wish I could find help and some reason for why I have these feelings. Again, I don’t want to be this way. What should I do? I am on the verge of losing my mind. I have a feeling a lot of young men are dealing with this issue and me stepping up to ask these questions can help someone else. – Struggling With My Sexuality Dear Mr. Struggling With My Sexuality , I truly feel for you, and I empathize with you and your struggle to understand your sexual thoughts and desires. I cannot tell you how to fight these desires, feelings, and thoughts you have for the same sex. I cannot tell you that these are abnormal thoughts, and it is not who you are. Your feelings, thoughts, and desires are your own, and only you can decide for yourself how you will identify, if you choose to do so. However, just know that you are okay the way that you are. You are fine. You are a beautiful human being, and there is nothing wrong with you, and nothing you need to fix. The fact that you mentioned that you are attracted to both men and women may mean that you could be a bisexual male. It’s interesting that you stated that since you have an attraction to men you shared that you don’t want to be gay. You still have desires for women, from what you stated. I suggest that you research and read up on bisexuality. Also, understand the entire range of LGBT – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transsexual. I am concerned that you were abused by a man in your family and have not told anyone. I do hope that you will strongly consider talking with someone, and deal with what happened to you. I am also concerned that your aggressor turns the situation back on you, which means you are still in contact with this person, and he makes it appear as if his rape and assault on you was an invitation by you, or something you did. That is not the case. Your aggressor is a pedophile and someone who is mentally ill. What they are doing to you, and have done to you, is classic for a pedophile who doesn’t want their secret to get out, and they know they are wrong for what they did. He doesn’t want you to tell you anyone, and he is making you feel guilty for what happened, thus, he is manipulating you and controlling you. Tell someone. Tell everyone. Tell anyone who will listen and put him blast. Do not allow him to continue to control you, and make you feel you warranted what he did to you. I also recommend that you get into therapy and speak with a licensed and professional therapist to deal with your depression, the assault you endured, and your thoughts about your sexuality. You cannot manage this alone, and you cannot keep these bottled up. You will do more harm and damage to yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Please get help and deal with these issues before you spiral out of control. Being gay or bisexual is not wrong and neither does it mean that there is something wrong with you. Your sexual identity is a part of who you are, and no one can determine your sexuality but you. Please do not feel that people are not born that way, and that there is something wrong with being LGBTQIA. People think that persons choose to be gay, and it is not the case. Ask a heterosexual person if they choose to be heterosexual. They may say or tell you it’s wrong or abnormal to be gay or bisexual. And, then you ask them what is right and normal. And, normal based on what? Normal defined by whom? Normal according to whom? Hell, there are many people who thought, and still think that being black is abnormal. You can’t help who you are, and know that you are brilliantly and beautifully designed the way you are. It’s going to be long process for you to get to where you learn to love, accept, and appreciate who you are. Work on embracing yourself. It begins with you first. I do hope that you will stop hating yourself. I do hope that you will stop allowing your rapist to turn this on you. And, I do hope that you get the help you need. If you keep beating yourself up, hating yourself, and accepting the blame for what your rapist did to you then you will end up harming yourself and others emotionally, mentally, and physically. Lastly, I do recommend reaching out to an LGBT community center in your area, and schedule some time to go and speak with someone. They can help you with resources, and information that can help you understand who you are, and provide support groups and meetings, as well as a counselor/therapist you can speak with. So, today, claim victory over your life. Claim love. Claim acceptance. And, claim power. You deserve to be accepted, loved, appreciated, and empowered. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!      

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Dear Bossip: I Have Thoughts About The Same Sex & I Don’t Want To Be Gay

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Is Boring & We’re Moving Together, But I’m Not Sure

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years and it’s been pretty awesome. But, lately, I’ve been getting tired of him. He’s a really nice guy, but he’s boring. We’re thinking of moving out together within a year, but I don’t know if it’ll be a big mistake. I’m the adventurous type and he’s not willing to do anything fun. And, if we go anywhere (like to the zoo, movies, any adventure, etc.) he’ll complain about how bored he is, and say were blowing all our money away. It’s not even expensive things either, they’re actually pretty cheap. He hates when I hang out with someone else, especially if he’s just home alone. I just feel like if I do break up with him…I won’t find anyone else. Also, the love/spark/passion isn’t there for me. I just feel like it’s good enough. Should I go to a relationship counselor also? He also has jealousy problems and road rage. I don’t know if that helps at all. – Bored Of Him Dear Ms. Bored Of Him , Let me ask this? Is it that he’s always been a boring Debbie Downer who doesn’t like doing things, and has always complained about your dating adventures? I mean, you probably overlooked his negative comments and statements, and just blew them off. You figured he’d change or eventually find some activity fun and engaging. Or, is it that you’ve grown tired of his complaining and negativity, and have opened your eyes and realize that he is not going to change. This is the way he is and you’re simply over him? Honey, relationships run their course. Sometimes people grow apart, and people outgrow each other. You know the saying – “People come into your life for a reason, season, and lifetime.” Is the season over? Has this relationship run its course? Or, more importantly, have you stopped making excuses for his behavior, his negativity, and his jealousy, and you have realized that he is not the man you thought or hoped he would be? And, that is exactly what it sounds like. It sounds like you’ve woken out of your slumber of, “I can’t change him,” and you have reflected over your relationship and began to notice a pattern. He’s boring. He doesn’t enjoy the outings with you. He gets jealous when you leave and you do things without him. And, he has road rage. So, when you began your letter stating your relationship has been awesome, well, sweetie, I was looking for all the awesome parts of it. You went straight for the jugular and mentioned all the things you don’t like. So, does the things you don’t like outweigh the good? I’m concerned that you’re considering moving out with him, and you didn’t talk about being engaged, or plans to marry. You are ready to shack up with someone you feel is “good enough,” and the passion/spark/love isn’t there for you. Girl, does that make any damn sense at all! You are going to hold on to a man you don’t have any passion for, no sparks, and no love, but, because he’s a man and he’s there and it’s been 3 years you’re going to move in with him and hope things change? Next, he’s jealous and has road rage. He has anger issues, and he’s controlling. Call it out, girl! Now, does his road rage frighten you and do you feel endangered when you’re with him? Do you fear he will get into a confrontation and something dangerous will happen? If road rage has a grip on him, and the fact you’ve brought it up, then I am sure you’re thinking or have thought what if it gets out of control and it is directed toward you. Jealousy. This has been ongoing in your relationship. I’m sure you’ve had many arguments, and disagreements due to his jealousy. You’ve put up with it for 3 years. Now, are you willing to continue to put up with it, or are you going to continue to dismiss it? Yes, you can go to a counselor, and discuss your relationship, but the issues are with him. He’s needs to be in therapy. He’s dealing with anger, jealousy, and control. You’re enabling him by allowing him to do it, and you haven’t checked him on it. He only does what he does because you let him. You should have checked all of this early on. Now, it is out of hand, and you’re having second thoughts about where this relationship is going and where it will end up. But, consider these: Why is he jealous when he doesn’t want to go out or do anything? Is he jealous of your friends? Is he jealous another man will take you away from him? Do you think he wants to control you? Has he tried to control you and the relationship? How would you assess his anger, and is it only road rage? Look, if everything you recommend to do as an outing is so boring and money wasting, then ask him to recommend something he would enjoy doing, or ask him to pick something for the two of you to do. Make him responsible for the outing, and the decision making, and then if he complains you will have your answer. If he doesn’t enjoy the event, or activity he’s chosen, then you can’t make him happy, please him, nor can anything else. He’s just boring. Get out of the relationship. Nothing is going to change. He will not become the man you want him to be. He will not grow, mature, or all of a sudden become exciting. You will be miserable, unhappy, and eventually you will start cheating. If the passion, spark, and love is not there, and it’s been 3 years, I’m sorry, this relationship is doomed. End it, and move on with your life. Why spend another 3 months, or 3 years with someone whom is only ‘okay.’ You are passing the time with him. And, it’s not fair to either of you. Stop being so desperate to hold on to a man just so you can say you have a man. There are plenty of men who are adventurous, fun, outgoing, and enjoyable to be around. Your man is not that man. I don’t recommend moving in together. It will be a huge mistake, and I do know that once you move in together his jealousy will increase, and eventually he will start trying to control you. Save yourself from this potential headache and stress. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!    

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Is Boring & We’re Moving Together, But I’m Not Sure

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Is Boring & We’re Moving Together, But I’m Not Sure

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years and it’s been pretty awesome. But, lately, I’ve been getting tired of him. He’s a really nice guy, but he’s boring. We’re thinking of moving out together within a year, but I don’t know if it’ll be a big mistake. I’m the adventurous type and he’s not willing to do anything fun. And, if we go anywhere (like to the zoo, movies, any adventure, etc.) he’ll complain about how bored he is, and say were blowing all our money away. It’s not even expensive things either, they’re actually pretty cheap. He hates when I hang out with someone else, especially if he’s just home alone. I just feel like if I do break up with him…I won’t find anyone else. Also, the love/spark/passion isn’t there for me. I just feel like it’s good enough. Should I go to a relationship counselor also? He also has jealousy problems and road rage. I don’t know if that helps at all. – Bored Of Him Dear Ms. Bored Of Him , Let me ask this? Is it that he’s always been a boring Debbie Downer who doesn’t like doing things, and has always complained about your dating adventures? I mean, you probably overlooked his negative comments and statements, and just blew them off. You figured he’d change or eventually find some activity fun and engaging. Or, is it that you’ve grown tired of his complaining and negativity, and have opened your eyes and realize that he is not going to change. This is the way he is and you’re simply over him? Honey, relationships run their course. Sometimes people grow apart, and people outgrow each other. You know the saying – “People come into your life for a reason, season, and lifetime.” Is the season over? Has this relationship run its course? Or, more importantly, have you stopped making excuses for his behavior, his negativity, and his jealousy, and you have realized that he is not the man you thought or hoped he would be? And, that is exactly what it sounds like. It sounds like you’ve woken out of your slumber of, “I can’t change him,” and you have reflected over your relationship and began to notice a pattern. He’s boring. He doesn’t enjoy the outings with you. He gets jealous when you leave and you do things without him. And, he has road rage. So, when you began your letter stating your relationship has been awesome, well, sweetie, I was looking for all the awesome parts of it. You went straight for the jugular and mentioned all the things you don’t like. So, does the things you don’t like outweigh the good? I’m concerned that you’re considering moving out with him, and you didn’t talk about being engaged, or plans to marry. You are ready to shack up with someone you feel is “good enough,” and the passion/spark/love isn’t there for you. Girl, does that make any damn sense at all! You are going to hold on to a man you don’t have any passion for, no sparks, and no love, but, because he’s a man and he’s there and it’s been 3 years you’re going to move in with him and hope things change? Next, he’s jealous and has road rage. He has anger issues, and he’s controlling. Call it out, girl! Now, does his road rage frighten you and do you feel endangered when you’re with him? Do you fear he will get into a confrontation and something dangerous will happen? If road rage has a grip on him, and the fact you’ve brought it up, then I am sure you’re thinking or have thought what if it gets out of control and it is directed toward you. Jealousy. This has been ongoing in your relationship. I’m sure you’ve had many arguments, and disagreements due to his jealousy. You’ve put up with it for 3 years. Now, are you willing to continue to put up with it, or are you going to continue to dismiss it? Yes, you can go to a counselor, and discuss your relationship, but the issues are with him. He’s needs to be in therapy. He’s dealing with anger, jealousy, and control. You’re enabling him by allowing him to do it, and you haven’t checked him on it. He only does what he does because you let him. You should have checked all of this early on. Now, it is out of hand, and you’re having second thoughts about where this relationship is going and where it will end up. But, consider these: Why is he jealous when he doesn’t want to go out or do anything? Is he jealous of your friends? Is he jealous another man will take you away from him? Do you think he wants to control you? Has he tried to control you and the relationship? How would you assess his anger, and is it only road rage? Look, if everything you recommend to do as an outing is so boring and money wasting, then ask him to recommend something he would enjoy doing, or ask him to pick something for the two of you to do. Make him responsible for the outing, and the decision making, and then if he complains you will have your answer. If he doesn’t enjoy the event, or activity he’s chosen, then you can’t make him happy, please him, nor can anything else. He’s just boring. Get out of the relationship. Nothing is going to change. He will not become the man you want him to be. He will not grow, mature, or all of a sudden become exciting. You will be miserable, unhappy, and eventually you will start cheating. If the passion, spark, and love is not there, and it’s been 3 years, I’m sorry, this relationship is doomed. End it, and move on with your life. Why spend another 3 months, or 3 years with someone whom is only ‘okay.’ You are passing the time with him. And, it’s not fair to either of you. Stop being so desperate to hold on to a man just so you can say you have a man. There are plenty of men who are adventurous, fun, outgoing, and enjoyable to be around. Your man is not that man. I don’t recommend moving in together. It will be a huge mistake, and I do know that once you move in together his jealousy will increase, and eventually he will start trying to control you. Save yourself from this potential headache and stress. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shuttershock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!    

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Dear Bossip: My Boyfriend Is Boring & We’re Moving Together, But I’m Not Sure

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Dear Bossip: We Met Once 4 Years Ago, But I Can’t Seem To Let Him Go

Posted on November 18, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’ve known my friend for 4 years now. This past March he said that out of respect of his girlfriend he doesn’t talk to other females a lot. I have a lot of feelings for him ever since the day I met him. I met him on a trip back in 2010. He lived in Detroit and I was in Arizona. We always stayed in touch through calls. I only met him that one time on that trip and saw him another time while speaking with him thru Skype. We’ve never dated. He’s told me throughout our friendship of the chicks he’s been with and had sex with. Being that we never dated, I tried to not let it get to me because we never were together. Until, we talked about some day being together. He said that I was the only female that he’s ever thought of marrying. He’s told me not to wait for him, but then he said he wanted me to. I told him that’s not fair and you can’t do that. He’s told me that he knows that. When I met him he was 24 years old, and I was 30 years old. I think a lot of him has a lot of growing up to do, or if it’s me making an excuse for him. I’ve always listened when he told me of his failed relationships.  I’m not sure with him dating now if it’s going to be another failed one. In the past, every time when we haven’t spoken in a while he would ask if I’m dating. I know he was asking to see if I was still available and checking my dating status. In a way, I’m kind of waiting for him, but I know if someone else comes available I would move on with that person, but I just haven’t found that one yet. So, in the meantime I’m still thinking about this dude. I miss him so much. I care about him so much, and, I think about him all the time. I care enough about him to let him go. In the meantime, I have been doing my own thing, changing me, and exercising. I’ve moved to ATL. I’m working and doing what I need to do. I don’t know if I will ever hear from him again. I don’t text, or call.  I’ve deleted his number. I’m on the verge of changing my number and to never hear from him again, but it’s hard just getting rid of someone you took the time to know, and I’ve made the investment in trying to know that person. I don’t want to lose him, but then I don’t want to keep falling in the same thing where we start talking again as friends and then he tells me he can’t talk to me because out of respect of dating again. I don’t have time for that. My feelings are already involved, so I don’t want it to keep getting deeper and deeper. – Holding On Dear Ms. Holding On , Did I miss something? How can you miss something you’ve never had? (Sips tea) You met him once. He lives in another state. You’ve only communicated once on SKYPE. You keep in touch via text messages and phone calls. You’ve never dated, yet, he tells you about all the women he’s been with, and how he’s living his life. However, you’re holding on to feelings and emotions for this guy because….????? I’m confused. You are now a 34 year old woman who met a man once in 2010, yet, you think and feel there is something there between you and he, but you haven’t seen him again in four years!!?!!  What the hell is he filling your head with? You didn’t even touch or see the d**k, and, yet, you’re already hooked. Damn! And, this is where I don’t understand your logic – He’s told you that he can’t and won’t talk to you out of respect for his girlfriend, which have been many, and you’re waiting on him for what reason again? But, hold on, he does this every time he’s in a relationship!?! What are you waiting on him for? He’s not interested in being with you. He’s not interested in you being his girlfriend. And, that line with him saying that you’re the one woman he would marry is some bull-ish! If he wanted you then he would be with you. He would move, transition, and be right there with you. Any man who wants to be with woman will make the provisions to be with her despite the space, or time. He wouldn’t string you along for four years playing with your heart and emotions making you believe something that will never manifest. But, it’s really your fault. Your desperation is sad and pathetic. You seriously have this imaginary relationship going on with him that you have created, and continue to maintain. You have a false sense of reality, and have concocted this fantasy relationship with someone you’ve only seen once. You’ve decided to invest in someone whom you only talk with via text message and random calls here and there. No woman in her right mind would continue or even fathom the idea of maintaining a relationship with someone they met once, and who lived across the damn country! You live in your head and not in the real world. Ma’am, get out of your head! Not once in the four years of knowing him, which you barely know him, and in talking with him on the phone has he stated that he would make the trip to visit you. Not once did he offer to send for you, the woman he said he would marry. Instead, he’s told you that he can’t engage or communicate with you because he’s with someone else. He’s told you that you shouldn’t wait for him. He’s basically telling you that you are a damn fool to be waiting on him and should not waste any energy trying to have something with him because it is not going to happen. So, since you’ve already deleted his number, and you haven’t heard from him since March, then go ahead and change your number. I can guarantee you that you will not hear from him. He is not going to call you. He is not thinking of you. He is not interested in you. Keep doing you, and live your life. Move on. Maintain your exercise regime and make the best of living in a new city. There are plenty of available, attractive, smart, intelligent, and career-minded men in your area. It’s been four years of holding on to nothing that manifested. It’s time for you to have some fun, enjoy yourself, and date. Make friends, go out, and live your life. You’ve started a new journey, now make it complete by deleting him out of it, so that new doors of opportunities can pour in. – Terrance Dean Photo source: Shutterstock Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: We Met Once 4 Years Ago, But I Can’t Seem To Let Him Go

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Dear Bossip: We’re Friends, I Think He Wants More, Yet He Won’t Say It

Posted on November 4, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I am writing to you because I’d like a male’s prospective on this situation. There’s a guy who has been in my life for about a year now, but of course we are just friends. My issue is we fight and bicker like we are a couple and when I put my foot down to let him know that I will not waste my time and energy on someone who is just a friend he gets mad. For awhile, I’d ignore his calls, texts, and everything just because he was becoming so overbearing and demanding. He’s always asking me for rides, to feed him, etc. I got to the point where I was so fed up by him and his constant needs/demands that I stopped altogether. Then, I was being called all kinds of “B” words, and he called fake on numerous occasions. So, I completely stopped talking to him. But he wouldn’t go away, at all. He’d call a few weeks later unmoved like nothing ever happened. Yet, I’m still upset and want my apology. I know I should just leave him alone completely, but it’s hard when he won’t leave me alone. I ask him what he wants from me, and he states I just need a friend, but I feel if you want me in your life as a friend or anyone for that matter he needs to quit blaming the world for his problems and thinking everyone owes him something. Fast forward to now, in this year I’ve seen how much he’s grown as a person. He still lacks affection and has anger issues (I think a serious mental instability at times), but that stems from most likely not receiving that as a youngster. I guess my point is does he have feelings for me deep down, or am I completely wasting my time hoping that they are there? After all, on several occasions he has told me how much I mean to him and that I give him motivation, and that when he’s drunk he sometimes professes his feelings for me as well. I don’t press him about a relationship. I simply try to hold him accountable for his actions. I know the worst part for me is that I’ve grown to care for him and just want to see him succeed and tell him all the time. He’ll call me up and ask if we can go get coffee, or if he can come over, but I feel like if you just want to see me then say that then. I’m sorry my thoughts are all over the place, but that’s how I feel. It’s hot and cold. I just want to know what it means, since I can’t get an answer out of him and my life is by no means on hold for him. I am dating, but like I said he’s that thorn in my side that won’t go away and it’s kind of hard to explain to a guy why some other guy is blowing your phone up like crazy when you’re just friends. I’d really appreciate your feedback. – Confused Lady Dear Ms. Confused Lady , How much does he pay you for your services? (Sips tea) How much money do you collect after his phone calls, rants, and the motivational talks you give him? (Sips tea) How much time and energy are you exerting in diagnosing him and his problems, and what he needs to do to fix his life? (Sips tea) Oh, my bad, you don’t collect any money for your services from him? You’re not licensed to treat him or to sit and listen to him while he bishes, moan, and rant about his life. I thought you were a paid therapist. A psychotherapist. His psychiatrist. I thought you were his counselor. Girl, please stop this charade talking about he’s your friend. He is not your friend. I will repeat in big bold letters: HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND . SMDH! I don’t understand how some of you women will fool and even lie to yourself about these babies, grown men boys whom you let in your life and you’re trying to fix them, console them, nurture them, and be their mother, therapist, friend, and girlfriend. Yeah, I know you’re not his girlfriend so stop acting like one. He is an emotional and mental vampire sucking the life of out of you and taking your kindness as a weakness. He plays on your vulnerability with him, and he knows he is manipulating you. STOP PLAYING THIS GAME WITH HIM AND GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Notice that he only calls when he wants something. He only needs you when it’s convenient for him, or something happens in his life. He uses you to dump all his problems on. He dumps and dumps and dumps on you and your dumba** is sitting there taking it. And, do you notice that after he finishes taking his dumps on you that you are the one who is left depleted? You are the one who is left feeling angry, sad, upset, and mad. HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. By the way, this is another way of saying, “He’-ishing on you.” And, why would you want to consider being in a relationship with someone who is A.) Verbally abusive. He curses you out and calls you all types of Bishes, and tells you how fake you are, however, you really think deep down that he is harboring some intimate feelings for you. Hmmm, okay. So, a man can call you out of your name, treat you like some random stranger and berate and demean you and you interpret that as he must likes you and wants to be with you. SMDH! Girl, you are glutton for punishment. B.) He is a drunk, and he is immature. He can only express him under the influence of alcohol. Now, explain to me what is so attractive about this behavior, and why you find it enticing and stimulating. (I’ll wait). C.) He only calls you when he wants something, or to complain about his life. I’m sorry, but what part of friendship is this? What part of this relationship, which is one way by the way, and he continues to use you, take advantage of you, and he wants you to cook for him, drive him places, or he comes to your house and sit up and utilize your –ish while he dumps his entire life in your lap and he wants you to put the pieces together. Again, what type of friendship is this? Ohhh, but I get it. You like the attention. You like the drama. You like this type of stress in your life because if you didn’t have any of it in your life then what would you do? If you didn’t have him hounding you, acting out like a baby, and you drop everything and run to him trying to save him then you wouldn’t feel complete. You wouldn’t feel adequate, or needed. So, while you claim you’re dating other guys, and he is blowing up your phone, and you have to explain to your male companion how this guy won’t leave you alone, and how he needs you, but you can’t seem to shake him, you think it makes you look like this amazing and strong got-it-together woman who is truly a friend, a supporter, and a great catch. UHM, NOT!!! It makes you look like a dumpster, and someone who doesn’t know boundaries, and a woman who is desperate for attention. He is a child. A baby. A little boy. Stop trying to nurture him, care for him, and fix him. He is not your project. He is not your son. He is not your child. He is not your boyfriend. HE IS NOT YOUR MAN. If you want him out of your life, then completely end it and stop this damn game and bull-ish talking about he won’t stop harassing you. Delete and block. Delete and block. You have those features on your phone. And, you can delete and block him from all of your social media. He can’t access you unless you let him.  If you wouldn’t take his calls or texts, or return his messages, pleas, and cries, then he wouldn’t have access to you. If you wouldn’t be so available, then he wouldn’t have access to you. He doesn’t need you. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t desire you. He is using you as a soundboard to complain and bish about his life, and you allow him. Honey, if you stop and you truly dismiss him out of your life, trust me, he will find someone else to do this to. But, you won’t because you like the attention, drama, stress, and aggravation. You enjoy this game, and this false sense of reality that he desires you and wants you. So, if you want a drunk, a grown man/boy who is childish, who doesn’t have his life together, is a user, a moocher, a complainer, a whiner, and doesn’t value you, your time, your space, your life, and who you are, then, yes express your desire to be with him and have a relationship. Stress yourself the hell out and watch him continue to use, take, and abuse you, and once he’s had enough of you, and you’re dried up, looking old, overweight, stressed, hair falling out, and your money is deplete, he will move on and find another victim. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com   Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: We’re Friends, I Think He Wants More, Yet He Won’t Say It

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Dear Bossip: I Want Out Of My Marriage & I Want To Move Someplace Else

Posted on October 30, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I live in Mississippi and I have been with my spouse for 6 years. We have 4 boys; the last two are twins. The boys love and adore their father, but I’m getting tired of his ways. I have been wanting to leave MS, but every time that I get the opportunity or I talk to him about it he comes up with all types of negative excuses for me not to leave. One of his favorite things to say is “How are you going to make it on your own?” When I met him I had my own place and one son from a previous relationship. He became physically abusive in Feb. 2014, a few days before Valentine’s Day. He has been verbally abusive since my oldest son was one. I have no one because my mother is dead and she lived a street life, so she knew nothing about what I went through; and my dad was very abusive as well, so most of my people think he’s a good guy. I come from a very dysfunctional family. His mother is a wonderful person, but she’s not able to help me without him being involved. In 2015, I’m planning to leave. I had a temporary restraining order on him but it has expired and we are trying to work things out for our kids. But, I’m ready to throw in the towel. He constantly makes negative comments to me and even talks about me if I gain a little bit of weight, and I’m a size 4! I’m just tired and I just want to know how does a person with kids start over somewhere else? I want to follow my dreams of being an actor, but I don’t know where to start. I do have a little bit of experience and I have my certified nursing assistant license to work. I’m also disabled and have been a victim of domestic violence since I was 13 years old. My father called me a b***h at 13, and the names never stopped. Every relationship that I have been in, which has been two, the men put their hands on me and called me out my name. I’m so tired that I thought about going from bisexual to being a lesbian. So, my questions are Mr. Dean – How do I start over and pursue my dream? My second question is if I do decide to have another man again, how do I find someone that won’t abuse me? – Ready To Go Dear Ms. Ready To Go , Ma’am, I’m sorry and I know it must feel awful being stuck in a relationship, and a place where you do not want to be. However, I feel the first thing you need to do is work on you, your self-worth, your self-esteem, and the many underlying issues that are a result to the mental, and emotional challenges and experiences you are presently experiencing. You need professional therapy. Your focus on another relationship is not healthy right now, and you need to get out of this situation before you begin thinking about another one. Unfortunately, what I’m reading is a woman who is desperate for love. Desperate for attention. Desperate for anyone to pay attention to her. And, if you don’t get help and work on these issues, then you will find yourself in this very same situation again. You are focused on the wrong thing! But, hold up! In your letter you dropped the line that you have thought about going from bisexual to being a lesbian. Uhm, sweetie, how can you just drop that sentence in your letter and you never explain this at any other part in your letter?  Does your husband know about your sexuality, and has this hindered your relationship with him? If you’re bisexual, and you’re married, is that another reason as to why you are not happy in your marriage? And, everyone knows that I don’t condone violence, either emotional, mental, verbal, or physical, so, you should not remain in a situation in which you are a victim of domestic abuse. But, I’m concerned that you have allowed your restraining order to lapse, and figured you would work on your relationship for the sake of your kids. I truly feel that is the wrong thing to do. Never ever compromise yourself and your kids for the sake of a man, and what lies he is telling you. If you had a restraining, then I’m sure it was for a very good reason. Make sure to keep it active, and keep away from your abuser. If they’ve abused before, they will do it again. I’m sure you’re feeling like he can change, will change, and will do things differently because he has reassured you that he is a changed man. He’s convinced you that he needs to be a part of his children’s life, and that you and he need to work on your relationship. He’s making promises and telling you what you want to hear. Ma’am, he is lying and he has not changed! Please do yourself and your children a favor and reinstate your restraining order. He will resort to his familiar ways of abusing you very soon, and you will find yourself feeling even more trapped by him. Protect yourself. If you want to leave Mississippi, then you have to devise a plan and put the plan in action. First, since you have your nursing assistance license, then find employment and start saving money. If you want to leave, then save up enough money to last you three to six months. You want to have enough money to move, and get the basic necessities for you and your children. You will have to locate housing, and schools. So, this will require you doing research, and calling around in the city you wish to move to. Second, look for employment in other states that you are interested in going. I’m sure with a nursing assistance license you can find employment. Many hospitals, nursing homes, residential facilities, and other medical institutions are always looking for help. Go online and search and start filling out applications. Third, get into therapy. You need professional help. You have some deep rooted issues that are continuing and lingering throughout your life, especially with the verbal abuse you’ve experienced since you were 13 years old. Why do you keep attracting the same type of men in your life? Why do you keep entering into these abusive relationships? Therapy will help you get to the core of these issues. I also recommend finding suitable resources in your city that can assist you, such as a women’s shelter, or women’s abuse center. I am certain there is one, or a few in your city. Contact them and set up an appointment to meet with them. They can provide you with resources, information, and counseling to help you transition from your situation, and into a more positive and nurturing environment. You need support systems, especially positive and loving ones. Have you thought about your local church, if you belong to one, or some spiritual center where you can build support systems? You need positive reinforcements that can help you and be a bridge of resources and support. You have a lot going on, and you need to become focused, and work on one thing at a time. You’re in an abusive relationship. You have been abused previously. You want to pursue acting. You have a nursing assistance license, but are you working in your field. You want to leave Mississippi. You have four small children. You don’t have any support networks. You are bisexual, and considering becoming lesbian. You notice there is no cohesion in your life. You are all over the place. And, this is what your letter looks like. Therefore, get into therapy. Get into counseling. Find a women’s group, shelter, or center and start with the abuse. Once you work on this, all the other things will become clearer to you. Your relationship is toxic, and you can’t stay in it. He is unhealthy for you and to you. Love yourself. Love your children. Get out of this relationship, and start healing. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop  (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!          

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Dear Bossip: I Can Barely Pay All The Bills & My Husband Won’t Help

Posted on September 9, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , My husband I have been together for 24 years and married for 18 years. I am 40 years old and we have two daughters, 9 years and 14 years old. We both work independent jobs. I, for some reason, and for the last couple of years, have been taking care of all the bills with my income. If I don’t take care of the bill doesn’t get paid. It is so hard on me because trying to make ends meet is so hard with the bills, and, school activities that need to be paid for also. I pay so much in late fees because some are not on time because I have to choose what needs to be paid on time and that I can take care of now. Every week my husband gets paid and never offers or says what can I do to help with the bills. I mostly have to bring up the money. I will usually say “Can you give me some money this week?” And, his response is mostly “What for?” Or, he says he has things he needs like gas. He gets defensive and if I proceed to say it’s for bills then he gets angry and goes to get his money and throws it at me. I most of the time give it back because I would rather keep the peace. It would be nice if he would know that I take care of everything and if he could just help each week without me asking. I don’t ask most of the time because he makes me feel so bad about it. I had to wait on the house payment this month because I had to pay to put struts and brakes on his truck this last weekend and that was $850. I feel so alone because I have a high demand job that keeps me so busy and to be the only one who truly only cares about keeping the roof over our head and bills paid. My kids and the good Lord are my strength. I have tried to talk about this situation so many times, but he just gets angry and walks away and shuts the bedroom behind him. We get along as long as I don’t ask him for anything. I have been thinking about leaving him even to the point of looking for another place to live. I love my children and they are my everything and I never want them to think this situation is okay. I know their dad loves them, but he is not my partner in helping us financially. It hurts so much. I have even gotten to the point of not being attracted to him anymore. I have been sleeping on the couch for the last 9 months. I do love my husband. Please give me your advice. I’m so tired of walking on eggshells and worrying about this. I am a strong woman I just want to make the best decision for my family. – My Stingy Husband Dear Ms. My Stingy Husband , The number one leading cause of marriages ending in divorce is because of money problems. Couples who fight, argue, and avoid their money problems eventually end up in divorce. See, money leads to every other issue in your marriage, and relationships. It affects your intimacy, and you don’t find yourself attracted to your partner any longer. It makes you bitter, angry, mad, sad, and depressed when you think of all the things you’d like to be doing like going out to the movies, dinner, traveling, or shopping. You find yourself unable to do these things because you have no money, and your partner is not helping you. You grow to resent your partner because they see you struggling, they know the bills have to be paid, they know the rent is due, and unexpected things arise, but, yet, because money is tight, and they want theirs, and they want you to spend yours, it creates this rift between you. This invisible line becomes drawn, and here are you sleeping on the couch, not attracted to your husband, mad, and walking on eggshells because he won’t help you financially. However, he is your husband, and he should be taking care of you and his children making sure you don’t get to the point where you are robbing Peter to pay Paul. He’s stingy, trifling, and a bum. What man will sit up in his own house and watch his own wife struggle just to pay the bills, and he knows he should be helping her? Is that the reason he runs into the bedroom and shuts the door behind because he is a child who can’t face the fact he can’t take care of his own family? What grown a** man runs into the bedroom and slams the door behind them because his wife asks him for money? HUH??? Girl, bye! His a** is the one who needs to be sleeping on the damn sofa. But, let’s take a step back and look at this overall picture. You are the fixer in the relationship. You’re the one that when things get bad, when your back is against the wall, and the bills need to be paid, you will fix the problem, work it out, and then move on to the next task of trying to figure out how to pay the next bill. You become superwoman. Doing everything to keep the household together, and making sure the kids have what they need, they are fed, and you have lights, gas, and water because these are essential to basic living. However, your husband is the avoider, and the stingy mizer. He feels if he avoids the problem that it will magically disappear, that all the bills will somehow stop coming, and you won’t ask him for money. Sorry, but, the bills will never stop coming. And, as the stingy mizer he wants to hold on to his little money, and when you go to him and tell you him need something he has the nerve to question you, and then get mad and throws it at you. Well, isn’t that childish and immature. Isn’t that silly? The next time he throws money at you take it and pay the bill, then throw his a** out! He’s your husband, and he has two children, yet, he gets an attitude because you ask him to contribute to his household where he utilizes the water, lights, gas, and food. The same place he wants to call home, but he won’t give you money to pay the mortgage/rent, or help with the bills. Does he think those things are free? The hell is wrong with his a**!! Question: What does he do with his money? If he is not spending it on you, or the household, then where does his money go? He couldn’t even afford to put struts and brakes on his own car. Or, he just wanted you to spend all your money while he stuffs his little coin purse, and save his money. But, why? You need to ask him why he feels the need to get angry when you ask him for money? Ask him if he notices you struggling, and juggling to pay the bills. Ask him how does he think the bills are getting paid, food on the table, and the roof over your heads. Ask him!! Therefore, you have two options: 1.) Get into marriage counseling, and financial counseling about your money issues. Talk it out with someone who can help you both address these issues around money, which is leading to your non-existent sex life, and why you are thinking of moving out and leaving him. Money is the underlying issue to everything happening in your marriage. Address it before it festers. 2.) You get a divorce and leave him. Why spend all your money and he lays up and does nothing to help? What type of man will put all this pressure and stress on his wife and kids, and then get upset and angry when you ask him for assistance? You shouldn’t have to ask your own husband to help with the bills, he should come to you with his check, and his money telling you to take care of whatever you need. So, you make the choice before you look up and it’s another 5, 10, 15 years and your still struggling, broke, unhappy, miserable, and sleeping in your car. No ma’am. You come first, and then your kids. Make sure you and your kids are happy. If he is not contributing to your household, making sure you’re okay, happy, satisfied, and peaceful, then, he doesn’t deserve you. He’s selfish, immature, silly, and deserves to be by himself. The hell you look like struggling in your own damn house and you got a grown a** man living there watching from the sideline. No ma’am. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com   Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:   @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: I’m Considering Waiting On Him To Get Married, Or Accepting A Job Offer Out Of State

Posted on September 1, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m 26-years old, and the mother of two beautiful daughters ages 6 and 3 years old. My story, to keep it brief, is I met my kid’s father almost 7 years ago. Our relationship, you can say, went from zero to one hundred real quick. Within three months we were living together, and I was pregnant with our first child. I was completely in love with life. Everything was going great, so I thought. As years went on I started to notice he was verbally abusive. That later became physical, not just on his end but mine as well. I’m bipolar and I never told him. Once my anger reaches a point I go into a state where it becomes sometimes uncontrollably. I later left once I become more emotionally stable. Now, two years later we are still together, but still no ring. I’m ready for the next chapter in life. We both have changed, but he is still hesitant about the thought of marriage. So, now we are in year 7 and he always says, “Yeah, baby, we gonna get married it just takes time.” Or, he says,  “Baby, we gonna get married. We working on it, just take it one day at a time.” Which I understand, but at what point do I say no. No more waiting. We aren’t currently living together and I was recently offered a job out of state. I’m torn because I do love him and I do want us to be a family. But, I’m conflicted should I stay and wait? Leave and begin my new book as a single mother? – She Just Doesn’t Know Dear Ms. She Just Doesn’t Know , Accept the job offer and leave. Start over, begin a new life, and the new chapter in your life. You’ve been down this road of waiting on him. And, I’m sorry, but there are no pit stops along the way where you have to wait on a man, especially one who doesn’t think of you seriously, or your relationship. Ma’am, you’ve endured the abuse, on both of your ends, and, even though you mentioned things are better now, there is still no ring. So, why wait? Seven years later, and he still can’t make up his mind on whether or not he wants to get married? Uhm, no! This is not how this works. Why keep you on hold saying it takes time?  You’ve given him 7 years and a child. You’ve invested in him, and you’ve been through hell and back. But, you’re not worth it to get married despite everything you’ve gone through with him? Get the freak out of here! If it hasn’t gotten better now, it won’t. If he is waiting on some miraculous sign to give him the “a-okay” to get married, it’s not going to happen. And, what are you working on before you get married? Are you in pre-marital counseling? Is he getting help for his anger, and abusive behavior? Are you therapy for your bipolar, and have you told him since you’ve kept it from him? If you haven’t done any of the above that I just mentioned, then why get married? Seriously!?! There is no need to marry this man if neither of you are working on yourselves, in therapy, and getting the necessary treatment you both clearly need. Therefore, you’ll just be spinning your wheels if you stay there and continue waiting on him. MOVE! LEAVE! Here is the opportunity, a blessing in disguise, to move on, start a new chapter in your life, and begin anew. A window of opportunity has opened, hell, a door is being propped open, so why not take it? You won’t know until you do it! Simply do it and watch other miraculous blessings open up, and new things begin to appear. Take the chance. Go and do you and for the first time really, and I mean really get to know what happiness, self-love, love, joy, happiness, and peace will be like without him. This is the time to invest in you and your child. Make the investment. You can sit there and wait on him all you want. You can ask until you’re blue in the face. If he isn’t ready, then nothing will make him do what he doesn’t want to do. And, simply, he doesn’t want to get married. He’s shown you, told you, and continues to be about him. Sure, he may love you, but marrying you is not what he wants. So, love you and your child enough to walk away, chuck up the deuces and give this new life a try. You have nothing to lose. And, I’m sure he will want to come back and want to be all up in your face talking about marriage once you start talking about moving. Well, too late. He had his chance. Now, it’s time to do you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com   Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @ terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!        

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Dear Bossip: I’m Considering Waiting On Him To Get Married, Or Accepting A Job Offer Out Of State

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Jada Pinkett Smith Opens Up About “Open Marriage” Rumor [Video]

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

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Jada Pinkett Smith Opens Up About “Open Marriage” Rumor [Video]

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Dear Bossip: I’m Dating A Married Man, But His Wife Wants His Kids To Come Live With Us & I’m Not Sure I Want Them

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Benny Hollywood| Leave a comment

Dear Bossip , I’m dating a man that is married. We do live together, and we have been together for a year now. His four kids come over to visit, but his wife is still in love with him and she accuses me of whooping her kids. I don’t even whoop my own son. It’s crazy, but now she wants all four of the kids to live with us because she can’t provide for them anymore (but he pays all of her bills for the kids). I want him to get a divorce and pay child support. Am I wrong for that? And, also should I let his children move in with us? Please help me. – I Want Him Not His Kids Dear Ms. I Want Him Not His Kids , WOW! Really? You actually thought about this situation, and decided to write in to ask advice on what you should do about dating a married man, and if you should let his kids move in with you? WOW! SMDH! You’d rather take a man away from his wife and kids, and have him abandon his kids when their mother wants him to take them in, just so you can have him. You are pathetic. Sad. Trifling. You’re living with another woman’s husband, and you have been doing so for a year. You are so excited about having another woman’s husband in your bed that you cannot fathom the idea or thought of him bringing his children with him to live with you. Yet, you want him to be a father to your child? No, don’t get me wrong. I understand what you want and what you’re saying. You want him to pay child support and be there for his children, just not in your house. You don’t want to raise another woman’s kids. You’ll rather he be a distant father, and have them visit from time to time, but just not live with you. You are not looking to sign up to be a stepmom. You just want him. Where is your child’s father? Why don’t you dump your child on him and leave him with him, and then you and your cheating man can live together in peace. Therefore, you won’t have any children interfering in your relationship and house. Oh, that doesn’t work for you? That is not an option? Well, what if he asked you to give up your son because he doesn’t want to be a father to another man’s child. What if he asked you to abandon your son and pay child support because he is not interested in living in your house with your child, but he only wants you. Would you give up your son? Will you abandon your child just so you can have this man? I find it sad and ratchet that you, as a woman and mother, would find it okay to sleep with another woman’s husband and move him into your house. I don’t care what’s going on in their marriage, and what he may have told you. The fact still remains that he is married. The fact still remains that he has children with her, and he is a father. You are willing to take him away from his family for your own selfish desires and wants. You are so desperate that you will actually want him to walk away from his fatherly and parental duties just so you can say you have a man. Just know that the very way he left her, and the very way he is abandoning his children will be the same way he will leave you and treat you. And, just know that the reason he won’t divorce her is because he will be trapped with alimony, paying child support, and he will be stuck living with you and being broke. And, that is not an option he really wants. So, instead of moving him into your home, and dating a married man, how about you move him out of your home, and find a single man who is not attached to another woman. How about you demand that he not walk away from his responsibilities, and stand up and do what he needs to do to make sure his children are taken care of. And, you need to work on your own personal identity, self-esteem, and self-worth. You should work on why you find it okay for you to ask a man to leave his wife and family to be with you, and you’re not willing to accept all that he comes with, including his children. You are shady, tired, trifling, and mean. If he does leave his wife for good, I’m sure he won’t marry you. You are just a rest stop on his way to another woman. Trust. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean :  loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click  HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!    

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