Dear Bossip , So, I met a guy online. We’ve been “talking” for a month now. We’ve been on two dates and have seen each other casually at his job and at my house a few more times. I thought he was becoming my boyfriend. So, one morning after a “juicing” date at my place, he worked out some sore muscles of mine with a great back massage. I thanked him with a BJ! It just happened! I didn’t plan for it to. Things got a little weird and distant that day. I thought maybe he was tired from his 24-hour shift at work. When we texted one another that’s what he said, “I’ve been sleeping…” Curiosity caused me to go back to our meeting place…online. And, who do I see “ONLINE NOW” plain as day? Boyfriend! Now we never established titles, but I certainly thought I was feeling those vibes. Where did I go wrong? – Sick And Tired Of Screwing Up Dear Ms. Sick And Tired Of Screwing Up , Uhm, ma’am, your first mistake was assuming he was your boyfriend after only a month of meeting him online. Next, you never established these titles of boyfriend and girlfriend, so why would you assume he was your boyfriend? Then, because you had some “vibes” of thinking the relationship was headed toward you and he becoming an item, you assumed he was feeling what you were feeling and you dropped down and decided to reciprocate his back massage with a BJ. Uhm, hmmm, he gives you a back massage and you turn around and give him a BJ? I don’t think that is appropriate reciprocity. But, that’s just me! Ole’ fast a**! Unless he went down on you, then why would you go down on him? Look, I tell you folks about meeting folks online and not clearly establishing any boundaries before you hook-up. You had two dates and have seen each other casually at his job and at your house a few times. So, here is the problem I have with this scenario. Why do you women bring these men back to your homes? Do any of these men have a place/home of their own? Why does most of the letters always include the men going to the woman’s house? If these men do not have a place of their own, then I would be concerned about his residency and why he is either living at home, or wherever he is living. Because nine times out of ten, if the situation moves forward guess what happens? The man moves in with the woman. How about this, how about inquiring that if he has a job then why doesn’t he have his own place? He can afford to live on his own, so why isn’t he living and paying his own way? I’m just inquiring and curious. If he is not living on his own, then in the back of your mind you should be wondering if he uses women, does he always shack up with women, and how is his credit? HELLO!!!! Next, what is “juicing” dates, and how does it lead to him working out sore muscles with a massage? I’m assuming you came from the gym and you decided to go back to your home and juice some vegetables and fruit. But, look here, sweetie, a juicing date could have been getting a juice drink at the gym, or Jamba Juice, Smoothie King, Trader Joe’s, or some Farmer’s Market in your area. Stop bringing these men to your home for “juicing” dates. Chile, the tee-hee-hee-hee-hee is that you got more juice that morning when you decided to give him a BJ after he gave you a back massage. I hope the protein was worth it. LMBAO! So, then you get suspicious after slurping his protein shake from his nut sac, and when you heard from him 24 hours later he said, “He was sleeping.” You go to the very place you met him, ONLINE, and discover that he is ONLINE looking for another hook-up. Welp, what more do you need to verify he was not interested in establishing you as his girlfriend, or having a serious relationship with you? He just wants a hook-up and nothing more. He just wants to get his “juicing” on with women and you were more than eager to please. You’ve known him for a month, and whatever bull-ish he told you, or whatever you heard to fool yourself into believing he was interested in a relationship, then you should have verified it all in a conversation. Before you dropped down and slurped from his nut sac, you should have established the relationship, where it was going, what he wanted and what he was looking for. And, you should have been clear about what you wanted and what you were looking for. There should have been a meeting of the minds and establishing that you both were on the same page, and not assuming, or having “vibes.” SMDH! And, if you were so eager to give him a BJ after he gave you a massage, he probably assumed that you met men online and did the same thing with them. If you were so eager to put his man meat in your mouth and slurp him up, then he probably felt you did this to other men. This sexual act is telling to a lot of men, and especially if you’ve never had sexual intercourse and you’re already giving out BJs. For some men it’s a quickie, and way to show power over women. Also, for some men, a woman who is quick and fast to give a BJ and there has been no intimacy such as kissing, or sexual intercourse between you, then he assumes you may a freak or hoe. And, he doesn’t consider you girlfriend material. He can just come over and whip out his dong and you drop down and pleasure him. This is a lesson learned. Stop bringing men to your home that you met online. Stop assuming or going off “vibes” if you have not had conversations with a man about where the relationship is going, or if you are on the same page. And, lastly, don’t give out BJs unless he has gone down on you. Quick being so over anxious and eager to please a man, and he is not working hard to please you. Chile, you didn’t get any flowers, candy, dinners, bags, more massages, or him whispering in your ear or sending notes saying, “You’re special and I really want to be with you. You turn me on, and I see myself with you. Spending my life with you. You are beautiful, intelligent, and you stimulate me in more ways than one.” Girl, you gave him a BJ and he was back online within 24 hours looking for another hook up. STOP THE MADNESS! – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Continue reading →
