Dear Bossip , Let me start by saying that I love your honesty…. Now! I have been seeing someone for 6 years on and off. He tells me that he loves me, but because I had an abortion when we were 21 years old he states, “He cannot trust me.” I do everything for this man and provide him with the three F’S – (FEED, F**k, and help him financially when he needs it.) No! We do not live together, but when we did I took care of the rent since I make more money than him. He says he wants to settle back down and get married but I have to prove myself to him. Well, it has been 5 years since the abortion and I have shown so many signs that I am a good woman. I work, cook, and clean. When I am not around him I know in my heart he is with somebody else. His mother told me that he loves me and talks about me all the time. We also do everything with his family as if we are together. His fear is once I get another title with him that I will revert back to my old ways. But I was young back when we first started dating and I am not the only one that has messed up in the course of our relationship. My question is do you think he is just stringing me along until he finds something better? I’ve met great guys but I did not give them an opportunity because I’ve felt like I owe him because of the abortion. This is why I am confused I don’t understand why he is making everything so difficult. Yes!! I feel bad for the mistake I made 5 years ago and I’ve spoken to GOD for forgiveness. – Trying To Be His Wife Dear Ms. Trying To Be His Wife , Chile, you have truly fallen and bumped your big a** head! The hell is wrong with you trying to prove yourself to a man!?! And, you’re providing the three F’s and you’re not even married?? And, you make more money than him, and he needs help financially? Chile, I wish I might! You let him fix his mouth to say to you that you have to prove yourself to him before you get married because he doesn’t trust you. And, it’s been five years, and he’s still talking that bull-ish! Girl, please back all the way the hell up from me! Ladies, ladies, ladies you should not be trying to prove any damn thing to any damn body!!! If he can’t take you as you are, and love you for you, and you’re doing everything for him, but he wants to throw up in your face about something you did when you were younger, then kicked that a**hole to the curb and move on with your life. When a man tells you that you have to prove yourself to him then please note that he will never, and has no plans or intentions on marrying you or settling down with you. He will forever hold it against you what you did IN YOUR PAST! But, here’s the kicker, he wants you to forgive him and forget what he did in his past. All the abuse, cheating, lying, deceiving, and manipulating he wants you to just forget about it and let it go, and your simple a**es do it and let him come back only for him to do it again. SMDH! Girl, don’t ever make someone a priority in your life when you clearly are an option in theirs! And, your boyfriend does not love you. If he loved you he would forgive you and move on. If he loved you he wouldn’t be holding what you did in your past over your head. If he loved you he would be doing everything in his power to make sure that you felt his love, and he would marry you and he would be looking to start over and have a family with you. It shouldn’t have taken him five years to decide or figure if he wants to marry you. It does not take five years for him to come to some conclusion that you’re trustworthy and won’t revert back to your old ways. And, what the hell is this mofo talking about “revert back to your old ways.” Are you freaking kidding me??? What about him reverting back to his old ways?? Honey, you are so caught up in trying to prove yourself to him that you are overlooking your instincts which tell you that he is seeing someone else. Stop letting him cloud your judgment and second guess yourself. Stop letting him play on your self-esteem and emotions. He is taking advantage of you and the situation, and he’s got you sitting over their looking like a backwoods Opie with a special helmet on your head. Stop acting and being dumb! It’s not cute or attractive. Until you get a backbone, and put on your big girl panties and confront him like a woman he will keep playing you like the little girl you’re acting like who keeps trying to prove something to some adult. Tell his a** he needs to prove himself as a husband and get on his J-O-B! He needs to be out-earning you income. You shouldn’t be taking care of the finances of the home, and holding him down consistently. He needs to step up and be a damn man! And, until then, you remove yourself from him and the situation, and start dating other guys. Get yourself a make-over with all the money you’ve been doling out on him. Get a new wardrobe, and a new hair-do. It’s time to reclaim your life and power and stop giving it to someone else. It’s all about you, and you’ve to recognize this or he will wear you down and out and leave you. Besides, when he sees you doing your thing, and moving on from him, he will turn his behind around and come back pleading and begging you to take him back. He’ll realize you were a good woman, and that it was him who screwed you over. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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Dear Bossip: He Said I Had To Prove Myself To Him Before We Got Married & It’s Been 5 Years
