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Let Charlie Brown Be Your Valentine

Late Night Highlights: Justin Timberlake Wants to Join Saturday Night Live, Seriously

Attention Lorne Michaels: Last night on Lopez Tonight , perennial Saturday Night Live guest star Justin Timberlake admitted that he would love to join the cast for an entire season of the show. This could be the Christmas miracle SNL fans were praying for. Elsewhere, Matt Damon taught David Letterman how to talk funny, Jason Segel fired his 65-year-old dialect coach, Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon sang Christmas carols, and Amy Sedaris showed Stephen Colbert how to turn dryer lint into art.

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Late Night Highlights: Justin Timberlake Wants to Join Saturday Night Live, Seriously

Late Night Highlights: Watch Vintage Paul Rudd Dance in a Yellow Half-Tux

Before “making it,” Paul Rudd earned money on the Bar Mitzvah circuit by dancing in a yellow half tux. No kidding! And David Letterman produced the video to prove it. Elsewhere, Stephen Colbert officially won Twitter (and told off Matt Damon), Jon Stewart slammed Jay Leno and Jack Black revealed the secret to his rock solid marriage.

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Late Night Highlights: Watch Vintage Paul Rudd Dance in a Yellow Half-Tux

Late Night Highlights: Jon Hamm Spoils the Mad Men Finale, Julie Bowen Schools Ben Affleck

While promoting The Town last night, Jon Hamm predicted how Don Draper would spend the ’80s. Meanwhile, Ben Affleck told Jay Leno about his prison scare, Julie Bowen stood up for actresses over thirty, Ellie Kemper and Craig Ferguson talked scents and Stephen Colbert opened up his Atone Phone line.

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Late Night Highlights: Jon Hamm Spoils the Mad Men Finale, Julie Bowen Schools Ben Affleck

Maher: ‘I’m Against a Church Anywhere’

Comedian Bill Maher took his anti-religion, anti-conservative views off HBO and into the mainstream Sept. 13 during an appearance on NBC’s “Tonight Show.” Maher told host Jay Leno he’s against the Ground Zero Mosque, because he’s “against a mosque anywhere. I’m against a church anywhere, or a Hindu temple or a synagogue.” Maher declared that houses of worship are “places that people go to retell nonsense stories from a time before men understood what a germ or an atom was, or where the sun went at night. They try to telepathically communicate with their imaginary friend. These are places that fleece people, and scare people and they perpetuate mass delusion. We shouldn’t build any of them.” But Maher conceded that because the First Amendment protects freedom of religion, “they should be able to build them anywhere.” He also attacked conservatives and Sarah Palin, calling her an “evil dingbat.” Maher, 54, referred to the Tea Party as “the Pee Party,” describing members as “nativist bed-wetters who somehow control our national dialogue.” “They’re just, they’re afraid of a mosque being built inNew York,” he said. “They’re afraid of guns. You know, they think Obama, who like every other pussy Democrat, has never said a single word about gun control, but they’re very sure that he, he and his negro army are coming after, coming after their guns. You know what? If you think he’s coming after your guns, you need to get out of your chat room, and have your house tested for lead. He’s not coming after your guns or your Bible or your fishing pole or your chewing tobacco and there’s not a monster under your bed. That’s the ab lounger you ordered and never used.” Maher did acknowledge one difference between Christians and Muslims many in the media overlook. “They have nuts and we have nuts,” Maher said, talking about Muslims and presumably non-Muslims. “Their nuts are a lot more numerous and lot more violent. That mouth breather down inFlorida who was going to burn a Koran, what would have happened? Nothing. To retaliate, you know, they could have burned our most sacred book, ‘Eat, Pray, Love.;” No, they could have burned the Bible and nothing would have happened, okay? So you have to recognize that difference, too.”

What’s On: JWOWW Unhinged on Jersey Shore

If you’re not in the mood to watch Maggie Q fire glocks at baddies on the Nikita premiere, there’s plenty of reality TV magic to go around as JWOWW unleashes the gorilla fury within her on Jersey Shore and Michael Kors unravels a potentially fabulous challenge on Project Runway .

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What’s On: JWOWW Unhinged on Jersey Shore

Jay Leno Available For Roadside Assistance (If You Work For Conan O’Brien)

If the following tabloid story is true, it stands to be the best Jay Leno automotive distress story of the day (yes, even better than the report that Leno’s 1907 White Steam Car broke down in front of an Encino Chili’s during Labor Day weekend and the Tonight Show host lovingly willed his car back to health with the support of generous anti-Coco passersby). Do you have your grain of salt at the ready? Let’s begin.

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Jay Leno Available For Roadside Assistance (If You Work For Conan O’Brien)

Buzz Break: James Franco is Only Gay for Pay

David Letterman Still Gets Asked to Host the Oscars

David Letterman’s 1995 stint as host of the Academy Awards may go down in infamy, but during a very winning visit to The View this morning, Letterman revealed that he turned down the chance for a re-do. “You know, they were nice enough to ask me to [host] it again,” he told Barbara Walters. “And I just said, ‘Come on, are you drinking?'” Letterman was adamant that he would never return to the scene of the crime: “I did it once, I had my shot, I screwed it up, and almost put an end to the Academy Awards…I sucked. What are you gonna do?”

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David Letterman Still Gets Asked to Host the Oscars

Late Night Highlights: Rachael Ray Talks About Going Gay With Tina Fey

During last night’s twilight programming, Craig Ferguson detoured his conversation with Food Network star Rachael Ray from biscuits to bisexuality. Elsewhere, Jay Leno and Thomas Haden Church talked about interspecies mating, Anna Wintour graced Late Night and Jimmy Fallon rapped about elbows.

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Late Night Highlights: Rachael Ray Talks About Going Gay With Tina Fey