Tag Archives: Joke

Jon Stewart Defends Republicans From Claims They Planted Alvin Greene

Going mysteriously opposite to contentions by some liberal media members, comedian Jon Stewart on Monday actually defended Republicans from claims they planted the hapless Alvin Greene in the South Carolina Democrat primary.  After a lengthy discussion concerning the absurdity of Greene’s victory, “The Daily Show” host played clips of media and Democrats alleging this was all a GOP plot. “This is the Republicans’ fault?” Stewart asked satirically. “This is the political equivalent of running yourself a warm bath, falling asleep next to it with your hand in the tub, wetting yourself, and then blaming the Republicans” (video follows with transcript and commentary, h/t Right Scoop ): JON STEWART, HOST: So out of nowhere a mysteriously uncommunicative man wins the Democratic primary for Senate in South Carolina with 60 percent of the vote. He crushed the other guy. I wonder how the Democrats in South Carolina are going to explain this. (BEGIN VIDEOTAPE) UNIDENTIFIED CNN REPORTER: Allegations that a winning candidate was planted by Republicans. STATE REPRESENTATIVE BAKARIA SELLER (D-S.C.): I think that there’s something nefarious maybe going on. DICK HARPOOTLIAN, FORMER SOUTH CAROLINA DEMOCRATIC PARTY CHAIR: The problem here is not going to be in how the votes were tallied. It’s going to be how he got into the Democratic primary. REPRESENTATIVE JAMES CLYBURN (D-S.C.): I saw in the Democratic primary elephant dung all over the place. (END VIDEOTAPE) STEWART: Welcome to South Carolina. This is the Republicans’ fault? Really? Even if they fronted the patsy, y’all voted for him. They didn’t trick you. They didn’t enter a guy with a misleading name like Grit Gravy Biscuit or Nascar Johnson or Robert E. Leebowitz. It was Greene, Greene versus Rawl and 100,000 Democrats walked into a polling place and said, “I don’t know either of these guys. I guess I’m ill-informed and I could easily not vote BUT f–k it, I like the color green more than the color rawl.” Did the Republicans spend a lot of money on ads for Alvin Greene? No. Did they spend any money on ads for Alvin Greene? No. Did they ask Alvin Greene to leave his father’s basement once during the campaign? No. This is a prank? No. This is the political equivalent of running yourself a warm bath, falling asleep next to it with your hand in the tub, wetting yourself, and then blaming the Republicans. Isn’t it fascinating how an admittedly liberal comedian can understand the absurdity of Democrats blaming the Republicans for this matter, but a cable news network not only didn’t get it, but also propagated the Left’s pathetic claims with straight faces? Of course, maybe this explains why so many liberals believe they’re getting “news” when they watch “The Daily Show.” After all, despite the humorous content, Stewart regularly shows that the REAL JOKE on cable is MSNBC. 

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Jon Stewart Defends Republicans From Claims They Planted Alvin Greene

‘Scott Pilgrim’ Director Edgar Wright Breaks Down Exclusive Clip

He reveals that Chris Evans’ look-alikes in the footage are his actual stunt men. By Rick Marshall Michael Cera in “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” Photo: Universal During the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday, “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” director Edgar Wright introduced an exclusive new clip from his much-anticipated comic book adaptation. And while the footage of Michael Cera’s Scott Pilgrim throwing down with skateboarder-turned-actor Lucas Lee (Chris Evans) was impressive on its own, Wright took some time out to explain the clip a little better to MTV readers — and offer a little behind-the-scenes information about the scene too. “[It’s] a clip of ex number two, who is Lucas Lee, pro skateboarder-turned-action star played by Chris Evans, and he’s making a new film in Toronto,” Wright explained. “Rather unwisely, Scott Pilgrim stumbles across the set and is about to get his ass handed to him.” As Wright said, it’s only the second of seven battles Scott Pilgrim must wage against the evil ex-lovers of his girlfriend, Ramona Flowers. But when Scott ends up on the wrong side of a beating in the clip, it isn’t delivered by Evans’ character. As you see in the clip (if you haven’t watched it, do it now!), Lucas Lee’s stunt team gets in on the action, forcing Scott to fight off not one, but a whole crew of Lucas look-alikes. According to Wright, the stunt team also happens to be a real group of stunt actors who double for Evans. “They are his stunt guys,” Wright told MTV News. “And the joke is that, as they fan out, they look less and less like Chris Evans. So the main one looks very much like Chris Evans, two and three are pretty good, [but] five, six and seven, not so good.” Check out everything we’ve got on “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.” For breaking news and previews of the latest comic book movies — updated around the clock — visit SplashPage.MTV.com .

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‘Scott Pilgrim’ Director Edgar Wright Breaks Down Exclusive Clip

‘American Idol’ Finale: Lee DeWyze Upsets Crystal Bowersox

A cavalcade of performers hit the finale stage, including Christina Aguilera, Janet Jackson and Bret Michaels. By Gil Kaufman Lee DeWyze Photo: Amy Silverman They auditioned together in Chicago last summer, and they’ve become good buds in the nine months since. They’re both 24 years old and were vying to be the first Midwesterner to win the “American Idol” title. One, Ohioan Crystal Bowersox, was the odds-on favorite to win it all for most of season nine, while the other, low-key Illinois-bred Lee DeWyze, came on strong down the stretch and threatened to pull out an upset victory. On Wednesday night (May 26), when all the hoopla, oldies acts and teary goodbyes to departing judge Simon Cowell were finally said and done, it was DeWyze who emerged victorious in an “Idol” upset for the ages. While Bowersox hugged him and looked loose and relaxed, DeWyze seemed gripped by nerves as he awaited word from host Ryan Seacrest. When the verdict was read, the former paint-store clerk and high school dropout with a musical dream bent over and looked like he was going to be sick. He was quickly swarmed by the top 12, emerging with a smile and the outburst: “Oh my God!” When Seacrest asked how it felt to be the new American Idol, DeWyze laughed nervously. “I don’t know! This is amazing. Thank you guys so much for everything. Thank you. Thank you,” he said breathlessly, gesturing to the crowd with tears in his eyes and then hugging Bowersox and telling her that he loved her. “I’ve never been happier in my life,” he added before breaking into his coronation song, “Beautiful Day,” as a rain of sparks, confetti and lasers filled the air in the Nokia Theatre. It was an unlikely ending to an uneven season with what many considered the shallowest “Idol” talent pool in memory and which suffered from a nearly 10 percent decline in viewership but is still the #1 show on TV. Season nine saw the addition of fourth judge Ellen DeGeneres, whose quips and twisted food metaphors sometimes fell flat, as well as the departure of Cowell, considered the heart and soul of the judging panel. But before DeWyze could celebrate the realization of his long-sought musical dream, the two-hour show trotted out the usual assortment of time-fillers. The battling finalists first took the stage in burgundy Hogwarts-style school uniforms, which made sense a short time later as former Michael Jackson guitarist Orianthi shredded the opening licks to Alice Cooper’s season-appropriate summer anthem “School’s Out,” which the top 12 lip-synched alongside a kids’ choir with dead eyes and the Coop himself. Last year’s champ, Kris Allen, came by to sing his new ballad, “The Truth,” and one of the show’s biggest stars, Carrie Underwood, showed the newbies how it’s done with her sassy new single, the Kara DioGuardi co-written country rocker “Undo It.” Third-place finisher Casey James got one of the most plum assignments of the night, singing Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” with accompaniment by none other than surprise guest Bret Michaels , making his first stage performance since a string of recent health crises including a heart scare and a nearly fatal brain hemorrhage . Some of this season’s castoffs got one more chance to shine, with shaky vocalist Siobhan Magnus teaming up with Teflon teen Aaron Kelly for the Bee Gees’ “How Deep Is Your Love,” which featured a cameo from the living Gibb brothers, Robin and Barry. Michael “Big Mike” Lynche hooked up with Michael McDonald for the Doobie Brothers’ “Takin’ It to the Streets,” while the top five girls joined Crystal for Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” which morphed into the grinding “Stronger.” Aguilera herself showed up halfway through and eased into her new piano ballad “You Lost Me,” which she sang while standing on a pedestal covered with light bulbs and wearing a black catsuit and spangly tights. The top 12 harmonized on Janet Jackson’s “Again,” with Ms. Jackson herself strutting out in flowing black Elvira dress and her new short hairdo to take center stage and sing the hushed balled “Nothing.” She later stripped off the dress to reveal a skintight black bodysuit for a strut through her signature hit “Nasty.” DeWyze drew the relatively long straw by leading the top five men in a medley of Hall & Oates songs, including “I Can’t Go for That” and “Maneater,” before the real-deal duo came out and killed it on “You Make My Dreams Come True.” DeWyze later joined the band Chicago for a medley of their hits, including “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?,” “If You Leave Me Now” and “25 or 6 to 4.” But the night’s breakout moment began with Bowersox singing Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic” in her blues-mama voice before Morissette herself emerged and the two women circled each other and snarled out the lyrics to Alanis’ breakthrough 1995 hit “You Oughta Know,” on which their powerful voices perfectly meshed. The night’s final performance found Bowersox and DeWyze harmonizing on the Beatles’ “With a Little Help From My Friends” with an assist from the man whose cover of the song is the second-most definitive version, ’60s rocker Joe Cocker. And on Cowell’s final night, former right-hand lady Paula Abdul came via tape to participate in a montage honoring Cowell’s top moments on the program. Comedian Dane Cook debuted “The Things That Simon Said,” a touching acoustic ballad that strung together some of his most famous insults, including, “You came across like a background singer for a background singer.” He almost got the whole song out before a parade of the show’s most famous rejects came out and loudmouth head loony Ian Benardo stole the microphone from the joke man. There was also the obligatory visit from one of this season’s freak-show wash outs, General Larry Platt, who sang a beat-infected version of “Pants on the Ground” accompanied by a troupe of pants-sagging hip-hop dancers and, of course the ultimate “Idol” joke, William Hung. Later on, Abdul took the stage and gave an extended monologue about her relationship with Cowell, who she said brought “immeasurable joy” to her life, saying the show would not be the same without him — but that it will go on. Original Idol Kelly Clarkson also made an appearance, teaming up with fellow winners Underwood, Allen, Fantasia, Ruben Studdard, Jordin Sparks and Taylor Hicks for “Together We Are One,” which featured backup from a cavalcade of past top 12 finishers paying tribute to Cowell, who smiled as Abdul snuggled in his lap. The acerbic judge then took the stage, admitting he was more overcome with emotion than he expected to be. “What Paula said is true: The show goes forward. It will be different,” he said. “But I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support, the fun and your sense of humor.” Cowell then kicked it back to fans in the audience, saying they were the ultimate judges of the show and that they’ve done a great job over the years. “It’s been a blast. Thank you.” As much as Cowell’s exit dominated the conversation, the night ultimately belonged to DeWyze, who kept the three-season streak of male winners alive. And, like small-town good-guy singer Kris Allen’s victory last year over power vocalist Adam Lambert, DeWyze’s coronation proved once again that sometimes it’s slow and steady that wins the race. As Simon said Tuesday night, America loves an underdog story, and even after being vocally lapped by Crystal on Tuesday, and for much of the season, the win went to the humble paint-store clerk — and nobody seemed more surprised by the outcome than Lee himself. What did you think about Wednesday night’s finale? What was the highlight? Did Lee deserve to win? Leave your comments below! Get your “Idol” fix on MTV News’ “American Idol” page , where you’ll find all the latest news, interviews and opinions. Related Videos ‘American Idol’ Final Highlights Related Photos ‘American Idol’ Winners ‘American Idol’ Runner-Ups

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‘American Idol’ Finale: Lee DeWyze Upsets Crystal Bowersox

Michael Bay Using Megan Fox’s Transformers Departure to Audition Beautiful Supermodels

Life! That headline you’re reading up there is literally something I IM’ d to someone as a joke after learning this afternoon that Megan Fox had been fired from Transformers 3 , freeing up a love interest role in one of the biggest movies of next year. Now, mere hours later, I am using my joke headline in a real story about what Michael Bay is really, actually doing. I mean, give it a day at least, Mike!

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Michael Bay Using Megan Fox’s Transformers Departure to Audition Beautiful Supermodels

Comedy Central Bans South Park Episode?

For anyone who missed the newest South Park episode on TV, they are surprised to find out that they can't watch the episode online. If you try to watch the episode “201” you instead see the message above saying Comedy Central has denied approval to stream the original version of the show and had also placed numerous audio bleeps throughout the episode. The censorship is due to the uproar of death threats towards Matt Stone and Trey Parker (the creators of South Park) after an last week's episode included an image of the Prophet Muhammad disguised in a bear suit, even though they didn't actually show an image of the Prophet Mohammed. The threats warn Matt and Trey that they risk violent retribution. In “201” it was reveled that Muhammad wasn't in the bear suit, Santa Claus was in it. http://current.com/news/92387879_death-threats-for-south-park-creators-after-muh… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZbtgjx9xE0 In the episode, not only was the image of Muhammad censored, but so was the name of Muhammad. Every time someone said Muhammad, they were bleeped. Also censored was the 'lesson speech' that Kyle and/or Stan gives at the end of almost every episode about what the kids has learned during the episode. There was at least 30 seconds of audio that was bleeped out between the characters Stan, Santa Clus, and Jesus Christ. I watched this episode on television and I thought the censorship was apart of the joke, but now it looks like it wasn't a joke. This isn't the first depiction of Muhammad that South Park has done. There have been at least two prior depictions of Muhammad on South Park — one in 2001, and another in 2006 that was also censored, but can be found online. Here's another: http://current.com/entertainment/comedy/92391949_south-park-has-shown-an-image-o… If you want to see an image of the Prophet Muhammad on South Park, you can watch the “Super Best Friends” episode here: http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/103940/ More on this story: http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ixtNaqRpSqti8gDHGSyN8lXBhQjAD9… added by: Future_America

TMZ’s April Fools Photo Contest — No Foolin’!

Filed under: Photo Galleries The foolish photos poured into the TMZ newsroom for our April Fools Photo Contest — proving once again that when you mess with your friends… it’s really funny!Be sure to check back on Monday to help vote for which pranking picture should win the … Permalink

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TMZ’s April Fools Photo Contest — No Foolin’!

April Fool Pranks: List of Best April Fools Pranks for Work

April Fools Pranks: List of Best April Fool Pranks for Work – Part of the tradition on the world when April 1 is set to come is the April Fools day and expect that everyone will be a prankster today. Let us enjoy this day but make it sure that making pranks will be light-hearted and wont disturb nor even hurt your friends, families and colleagues. Here are some of the April Fools Pranks for work that I have collected which you may use now to enjoy the day: For Work: Yum! Cake: Cover a box with frosting and leaving the kitchen.  Watch as your co-workers attempt to take a slice! Mouse Trouble: Put a post-it over the ball of a mouse.  This will prevent the mouse from working and the victim will get very frustrated. Push/Pull: Put push/pull signs on the doors so that people are pushing when they should be pulling or vice versa.  Warning!  Do not do this prank on fire escape doors. Frozen!: Take a screenshot of a co-workers computer and blow it up on their monitor to actual size.  They’ll think their computer is frozen. For Home: Wake-Up Call: Hide the victim’s alarm clock and set it for 3am (or some other crazy time).  To take this joke a step further you can also unscrew the lightbulb so they have more trouble finding the alarm clock that’s beeping incessantly. Squirt!: An all-time classic prank.  Scotch tape the spray nozzle down so the next person that turns on the sink gets a squirt!  Here’s a tip:  Remember not to be the first person to turn on the sink! Slippery soap: Rub dish soap on your hands and then on the door knob to their room.  Watch as they attempt to get in! April Fool Pranks: List of Best April Fools Pranks for Work is a post from: Daily World Buzz Continue reading

TMZ’s April Fools Photo Contest!

Filed under: Photo Galleries Are your practical jokes too funny to forget? Email in your best prank pics for our April Fools Photo Contest and your gag could land you a $250 check and some secret stuff from TMZ! … Permalink

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TMZ’s April Fools Photo Contest!

Kesha and Her Shitty Body in a Bathing Suit of the Day

I hate giving this kind of trash any fucking attention. Really. I like to pretend Lady Gaga and all her followers or low-grade copycats don’t actually exist, since part of me hates that they are on TV, making money, and have a fan base, but all I needed was her in a shitty one-piece, showing off her shitty body, with a shitty Pixies tank top covering her shitty tits, to make me change my mind. I’m such a slut, way too fucking easy….seriously, I made an effort to ignore this joke of a human cuz I hate knowing she has a distorted perception of what’s actually going on in her career and she goes to bed thinking she’s amazing, that she’s made it, cuz that’s what the media, her bank account, her number one song are telling her, instead of her thinking the truth which is that she’s a fucking joke that the media has made big for some fucking reason I will never understand…but I believe the truth will come out eventually…the free ride can’t last forever….at least I hope it doesn’t….because she’s fucking ugly…. Pics via PacificCoastNews

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Kesha and Her Shitty Body in a Bathing Suit of the Day

Why Do People Keep Getting Plastic Surgery? [On Beauty]

This may seem like an easily answered question — people get plastic procedures hoping to look young and beautiful forever — but given a recent spate of cosmetic surgery horrorshows, we increasingly just don’t understand why anyone gets “work done.” Look at how plastic surgery is trending, right now ! Remember Heidi Montag ? She’s a character from MTV’s The Hills who used to be a person. That was many moons and several faces ago, and now Heidi looks like this: Bahhh! That’s a new highly humorous PSA about credit card regulations or something, the joke being that Heidi is now entirely made of plastic and chemical, just like the credit cards she’s saying bad things about. You know who directed this thing? Ron Howard . What an enabler! But also, why is Heidi joking about her face and not being able to smile and things like that? I mean, she actually can’t smile and things like that. And she seems to know that. So why would she get the surgeries done in the first place? In her case the reasoning is, yes, fairly obvious. Because she’s dumb and vain and on TV. But she’s also young, only twenty-three years old, and used to look like this . She wasn’t ugly at all! She had nice sorta WASPy, horsey Kennedy features. She’d have fit right in at Hyannis Port! But now… Oh now it’s all an ugly, too-smooth, melony mess. But again, she’s a vain and vapid reality star, one who is paid to be vain and vapid, and who is told by the likes of Ron Howard that if she keeps augmenting herself, we’ll keep paying attention. This is depressing, but vaguely understandable. But what I truly don’t get is how normal people, regular folks like you and your mom, could see those results and still say “Yes, sign me up!” How could they hear about Mexican singer Alejandra Guzman winding up in the hospital, severely unwell, after a botched butt injection , and want to go in themselves. Only to be shocked and horrified when something goes awry for them: Ha ha, a doctor was putting caulk in their ass. (Get it?) I know that people can be, like famous-ish Heidi, vain and dumb creatures (so blinded by vanity they are), but come on. When people found out that Olestra might cause you to poop your pants a little , they dropped that product like a hot potato. Are people really more frightened of the idea of something coming out of their butts than they are with the idea of their butts, in entirety, simply falling off? That’s disheartening. In 2010, that is very disheartening. Call me naive, but so much noise has been made lately about plastic surgery disasters — a conversation resurrected from the ’90s after a brief lull, it feels — that I’m just staggered that so many people, women especially, are subjecting themselves to the possibilities of, at best, having their faces ending up looking like mangled Laffy Taffy and, at worse, contracting fatal butt fall-offitis. Watching the Oscars on Sunday, there were some celebrities who have maybe gotten work and pulled it off — Kathryn Bigelow, at 59, can’t possibly look that good naturally, can she? — but those cases were very rare. Mostly, even in Hollywood circles that can afford the most expensive and exclusive doctors, you get Nicole Kidmans and Meg Ryans. Once-beautiful women who now look like sad, Twilight Zone wax versions of themselves . It seems better, more dignified, to admit to America that, yes, you are in fact a mortal who is affected by time, and let yourself look your age (Meryl Streep), than to strut down a red carpet with an embarrassing bulbous death mask of make-believe skin grafted onto your skull. I guess I just don’t get why, when so much evidence seems to suggest that most of this tucking and stretching and squeezing rarely ever works (the Bravo television channel does a whole series about this fact), we’re still hearing all these nightmare stories about people who willingly went under the knife. I generally like to think that we aren’t that broken of a culture. But maybe we are?

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Why Do People Keep Getting Plastic Surgery? [On Beauty]