Tag Archives: Joke

Dancing with the Stars Recap: Keep Your Lochte Locked Down

Dancing with the Stars’ second episode of the 23rd season is in the books, and for some couples, there are already reasons for concern. Tension was high and security on high alert as Dancing with the Stars Season 23 Episode 2 got underway on the ABC Television Network. The scores and votes from this episode would be combined with last week to determine who will be the first couple to go home next week. Make sense? Fortunately, any protests were limited to the scoreboard, as Ryan Lochte performed without incident and Laurie Hernandez just dominated. The gymnast revealed in a pre-performance video that she had two dreams in life, to be in Olympics and to be on Dancing With the Stars. Yes, really. The teenager fulfilled that dream by performing a jive to the theme song from Duck Tales (Woo-oo!) even though she’d never seen it. Thirty-somethings everywhere are feeling so over the hill right now. In any case, with Val as Scrooge McDuck, they scored 32 points. Good for first place, BTW. One point behind were Terra Jole and Sasha Farber, with a quickstep to Bewitched that Julianne Hough said was made for the reality star. Bruno Tonioli said it was the most “complete and rounded quickstep” they had seen, so it’s hard to do much better than that for praise. In third place were Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds and Allison Holker, with an Argentine tango set to the X-Files theme song. Very creative! View Slideshow: Dancing with the Stars Season 23: Cast Announced! On the other end of the spectrum? Rick Perry. He just cannot dance. Fortunately for the former Texas Governor, he’s aware of this and in on the joke as far as what a joke it is that he’s even out there. Unfortunately … 22 points. That would be dead last, but with four other couples tied at 24, perhaps he has a chance to out-poll one of them and stick around? If only for a week or two? Amber Rose Goes All Game of Thrones on Dancing with the Stars At 24 were Maureen McCormick and Artem Chigvintsev, Amber Rose and Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Jake T. Austin and Jenna Johnson. Joining them was last week’s man of the protesting hour, Ryan Lochte, and his partner Cheryl Burke, who got through it without incident. That’s the good news. The bad news? That it simply wasn’t good from a technical standpoint, at all, and the scoreboard doesn’t lie. With the top and bottom tiers clearly established, we have everyone else pretty much bunched up in the middle trying to stay competitive. View Slideshow: Dancing with the Stars: Who Will Win? Will James Hinchcliffe and Sharna Burgess, Jana Kramer and Gleb Savchenko, or Vanilla Ice and Witney Carson be able to step it up? Will Megatron himself, Calvin Johnson and Lindsay Arnold, take it to the next level? Or will Marilu Henner and Derek Hough make a run? When you watch Dancing with the Stars online, you’ll see that they gave performances that were decent but not particularly memorable. Good enough to survive on next week’s results show? Most likely. But unlikely to take them to the finals without some real improvement. Who’s your pick this year?! View Slideshow: Dancing with the Stars: All the Winners!

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Dancing with the Stars Recap: Keep Your Lochte Locked Down

SMH: Simone Biles’ “Positive Drug Test” Outed In Latest Celeb Hacking Scandal

Simone Biles’ Drug Testing Records Leaked Russian computer hackers are coming for Simone Biles’ good gold-medal name , releasing her confidential Olympic drug testing records and exposing that she tested positive for a banned substance. However, the joke was on them, as she was PARDONED for the trace amounts of the drug found in her system due to the explanation for it. Via E!online : Russian computer hackers acquired and published documents from the World Anti-Doping Agency’s athlete database, which revealed private medical information about the gymnast as well as Serena Williams and Venus Williams—all three of which were reportedly given medical exemptions to use banned drugs. The documents show that Biles—who took home four gold medals at the 2016 Rio Olympics—tested positive for a banned drug on WADA’s list, though there was no misuse of drugs. The International Gymnastics Federation has declined to comment so far, but the athlete still took to Twitter herself to release a statement and reiterate that she did not do anything illegal. The World Anti-Doping Agency’s director general also released a statement, saying, “WADA deeply regrets this situation and is very conscious of the threat that it represents to athletes whose confidential information has been divulged through this criminal act.” The hackers, who go by the name Fancy Bear, warned that they planned to release the medical records of even more athletes from around the world again soon. SMH!! Are the Russians just salty they didn’t produce gold medal gods in this year’s games, so they have to come for our stars’ good records? Getty/AP/WENN/AKM-GSI/Splash/Twitter

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SMH: Simone Biles’ “Positive Drug Test” Outed In Latest Celeb Hacking Scandal

It’s Labor Day of the Day

It’s Labor Day – and every Labor Day I pay tribute to all of our moms who have gone into labor to create us – which historically is the whole point of Labor Day, take time off for yourself to reflect and have a rebirth in which you can’t wear white pants or some shit….the point is that I know not all of you like your mom, or want to watch birthing videos, but this joke was funny when I first did it and is jus gross and played out now, but who am I to shit on or disrespect tradition…happy Labor Day / end of summer / beginning of summer if you’re moving to Australia bullshit day off by getting drunk and date raping people more drunk than you Noah’s Birth…. Emotional Live Birth… Their Amazing Birth Video Ryan’s Birth Dog Gives Birth to Puppies!! Baby is Born – Fully Intact! Doggy Style Birth Real child Birth… Big Titty Child Birth More Natural CHild Birth Baby Birthed in the Hot Tum – Like So Many SPring Breaks Floating Afterbirth Inflatable! The post It’s Labor Day of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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It’s Labor Day of the Day

Katy Perry Promoting Perfume of the Day

I watched Katy Perry speak and perform at the DNC in a very tight dress, allowing the people to really grasp what is important or of substance in this Election, and that is Katy Perry’s tits, the rest is just distraction and lies where both evils are trying to manipulate stupid people for their own egos…. I get why people like Katy Perry are involved in pushing this nonsense to her fans, it’s part of her working a deal with a devil when she decided she wanted to be a popstar who makes 100s of millions of dollars off very basic level of singing ability…and part of that deal was “use your voice to promote what we tell you”….and in your spare time you can sell bullshit perfume to bullshit people… So a bitch like Katy Perry, who doesn’t really bother me, I actually feel bad for her because she seems lonely and disliked, because she’s a scam….can sell perfume as hard as she can sell politics…with as much conviction…even if she doesn’t use her fragrance and it’s just a cash grab…..I believe her…and that makes me not believe anything she does when pretending to be sincere… Everyone is so heated about bullshit and forget the important things…like jerk off material….thank TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE The post Katy Perry Promoting Perfume of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Katy Perry Promoting Perfume of the Day

Hilary Rhoda is Not Hillary Clinton of the Day

Last night I tweeted and no one read something like “Hilary Duff has aged horribly” as Hillary Clinton made her boring speech in her pant suit…and some hooker asked me what the reference or the joke was and there really wasn’t much of a reference or a joke…it was more if we’re gonna be talking about a Hillary, let’s get off this annoying feminist Class ceiling that I am sure is a real thing, I just don’t need to listen to fat chicks like Lena Dunham talk about it, and as a Canadian I am not offended by women in positions of power, if anything I like women being the earners so that I don’t have to be….I was just saying let’s focus on fun, hot, silly Hilaries – who aren’t 70 year old public servants…. So today, I bring you Hilary Rhoda, who I am not actually bringing you, I don’t even know who she is or what this shoot is for, she’s just a model on her knees and half naked and I like that better than all the other Hillary that’s been pumped into my brain – and I’m a fucking Canadian and don’t actually care about this shit or that Donald Trump who is clearly a scamming shitty business man who fucks people over saying words he doesn’t believe based on bullshit and not fact but targeting a huge portion of America who don’t believe in google as much as they believe their misinformation in their souls…. Point being…let’s Hilary Rhoda….to silence all the other nonsense going on.. The post Hilary Rhoda is Not Hillary Clinton of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Hilary Rhoda is Not Hillary Clinton of the Day

Lea Michele New Tits and Face of the Day

I used to like making fun of Lea Michele for being a man who dressed like a girl – thanks to her hard manly face and her voice of an angel. I figured if she was born with a penis – they’d only be able to sell her to the entertainment industry and as long as she was clean shaved – no one would have to know…. Then I liked making fun of her for her fake relationship with her gay heroin addict co-star who died of a heroin overdose – because I know how these shows pander to retard children who buy into their show, buy the merch of their shows, buy the boxset or the I-Tunes Series – making the producers money – and it’s all through manipulation… So for years since his death my joke, which got repetetive since I am not creative and it was repetitive was “Here’s Lea Michele not crying for her dead fiance”…you know since she’d be devastated if he was her actual fiance, and she was a vapid twat who just wants more money and fame…. Well….now…we can focus on her plastic surgery that has clearly turned her into a girl…I won’t say she’s hot…I can’t bring myself to do that…but I will say that modern science, facial injections can really help a tranny commit to their womanly dreams… TO SEE ALL THE PICS OF ALL THE CELEBS AT AND FROM COMIC CON CLICK HERE The post Lea Michele New Tits and Face of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Lea Michele New Tits and Face of the Day

Kimberley Garner Is Leggy Goodness

I always love getting new pictures from  Kimberley Garner , so here’s my favorite leggy Brit and future ex-Mrs. Tuna showing off those perfect stems of hers at a launch party for something called Huggle. According to my sources, it’s some kind of dating app meant to connect you to people who go to the same places as you all the time. Which works if you want to meet girls at Burger King and/or your local strip club, I guess. Anyway, with all these dating apps out there, when is somebody going to finally make one that connects wannabe celebrities with eligible bloggers? Maybe I’m just biased, but I feel like there could be a real market for that… Photos: WENN.com Continue reading

Jacqueline Macinnes Wood Gives Us A Great View

Here’s Canadian hottie/soap opera star Jacqueline Macinnes Wood giving the paparazzi a killer view at the closing gala for the 56th Montecarlo Television Festival. And you know, I was all set to make a joke about how she’s giving me wood, but then I remembered that I’m better than that… Stop laughing. That wasn’t supposed to be the joke. Fine, whatever. Just enjoy, you jerks. Photos: WENN.com Continue reading

Joanna Krupa is Still Trying of the Day

Joanna Krupa brought out some of her low level modeling skills to some photoshoot in attempts to pretend she’s not 40 and it’s all over for her…because thanks to decent botox, some solid fake tits, a fit body and a stint on a couple of shitty reality shows that don’t really matter, but that increase her stock price or value….as more than just a Glamour model, but rather some kind of personality…even though Glamour modeling is all she knows….all she’s ever done…in efforts to help her career as a prostitute… I am not amazed this girl exists, there will always be a place for hot chicks he get naked in cheesy photoshoots…because I’ll always look….I won’t pay..but I’ll look at it for free which is fine because she’s doing it more as a hobby then anything as her payroll comes from fucking. What a whore The post Joanna Krupa is Still Trying of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Joanna Krupa is Still Trying of the Day

Natalie Dormer Goes to Events of the Day

Natalie Dormer is some Game of Thrones girl people want to fuck, because Game of Thrones is a huge show and Natalie Dormer is the hot girl in it…all thanks to people like fairies and dragons and scifi/fantasy….and mainly thanks to scifi/fantasy dudes liking girls…because they never get to fuck them..as they are too shy to talk to them…until they use their nerd powers to invent something massive, become billionaires, and model pussy throws itself at them…. But then again, there are a lot of nerds with no nerd work ethic, or no nerd intelligence, they just sit in the basement eating junk food, playing videogames, watching movies, talking to other nerds passionately about banal shit that doesn’t matter while chronically masturbating…not showering..and stinking up the god damn bus with their unshowered cum soaked pathetic lives…They also like Natalie Dormer…. Here she is at Zoolander 2…or did they do something clever and call it Zoolander TOO…or something more fashion oriented, a movie that offends me at its core because it reminds me that Hollywood is out of ideas, doesn’t take risks, and run after bullshit repeat business, even if the stars of said repeat business are old, boring and the joke is done… But at least Natalie Dormer showed cleavage…she’s got a weird face… TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE The post Natalie Dormer Goes to Events of the Day appeared first on DrunkenStepfather .

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Natalie Dormer Goes to Events of the Day