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Russell Brand At Movie Awards: His Nine Funniest Jokes

From Twilight to Teen Mom, no pop-culture stone was left unturned. By Terri Schwartz Russell Brand hosts the 2012 MTV Movie Awards Photo: Kevin Winter/ Getty Images UNIVERSAL CITY, California — Russell Brand might have to host every MTV awards show from here on out! The 2012 MTV Movie Awards were immediately off to a good start thanks to Brand’s , and he kept the jokes rolling throughout the rest of the two-hour-long show. In honor of Brand’s sharp witticisms, we’ve put together a list of his nine best jokes that kept us laughing long after he finished telling them. Twilight! Hunger Games! When Brand first walked out onto the Movie Awards stage and started yelling, ” Twilight! Hunger Games!” we figured he was off Andy Samberg. Instead, as he said later in the monologue, he was using them because “these words generate goodwill.” They certainly did, as he used them repeatedly over the course of the night. It’s the End of the World as We Know It “Tonight is an important ceremony because according to the Mayans, the world will end in December this year,” Brand pointed out. “If Earth hurtles into the sun and humanity is destroyed, we will all say as one: We had the MTV Movie Awards 2012 and it was worth it! ” Yes we can, and yes we will. Justin Bieber Is the Man The first pop-culturally relevant moment Brand brought up in his opening monologue was Justin Bieber’s recent attack on a member of the paparazzi. “Justin Bieber beat up a paparazzi. Well done, Justin!” he said. Brand went on to say that he didn’t think he’d ever be able to hit Biebs if he fought him because the 18-year-old is “so pretty” that “even if he was attacking me, I think I would do a little orgasm.” Well, to each his own. Kann-Yay and Kim Brand was quick to thank Kim Kardashian for making his short-lived marriage to Katy Perry not seem so bad in the scheme of things, but he then went on to beg the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star and her new boyfriend Kanye West — whose first name he repeatedly mispronounced ” Kann -Yay” — to make a sex tape. “I think of Kim Kardashian as the Stanley Kubrick of sex tapes,” Brand said. “They’re always brilliant, but he only does one a decade.” Brand’s Special “Grease” Tribute Nothing was off limits during the Movie Awards, not even John Travolta’s recent sex scandal . After saying that “Rock of Ages” is the best movie since “Grease,” Brand said he honored that film by giving Travolta a massage. “He needed it, man. He was so stiff, I’m telling ya!” Brand said. Michael Fassbender and His Penis He claimed he never noticed Fassbender’s “huge, engorged talent as I was staring at his massive co–.” That must have been why he decided the “Prometheus” star was going to be the next celebrity he married following hosting an MTV awards show. Sorry, Katy! Taking Advantage of Charlie Sheen’s Old Addictions Charlie Sheen was a great sport during Brand’s opening monologue, especially since the Brit repeatedly took jabs at the “Anger Management” star’s recent problems. “I’ve taped a bottle of Hennessy and a gram of coke under your chair. In case I start going crazy, just nick it and do a couple of lines. Release the tiger blood hero!” Brand said to resounding laughter. Our New Host: Julianne Hough’s Nephew One of the best parts of the night came when a behind-the-scenes shot showed Brand coaching Julianne Hough’s nephew and date for the night to replace him as host. According to Brand, all you need to do to be a great Movie Awards host is talk about farts a lot . And the cutest part is that it was all improvised “! “Teen Mom” Vs. “Teen Wolf” As you probably realized once the 2012 MTV Movie Awards wrapped, the show wasn’t followed by “Teen Mom,” but rather by the season-two premiere of “Teen Wolf.” Whoops! We can’t tell if his gibes at “Teen Mom” instead of “Wolf” were intentional or a mistake, but we still can’t get over his joke, “Do stay tuned after the show for the new season of Teen Mom, where pregnant women are laughed at for money!” Jaw-dropping, heart-pounding, gut-busting moments galore. See what just happened at the 21st annual MTV Movie Awards ! Related Videos 2012 Movie Awards: Most Talked-About Moments Related Photos 2012 Movie Awards: Show Highlights

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Russell Brand At Movie Awards: His Nine Funniest Jokes

2011 Movie Awards: Rob Smooches Taylor And More!

We look back at last year’s biggest moments before the MTV Movie Awards go live tonight at 9 p.m. ET/PT. By Kara Warner Robert Pattinson kisses Taylor Lautner at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards Photo: Kevin Mazur/ WireImage UNIVERSAL CITY, California — All week long, we’ve been getting you pumped up for the 2012 MTV Movie Awards with performer interviews, behind-the-scenes reveals and much more. We are soclose to show time, you can almost hear the squeals coming from inside the Gibson Amphitheatre. While we await the start of our “Punk’d Movie Awards Pre-Party” at 8 p.m. tonight and the snazzy red-carpet arrivals, let’s take a moment to walk down the memory lane of last year’s action-packed extravaganza: A Host With the Most “Saturday Night Live” funnyman Jason Sudeikis proved to be as adept in awards-show hosting as he is with being a chameleon-esque comic with his various characters on “SNL.” Sudeikis kept his jokes light and fun, with a couple of well-placed jabs at 2011 newsmaker Arnold Schwarzenegger and the “Twilight” cast. Unsolicited Smooches and Groping 1. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dominated the Best Kiss category for the past three years and delivered their best acceptance speech yet last year when Pattinson decided not to kiss Stewart and instead went running into the audience to plant a wet one on his co-star Taylor Lautner. 2. When “Friends with Benefits” co-stars Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake walked out to present the award for Best Male Performance, no one guessed that their presentation would include a mutual groping of Kunis’ boobs and Timberlake’s nether regions for everyone to see, but they did, and that moment lives on in infamy. The “Deathly Hallows, Part 2” Clip The most magical moment of last year’s broadcast was an exclusive and highly anticipated preview of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2.” Potter fans were treated to an emotionally charged sneak peek at the final film in the blockbuster franchise with the debut of an explosive new clip. Jim Carrey We can always count on Jim Carrey to deliver a memorable moment when he attends the Movie Awards. There’s his unforgettable appearance in 1999 when he had everyone fooled with a clever disguise, and last year, Carrey brought down the house with a perfect blend of innovation and comedy via his green suit that featured a series of random and inappropriate images on it while Carrey introduced the Foo Fighters. The Foo Fighters The performance slot at the MTV Movie Awards is one of the most coveted and sought-after for artists new and old. For last year’s marquee act, we enlisted one of the biggest acts in the business and a band with a storied history with MTV: the Foo Fighters, who rocked the house with their rousing live rendition of “Walk.” Head over to MovieAwards.MTV.com to cast your vote for Best Hero and Best Movie now! The “Movie Awards Punk’d Pre-Party” starts at 8 p.m. ET, followed by the 21st annual MTV Movie Awards live tonight at 9 p.m. ET! Related Videos Behind The Scenes At The 2012 MTV Movie Awards Related Photos 2012 Movie Awards: Behind The Scenes Russell Brand’s Greatest MTV Moments So Far

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2011 Movie Awards: Rob Smooches Taylor And More!

REVIEW: Sacha Baron Cohen Says the Things Most of Us Are Afraid to Say in The Dictator

Sacha Baron Cohen and Larry Charles’ The Dictator is indefensible and hilarious, an unruly thing that invites you to laugh at things you feel you shouldn’t. I’ve heard people — even some who like the picture — referring to The Dictator as offensive, and one of the guys sitting behind me at the screening laughed at some jokes and remained awkwardly mute during others. After one of these pauses — the vibrations of his uneasiness were traveling right through my seat back — I heard him say to his pal, “I’m not sure how I feel about this.” But as the end credits rolled he announced joyously, “That was great!” as if he’d endured an enema cleansing that made him feel a whole lot better afterward. Cohen has many gifts as a performer, and with The Dictator he reveals yet another one: He knows how to flush stuff right out of you. Cohen’s invented character du jour is a despot named General Admiral Haffaz Aladeen, ruler of the equally made-up North African state of Wadiya. Aladeen hates the West, hates Jews and regularly calls for the execution of anyone who undermines his authority, by, say, questioning his firm belief that nuclear missiles should be pointy and not rounded. His chief adviser is his Uncle Tamir (Ben Kingsley), who chafes under Aladeen’s authoritarian rule and seeks to undermine him. After Aladeen survives an assassination attempt, Tamir persuades him to go to New York to address the United Nations, which has been sticking its nose into his sordid doings. Once he gets to the city — he makes his grand entrance on the back of a decorated camel — he’s kidnapped, stripped of his protruding steel-wool beard and medal-and-scrambled-egg-encrusted uniform, and forced to live as an anonymous immigrant with a tenuous grasp of the English language. It’s at this point that he meets Zoey (Anna Faris), a peacenik mighty-mite who runs a whole-foods store and who, in her desire to be fair and generous to all peoples, attempts to understand his motivations as he spouts all sorts of racist and sexist invective. Meanwhile, Aladeen — who has adopted the name Alison Burgers, for reasons so ridiculous that they’re better left unexplained until you see the film — attempts to reclaim his stature with the help of scientist and Wadiyan exile Nadal (Jason Mantzoukas), who agrees to help him regain his mojo by bulking up in the nukes department. Cohen’s targets here include people who fly planes into buildings for religious reasons, people who hate Jews, and women with hair under their arms. As they used to say on Sesame Street , one of these things is not like the others, but those of you who like to cultivate fragrant jungles in your armpits will just have to deal. The satire in The Dictator is sharp but not exquisitely pointed, and the movie is better for it: It’s clear enough where Cohen’s sympathies lie — his jokes have a kind of sick buoyancy, instead of hammering you with their politics. Cohen’s humor is political, though in the end it may really only be humanitarian. At home in Wadiya, amongst his riches, his servants and his high-cost prostitutes (one of whom is Megan Fox, gamely playing herself), Aladeen likes to play video games, including a Wii-style amusement called “Munich Olympics.” I groaned, along with much of the audience, when he hit the “play” button, but there’s anger in the joke as well as audacity. Cohen doesn’t suffer bullies gladly, which makes a character like Aladeen an irresistible canvas for him. The Dictator is a written-and-rehearsed picture, unlike the extended prank Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan , and it’s probably the better film. As he did on that picture (and the more wayward Brüno ), Cohen again pairs with director Larry Charles, who’s acutely in tune with his rhythms. Charles — who has worked extensively in TV as a producer and/or writer on shows like Seinfeld , Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm , and who also directed the gloriously woolly 2003 Bob Dylan fever dream Masked and Anonymous — has by this point proved to be a great midwife for the ideas of oddball intellects. He gives some shape and heft even to Cohen’s silliest gags, like the one in which it’s explained that Aladeen amended the Wadiyan language so that “negative” and “positive” are the same word — this bit of silliness occasions a great little cameo for Aasif Mandvi as a doctor who’s trying to give a patient the result of his AIDS test. Add to that the pleasure of watching Cohen in all his long-legged, language-mangling glory: The Dictator works both as satire and as comedy, and the two don’t always mingle so easily. Cohen has a way of slinging lines that’s as casual as a cook flipping meat patties in a burger joint. “The police here are such fascists!” he says, aghast at the behavior of New York City cops, but he’s really just setting us up for the kicker: “And not in the good way!” By the time Aladeen has been in in New York for a while, his sartorial choices have been unduly influenced by crunchy-granola Zoey, to the point where he thinks nothing of wearing Crocs in public. When Nadal uses this footwear choice as evidence of how far Aladeen has fallen, the has-been tyrant can only agree: “Crocs,” he says dejectedly, “the universal symbol of men who have given up hope.” Cohen may be playing an autocrat, but he doesn’t let his ego run roughshod over his fellow actors. Anna Faris gets less screentime than Cohen does, but she stands up to him admirably, maybe because she’s willing to go just as far as he is for a laugh, even a painful one. As Zoey, a no-makeup martinet with firm ideas about equality among all peoples, she captures perfectly the tyrannical smugness of the tiny but powerful nation of white people known as Park Slope, Brooklyn. The Dictator , for all its liberal leanings, doesn’t let anyone off the hook, not even well-intentioned liberals. Cohen comes right out and says things that most of us, in polite conversation, wouldn’t dare. He knows it’s the impolite conversation that really gets things moving. Follow Stephanie Zacharek on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .

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REVIEW: Sacha Baron Cohen Says the Things Most of Us Are Afraid to Say in The Dictator

‘Titanic’ Theme Song Makes Kate Winslet ‘Feel Like Throwing Up’

‘Bless you, Celine, but it does rather haunt me,’ the actress admits to MTV News of ‘My Heart Will Go On.’ By Fallon Prinzivalli Kate Winslet Photo: MTV News “Like throwing up.” That’s how Kate Winslet feels when she hears Celine Dion ‘s “My Heart Will Go On,” the once-inescapable theme to “Titanic.” “No, I shouldn’t say that,” Winslet added, thinking through her response before coming to this conclusion: “No, actually, I do feel like throwing up.” Since its release in 1997, the film has stuck with Winslet wherever she goes. It was the movie that helped her sky-rocket to the A-list, after all, and no one is likely to forget Dion’s iconic song from “Titanic,” set to be re-released in 3-D on April 4. “I wish I could say, ‘Oh listen, everybody! It’s the Celine Dion song!’ But I don’t,” Winslet admitted. “I just have to sit there, you know, kind of straight-faced with a massive internal eye roll.” Winslet went on to explain that every time she walks into a bar or a restaurant with a pianist, they never miss an opportunity to start playing the notes. “It’s thrilling for people to surprise me with the Celine Dion song,” she laughed. But they not only play the tune for her, they also encourage the Oscar winner to sing it herself. “I did a talk show recently in Italy and they actually had a live pianist who started gently playing the theme song. I was not even gently, rather severely, urged to go and sing it as though I had in fact sung it myself in the first place. It was like, ‘No! I’m not going to do that.’ They’re like, ‘Oh no, come on it will be funny.’ No, it won’t be funny. At all. And I’m not going to.” Unfortunately for the actress, it’s not just the theme song that haunts her. Whenever she boards a boat, she’s the butt of jokes. “Honestly, I actually now get onto boats and say, ‘No jokes, OK? No jokes. Can we just move on from that? And if you have any jokes, let’s just get them out of the way right now. Thank you. Anyone? Jokes, jokes? OK, moving on.’ And then they still tell jokes,” Winslet said. The most common joke is asking her to head to the front of the boat with them to reenact the iconic scene between hers and Leonardo DiCaprio ‘s characters on the rail. To that she replies, “Oh, yeah! Oh, that one! Oh, don’t worry, it’s my party piece. Sure, come on up, bring your granny.” But Winslet is actually an amazing sport about the jokes. She understands how deeply the film touched its audience. And now that it will be on the big screen again, it can reach a whole new generation — including her children who will see it for the very first time. “What’s negative about it? Really, nothing at all,” she said of the 3-D treatment. “It’s very different and much more present. It’s bigger — if you can believe that — but it is and you really do feel like you’re in it.” Audiences will be able to relive the tragic love story — or experience for the first time — when “Titanic” it hits theaters in 3-D on April 4. Check out everything we’ve got on “Titanic.” For breaking news, celebrity columns, humor and more — updated around the clock — visit MTVMoviesBlog.com . Related Photos ‘Titanic 3D’ Premiere

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‘Titanic’ Theme Song Makes Kate Winslet ‘Feel Like Throwing Up’

REVIEW: Italian Comedy The Salt of Life Proves You Just Never Get Over It — Whatever It Is

If the teenage hedonists of Project X want to see what’s in store for them in 40 years — and surely they don’t — they might have a look at Italian writer-director-actor Gianni Di Gregorio’s smart and none-too-sweet little comedy The Salt of Life , in which a 60-ish retiree living in Trastevere suddenly realizes that not a single woman — not his reasonably affectionate but matter-of-fact wife, nor his flirty young next door neighbor, nor any of his various old flames and acquaintances – is interested in sleeping with him. It’s also, to my knowledge, the only movie about the love lives of sexagenarians that closes with the Pixies’ “Here Comes Your Man.” This is a movie that’ll play great with the blue-haired crowd, and yet I suspect touches like that will go over the heads of the oldsters. The overarching, bittersweet vibe of The Salt of Life is that you just never, ever get over it — whatever the hell it is. The Salt of Life is the follow-up to Di Gregorio’s surprise 2010 mini-hit Mid-August Lunch , in which some version of the character we meet here — a guy in late-middle age named Gianni, played by Di Gregorio himself — is forced into service cooking and otherwise waiting on his passive-aggressively demanding 90-something mother (played, with grand dame comic authority, by Valeria de Franciscis) and her equally wrinkly, chattery gal pals. Mid-August Lunch was Di Gregorio’s directorial debut. (He also wrote the screenplay for the 2008 drama Gomorrah .) And if it was the sort of movie to which you could take your mother — as well as your grandmother and your great-grandmother — it was also evidence that even safe, “nice” little movies, done right, can have a bit of the serpent’s bite in them. Di Gregorio has a light touch, but he never goes for the saccharine. Even when he stoops to making a Viagra joke — as he does in The Salt of Life — he can’t resist tipping it on its ear. And he refuses to overplay the moment — he ricochets off in another direction before you even know it. In The Salt of Life , Gianni — once again played by Di Gregorio, who has the air of a lovelorn basset hound — can’t help noticing that all his salt-and-pepper-haired buddies seem to be dallying with beautiful younger women. Almost half-heartedly, he decides he might have a go at it himself: His wife (Elisabetta Piccolomini), who seems to want him around only to make Ikea runs, probably wouldn’t care. And his daughter (played by Di Gregorio’s daughter, Teresa) has her own love life to worry about; her ex-boyfriend (Michelangelo Ciminale) is still hanging around the family apartment, and, seemingly out of a lack of anything better to do, becomes Gianni’s pal and partner in crime. In between fielding calls from his mother (de Franciscis, once again), who summons him to her home for important tasks like slapping the TV in order to get better reception, Gianni makes attempts with various younger cuties (nearly all of them, by the way, voluptuous in a way that you rarely see in American movies). He begins with his mother’s caretaker, Kristina (Kristina Cepraga), a captivating blonde goddess who eagerly tells him about a dream in which he played a significant role — as her grandfather. Then he moves on to an old acquaintance, Gabriella (played by mezzosoprano Gabriella Sborgi), who professes interest in him only to ignore him when he shows up, flowers in tow, at her house while she’s busy rehearsing. Old-flame Valeria (Valeria Cavalli) is thrilled to see him, but falls asleep on the couch before their date can ignite. And that vivacious next-door-neighbor, Aylin (Aylin Prandi), adores him but not quite in that way — she’s deeply appreciative of the way he’s always stopping by to walk her Saint Bernard, Riccardo. Di Gregorio (who also wrote the script) has set up a stock scenario for sure. But it’s what he does with it, and the way he tosses in casual but significant grace notes, that makes all the difference. Di Gregorio — who seems to be carrying the full weight of unrequited sexual desire in the cartoonishly heavy bags under his eyes — specializes in self-deprecation, especially when it comes to machismo. (And this is Italian machismo we’re talking about — not for the faint of heart.) When Gianni dons a new suit and struts past his buddies — they sit outside in their tracksuits, talking about football and women, possibly in that order — one of them remarks, “He must have a date!” only to have another retort, “He’s probably going to a christening.” He does, in fact, have a date, but the suit doesn’t help him much. Gianni’s inability to get anything started isn’t just a running gag — it’s the picture’s backbone, although Di Gregorio keeps the action and the jokes lissome and fluid, rather than locking them into a rigid formula. As actor, director and writer, he approaches the idea of ever-present longing with the suppleness of a dancer. On the surface, The Salt of Life may seem like a movie made just for old folks. The trick is that it really is about the youth that stays with you, even when your aging body is working hard to convince you otherwise. Follow Stephanie Zacharek on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .

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REVIEW: Italian Comedy The Salt of Life Proves You Just Never Get Over It — Whatever It Is

Ashley Smith Ass in Panties Viral for Jalouse of the Day

Here’s a hipster fashion video that is so clever because it breaks down what the video maker wanted to do with his video…you know to make it viral…I can just imagine when they came up with this concept as a group and gave each other high fives over the shit…you know tell us what you’re doing so we can laugh about how true and ironic it is…and the fact that all their followers and drones actually think it is clever reminds me of how idiotic the world is…98 percent of people are useless fucking sheep who attach themselves to various bullshit…but at their core are just the fucking same follower looking for acceptance…. The good news is that there’s some hot model ass in panties….which is great if you can see past how annoying the concept behind the shit is…

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Ashley Smith Ass in Panties Viral for Jalouse of the Day

Lindsay Lohan See Thru Shirt of the Day

I don’ know how accurate this virgin loser nerd photoshop job is on Lindsay Lohan’s black top…but it looks like I can see a little nipple and I guess that’s enough to get yourself a post here on Drunkenstepfather.com, cuz nipple on great tits, without a bra is all I need….Sure the virgin loser nerd photoshop job is almost hysterical…you know cuz I visualize the motherfucker doctoring these to release to the masses, so proud of his work….pathetic in a “I dont’ get pussy way” and I guess that’s why I’m endorsing him…cuz sometimes that pat on the back, or recognition when all else in life wrongs you….is all you need to keep going…. I don’t even really know when these pics were taken…but I’m thinking recentlry….her face all bloated…and lovely… To See THe Rest of the Pics FOLLOW THIS LINK

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Lindsay Lohan See Thru Shirt of the Day

Sofia Vergara’s Huge Cleavage of the Day

The greatest thing about Sofia Vergara isn’t the accent she plays up to be typecast as the hot latina mom. It’s not her back story of drug cartels in Colombia tricking hollywood to support her career choices…to escape death…it is not the fact that she’s old, or that she’s probably had an outrageous amount of dick in getting by those years as a young single mother…it isn’t the fact that she’s tricked hollywood into caring about her, or laughing at her jokes…it is one hundred percent…her tits. To See The Rest of the Pics FOLLOW THIS LINK

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Sofia Vergara’s Huge Cleavage of the Day

I Miss You So Much (Justin Bieber Video) with lyrics

A Video I Made for Justin Bieber using the song “I Miss You So Much” by TLC. Lyrics: I never asked for this feeling I never thought I would fall I never knew how I felt Till the day you were gone I was lost I never asked for red roses I wasn’t looking for love Somehow I let my emotions take hold And guess what all at once I’m in love [Chorus:] Oh I miss you so much I long for your love It’s scares me Cause my heart gets so weak That I can’t even breathe How can you take things so easily Baby why aren’t you missing me? Why did I act like you mattered It was silly of me to believe That if I just opened my heart Things would come naturally Jokes on me (yeah) I did not ask for love letters So why did you give them to me How could I let your intentions Get hold over me So in love So naive (oh baby) [Chorus] And oh how I hate what you have done Made me fall so deep in love God knows You’re the only one I want That I love oh baby [Chorus] Baby why aren’t you missing me? Baby why aren’t you missing me? http://www.youtube.com/v/i-8SRfNR9Hc?version=3&f=videos&app=youtube_gdata See the original post here: I Miss You So Much (Justin Bieber Video) with lyrics

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I Miss You So Much (Justin Bieber Video) with lyrics

Justin bieber – Mistletoe joke cover

Parody http://www.youtube.com/v/ZktZPJPI0mQ?version=3&f=videos&app=youtube_gdata Original post: Justin bieber – Mistletoe joke cover

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Justin bieber – Mistletoe joke cover