The Jenners and the Kardashians jetted to Greece last week, where they rented a $200,000-per-week yacht, held babies , wore bikinis … and, of course, posted numerous photos from the vacation on Instagram. Look, there’s Kourtney Kardashian taking a self-portrait! And Brody Jenner trying to seduce the camera! We’d be irritated at the family for shoving such a vacation in our face, but look at the bright side: Now we don’t need to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 8 ! All new episodes are summed up in these photos:
The family that stays together impregnates together. Could Kourtney Kardashian end up carrying sister Khloe’s baby? And how does Kourtney really feel about Scott’s partying (not to mention gator killing )? What atrocious fashion is Kim Kardashian wearing this week? Find out in our recap of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami! Kourtney, naturally, is well aware of Khloe’s fertility struggles. She naturally suggests that she be Khloe’s surrogate … since she has no problem getting preg via Scott Disick (or Michael Girgenti for that matter). Plus 250 for that scandal BTW. Scott’s reaction: “You don’t just go putting babies in other sisters because you can!” Perhaps not, but the producers will totally make you think it’s happening. Minus 150 for contrived nonsense. “I love being pregnant… with my own children,” Kourtney says, and it’s true. Woman can carry and pull a baby out of her lady parts on TV like no other. Plus 50 for owning it, Kourtney. Scott’s new idea: “I feel like your mom would be like ‘Let’s do this the old fashioned way, tell Kanye to come on over.'” That we’d pay to watch. Plus 100 . “If Khloe” needed a kidney, would you give her your kidney?” Kim asks her older sister, as if it’s at all the same or any of this is even real. Minus 100 . When he hears about Lamar’s tragic past (he lost his son Jayden), Scott reconsiders, and Kourt is serious about this. However, Khloe is “just not there yet.” Plus 100 for tabling that … for now. “Can you imagine Kourtney having Khloe and Lamar’s baby? It’d be taller than her,” says Kim, marking perhaps the funniest thing she has ever said. That’s not saying a lot, so Wash . Meanwhile, Lord Disick’s partying ways have returned. After a wild night in Vegas, Kourtney decides to draw the line with the man who won’t propose to her: “This is not the behavior of someone that I want in my home,” she says, and she’s right, and he’s a douche, but really what do you expect at this point? History not to repeat itself? Minus 150 . Kim, meanwhile, pretends to hire her P.I. friend Jake to follow Scott and track his car. What does he find? He hands Kim a mystery envelope at the end! Just a prop, most likely, but Plus 50 for really playing up the drama, as if Kim Kardashian or the P.I. would ever agree to do this for a reality show. EPISODE TOTAL: +100! SEASON TOTAL: +683!
Here’s a story you don’t read about everyday… Mixed martial arts promoters Christo Piliafas and Scott DiPonio say they were shocked to learn today of Charles Rowan’s arrest for armed robbery and assault… because they were led to believe he died in a car accident last month. Just two weeks ago, the promoters helped raise $1,000 to pay for Rowan’s funeral, only to discover that his girlfriend, Rosalinda Martinez, clearly misled them. After all, Martinez, Rowan and a friend were booked this afternoon after holding up a gun shop in Michigan Monday. They were charged with three felonies, including assault with intent to murder because they left the gun shop owner a bloody mess. “It made me sick to my stomach. I was furious. I was livid,” Piliafas said upon seeing Rowan’s mug shot. “It’s not so much about the money. It’s just how many people were involved in this scam…. The little bit that I knew [about] this kid, I never would have thought that he’d try to pull some Machiavelli crap like that.” Rowan’s fifth career fight was scheduled for February in Traverse City. That evening, according to DiPonio said, Martinez called from Rowan’s phone number to inform him that her Rowan had been involved in a wreck on the way to the event and was dead. Rowan has past convictions for failing to register as a sex offender and for attempted delivery and manufacture of pot.
Good news, readers: you can soon be as fake as the Kardashians! According to Women’s Wear Daily, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney have teamed up with New Sunshine LLC to create their very own self-tanning line titled Kardashians Sun Kissed . Ogle and vote : Which Kardashian sister would you rather… you know? It will hit stores in April and be comprised of five items: a body exfoliator, a color maximizer, a… come on, do you really care? “I think tanning has really been a way of life for all of us, living in California,” Kim says. “Especially, more recently, the need for sunless tan. When I travel, the one thing that makes me feel alive whether or not I have makeup on is a tan, especially in my face… so we wanted a system that was really easy but yet is a full system.” The question, of course, is whether Kim will ever look good enough in a bikini again to take advantage of this product. Haven’t you heard? She just can’t stop eating !
It’s official: Jorge Mario Bergoglio is your next Pope and we know exactly what you are thinking: How does Snooki feel about his election? Fortunately, that reality star and many other celebrities have taken to Twitter and expressed their view on the new pontiff. Read on for their reactions… Mario Lopez : Big moment for the church & for those of us who call ourselves Catholics. I hope Pope Francis comes with an open heart & open mind… #Faith Snooki : Yay for Pope Bergoglio!! He’s adorable. Piers Morgan : Pope Francis 1 is known as a frugal, humble, moderniser. Sounds just what the Catholic Church needs. Joy Behar : It’s already starting. Donald Trump wants to see the new Pope’s birth certificate. Craig Ferguson : Rumors already swirling in Hollywood that the new Pope will replace Leno on NBC at 1130. Star Jones : I’m not Catholic…but am excited by the election of #NewPope. May he be blessed with wisdom & the love of Christ. Mia Farrow : American Catholics praying for a liberal Pope who will lead reform. But that is unlikely. Carson Daly : I like the new pope. Opted for silence before he first spoke. Pray for me before I pray for you. Humble. #goodstart
Okay, Kardashians. You win this round. You’ve found something we cannot mock. Lamar Odom has gifted his wife with a puppy Boxer about whom Khloe Kardashian gushed over Twitter today. And for good reason. Look at the little guy!!!!! It’s unclear how old the dog is… or where Lamar got him from… or what his name may be. But who cares?!? Check out that face! And consider: puppies are often the first step toward children. We’re just sayin. Those Khloe Kardashian pregnant rumors will be starting again in 3… 2.. 1…
On the heels of the bombshell Kim Kardashian baby news, Life & Style lies reports that Khloe Kardashian may soon following in her sister womb-steps. “She wants to have a baby in hopes of saving their marriage,” a friend tells the tabloid. “It’s so clear Khloé and Lamar are having issues, even if Khloé doesn’t want to own up to it.” It’s true that Khloe Kardashian divorce rumors have been circulating for awhile, but it’s also true that ever assertion comes from the mouth of an anonymous source. Odom was reportedly spotted chatting with a blonde on December 9 at Greystone Manor in Los Angeles, while another insider alleges he snuck two ladies into his New York City hotel room around Thanksgiving. But what better way to end her man’s flirtatious ways than to get knocked up, Kardashian is supposedly thinking. “If Khloé gave Lamar a baby now, she thinks it would really solidify them, it would create an everlasting bond,” a second pal claims. “A baby would cement them.” The couple has been open for months after its desire to procreate, with Khloe often talking abou t her fertility issues . If these two do have a child, let’s just hope it’s for the right reason.
The world’s worst X Factor host was a guest on Ellen this week. Yes, Khloe Kardashian stopped by the talk show, talking about Thanksgiving, explaining how photoshop is often required for the Kardashian Christmas card and also laughing while asking a very good question: Why is Scott Disick still in the picture?!? While we await the answer from Kourtney Kardashian, we point readers to the following video, which culminates in Ellen hilariously inserting herself into the family’s annual card: Khloe Kardashian Ellen Interview
The world’s worst X Factor host was a guest on Ellen this week. Yes, Khloe Kardashian stopped by the talk show, talking about Thanksgiving, explaining how photoshop is often required for the Kardashian Christmas card and also laughing while asking a very good question: Why is Scott Disick still in the picture?!? While we await the answer from Kourtney Kardashian, we point readers to the following video, which culminates in Ellen hilariously inserting herself into the family’s annual card: Khloe Kardashian Ellen Interview
