When you realize that Karlie Kloss is 6 foot 2 or 6 foot 6 in heels, rockin a size 12 foot, she kinda loses any and all sex appeal. You know, put her against a white wall, and she’s proportionate, has a great figure, long and lean, with little tits and legs for fucking days, but stand next to her, and you become a fraction of the man you are, her shoulders broader than yours. It’s like a Universal Stuidos optical illusion, but when you put things into perspective, those feet are the length of your fucking arm. But lucky for her, none of us will ever be next to her in line at the grocery store, or put up against her in a Volleyball match, we just see her in pictures, sometimes with other tall freak women, and I think it’s better for all of us that way. It’s less of a horror movie and more of a, holy fuck those are some serious legs.
Troubled Teen Mom star Amber Portwood is considering NOT taking a plea deal because it would effectively end her reality TV career , according to reports. Amber is supposed to be released from jail into the care of a halfway house this week after pleading guilty to possession of a controlled substance. She may end up changing her plea, however, so she can continue shooting Teen Mom as much as possible, sources tell E! News . Why on Earth … Portwood, who faces up to five years in jail if she violates probation, is not going to change her plea because she wants to sit in a cell instead. It is true, though, that the drug court that’s allowing Portwood to rehabilitate at the halfway house has ordered the facility not to allow cameras. For Amber Portwood , this is a very big deal. Last week, she said she had been under the impression that she would be allowed to live with her grandparents and film Teen Mom while fulfilling the terms of her sentence (counseling, regular check-ins with the court, etc.). Being ordered to a halfway house caught her by surprise. In order to stay out of jail, she was ordered to spend eight months at the halfway house and get a full-time job … one that does not involve TV. The third season of Teen Mom is set to premiere April 3, so that would leave Amber SOL and without the paycheck she’s come to depend on. As such, Amber decided Saturday that she may rather “do her time now and get it out of the way,” and the halfway house is “not the right place for her.” It wouldn’t be the full five years, presumably, if she did agree to serve jail time. We are probably talking about a couple of months, tops. After which, she would be free to film, without stipulations. “The system doesn’t want Amber to succeed,” a friend said. “She needs to stay in the entertainment industry. There are no jobs in Anderson (Ind.). She needs to finish her schooling. She can’t do all of that with a $7-an-hour job.” Baby daddy Gary Shirley currently has custody of her daughter, Leah.
On April 6, the cast from American Pie will reunite for their 10th high school reunion in East Great Falls, Michigan, and so much has changed. Or not at all. The new American Reunion trailer below shows Seann William Scott in all his glory as the sex-crazed, pot-stirring Stifler, while Jason Biggs’ Jim is married with a kid. When a girl he used to babysit invites Jim to her 18th birthday party, Stifler wants him to hit it, to which Jim says, “I’m not going to cheat on my wife. I’m a father.” Stifler’s eloquent response: “Be her daddy.” Classy as always! American Reunion Trailer (Full Length) Another classic, revolting moment: Jim’s dad telling him all the good things a man can do with a strategically placed thumb. Some things never change … American Reunion also brings back Mena Suvari, Eugene Levy, Tara Reid, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nichols and Jennifer Coolidge.
On April 6, the cast from American Pie will reunite for their 10th high school reunion in East Great Falls, Michigan, and so much has changed. Or not at all. The new American Reunion trailer below shows Seann William Scott in all his glory as the sex-crazed, pot-stirring Stifler, while Jason Biggs’ Jim is married with a kid. When a girl he used to babysit invites Jim to her 18th birthday party, Stifler wants him to hit it, to which Jim says, “I’m not going to cheat on my wife. I’m a father.” Stifler’s eloquent response: “Be her daddy.” Classy as always! American Reunion Trailer (Full Length) Another classic, revolting moment: Jim’s dad telling him all the good things a man can do with a strategically placed thumb. Some things never change … American Reunion also brings back Mena Suvari, Eugene Levy, Tara Reid, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nichols and Jennifer Coolidge.
Since the first trailer for Rise of the Planet of the Apes debuted online three months ago one thing about the film stood out. Not that apes can apparently defeat an army of riot police and helicopters by merely jumping around, but that James Franco was tasked as the film’s lead. “We it call the cure for Alzheimer’s,” he intones with a super-serious acting voice. Sounds good, believable scientist! Of course, maybe that’s the trick of Rise of the Planet of the Apes ; Franco is but merely impeccably tailored set dressing hiding the real star of the show: Andy Serkis.
By now you’ve likely heard about the pie flung at media emperor Rupert Murdoch , Laurel & Hardy-style, during a parliamentary hearing on Tuesday. Disappointingly, the fight did not escalate into a full-blown Battle of the Century affair on live TV because Murdoch’s wife, Wendi Deng, shut the assailant down with a sharp right hook before he was quickly escorted out of the room by police. In light of this attack — which failed to meet our own lofty pastry battle standards, mainly because it was actually just shaving cream foam — Movieline has compiled five pro-pieing tips from cinema.
Captain Planet and the Planeteers , among the cheesiest children’s properties that the ’90s birthed, was a cartoon very earnestly devoted to encouraging environmental awareness among youngsters built around the multi-colored titular superhero. Now, thanks to the folks who brought us Transformers , that mulleted, blue-skinned emblem of early-’90s morning TV will be updated with a live-action film. Has retro rebirthing gone too far?
And now, some Harry Potter news that will refresh even the weariest of Muggles — and probably outrage conservatives even more : Emma Watson met the oiled-up mensch who plays “Himmione Grainghim” in the gay pornographic motion picture Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls . When she found out who he was, it reportedly “made her night.” If true, I dance at her nerve. Go, you vagabond child star, go! Plus, the picture is soulfully edifying.
If you still find yourself wondering about the majestic brownstone Wes Anderson used as the setting of his 2001 film Royal Tenenbaums , you’re in luck. As part of its online film travel series “Pop Pilgrims”, the A.V. Club visited the New York City spot, and spoke to the movie’s location scout Will Sweeney about how the house inspired Anderson’s Oscar-nominated script, why it required a dramatic remodeling, and why the roof was perfect for Anderson’s (short-lived) fascination with falconry.
Yanks can’t have all the fun this week with the pending opening of Captain America: The First Avenger . Enter the creators of Captain Canuck , the Canadian comic-book hero whose own time has come for a big-screen adaptation. No, seriously.
