Maybe Hov has a point with this one? LLS. Jay may be a big Kurt Cobain fan but we think he’s dead wrong with his opinions on grunge dominating 90′s youth culture. According to Spin Magazine : In his upcoming coffee-table book Pharrell: The Places and Spaces I’ve Been (Rizzoli), human hyphenate Pharrell Williams includes interviews between him and notables ranging from Buzz Aldrin to Kanye West to Anna Wintour to Jay-Z. For the most part, they’re of the tell-me-how-you-do-what-you-do variety, but the back-and-forth between producer-designer-rapper Williams and Jay-Z quickly reaches Nirvana. Literally. “So, where were you mentally and physically when grunge music hit?” Pharrell asks Jay-Z. “Like where were you when you first heard, ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit?’” Coincidentally, Hova was in Pharrell’s home state of Virgina when he heard the generation-defining song for the first time. But he’s more interested in discussing why the song hit so hard than where he was when it got going. “First we got to go back to before grunge and why grunge happened,” reasons Jay. “‘Hair bands’ dominated the airwaves and rock became more about looks than about actual substance and what it stood for—the rebellious spirit of youth….That’s why ‘Teen Spirit’ rang so loud because it was right on point with how everyone felt, you know what I’m saying?” Jay-Z then goes on to say that grunge actually stalled the rise of hip-hop in popular culture. “It was weird because hip-hop was becoming this force, then grunge music stopped it for one second, ya know?” he says. “Those ‘hair bands’ were too easy for us to take out; when Kurt Cobain came with that statement it was like, ‘We got to wait awhile.’” Next, Pharrell mentions that he used to see Jay-Z in his old Virginia stomping ground of Newport News, but Jay-Z is still focused on the Kurt tip. “I have always been a person who was curious about the music and when those forces come on the scene, they are inescapable,” Jay says. “Can’t take your eyes off them, can’t stop listening to them. [Cobain] was one of those figures. I knew we had to wait for a second before we became that dominant force in music.” If Nirvana prevented Hip-Hop from expanding, how is it that so many of us can trace back that day and time real hip-hop changed our life? When Nirvana busted out with “Smells Like Teen Spirit” in ’91, that golden age of hip-hop was in full effect. NWA, Tribe, De La Soul, 2Pac, DJ Quik, KRS-One…Dre released The Chronic in ’92 and, it may have dropped two weeks after Cobain’s death, but Nas’ Illmatic was all anybody could talk about in ’94. Maybe the difference between 90′s hip-hop and now is that dope MC’s from back in the day weren’t trying to be moguls with their own Vodka company; they were just tryin’ to make good albums and keep hip-hop interesting instead of pleasing the masses… What do you think??
A video I made for Justin Bieber using the song “Right Here (Departed)” by Brandy. Lyrics: When you feel your heart’s guarded And you see the break’s started When the clouds have all departed You’ll be right here with me B rock, uh, Darkchild We back You’ll be right here with me (Oh, oh, oh) You’ll be right here with me When your life is going too fast Off the train tracks I can slow it down, oh Just when you think your bout to turn back ‘Stead you might crash I’ll be your ground, oh Oh when you feel your heart’s guarded And you see the break’s started And when the clouds have all departed You’ll be right here with me And when your tears are dry from crying And when the world has turned silent And when the clouds have all Departed You will be right here with me. (Oh oh oh) I will be right here with you You’ll be right here with me I will be right here with you You’ll be right here with me When your trapped and there’s just no key And you can’t breathe I breathe for you The fire’s got you down on both knees And the walls are closing in But I will break it through And when you feel alone I’m a be your home Whenevers comes and go You know I got you Oh when you feel your heart’s guarded And when you see the break’s started And when the clouds have all departed You’ll be right here with me (You’ll see the sun) And when your tears are dry from crying And when the worlds turned silent So when the clouds have all departed You will be right here with me I will be here right beside … http://www.youtube.com/v/cl1szELg1eo?version=3&f=videos&app=youtube_gdata Link: Right Here (Departed) (Justin Bieber Video) with lyrics
‘I missed a large part of her life,’ Ali told ‘RapFix Live’ of daughter Sky, who visited him throughout his 12-year prison stay. By Rob Markman, with reporting by Sway Calloway Sky and Chi Ali on “RapFix Live” Photo: MTV News
Mary Elizabeth Winstead needed to prove herself. After years of hopping from genre to genre, she wanted to shed her Scott Pilgrim vs. the World dye job and bloody Final Destination 3 history and find a complex role that would be a game-changer for her career. Luckily, the stars aligned and landed her in front of Smashed director James Ponsoldt, where she not only impressed him enough that he didn’t audition anyone else for the role, but she also helped him cast her leading man, Aaron Paul . Mary Elizabeth sat down with Movieline ahead of the film’s Oct. 12 release to talk about crafting her recovering alcoholic character, Kate Hannah, preparing for the role without meeting anyone first — except for one wild night with Aaron — and sharing her modest, yet poignant, reaction to all of the well-deserved Oscar buzz. And as for all of those big blockbuster roles she’s been “passed over for” throughout the years? She spills about that, too, opening up about the truth behind failed negotiations and what she wants her career path to look like after Smashed . Smashed is a departure from your previous roles, including comedies like Scott Pilgrim and bloody gore like Final Destination 3 . Was it refreshing to play such a dynamic, dramatic character? Yeah, I mean it was such a change of pace. It was almost like changing careers because it was so different. It was great, and it was what I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’ve needed to sort of prove myself in this capacity for a long time — I needed to show, at least to myself, that I could carry a really complex role, so I knew that I needed to do it for me. The fact that people are actually responding to it is sort of above and beyond what I even was hoping for. How did this role come to you? Did James [Ponsoldt] say, ‘Hey, I want you for this role?’ or did you audition? I had been seeking out smaller scripts. I had been really trying to find something small and intimate, so I had a meeting with Jonathan Schwartz, who is the producer of the film. I didn’t know what he was producing at the time, but I just wanted to meet him because I knew that he had some scripts in the pipeline. After he sent me this script, I just flipped out over it and called him immediately and was just like, ‘Please let me know what I can do to just get my foot in the door and be considered for it!’ So then he set up a meeting with me and James, which went really well. After that, I just sort of took it upon myself to do an audition tape; I taped probably like seven, eight scenes from the movie and sent it to James. And after he and the producers talked it over, they cast me, which was crazy! I expected them to sort of see every actress in Hollywood and go through that whole process, but they didn’t. They didn’t see anyone else. And so it was really, really, amazing. It’s hard to imagine anyone else but you in the role — you embodied Kate to a T. How did you prepare? Is there anything you did in the audition tape that made it into the film? Luckily whatever I did in the audition tape was enough to get me the part, but from my perspective, in retrospect, I feel like it’s terrible! [Laughs] I did so much more work on the character by the time I actually shot it that to me it’s like night and day. When I look at that audition tape, I feel like I’m acting , and I feel like I was able to get to a place by the time I shot the film where it wasn’t acting anymore. I was sort of scared, even after I did the audition tape and got the part, because I still didn’t feel like I had a handle on it at all. So it was scary to me almost to get the part because I was like, ‘Ooh, but I don’t know how to play this!’ So I worked really hard. I really wanted to make sure I did the part justice, and I did whatever I could. I spent a lot of time in AA meetings, I spent a lot of time with James just really carving out Kate’s backstory and becoming really, really specific about that. And just spending a lot of time on myself and my own issues emotionally. It was a lot like, just, therapy. Working through my own stuff. That ended up being the most important thing, the thing that connected me the most to the character — sort of relating my struggles to her struggles and my issues to her issues, and sort of linking those two things up. It was an amazing experience. Is there anything from Kate’s backstory that we didn’t see that you worked together with James on? We talked about her entire life. There are hints at it throughout the film — you see her relationship with her mom, you know there’s probably a lot of pain there, especially childhood pain. And so we fleshed that out quite a bit with her dad leaving and what age, what age did she start drinking and why, and what age did it become her identity to be the fun drunk girl, and how that became so much easier to be than to be herself. How it became easier to be the drunk girl than to be the girl with all of these problems. So that was the thing that we really focused in on. You said you went to some AA meetings to prepare. Was there anything else that you did? I’m sure you didn’t go on any drinking binges to get into your character… Yeah, I went on one! I went on one with James and Aaron! [Laughs] I hope you weren’t on a bike. No, not on a bike. James was our designated driver. And it was in part to get into character, but it was mostly for us to feel the dynamic with each other — what we’re like when we’re drunk. Because the couple is like that so much; it’s how they spend their lives together, is drunk. So we wanted to kind of start off with that. And also it helped because Aaron and I didn’t have any rehearsal time. We had only met each other once before. It was a good way for us to get to know each other really fast. You know, when you sort of go out and get drunk with someone, you become close pretty quickly. [Laughs] It was a nice way to sort of expedite that process. And by the time we showed up [on set], we felt close enough to be able to go to those places together. Was Aaron cast before you or after you? After me. Everyone was cast after me. It was like a total shock. It was so crazy. I had no idea that the supporting roles were going to end up being these incredible actors. I mean, that really took it to a whole new level. I knew it was an incredible script, I knew it was an incredible part I was dying to play, but I sort of thought it was a tiny movie, that it was probably going to be all unknowns, and we were kind of just going to try to get people to see it and do our best. And then when they started telling me who was going to be playing the other roles, I was like, ‘Oh, people are going to see this! This is a real movie! This is really happening!’ [Laughs] So, yeah, that was incredibly exciting. And you mentioned that you and Aaron had only met once or twice before. Did you do a chemistry read together or did you meet at all? No. I kind of knew that Aaron was everybody’s favorite. He was my favorite, he was everybody’s favorite. [Laughs] We had talked about a lot of people for that part, but he was the only one that everyone agreed on. We’d come up with other names, but it would be very polarizing. Like, one person would be like, ‘That person would be great!’ and another person would be like, ‘No! Definitely not!’ [Laughs] But Aaron was the first name that came up that everyone went, ‘Yeah! That would be great.’ I still wanted to meet him, just because I didn’t know him personally. I knew he was an incredible actor and I had such admiration for him, but I also knew that I needed to work with somebody in that role who was going to be really open and who was going to be someone I felt comfortable with, because you have to go to a lot of humiliating places doing a role like this. You don’t want it to be someone who you feel like is going to be closed off or is going to be too cool to really give anything back. From the moment I met him, he was so open and warm and genuine and lovely, and just the sweetest person. And now I feel like everybody else knows that he’s the sweetest person in the world, but I’m like, how didn’t I already know that? [Laughs] I shouldn’t have even had to have met him to find that out. But it was great, and after I met him, I sort of told everybody that he was perfect, and then he came back. Honestly, your chemistry reads like you’ve known each other for years. Although their love story is far from perfect, If you take the alcohol out, could you see their relationship continuing? For me, having learned a lot about alcoholism and AA from researching the character, I’m very much of the feeling that they can never be together, as heartbreaking as that is. Just because no matter what they have that co-dependency that they’re naturally going to want to fall back into. And it would be such a struggle for them to have a normal, healthy relationship that it would make them both really tempted to go back to alcohol. And I think as an alcoholic, you have to really keep yourself in the most healthy of environments at all times. So I think for her it would just be a mistake to put herself back into that really unstable place. But I do love the fact that the end is so hopeful for him; that he is going to figure his life out. And that one day, I do think that they could be really great friends. I think there’s a lot of love there and they will be able to be in each other’s lives, but I don’t see them ever being a couple. The craziest part for me was that you don’t really see how damaged Kate’s life is until she really hits that downward spiral. That’s the thing. It certainly isn’t a message movie by any means, but we are kind of making a point that even if you stop drinking, it doesn’t mean your life suddenly becomes easier — it actually becomes harder in a lot of ways because you have to deal with your pain. It’s better, but it’s hard. It felt like a very realistic portrayal of alcoholism, especially with Kate’s two split personalities. How did you balance the dynamic of both opposing sides of her persona? What’s great about it is that it just felt like, for the first time to me, that I was playing a really whole person. Because we all have so many different sides to our personalities, but you just never see that on screen. I think that’s why it’s so surprising that it feels so different, because we’re not used to seeing people on screen show so many different sides of themselves — we’re not usually really allowed to since characters are usually more one-dimensional. So I loved that; I loved being able to do that. I felt like I was able to bring all the different shades of my own personality to her, and there was nothing that I had to shut off. Your chemistry with the entire cast — including Nick Offerman’s offbeat character, Megan Mullally as your boss, and Octavia Spencer as your sponsor — was incredible. How did you form that dynamic? I think it was just luck, and James casting the right people. We didn’t have any rehearsal time — we didn’t even meet! Aaron was the only person I even met before we started working. Did you all even do a read through together or did you just jump into it? No, we just showed up and just did the scenes! It was just one of those lightning in a bottle things where everything just comes together and everyone was so wonderful. We were very lucky. The most surprising part was that most of the cast were comedic actors playing straight. What was that like, both in and out of character? It was just really lovely. It was such an amazing group of people who are all just lovely human beings. They’re all super funny, but not in that way that they have to constantly be telling a joke or constantly getting attention — not in that way at all. Just lovely people to be around. So it was a comfortable, relaxed environment, and it was sort of like the film. We would go from laughing together to talking about more serious things. We just felt like a family. It just felt like a place that you could really be yourself, which was the ideal environment for a film like this. Now that you’ve done such a big drama, what’s next? Rom-com? Adventure? I know you’ve seemingly been passed over for some of those big blockbuster roles, including Cobie Smulders’ role in The Avengers . But if you took that role, do you think you would be where you are now? And do you have any hopes to be that big blockbuster star? Yeah, I mean, it’s funny, because some of those roles — well, the majority of them, I was just plain passed over for them [Laughs] — but some of them I actually chose not to do as well because I don’t really just want to be the blockbuster star, and I don’t necessarily want to sign onto seven films in a role that I’m not really passionate about. That’s actually happened several times as well, where in the news it sort of seems like, ‘Oh, she lost the part,’ but in reality, it just falls apart in the negotiation process and you realize that this isn’t really something I’m passionate enough about to agree to ‘X, X, and X,’ and sign the contract on. [Laughs] So that’s happened a bunch, too. Because I do really want to do films like this. That’s the majority of stuff I want to do. But unfortunately, you don’t get paid to do films like this! [Laughs] You get enough to go to a nice dinner. That’s basically the money that you get paid. So you do have to think about your career and making a living and how you’re going to do that. Going forward, I would love to work with directors like Rian Johnson and Joss Whedon; people like that who are doing big films but do have really independent voices. That’s kind of what I want to focus on, is always working with people with at least an independent point of view, even if it’s not an independent film. Well, on that note, congratulations! For this film, you already have a lot of Oscar buzz. What, in the perfect situation, would you like to happen next whether you win an award or not? I think for most actors, because we sort of have to tell ourselves this, we always say, ‘Oh, it doesn’t mean anything to win an Oscar!’ It certainly isn’t a goal that you want to set yourself up for, because then you’re just setting yourself up for disaster. Because how many people actually win an Oscar? So I would certainly never imagine that for myself, but the thing about those kind of awards are that they are completely life-changing. You’re given a power that so few other people in the industry have. And so that’s the thing, that I would sort of just want to use … for good! [Laughs] I sound like a superhero. But to help make good movies. I would love to be in the position where my name is a name that is large enough in some capacity to make things happen in the industry. To be able to fund a small film or be able to discover a new voice and give them a platform. That’s something I would really love to to do. Smashed hits limited theaters in New York and Los Angeles on Oct. 12. Alyse Whitney is an editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. You can follow her on Twitter @AlyseWhitney .
October 2 nd 2012, I met Justin at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Here comes the story of how it happened. First off I live in Denmark in Europe, so I don’t even live in LA. If we go a year back to around October 2011, it was in this month we booked our tickets to our long planned trip to USA. We were going to California for two weeks, and then to New York for a week. This trip was going to go down in October 2012. When the Believe Tour was released, I hurried to check if maybe he was having a concert while I was in the US. To my surprise he was playing many concerts in October, which was really exiting. I figured what dates we were going to LA, because he was having two concerts in LA in the beginning of October. I found out that we were going to LA from the 1 st to the 4 th of October. I literally freaked out and jumped all around the house because I was so exited that we were there while he was playing concerts. I was so afraid that we wouldn’t get tickets, so I got a membership on Bieberfever so I could buy pre-sale. I got the tickets, and I was so freaking happy that I got this opportunity to go to his concert in Staples Center. Okay, so let’s go to the 2 nd of October, where the concert was taking place. It was me and my mom there were going, and we arrived 6 hours before the start of the concert. We were supposed to get something to eat and drink at a café at the Staples Center, but I was too exited, that I just wanted to stay right at the Staples Center (which is pretty lucky, considering what was going to happen). I looked around, and I saw many people that had won the Meet and Greet. I really wanted to meet him, and I was determined that I was going to get M&G somehow. I asked a lot of people, and they just said “Sorry, we’re only giving them away to winners”. I got really sad, but I’m the most stubborn person you will ever meet. I decided to stay around one of the people that were giving away the meet and greet to winners. I honestly have no idea why it was her that I was staying around with, instead of the others. It was just my instinct that told me to. After around half an hour, the lady asked me where I was from, and I answered. We then just started talking, and after some time she asked me how bad I wanted to meet Justin. Of course I said that I wanted to meet him so bad, and it was a dream to me. She then said that she might be able to help me. I freaked out, even though I didn’t get the meet and greet yet. The lady had to make sure that all the winners got their meet and greet tickets, before she could give one to me. About 15 minutes later, she took one pink wristband out of her bag. It was these wristbands all the people that were going to meet him had on. She then gave it to me, and I of course, being the Belieber I am, freaked out, and gave her a hug and thanked her so many times. I then hurried over to the security guard and showed him my wristband, and he let me inside. I then waited in line in there with all the other people that were going to meet him too. While I was waiting I met Scooter, Allison, Alfredo and Pattie. Just the fact that I got to meet these people was breath taking. After waiting for around 30 minutes, it was finally my turn. I was going to meet Justin with another girl and a little boy. I’ve never been that exited and nervous at the same time. Kenny was the one that followed us into the room where Justin was. I was the first one of my group to go in the room, and when I did, I couldn’t believe that it was really Justin standing there. My mouth dropped, and I can’t even describe the feeling I had. Justin looked at me and smiled, I walked over to him, and he took his arm around me, and looked at me, and then he said “Hey Sweetie.” I was literally screaming inside of myself. The other people walked in, but honestly I didn’t even see it, I was just looking at Justin. They took the picture, and I smiled at Justin and he looked at me and said thank you. I then gave him a hug, and said “Thank you so much”, he smiled and then I went outside of the room. Once outside, me and the girl that I met Justin with were just looking at each other in shock. I was shacking so much, it can’t even be described. I was standing out there, and then I looked around. Later we went to his concert, where both Cody Simpson and Carly Rae Jepsen preformed. Jaden Smith rapped in Never Say Never. It was the best day of my life. I know that I will never ever forget it. The feelings I felt can’t even be described, and just the fact that I met my inspiration means so much to me. I want to thank the lady that got me to meet him so many times, and I especially want to thank Justin for being the most amazing person ever. I feel like the luckiest girl on this planet. NEVER SAY NEVER, and keep fighting for what you want, never EVER give up! -@JosephineJB Excerpt from: October 2nd 2012, I met Justin at the Staples Center in Los…
On 13th of September 2012, my dream came true. I had wanted to meet Justin since 2009 when my sister met him and have been a belieber since then. People always told me to never say never and to believe but it just seemed like a dream. I had come so close to Justin many times before but never close enough to touch him. I had school and I ran home thinking that today was going to be the day. I met my friend Alice in Waterloo and we heard Justin was going to be at Kiss fm so we went to Oxford St but when we arrived, no one was there. They said he recorded it off sight. As you can imagine we were a bit upset but we didn’t give up. A girl on Twitter told me that Justin was going to be at ITV studios at 6 so we got the train back there. Justin waved from the window but did not come out. When we got there everyone was screaming and we ran as fast as we could over and there was no room to get up onto the bars. I fell on the floor in the dirt and ended up sticking my head through people’s legs to try and see him. All off a sudden there he was right in front of me and he said “Hey” and touched my hand. I just burst out crying in disbelief and happiness. Something that I had wanted for so long in my life happened to me. Once Justin had gone inside, a man came out who was working at ITV and we asked him to come over. We gave him a book that we had made for Justin and he took it and promised he would give it to him . Even though Justin hasn’t tweeted us about it, just the thought that Justin may have read it or even just seen it makes me so happy and feel lucky. I didn’t get a picture with Justin, hug him or tell him how much he means to me but I saw him so close. It has given me the strength to believe that I will meet him again and tell him what I want to. My dream became a reality. Even though it seems cheesy and as if it wont happen; never say never and believe that you can do it because if you do, you will meet Justin. I can say that that no matter what happens to me throughout my life Justin, will be someone here to support me and I will always support him and his music. He makes me so happy and he has made such a difference to my life! I will be here until the end. -@BelieberTeensUK Read more here: On 13th of September 2012, my dream came true. I had wanted to…
Someone posted this on my FACEBOOK …..and had to post it because staged or not…. it is amazing…. It is the Hulk Hogan staged sex tape he is pretending isn’t staged….but that he was set up for….or at least clips of it with amazing captions of the conversation….. He says shit like “I feel like a pig”….after fucking he says “you’re awesome”….talks about how his son’s girlfriend’s twin sister wants his dick….and shit is legendary. It would also explain why Hulk was hanging with Kim Kardashian the other day, you know to celebrate each other’s porn work…maybe discuss strategy on how to make it work for them from one sex tape producer to the next, kinda thing…. And all this to say…I fucking love sex tapes. I need to see more of this. Apparently he girl in the sex tape is Heather Clem…I have no idea who that is…..but I can tell you she’s trying to get famous even with her shitty face….but more importantly I have no idea who the guy who says “you guys do your thing” is….but I know they are all master minding…cuz this bitch wants fame more than she wants bigger implants… Oh…she’s married to Bubba from the Stern show….really gold digging and climbing from the bottom up…. Either way, this is way better than his 80s Hulkamania work out set….and the life lesson this teaches us is that we are all fucking whores….
Hov is letting everyone watch his Barclays finale on his Life and Times YouTube channel. By Jocelyn Vena Jay-Z performs at the Barclays Center Photo: Kevin Mazur/ Wire Image
If there is any doubt to who the hardest working man in Hip-Hop in 2012 is, this should probably put that debate to rest. After dropping Rich Forever, Self Made Vol. 2, and God Forgives, I Don’t, Rick Ross is dropping his fourth full project of the year by announcing a new mixtape, The Black Bar Mitzvah… Continue
Dear Bossip , This is my first time ever coming to someone about this situation. By reading some of your other messages on Bossip, I feel that you aren’t biased and that is was I need because I’m soooo lost right now. Ok, me and my girl have been together for 4 years. This is an interracial relationship. She is white and I am black. She is 33-years old and I am 29-years old. This girl has stuck by my side through everything, and I mean everything; ranging from my crazy baby momma keying her car, to me cheating too many times to count, which is the stupidest thing I could have ever done. A little of my background: I have never been faithful to anybody, never in life. I have only had maybe like 3 or 4 girls that I could even say I have cared about. This is no excuse, but I simply don’t know how not to flirt. I had the mindset that I could be with any girl I wanted, which in all honestly has been mostly true, not saying that I’m God’s gift to women or anything, I just never had a problem getting the one I wanted or getting what I wanted. Back to the topic at hand, I have taken my girl for granted for tooo long. Actually, I am surprised she has stayed around this long. She has caught me numerous times. Once, she set up a fake Facebook account with fake pictures and everything. She acted like some girl trying to holla and I fell for it. I did claim her as my girl, but showed her absolutely no respect on the matter. She has caught me walking a girl upstairs to my apartment, and the cell phone is its own story in itself. Yet, through all this she has stuck by my side and never left. The cheating wasn’t the only problem though. I’m not a woman beater or anything, but we would get into fights sometimes, fist fights, but mostly just arguing about my “F” ups. Then, I would get mad, pull her by the hair, then leave her house or kick her out of mine. Like I said, honestly I don’t know why she has stayed around so long. We have had like week-long break ups and stuff like that, but most of that was me not wanting to be with her. I don’t know what my logic was. I know I have been stupid, selfish, and very immature, but I have never stopped loving her and actually her staying around has made me love her more, and even though it seems like it took forever I only want to be with her. So, like 10 months ago, which isn’t that long ago, I decided that I wouldn’t cheat on her anymore, which actually has been going very well for me. Our relationship seemed to be getting better. We have had maybe 1 or 2 big fights in the last 10 months, but nothing related to cheating, but that’s because we stopped disrespecting each other with our talks and actions. But, it has gotten better. We are madly in love. The problem is that she knows exactly what she wants but I still got some growing up to do. So, the relationship has been the best it has ever been for some time because I started communicating more, taking her out, and I stopped cheating. But, I still had a flirting problem and I still need to show her more respect in every aspect. Like three months ago, I came into a financial problem and after everything I was trying to do failed, I asked her if we could move in together. Now, before you start thinking I am a moocher or something, I have always had a job and have never batted an eye at doing whatever I could for her or her child whenever I could. I think that’s how she knows when I’m doing something wrong because that is like the only time that I get distant. But, anyway, she said I could move in. I didn’t really want to but it was the only choice I had to make ends meet. So, the weekend comes when I am moving in. She goes out of town with some of her friends. I get everything moved with no problem. But, I had spent just about all my spending money. I do odd jobs on the side to make extra money. I needed some money, so I had some computers that I had fixed for some people and I decided to return the computers to the people so I could have some money. The only problem was that I took this one female her computer real late that Friday night, which was an idiot move, but in all honestly all I wanted was the money. The girl that I took the merchandise to already knows about my girl and knows I love my girl. She even encourages me to be faithful and honest and tells me not to hurt my girl. Me and her are good friends, but my girlfriend doesn’t trust me around her because we used to have sex like 8 years ago. So, I go over there, my girlfriend was out of town. I should have told my girlfriend what I was doing, but I thought I would be in and out, no harm done. All we did was talk, nothing more, nothing less. I don’t even see this girl as someone I would have sex with anymore. She is just a friend, but my girlfriend is insecure with me around any girl and I don’t blame her. While I was over there my girl called. I didn’t answer the phone, which was another idiot move. But, I thought it was best because I didn’t want to upset her because I knew that nothing was going to happen, and it didn’t. So, that night my girlfriend had one of her friends ride by our house and I wasn’t there. I called my girl back a little while after I left and told her I was busy moving the last of my things. This wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the whole truth. When my girlfriend got back from out of town she went through my phone and found some texts and a call log that showed I had went to the other girl’s house. I tried lying to her about it, but that only pissed her off more. We stayed together after that, but this is where things got very sour. From that moment on it was like my girl just wants to fight with me. It’s like she wants to push me away. I have a temper and we got into one bad fight. I have kicked a whole in the wall, but I fixed it. And, one day, I was looking for a quick way to make some money, so I was looking to sell something that I wasn’t using. I was putting it in my car and she decides that she wants to start fussing. She closes the garage door, I forced it open and messed it up. But, me and one of her friends fixed it, and at the time I didn’t know dude was trying to get her, though. I almost forgot while all this was going on. We hadn’t had sex in like a week or two, and I still had not cheated, so I was very proud of myself. So, from then on out she would come home late or not come home at all, or just leave in the middle of the night or whatever. I still have been faithful through all this, but a time came when I was like, “Look, I know you don’t want me anymore, so let me stay in the guest room for a little while so I can save some money, then I will be out off your hair.” After that we had a talk, she said that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but that she has no trust in me and I understand this. So, we broke up. We still live together and sleep together most nights. She even gave me some the other day which was great!!!! I have been trying everything I can think of to get her trust back. Like I said, we still live together and sleep together some most nights. We still call each other pet names and tell each other I love you. I have been trying to do everything to make her happy. I want to be her husband. I want to be faithful. I truly love this girl and want to be with only her and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. I just don’t know what to do because I have never felt like this before. She says if you love something you have to be able to let it go, but I don’t want to let her go. When I moved in with her I knew what I wanted, and I want our family. I just don’t know how to get it back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time. – Want Her Back Dear Mr. Want Her Back , I love these conversion stories where folks are in relationships doing dirt, dogging their mates, freaking everybody but them, cheating, and lying, and then you have this aha moment and think that they’re supposed to forget everything you did and be happy you turned your life around and act like nothing you ever did mattered. Get the freak out of here! And, Whoop-to-MF’ing-do! You feel bad for treating her horribly for four years, and now you want to be the man she’s been hoping you’d had been from day one. Whoop-toMF’ing-do! You want to be a family now after she’s bent over backwards, stood by your side, fought for the relationship after she’s caught you cheating time and time again, and now you don’t want to cheat anymore and be Mr. Faithful-Who-Loves-To-Flirt. Let’s get something straight right now. And, you need to start being honest with yourself. YOU ARE A LIAR. Say it to yourself. Admit it to yourself. YOU ARE A LIAR. That’s it. That’s the plain truth. You can’t be trusted. You went to another woman’s house on a Friday night because you wanted to get some money because of your bleak financial situation (That’s whole other issue right there). This is a woman you had sexual relations with in the past, and you claim you’re good friends. Chile, please miss me with that bull-ish. You are not good friends, as you experienced that night. She is old p***y that is on reserve. That is all she is. But, when your girl called you that night you ignored her call, and decided to call her back later. WHY? If you weren’t doing anything, and you were simply there to get some money, then why lie to your woman about the truth? Oh yeah, it’s because you’re a liar and you felt guilty. Why didn’t you think to call your woman in advance, or while you were in en route and explain to her what you were doing and where you were going? Why couldn’t you wait until Saturday morning or afternoon to go to her house? Why didn’t you arrange to meet her in a mutual location instead of going to her house? It’s because you don’t think. You just do, and think about the consequences later. And, as a result you keep lying on top of the lie you told. SMDH! You are definitely not the brightest. And, this is obvious. But, know this, your past is indicative of your present and future. For four years you took this woman through it all, and you expect her to forget everything because you’ve been on your best behavior for the past 10 months. Really? Really! You’s a do-do brain. Ole doofas a**! And, I don’t care what you’re arguing about and how intense it gets, YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN! Don’t grab her hair, shove her, mush her in the face, or pick her up to move her out of your way. YOU JUST WALK AWAY! LEAVE! GO AND SIMMER DOWN AND LET THINGS CALM DOWN. But, don’t put your hands on her. Now, let’s address the fact that you moved in with her to save money because you couldn’t live financially on your own. That is the only truth you have. You didn’t move in with her because you loved her, or because you wanted to be a family. You wanted to save money. And, the sad part is that you still have not saved any money because you’re still trying to hustle money. So, what’s the underlying issue you have? Oh, yes, you’re a liar and cheater. Thus, this issue will play out in all aspects of your life: financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. When you’re real and honest with yourself, all those things will fall into place. But, ask yourself, “Why do I lie? What am I getting out of lying? What will this lie accomplish and am I ready for the consequences behind the lie? And, how has lying served me over the years? Look what lying has gotten me.” By the way, this whole relationship is all about YOU. Re-read your letter and hopefully you will see this. YOU cheated on her for four years. YOU moved in with her because YOU wanted to save money. YOU lied to her. YOU did what you wanted to do, and now YOU want to act like nothing happened and that she should just get over it. Sorry, but if you want to get her back, and be a family, then start acting like a man. Start being proactive in the relationship, and give her everything she deserves. Make her feel loved. Make her feel desired, wanted, and needed. Buy her flowers. Take her out. Cook dinner. Treat her like a queen. And, instead of playing house, and you want to be a family, then get married. Be that man, and she will be that woman! But, you’ve got to make the necessary steps and strides to making her feel that she can trust you. And, it’s going to take some time, but you’ve got to earn that. You want her back, then grow the hell up, stop lying (be honest even if you feel a lie would be easier to tell, don’t do it. Tell the truth), and start working on earning her trust and love. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean : loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter : @terrancedean “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook , click HERE! Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15), and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
