The rumor is that Fat models are people too…I don’t believe it…. I wouldn’t know because when I see fat girls, including my wife, my brain kinda turns off and they become invisible, unless it is 3 am and I have a boner that needs tending to, in which case my survival mode kicks in and I’m ready to face fuck as long as none of my friends see me go home with the bitch… But as I love of all half nakedness for money, even when it shouldn’t really be something bitch should be confident enough to pull off, I am gonna endorse her body as much as her doing this endorses obesity and diabetes to all the young girls in a “Love your body” campaign that is indirectly making everyone fat and unhealthy….instead of encouraging healt and fitness….
Lindsay Lohan showed off some nipple for a split second in the trailer for The Canyons, some movie she got cast to play the whore in….and here’s the trailer…. The movie is about some sex crazed kids in their 20s, starring Lohan and pornster James Deen, which pretty much tells us how shit this movie is going to be, low budget, badly shot, and all the work Lohan can get…. The really interesting thing in all this is that I heard Lohan and James Deen shot a sex tape while filming this movie…and that there will lots of sex in his movie…so I’m just waiting for the highlight reel and more importantly for the sex tape to drop…cuz I think it is time we see Lohan fuck. She’s been around too long to keep that from us….
We finally have a real Resident Evil movie! It only took seven tries! (That might not sound good, but by video game movie standards it’s sensational.) The five live-action Milla Jovovich movies were fantastic, but about the only thing they shared with the games was a title. The directors of those features focused on making great action movies for the mass market they knew didn’t really care about the games. The CG-animated Resident Evil: Damnation is a great Resident Evil movie because it doesn’t care about the mass market; it’s so focused on the games and the gaming audience that it was released on the Xbox and PS3 dashboards a week before the DVD went on sale. This is Capcom’s second attempt at computer-generating a proper canon film. The first, Degeneration , was one of the worst movies ever made . Degeneration was true to its subject in the way that a hastily written homework essay is true to its subject: all the keywords are there but the author clearly didn’t care. The result is less exciting than a non-zombified corpse. Damnation is a huge improvement over its predecessor and a lot more fun, too. The movie doesn’t just understand the Resident Evil games, it understands the core problem that comes with making a movie based on a video game: Take away our ability to control the characters and the characters have to give back much more in return. They have to be interesting on their own. Damnation delivers everything Resident Evil game-franchise fans could want from a movie. The characters are much improved — not just graphically, but behaviorally. Fan-favorite Leon Kennedy isn’t just back, he’s graduated with a degree in advanced ass-kicking and has been promoted to Chief Buttkicker. No more pining after Ada Wong, shouting impotently at locked doors or running around after little girls. His first actions in this movie are going rogue, making sarcastic remarks about a fellow agent careless enough to be mortally wounded (while said agent is still alive and can hear him), then kicking a Licker’s ass so hard it scampers for safety while he chases it down. If you’re wondering who Ada Wong is, you now know the only minor issue in the movie. It is absolutely built for fans and assumes the audience will be excited to see these people. That said, the characters are so well developed that even a total newbie to the world of Domestic Bad will get with the program in short order. Leon establishes that he’s an ass-kicker by immediately kicking ass, while triple-agent Ada breezes into a room and immediately manipulates the hell out of an entire country. She then kicks ass, too. Even when events from the games are referenced, it’s never jarring, just brilliant for fans. The key reason Damnation works as a movie is that it dumps these revered gaming characters into an entirely new situation. Instead of yet another generically evil corporation/facility/whatever, we join a civil war in the Eastern Slav Republic, which (despite a excessively long narrative intro) is the perfect setting for this new story. With opposing sides struggling for revenge, independence, and oil money, we finally have believable motivations for people to use the most awful weapons imaginable. This new setting makes even the oldest tropes fresh; of course there’s another vast underground base, but this one has the single coolest elevator in movie history. And even when you arrive there you’re still trying to work out exactly who betrayed who. That was where Degeneration failed so badly. The plot was cut-and-pasted from the games: a new secret underground viral base, a new letter for the virus name, and a new character looking for lost relative/friend who’s clearly, obviously, blatantly implicated in the outbreak. That wasn’t an addition to the RE story, it was a unreasonable facsimile, replete with a search-and-replace script. You could almost hear the scriptwriter sighing “done” as he stopped typing. In Damnation, the characters might not be quite yet out of the uncanny valley, but they’ve climbed up the walls by punching their bare, badass fists into the rock with every step. It’s not realistic, but it’s not quite trying to be — think of it instead as a new kind of animation. The graphics are glorious, and though the producers are pretty blatant about showing off new special effects, at least they’re badass about it. For example, Ada Wong shows off the new fluid physics with a cup of tea that she uses to attack the President of a sovereign nation and her armed bodyguard . That is what we call “adequate justification.” Even when the graphics engine shows off shafts of light cutting through rooms, it’s only because the rooms have also torn apart by tank shells and at least two mutant murder machines. The filmmakers re-create the original Resident Evil 2 “drips from the hallway ceiling” scene just because they can. For the first time you believe that Lickers could actually kill men with guns, not just men with guns struggling with analog sticks. Mr. X is elevated beyond Tyrant to Terminator levels of brutality, with cinematic fights much more interesting than the boss battles found in the games. When Leon starts punching a monster in the face with a tank, you’re excited enough to start screaming in italics. Luke McKinney loves the real world, but only because it has movies and video games in it. He responds to every tweet. Follow Luke McKinney on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter. —
Paul Schrader and Bret Easton Ellis ‘s indie L.A. noir The Canyons has been a curious project to track — who’s the more random star, comeback queen Lindsay Lohan or porn stud James Deen? — but a new teaser trailer offers an unexpectedly compelling preview of the film, retro-exploitation style. The tongue-in-cheek spirit works well here, even if it does make The Canyons look like one of Tarantino and Rodriguez’s fake Grindhouse trailers. Here’s hoping the actual film has this sort of knowing edge. With teaser lines introducing “a HUGE new talent” in Deen it has to, right? It is worth noting that this trailer offers no dialogue; Deen’s screen presence, shall we say, has been proven in his chosen field but his acting chops here have yet to be seen. Side note: I once overheard strangers talking excitedly about seeing Deen in this movie while waiting in line at a semi-terrible L.A. club, so The Canyons ‘ social media outreach must be working. On Facebook last week director Schrader shared an update after screening The Canyons for Lohan : “Showed LL the film tonight. She saw and she understood. What a wonderful moment for her. Some tears, some hard words, some kisses but that’s life in Lindsayland. Sometimes the movie gods smile. Sometimes you get lucky. LL and I got lucky.” Synopsis (via The Canyons on Facebook): THE CANYONS is a contemporary L.A. noir from director Paul Schrader, writer Bret Easton Ellis, and producer Braxton Pope about the dangers of sexual obsession and ambition, both personally and professionally, among a group of young people in their 20’s and how one chance meeting connected to the past unravels all of their lives, resulting in deceit, paranoia, cruel mind games and ultimately violence. [ The Canyons via The Playlist ] Follow Jen Yamato on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .
Lindsay Lohan has had a rough couple of months/years/decades. It’s no surprise that Claus Hjelmbak, who was present the night she alleges she was assaulted by Christian LaBella , says “she’s not in a good place.” However, “it’s not because of health issues,” he said. “She’s not in a good place, because people around her just keep throwing her under the bus.” According to Hjelmbak, LaBella, who Lohan hung out with at the W Hotel, didn’t know Hjelmbak or Lohan before that night. So how’d he get with their crew? “Lindsay is a sweet girl and is very open and nice when people come over and talk,” he explained. “In this case, she thought it was somebody her friends know.” All was well until LaBella started taking Lindsay Lohan photos on his cell phone. “She was visibly shaken already at that point. She was shocked. You are in a private space and realize someone has documented the entire night on the phone.” After that was when the alleged altercation happened. Hjelmbak said there were no drugs involved, and he was unsure if Lohan had even had “a drink or two.” LaBella was arrested for assault, but quickly released due to lack of evidence that a crime was actually committed, drawing a rebuke from Lindsay’s rep. Whatever happened that night, how will LiLo bounce back? “Look at her art,” Hjelmbak urged fans. “And stop focusing so much on her private life. That would be a big help to her getting back to a really good place.” If only she didn’t make that near-impossible.
Lindsay Lohan is Elizabeth Taylor reincarnated? According to Grant Bowler, her Liz & Dick co-star, oh yes. Check out the new behind-the-scenes promo for the Lifetime film as Liz rolls in her grave right now: Lindsay Lohan Liz & Dick Behind-the-Scenes The new movie, starring Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor and Bowler as her on-again-off-again husband, Richard Burton, premieres November 3 on Lifetime. In the promo, LiLo says she can relate to Taylor. “I relate to her on a lot of levels,” says the 26-year-old. “Living in the public eye, dealing with the stress of what other people say, whether it’s true or not.” No word if Taylor was frequently investigated for stealing stuff or hauled into court for probation violations, or liked to send out ridiculous Tweets about Amanda Bynes .
Actress explains why she relates to Taylor on ‘a lot of levels’ in a new featurette for her Lifetime flick, ‘Liz & Dick’ By Jocelyn Vena Lindsay Lohan in the “Liz and Dick” teaser Photo: Lifetime
“ What is an ocean but a multitude of drops? ” The affecting spirit of Cloud Atlas was palpable last night as Fantastic Fest unveiled its second Secret Screening — the ambitious sci-fi adaptation — with Lana and Andy Wachowski (“Formerly the Wachowski brothers, now Wachowski Starship,” quipped Andy) making a rare public appearance. The Wachowskis, who wrote and directed the ensemble epic with Tom Tykwer ( Run Lola Run ), are notoriously press shy . But Cloud Atlas , adapted from David Mitchell’s novel about humanity, interconnectivity, transformation and free will, is much more a personal mission statement than their last few Matrix hits and the typically daring Fantastic Fest crowd made for a perfect fit, anointing Cloud Atlas with an also-rare post-screening standing ovation. Following an unprecedented structure, Cloud Atlas flits back and forth between six disparate stories of characters in different eras and lands, each story connected by a thread — a journal, a piece of music, a collection of handwritten letters, an oral history — the same actors (Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Sturgess, Doona Bae, Hugh Grant, Hugo Weaving, Jim Broadbent, Ben Whishaw, James D’Arcy, Xun Yhou, Keith David, David Gyasi, and Susan Sarandon) playing multiple characters throughout. In any given minute Cloud Atlas may jump from a mercantile ship circa 1849 to 1936 Europe, 1973 San Francisco, futuristic Neo Seoul, present-day England, or a remote village “106 winters after The Fall.” Lana, speaking after the screening, described the story’s structure akin to skipping stones — “only it’s a narrative structure that skipped pieces.” In today’s world of self-inflicted multimedia ADD, as we divide our attentions between cell phones and texts and television and the constant din, however, doing a bit of brain-juggling to sort it all out should only be easier. Still, the cumulative effect may prove disorienting to some viewers, particularly since some characters’ motivation can get lost in the sprawl. (The original script ran 275 pages, according to Andy Wachowski: “The book is so rich that we had a lot of dead babies in the end.”) But where Cloud Atlas soars is in its emotional richness and stirring sentimentality; it’s a challenging film that asks a lot of its audience but wears its heart on its sleeve, swelling with genuine humanity and a deceptively simple provocation: Will you allow yourself to be changed by the love and kindness of another? The Wachowskis and Tykwer add to Mitchell’s text the use of multiple actors in multiple roles, often obscured via makeup and prosthetics, and frequently (controversially) transformed into other races and ethnicities. Hanks’s alter egos as a British thug with a terrible accent and later (or rather, earlier) a ginger-haired, knob-nosed 19th century doctor test the limits of believability. But Sturgess, transformed via prosthetics as a 22nd century Korean freedom fighter, is actually quite wonderful; disappearing into the role beneath his “Asian” face, Sturgess does some of his finest work to date and “transforms” into a bona fide action star in the Neo Seoul segment’s Matrix -esque action sequences. The race issue is just the opposite in Cloud Atlas — whites plays Asian, Asians play latina, men play women (and when it’s Hugo Weaving as a Nurse Ratched type, boy, whatta woman). And it’s not just exterior boundaries that get toyed with; Cloud Atlas ‘s movie stars play background parts in various segments, too. That Korean actress Doona Bae — a force to be reckoned with as the futuristic “fabricant” Sonmi-451, a clone with soul and a Joan of Arc haircut — steals so much of the film is an acting coup and a stroke of meta-storytelling genius. Cloud Atlas also soars on its hauntingly evocative score by Twyker, who wrote the film’s music and key themes before filming began. The Wachowskis’ minds were blown by the process, and they described it as akin to discovering the world was not, in fact, flat. “We’ll never go back,” they said. “[Now] we’re round-earthers.” Read more on Cloud Atlas , in theaters October 26. Read more from Fantastic Fest . Follow Jen Yamato on Twitter . Follow Movieline on Twitter .
Also in Thursday’s round-up of news briefs, Disney Publishing is planning a book for Tim Burton fans who can’t get enough of Frankenweenie . Also this afternoon, a couple of new films that will be heading their way to theaters. World Premiere of Hitchcock to Open AFI Fest The film starring Oscar winners Anthony Hopkins and Helen Mirren as well as Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Vera Miles will have its World Premiere November 1st as the Opening Night Gala at AFI Fest 2012. Directed by Sacha Gervasi and based on the book Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho by Stephen Rebello, the film is a love story about one of the most influential filmmakers of the last century, Alfred Hitchcock, and his wife and partner, Alma Reville, which takes place during the making of the distinguished director’s seminal 1960 movie, Psycho . The Fox Searchlight feature will open in theaters this November. The 2012 AFI Fest takes place in Los Angeles November 1 – 8. Lincoln by Steven Spielberg was previously announced as the event’s Closing Night gala. J.K. Rowling Says Similarities Exist Between The Casual Vacancy and Harry Potter The author said there are common themes between her new adult-oriented novel and her blockbuster Harry Potter series including religion and death, though unlike in the boy wizard novels, she said there are deaths in her new book that readers “won’t care much about,” THR reports . Disney Publishing Frankenweenie: An Electrifying Book Based on Walt Disney’s stop-motion animated film by Tim Burton, the interactive book uses video, music and original sketches to offer a behind-the-scenes look into the making of the movie that will be released October 5th. Available on the iBookstore, this book is Disney Publishing’s first to be created with Apple’s iBooks author. Additional information can be found on the Disney Publishing website . Amphibious: Creature of the Deep is Heading to N. American Theaters The tongue-in-cheek creature feature by Brian Yuzna was picked up by Freestyle Digital Media. The pic tells the tale of a marine biologist, Skylar Shane, who hires an expat charter boat captain, Jack Bowman, to help her find prehistoric life form samples in the north Sumatran Sea. After she takes in an orphaned boy, strange occurrences happen on board the ship, including the death of some local smugglers by an unknown entity. Jen Cohen’s Museum Hours Heads to U.S. Theaters The Cinema Guild has picked up rights to Museum Hours , which debuted at the Locarno Film Festival and had its North American premiere in Toronto. The film centers on a Vienna museum guard befriends an enigmatic visitor, the grand Kunsthistorisches Art Museum becomes a mysterious crossroads which sparks explorations of their lives, the city, and the ways artworks reflect and shape the world.
Dimension Films must be saving a butt load on its make-up budget for Scary Movie 5 . For the second time in a week, the production company has sent out a photo from the movie that features tabloid stars who don’t need no stinkin’ prosthetics or CGI effects to deliver goose bumps. The above shot, taken on the set of the comedy horror picture, shows Big Ang Raiola from Mob Housewives , and Sherée Whitfield, from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, looking like Trouble . Scary Movie 5 doesn’t hit theaters until April 19, 2013, so I expect to see additional photos of tabloid regulars with cameos in the film surfacing in the interim. On Sept. 20, Movieline ran a still from the picture that depicted Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan in bed after a hot night in the sack (or maybe TMZ). As I noted in that post, it seems like it will only be a matter of time before Kim Kardashian gets a close-up. In the email that accompanied the photo of Raiola and Whitfield, a Dimension representative wrote that the two women, who are known for their combative ways on camera, “go to blows in an unforgettable fight scene.” No doubt, but I feel the need to note that with the kind of pneumatic decolletage Ang is sporting in the shot, I don’t think either one of those ladies would be able to get close enough to the other to deliver a deciding blow. That said, I do think they have a future in the horror movies. Just looking at these ladies inexplicably makes me think of the word, “succubus.” Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
