There will be Tiger Blood! Dimension Films has released the first official still from Scary Movie 5 and — yikes! — it has me cowering behind my fingers. I can’t stop thinking about the hell spawn that would be unleashed on this world if Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan actually hooked up and she got pregnant. The image also makes me think that if this movie does successfully re-boot the franchise and leads to a Scary Movie 6 , the producers will attempt to top themselves by reuniting Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries in a sex scene. Or maybe Humphries can don the white mask and dispatch Kanye West while he’s canoodling with Kim. (Unnh, I just threw up in my mouth.) The movie, which is due out in 2013, also stars Ashley Tisdale , Heather Locklear and, the reason I’m going to see it: the very funny Craig Bierko . Follow Frank DiGiacomo on Twitter. Follow Movieline on Twitter.
Amanda Bynes has been warned: Any more driving while her license is suspended will result in serious ramifications. Ones prosecutors already want to impose. Her lawyer was in court today to fight the D.A.’s request to impose $50,000 bail for her April DUI arrest. The actress is currently free on her own recognizance. The D.A. argued Amanda has proven time and again that she’s a danger on the road (not a big stretch) and wants to protect the public (seriously) from her. The judge in Bynes’ DUI case said her two hit-and-run violations took place before her license was suspended, so she did not jail Amanda or impose bail. Yet. It was made quite clear: Enough driving follies. Any more infractions from this day forward will mean real consequences; she isn’t legally allowed drive at all at the moment because her license is suspended. Bynes’ downward spiral has been well documented in recent months, with some going so far as to say she should be placed under conservatorship a la Britney. In sort of related news, today saw Lindsay Lohan arrested in NYC for a hit-and-run on a pedestrian … just days after she griped about Bynes beating the rap. Who’s the bigger mess? Vote below :
Amber Portwood is battling hard to stay sober. Hard as it is for the former Teen Mom star, she’s making progress in prison. Four months after choosing to serve a five-year jail term instead of completing a drug program, the 22-year-old admits she’s not normal but is turning a corner. Slowly. Painfully. “Right now I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life,” Amber Portwood wrote in a statement read on the Teen Mom reunion show. “I guess I got lost.” “I went to jail because I had an addiction to opiates. You live and you learn and that’s real … I have to grow up quicker and start acting like a mother.” “My No. 1 priority right now in life is dedicating my life to being sober. And to show my daughter that people make mistakes but you can always come back.” In her case, she will come back in May 2017 (or perhaps sooner based on good behavior behind bars), thanks to her 2011 felony drug possession conviction. Here’s hoping whenever she gets out, she’s clean. For good.
It’s more of a sure thing than Lindsay Lohan’s next arrest : Here Comes Honey Boo Boo will return to TLC for a second season. That’s what happens when you rate higher than the Republication National Convention . According to The Hollywood Reporter , however, the family at the center of this ridiculous smash hit won’t come cheap: the Thompsons are negotiating with the network for a sizable raise. With Honey Boo Boo’s 17-year old sister having recently given birth, expanding the show’s cast for next year, sources say the Thompsons are seeking $10,000 per episode. Here Comes Honey Boo – which is a spinoff of Toddlers & Tiaras – will air its Season 1 finale on Wednesday, September 26.
Lindsay Lohan’s hit-and-run accuser says she reeked of booze when she love tapped him with her car and was popped for a hit-and-run earlier this morning. The star is telling friends she had no idea she hit anybody and wasn’t drunk in the least, and had no idea anything was going on until the cops arrested her. Pretty much par for the course when you’re dealing with her. The short story: A minor traffic incident in NYC ended with Lindsay Lohan arrested and charged with a hit-and-run on a pedestrian shortly after midnight. Alleged victim Jose Rodriguez, a chef in NYC, spoke with the NY Daily News following the crash, saying LiLo was slurring words and “smelled like alcohol real bad.” Police say they don’t believe LiLo was drunk at the time of the arrest outside the Dream Hotel, however they acknowledge that LL did not take a breathalyzer test. Rodriguez said he’d just left work at Bottega restaurant when all of the sudden “[I] saw this car come real quick and hit me. … I was in so much pain, I fell to the side.” He claims he was taken to Bellevue Hospital and treated for torn tendons, with doctors giving him morphine to deal with the pain. Anyone out there buying this? Lindsay’s not, and hotel surveillance video may back her up. The footage shows the entire incident, starting with Linds driving into the hotel, down a ramp, and alleged victim walking in the pedestrian path she had to cross. Her car was traveling at a very slow speed and it’s unclear if she even made contact with him, though one police detective felt Lindsay’s car “grazed” his leg. Once Lindsay cleared the area and proceeded down a ramp, the video shows the alleged victim sprinting after her … supporting his claim that Lohan tagged him. At the same time, this doesn’t bolster his own account that he hit the deck and suffered torn tendons. It does not appear he confronted the star at the hotel. When Lindsay got out of the car, she didn’t seem flustered at all. In addition, sources say she was at a Slash concert prior to this, and was not drinking there. Lohan was backstage watching Slash and there was no booze served, since the rocker doesn’t drink. She left there at 11:30 and (allegedly) hit the guy at 12:12. That gives Lindsay 42 minutes to leave the show and go a mile and a half in NYC traffic … not exactly time for her to go out, get sloshed, then get in the car. Basically, it’s unclear if Lindsay hit the guy or what consequences she might face if she did, but it looks like he’s lying or at least exaggerating what went down. Why she can’t just get a driver is an open question, though. Some people should just not be behind the wheel of a car. How many times can this happen?!?
When train wrecks attack: Amanda Bynes is NOT happy that Lindsay Lohan is trash talking her, texting a friend today saying, “I HATE being compared to her.” Amanda has a point, in that she’s never been arrested for drugs, chasing people, stealing from a jewelery store or violating the terms of her probation … a lot. The same cannot be said of SOME people we know. Lohan had the audacity to Tweet about Bynes and wonder aloud why she’s been to jail and Amanda hasn’t. Bynes says they’re not friends and LL needs to shut it. Lindsay, BTW, has been convicted of crimes (plural) and been to jail as a result of violating probation; Amanda was arrested for DUI this year, but has no convictions. Not yet, at least. Her laundry list of traffic infractions – hit-and-runs (twice), texting and driving, a license suspension – grew again over the weekend. Bynes’ car was impounded Sunday after a bizarre incident in which the actress went at Burbank Airport, parked in a no-parking zone, then just drove off. The Burbank Airport Police noticed Amanda because of her behavior, shooing her away from the no-parking zone where she was stopped, TMZ reports. Shortly after, cops noticed Amanda driving aimlessly near the valet area; she then left the airport without going inside. An hour later, she was pulled over. When police ran her license after that (unspecified) traffic violation, they realized it was suspended and impounded the 26-year-old’s car. Probably for the best. FUN FACT: Lindsay just Tweeted President Obama asking for a tax cut for millionaires ; Bynes Tweeted Obama with a request to fire the cop who arrested her in April. Who’s the bigger mess, Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes?
Also in Monday afternoon’s round-up of news briefs, a Dexter actress boards the Robocop bandwagon. Toronto ‘s Patience Stone heads to U.S. theaters. Despite a recession, the U.K. film industry is growing “significantly.” And the San Francisco Film Society Names a winner in its Hearst Screenwriting competition. The Last Harem Wins San Francisco Film Society Screenwriting Contest The $15,000 prize for SFFS’s Hearst Screenwriting Contest went to Maryam Keshavarz and Paolo Marinou-Blanco for their script, The Last Harem , while Musa Syeed received an honorable mention for The Doctor . Harem centers on a battle between a young female musician and the mother of the newly ascended boy-king for the affection of the new monarch and control of the palace’s extensive harem which will determine who becomes the most powerful woman in the Persian empire. Around the ‘net… German Far Right Group Wants to Screen Innocence of Muslims In Berlin; Germany Considers Ban The far-right Pro Deutschland Citizens Movement said it wants to screen the anti-Islamic Innocence of Muslims in Berlin saying it’s a question of “art and freedom of expression,” according to The Guardian. Meanwhile, THR said the move by the group has sparked the conservative government to invoke public safety laws to stop screenings of the film. Interior minister Hans-Peter Friedrich said he would use “all available legal means” to prevent Pro Deutschland from showing the film, which Friedrich called ” a series of tasteless and contempt(uous) assaults on religious sentiments.” THR reports . Arnold Schwarzenegger Asks James Cameron, Ron Meyer, Rob Friedman to Take Part in Think Tank The actor/former California governor has asked some of his high-power film friends to take part in the new USC Schwarzenegger Institute for State and Global Policy which the university unveiled last month. Non-Hollywood types such as former Florida Charlie Crist will attend a morning session titled, “The Importance of Post-Partisanship.” Senator McCain, former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle and former New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson are also expected, Deadline reports . Dexter Actress Joins MGM’s Robocop Aimee Garcia is joining the Joel Kinnaman starrer Robocop , which Jose Padilha is directing. Garcia will play a scientist who helps create the Robocop with his creator, played by Gary Oldman, THR reports . Patience Stone Heads to U.S. Theaters Sony classics picked up U.S. rights to Atiq Rahimi’s war drama The Patience Stone , which played at the recent Toronto International Film Festival. Adapted from Rahimi’s novel of the same name, it follows the story of a woman in a war-ravaged Middle Eastern country who struggles to keep her comatose husband alive and sends her children to live with their aunt. She falls into a relationship with a young soldier and starts a “secret dialogue” with her husband, Variety reports . U.K. Film Industry Worth £4.6 Billion in 2011 An independent report says the industry has grown “significantly” over the past two decades. The number of British films has grown from an average of 43 in the ’80s to 136 in the 2000s. The figure is about $7.475 billion BBC reports .
Finally , the Scary Movie franchise is living up to its waning reputation as the classiest WTF-iest of the lowest common denominator spoof-offs, as The New York Post reveals : “‘ Charlie [Sheen] and Lindsay [Lohan] filmed a love scene,’ said a spy. ‘The scene they were shooting for the movie was of them in bed together’… We hear the Scary script called for Lohan to kiss Sheen, and also to slip into a kinky collar.” Making out with Charlie Sheen! Just another thing Amanda Bynes hasn’t had to do . (Yet.) [ NY Post via WetPaint ]
