Tag Archives: listicle

The 10 Worst Things About Summer [Listicle]

The weather is nice and hot and we can all almost taste the sweet freedom of Memorial Day. Summer is here, and that’s awesome, but there are just some parts of the season that suck. More

What to Do During Television’s Off-Season [Listicle]

Lost is ( ugh ) over. So is Gossip Girl . American Idol comes to an end this week. And Glee wraps up next week. There is now nothing to watch! What the hell are we supposed with all this free time? More

9 Lost Finale Theories from Someone Who Has Never Seen Lost [Listicle]

So, it seems like we are the only website on the Internet today not covering the highly anticipated series finale of Lost . This is because your two weekend editors have never seen the show. But we still have some theories! More

Eight Items That Will Get You Branded a Terrorist [Listicle]

Union Square was needlessly shut down last night when a landscaper went to a Buzzcocks concert and left the gas cans he uses to fill lawn mowers in the backseat of his car. What other everyday devices are dangerous? More

Don’t Carry These Items If You Don’t Want to Be Seen as a Terrorist [Listicle]

Union Square was needlessly shut down last night when a landscaper went to a Buzzcocks concert and left the gas cans he uses to fill lawn mowers in the backseat of his car. What other everyday devices are dangerous? More

Cartoons Banned By Apple: A Gallery [Censorship]

Apple banned a third prominent cartoonist from its app store, citing mockery of Tiger Woods and a policy against “ridiculing a public figure.” If we’re to let Apple censor our news, we should familiarize ourselves with the company’s whims. More

Here is the Cover for George W. Bush’s ‘Memoir’ [Embarrassments]

How dumb and lazy is George W. Bush ? So dumb and lazy that he can’t even write a real memoir! Instead, he will write “an account of key decisions in his life.” We have some guesses about what those are. More

Turn Your iPad Into a Futuristic News Portal [Ipad]

Magazines that spring to life with video. Gorgeous, instantly-updated newspapers. Custom-tailored broadcasts. The iPad could revolutionize news along these lines, which helps explain why it makes people so giddy. The new era begins with these nine news apps. More

Six Other Beverage-Based Political Parties That Should Exist [Listicle]

Have you heard about this Coffee Party? It’s basically a Facebook page , but has been somehow featured in the Times and the Post . The party stands for “cooperation in government.” Whatever! Here are six other beverage-based parties that should exist. The Long Island Iced Tea Party Slogan: “Throw off the shackles of the Federal government… but chill out first, K?” Key Issues: fighting taxes in an affable manner; genially advancing Obama conspiracy theories; abolishing the government… and having fun while doing it! Mission Statement: Like the Tea Party, the Iced Tea Party is born from a mixture of populist anger, xenophobia and anti-government sentiment. Unlike the Tea Party, these angry white people want to enjoy their time raging against the Feds. Weekly meetings are organized in local TGI Fridays, where Long Island Iced Tea party members gather round oversized margaritas and take turns at an Obama pinata in the special party room. The Monster Energy Drink Party Slogan: “Go America! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!” Key Issues: Energy; Transportation; Communications; Go! Go! Go! Mission Statement: Many Americans complain that our hyperconnected, hypermediated world is drowning our ability to think critically in a flood of information. These Americans’ brains are not sufficiently augmented with the correct mixture of caffeine, sugar, anti-oxidants and bull hormones. Through improvements in infrastructure and investments in high technology, The Monster Energy Drink Party secure our right not only to browse the Internet on an airplane, but to shoot, edit and upload your latest video blog entry while piloting a personal jet-pack. Weekly meetings held remotely, as many Monster Energy Drink Party members will be trapped at the bottom a manhole they fell into while texting and walking at the same time. The Chocolate Milk Party Slogan: “Chocolate and milk are better together” Key Issues: Race-relations; affirmative action; the achievement gap; prejudice Mission Statement: Like a gay-straight alliance except between black and white people! Together, this bi-racial mob will sweep the country, striking down racism of all types and fostering improved race relations via distributing Sapphire books to whites and Mad Men box sets to blacks. Meetings will be held weekly over a beer on the White House’s South Lawn. Asians, Latinos and “others” welcome. The Whiskey Party Slogan: “Our Country is Fucked up—You should be too.” Key Issues: Legalized gambling; legalized prostitution; legalized marijuana; legalized everything; abolishing the speed limit. Mission Statement: With so much of America gone to shit, we need a strong voice supporting the right of citizens to drink/fuck/smoke their pain away. Rising like a great cloud of hash smoke to blanket the land, the Whiskey Party will be found wherever a laid-off steelworker is slumped over his seventh beer in a bar; wherever a divorcee chokes her loneliness in a massive bong hit; wherever a man trades a woman $40 in food stamps to step on his back in stilettos; the Whiskey Party will be there. The Rubbing Alcohol Party Slogan: “The Whiskey Party is a bunch of rich snobs.” Key Issues: Same as the Whiskey Party, but a lot gnarlier. Mission Statement: BLAAAAAARRGGGHHH The Cherry Coke Party Slogan: “Why the hell doesn’t every store in America carry Cherry Coke?” Key Issues: Ensuring the security and efficiency of America’s Cherry Coke supply Mission Statement: Cherry Coke is the most underrated soft drink. We must pass a constitutional amendment which requires every store and restaurant in the land that carries Coke products to carry Cherry Coke as well. Seriously, America, when are you going to realize this is a civil rights issue?

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Six Other Beverage-Based Political Parties That Should Exist [Listicle]

Which of These 6 Perversely Fascinating YouTube Memes Speaks to the Darkness of Your Soul?

NYT Magazine recently probed the psyche of YouTube’s falling figure skater meme, a commenter points us to hobby animators’ CGI snuff films . Among a cornucopia of cyber-Schadenfreude, which genre describes your innermost desires, fears, or fetishes? Let us analyze. Warning: Some of these videos are NSFLunchBreak. There is also a chance that none will appeal to you, in which case your soul is as clean enough to eat off. To view all videos on a single page, click here . Figure Skater/Stripper/Gymnast Falls Why It’s Appealing: NYT Magazine ‘s Virginia Heffernan on the appeal figure skater falls : There is something ominous in the juxtaposition of vulnerable and underdressed women, melodramatic choreography involving moves called ‘death spirals’ and ‘death drops,’ sharp steel blades and skull-cracking ice. … In portentously played scenes of pairs skating, especially, men drop women in bone-splintering spills. The phenomenon may be extrapolated to stripper and gymnast falls . At the top of her game, each woman represents a distinct female sexual ideal: The figure skater is the fluttering picture of grace, the stripper is the porn-ified whore, and the gymnast is the puberty-retarded nymph. To witness her fall is to live out a humiliation/destruction fantasy for her archetype. Also, falling is funny. If You Can’t Look Away: Female sexuality troubles you—it may be a threat, a point of jealous insecurity, or a source of intimidation. Alternately, you are a butt bruise fetishist. How do you feel about your mother? When You Tire of This Try: Diving board mishaps . [ Vid via GawkerTV ] Athletes Breaking Bones Why It’s Appealing: Though this genre overlaps with the previous category, it is a more classic form of Schadenfreude. The shocking realization that someone could be so fast/strong/physically enabled as to damage themselves so severely is also awesome. (Compare the above to the last time I injured myself, slipping on ice while toddling slowly across the sidewalk. Bo-ring.) If You Can’t Look Away: Sports fans, those who enjoy Discovery Channel Medical Mysteries , those who fear pain and enjoy torturing themselves. When You Tire of This Try: Contortionists . Big, Splashy Zit-Popping Why It’s Appealing: Way back in 2008, Jezebel documented this phenom, and editor Anna Holmes wrote a column tying it to social grooming, sadomasochism, symbolic orgasms, and the desire to excise one’s ugliest parts. I’ll add the joy of reveling in one’s own filth, and the satisfaction of obliterating minor enemies. (Have you ever burned a canker sore out with a finger full of salt? Exactly.) If You Can’t Look Away: OCD perfectionists and body dysmorphics can exorcise their demons here. Those who enjoy corporeal disgust—especially if you have ties to a religion that preaches mortification of flesh—will find comfort. When You Tire of This Try: Contortionists . Building Collapses Why It’s Appealing: Loud crashing noises and the glorious destruction of large-scale symbols of human endeavor. When it’s a planned demolition, you don’t even have to feel guilty. If You Can’t Look Away: Civilization strikes you as fleeting. Entropy and destruction give you joy. You’re the kind of guy who always kicks down the sand castle (jerk) and Freud has something to say about your feelings for phalluses. When You Tire of This Try: Car crashes . CGI Suicide Snuff Films Why It’s Appealing: Animation hobbyists say they’re merely experimenting with CGI gore. Staging suicide is a pragmatic necessity—staging murder requires two people, which you may not have. The meme gets creepier, though, when you realize its practitioners are almost exclusively teen boys (a worrisome demographic for depression and gun violence) and the YouTube descriptions sometimes treat “My Suicide” like it’s real. The web’s memory of various real (and hoax ) webcam suicides amplifies the horror. This meme animates our worst fears for social media and internet exhibitionism. If You Can’t Look Away: Technology both fascinates and terrifies you. You may be a fan of any number of dystopic sci-fi novels. (Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake kind of predicted this.) Cyberbullying worries you. When You Tire of This Try: Hole in My Hand , a gentler CGI experiment in self-erasure. Hat-tip to commenter Samtagious . Enormous Animals Giving Birth Why It’s Appealing: Miracle of life + Mysteries of the animal kingdom + Sick satisfaction of popping a zit + Cute baby at the end. The above documentary depicts a Balinese elephant giving birth, then reviving the baby. If You Can’t Look Away: Your heart leaps up when you behold the awesome forces of nature. Alternately, childbirth is a source of anxiety/fascination, and human ones are hard to come by and/or are more invasive to watch. You have a high tolerance for gore. When You Tire of This Try: Animals humping weird things . I actually thought the elephant birth was cool, but animal sex has always made me queasy. Apparently many consider it funny, though.

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Which of These 6 Perversely Fascinating YouTube Memes Speaks to the Darkness of Your Soul?