Brooke Burke did Shape Magazine, because despite having accomplished little in her life, and despite having very little going for her but an active twitter and 4 dozen kids with various men, the one thing she does have going for her is that she’s fucking fit….and I figure a life of fitness on a Playboy whore I still JERK OFF TO NUDE PICS OF WHEN I’M FEELING WILD ON ….but in my defense, those pics are a decade old….but in her defense, something I don’t really feel like defending, but will…she looks pretty hot for what might as well be a 90 year old….at least based on how many miles in penis length her vagina has traveled and how many kids it has shat out…..
Jessica Chastain ‘s had an incredibly good run of prestige films in the brief span of time that she’s been in Hollywood: Take Shelter , Coriolanus , Tree of Life , The Help , and this summer’s Lawless have made quite the highlight reel. So it was inevitable that the starlet would pop up in a horror film sooner or later. Might as well be a spooky one like the Guillermo Del Toro -executive produced Mama , right? Well — spooky, silly, horror movies tend to be both of those things these days and Mama , from first time feature director Andres Muschietti (adapting his own short film), doesn’t look to be terribly groundbreaking. Lucas ( Game of Thrones ‘ Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and his girlfriend Annabel (Chastain) take in Lucas’s two young nieces, who are discovered living near-feral existences on their own in a desolate cabin in the woods for five years following their parents’ death. Adjusting to life with the adopted tykes isn’t so easy, though – Annabel begins to suspect that something sinister (“Mama!”) has followed them. And it probably doesn’t like seeing a new mommy tucking the kids in at night. Moody atmospherics, supernatural suspense, spider-crawling ghouls, Chastain with a black dye job and heavily-lined eyes at her very Gothiest… nothing seems all that original here. Despite Del Toro’s involvement and Chastain’s abilities, this is hitting theaters during the dumping grounds of January, so temper your expectations. Verdict: Looks like that Julia Roberts movie Stepmom , with ghosts. Meh. Mama is in theaters January 18. [Via Apple ]
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married on a plantation in South Carolina last night….I guess in efforts to show their respect for the plight of the black slave….I mean that is the only logical explanation for the wedding, I mean other than her having already got fucked by every famous cock in her low level of fame, and her possibly being pregnant, rushing a fly by night marrriage as to not make her look like a whore when her baby is old enough to count 9 months backwards…. Either way, Blake Lively fans everywhere are angry as fuck because prior to this wedding they felt they had a serious chance…. Marriage sucks under all circumstances…whether your wife is rich and famous….hot or not…she’s robbed your freedom and here’s some Blake Lively lookin’ like an old housewif for Marie Claire UK….because that’s the only way I know how to celebrate marriage…
Here’s some proof that Kelly Brook will take any fucking job she can get…..I have this theory about her realizing she’s hitting 35 and that big titties aren’t gonna be enough to save her….so now is the final push before retiring to a swimwear or lingerie line like all other glamor models….cuz she’s been popping up all over…..but this postcard art campaign….has got to be the fucking weirdest of her willing to take any fucking job she can get….unless I read the documentation wrong and this is just some creepy fan sign shit you see around the internet…cuz fans are fucking obsessed…especially the socially awkward virign fans…and they do some weirdness like carving life-like busts of the bitch out of their solidified semen….true story…I’ve seen in before….. Either way, any excuse to show titty is an excuse I endorse.
I like my upskirt pics to involve less panty and more vagina meat….cuz I like to determine if that fleshy vagina sandwich is one I would like imagine myself start eating…without the labia in the mix, I might as well be staring at the bitch in pants, which defeats the whole fucking purpose of an upskirt picture….it gets me all philosophical…is a vagina still a vagina if it is being presented me in nautical stripes….panties aren’t good enough for me to count this as an upskirt…I’m not a vegetarian…meat or die you fucking hippies and your underwear that is as thick as a fucking bathing suit….always trying to ruin our cured meat and mustard eating experience….protesting outside slaughter houses that are behind her fabric gate…. Pixie Lott dressing herself is a real fucking cock block to my vagina staring fun. Who the fuck is Pixie Lott and why do I care so much about seeing her pink, nitrate filled cunt?
Before today….I had no idea who Pauley Perrette was…I just assumed she was some teen nobody who got famous because she was handicapped….you know a retard…or mongloid if you’re into vintage throwback terms for waterheads…not that there’s anything wrong with being handicapped, or famous for having Downs Syndrome….I figure if you have Downs, you might as well exploit it, cuz when you’re famous your Downs doesn’t seem to matter as much, as groupies are more willing to suck you off….just look at Mini-Me as a special olympics idol…dude gets pussy that would never fuck him pre-celebrity…cuz girls are whores and drawn to status even if that status comes with things that society deems freakish or abnormal… That said, she’s not a handicap teen, she’s actually 43 years old….and she’s tweeting bikini erotical…
Kelly Brook is in October’s FHM….and she’s half naked and showing off tits because Kelly Brook’s talent is being half naked and showing off tits….because having tits like this naturally has been a blessing for her…and has more than just paid the bills for her…cuz instead of being a stripper she took the Glamour Model – which is code for might as well be a stripper but I get paid more than a stripper and the only tits that touch me for money belong to famous people or pro soccer players….because unlike a stripper I wasnn’t a fucking crackhead about my tit exposing hustle… Her ass is square, but no one is perfect, but the good news is she’s got tits to distract you from those shortcomings….
I don’t really know a whole lot about Jordana Brewster , other than that she’s hot and has some of the darkest eyebrows I’ve ever seen, but I thought I might as well introduce you guys to her younger sister. She’s the one in the scarf and the giant pants. This may have been a complete waste of time, unless you’re into ankles because that’s all the skin we’re seeing from these two. Lame. I think it’s time for a sisters day at the pool.
I prefer when my husband shot pics of wives involve horribly sleazy things…like spread vagina….cum covered faces, asses or tits…..bitch locked up in a cage….or getting violated by a big black cock…you know the kind of shit that makes life and marriage fun or spicy….this is all too hipster and boring for me…but Miranda Kerr is awesome…even when married with kids…
Barbara Palvin is some 12 year old model who I assume is 18 by now, but who might as well be 12, because I’m old as fuck and so are you, and jerking off to a barely legal is some creepy shit that we all have to undertake cuz it is in our genetic code to want the youngest, hottest, most fertile, fittest, bustiest girl….cuz back when we were cave men…there was no age of consent, we just took what we wanted….just another example of how society is breaking us down with our own man made rules… That said, Barbara Palvin is an immigrant, is a teen, is spectacular….but the reason she’s top of her game just doesn’t make sense to me, cuz at 18 I wasn’t working for huge corporations….and I was living in America…so for some immigrant to make it this far at this tender age…I can only assume questionable behavior was involved and that makes her all the more erotic. here she is in a bra – making moves…
