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Open Letter To Sean Penn From Maria Conchita Alonso

paracuriosos The following is an open letter addressed to actor Sean Penn, written by Maria Conchita Alonso who is an outspoken critic of the elected Venezuelan leader Hugo Chávez.  This is in response to Penn’s appearance in HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” Dear Sean, WHY? Even though I have great respect for your artistic talent, I was appalled by a recent television interview where you vigorously showed support for the regime of Hugo Chavez. Therefore, I’ve decided to set the record straight for you regarding the Chavez regime, supporting my case based not only on my political ideologies, but on proven facts you choose to ignore. Otherwise, I believe your position would be different. Being born in Cuba, a country where freedom of speech is non-existent, it’s startling to observe how Venezuela, where I was happily raised, is fast becoming Cuba’s mirror image: Dismantling of fundamental democratic rights deserved by its people and citizens of the world. For example, you said that all Chavez-winning elections in Venezuela were “transparent.” Then WHY didn’t the government allow a manual recount of the votes and computer information when doubt set in? After all, how do you explain how these votes that were strongly favoring the opposition mysteriously reflected the opposite results the morning after, thus permitting Chavez to continue on? On what are you basing your conclusions? I strongly recommend that you read a report by the U.S. State Department written in 2009 entitled “The Fraudulent Elections in Venezuela”. We live in a Republic comprised of three autonomous branches of government: Supreme Court, Congress and Executive, thus, a true democracy. Then WHY do you accept violations by part of the government of Venezuela to ignore its Constitution whereby one man, military-educated Chavez, controls all branches of government? His military background is revealed by his philosophy: “I order, you obey and if you disagree you’re a traitor to the country.” And your voice is silenced along with the ability of freethinking. Did you know solely the government controls 92% of media communications? You’ve strongly criticized your own governments’ overspending and corruption, whereby the budget for We the people never ends up in the hands of those who need it most. Then WHY do you support a government with over $100 million in oil revenue that has 71% poverty? Or don’t you know that corruption is so rampant that the rightfully deserving poor never sees a “red cent”? In addition, the fact is that Chavez gives away millions of dollars; belonging to the Venezuelan people, to other countries in order to build a false sense of philanthropy of a man whose self-proclaiming ego is blinded by power behind a communist Cuban-style revolution, expanding such regime. We live in the U.S.A., the land of opportunity to do and say what we desire, respecting dissenting points of view, of course and without reprisals. Then WHY do you defend a government whose stronghold upon its people is so oppressive that a big price is paid for exercising freedom of speech: Persecutions, closing of radio and television stations, jail…and even death? You are fortunate enough to live in a country where you can buy property and claim it as your own to do whatever you want with it. Then WHY do you promote the interests of a government that violates the Constitution by hindering the possibility of development: Land, industries, commerce, communications companies, foreign investment opportunities, financial institutions and private property? This is an everyday scenario in Venezuela. Then WHY haven’t you informed yourself on these facts by reading Venezuelan and international newspapers exposing thousands of cases? Given your sense of community and respect for all people, I think you would defend the security of the citizens in your country. Then WHY do you validate a government that has converted Venezuela into the second most dangerous country in the world, where impunity is above 90% and its people live in a constant state of stress and fear of getting killed? Many wonder if this situation isn’t but a diabolic strategy by the part of the government, something to think about. Do you know that the weekend of March 13th there were 67 counted homicides only in Caracas? Furthermore, in the first 50 days of this year, there have been 140 express kidnappings for fast money (a 50% increase in 2009 versus previous years). After 11 years of the Chavez government, more than 16,000 people has been murdered by armed gangs and we’re not even at war like in the Middle East. In the U.S.A. the arm of the law comes down hard on government or private sector where cases of fraud and corruption are discovered. Then WHY do you defend a politician who promised to sweep corruption, but has ended up sponsoring illicit enrichment by part of his closest allies and civil servants, placing Venezuela as the most corrupt country in the Americas and in its political history? Corruption has increased 68% and inflation 31% in 2009. What a coincidence, Sean that the majority of those “corruptors” are members of the government you have chosen to embrace. You’ve demonstrated admirable assistance to those in need, due to natural disasters or poverty, those with desperate pleas to get their misfortune exposed for the whole world to see. Then WHY do you applaud the efforts of a government that has notoriously increased poverty (65% to 71%), produced scarcity of staple products and created an energy and water shortage crisis never seen in Venezuela? Not to mention the numbers of children begging in the streets. You may have missed it because the government tends to take the scenic routes for its guests. I invite you see the real Venezuela, stay for a couple of weeks without the logistics the government of said country organizes for you and you’ll be amazed with the results in your unaided observations. Sean, you live in a country where your parents had the freedom to teach you principles and respect for entities and human beings, where education hasn’t been manipulated by political agendas of those in power. Then WHY are you in favor of a country where day after day education isn’t plural by obligating a single-minded agenda and lack of respect for family structure? Did you know Sean that in Venezuela there is political indoctrination at a very early age, better known as “brainwashing”? And let me tell you that if parents don’t agree, they will lose custody of their children, just like in Cuba, a country you’ve placed on a pedestal.You are a product of a Jewish father. Then WHY is your fascination with a government that has overtly stated its hatred against the Jewish community worldwide, to the extent that the State of Israel condemned anti-Semitic attacks in Venezuela? Do you think it’s fair that many Jewish-Venezuelan families have emigrated because the Chavez government robbed their personal files when their temples and offices were under attacked in 2008? I don’t think so, Sean, that you would support violence as a means to impose your agenda. Then WHY do you support a government with close relationships with FARC, ETA, Cuban G-2, Government of Iran, Al-Qaeda and Hezbollah, among others, which are the most feared terrorist movements in the world? You have said that you applaud the actions that Chavez has instituted for his “pueblo”. Then WHY do you back him up when he himself has recently publicly recognized his failure for effective social programs (missions) in the areas of education, social service and hospitals; where each day the number of the uncared rises for lack of appropriate facilities and respective upkeep, and a country where the mothers give birth in the streets? This you can see on YouTube in investigative programs run on German, Swedish, Italian and Spanish television stations. Sean, have you considered researching the existence of the growing list of political prisoners, including journalists, on your own? For your information Chile, Peru and Costa Rica has that data. Furthermore, many of these prisoners are tortured and their families persecuted and threatened, just like the Cuba you stand up for. Is that what you support when you publicly declare that all those that say that Chavez is a dictator should go to jail? Sean, you have the right to say what you want, but as far as I know, your statements are contradictory to “Freedom of Speech”, the same one you enjoy in this country; by coincidence, “The First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America.” My intention isn’t to convince you, but to let you know what is truly happening in this beautiful country of noble people, Venezuela. I would encourage you to investigate in depth the “inside story” and realize for yourself the dark side behind the person you choose to idolize. Agreed, Chavez did win his first elections, but like Hitler, he betrayed what the country gave him: The vote of confidence. The following is an open letter addressed to actor Sean Penn, written by Maria Conchita Alonso Al who is an outspoken critic of the elected Venezuelan leader Hugo Chávez. Dear Sean, WHY?Even though I have great respect for your artistic talent, I was appalled by a recent television interview where you vigorously showed support for the regime of Hugo Chavez. Therefore, I’ve decided to set the record straight for you regarding the Chavez regime, supporting my case based not only on my political ideologies, but on proven facts you choose to ignore. Otherwise, I believe your position would be different.Being born in Cuba, a country where freedom of speech is non-existent, it’s startling to observe how Venezuela, where I was happily raised, is fast becoming Cuba’s mirror image: Dismantling of fundamental democratic rights deserved by its people and citizens of the world.For example, you said that all Chavez-winning elections in Venezuela were “transparent.”Then WHY didn’t the government allow a manual recount of the votes and computer information when doubt set in? After all, how do you explain how these votes that were strongly favoring the opposition mysteriously reflected the opposite results the morning after, thus permitting Chavez to continue on? On what are you basing your conclusions? I strongly recommend that you read a report by the U.S. State Department written in 2009 entitled “The Fraudulent Elections in Venezuela”.We live in a Republic comprised of three autonomous branches of government: Supreme Court, Congress and Executive, thus, a true democracy.Then WHY do you accept violations by part of the government of Venezuela to ignore its Constitution whereby one man, military-educated Chavez, controls all branches of government? His military background is revealed by his philosophy: “I order, you obey and if you disagree you’re a traitor to the country.” And your voice is silenced along with the ability of freethinking. Did you know solely the government controls 92% of media communications?You’ve strongly criticized your own governments’ overspending and corruption, whereby the budget for We the people never ends up in the hands of those who need it most.Then WHY do you support a government with over $100 million in oil revenue that has 71% poverty? Or don’t you know that corruption is so rampant that the rightfully deserving poor never sees a “red cent”? In addition, the fact is that Chavez gives away millions of dollars; belonging to the Venezuelan people, to other countries in order to build a false sense of philanthropy of a man whose self-proclaiming ego is blinded by power behind a communist Cuban-style revolution, expanding such regime.We live in the U.S.A., the land of opportunity to do and say what we desire, respecting dissenting points of view, of course and without reprisals.Then WHY do you defend a government whose stronghold upon its people is so oppressive that a big price is paid for exercising freedom of speech: Persecutions, closing of radio and television stations, jail…and even death?You are fortunate enough to live in a country where you can buy property and claim it as your own to do whatever you want with it.Then WHY do you promote the interests of a government that violates the Constitution by hindering the possibility of development: Land, industries, commerce, communications companies, foreign investment opportunities, financial institutions and private property? This is an everyday scenario in Venezuela.Then WHY haven’t you informed yourself on these facts by reading Venezuelan and international newspapers exposing thousands of cases?Given your sense of community and respect for all people, I think you would defend the security of the citizens in your country.Then WHY do you validate a government that has converted Venezuela into the second most dangerous country in the world, where impunity is above 90% and its people live in a constant state of stress and fear of getting killed? Many wonder if this situation isn’t but a diabolic strategy by the part of the government, something to think about. Do you know that the weekend of March 13th there were 67 counted homicides only in Caracas? Furthermore, in the first 50 days of this year, there have been 140 express kidnappings for fast money (a 50% increase in 2009 versus previous years). After 11 years of the Chavez government, more than 16,000 people has been murdered by armed gangs and we’re not even at war like in the Middle East.In the U.S.A. the arm of the law comes down hard on government or private sector where cases of fraud and corruption are discovered.Then WHY do you defend a politician who promised to sweep corruption, but has ended up sponsoring illicit enrichment by part of his closest allies and civil servants, placing Venezuela as the most corrupt country in the Americas and in its political history? Corruption has increased 68% and inflation 31% in 2009. What a coincidence, Sean that the majority of those “corruptors” are members of the government you have chosen to embrace.You’ve demonstrated admirable assistance to those in need, due to natural disasters or poverty, those with desperate pleas to get their misfortune exposed for the whole world to see.Then WHY do you applaud the efforts of a government that has notoriously increased poverty (65% to 71%), produced scarcity of staple products and created an energy and water shortage crisis never seen in Venezuela? Not to mention the numbers of children begging in the streets. You may have missed it because the government tends to take the scenic routes for its guests. I invite you see the real Venezuela, stay for a couple of weeks without the logistics the government of said country organizes for you and you’ll be amazed with the results in your unaided observations.Sean, you live in a country where your parents had the freedom to teach you principles and respect for entities and human beings, where education hasn’t been manipulated by political agendas of those in power.Then WHY are you in favor of a country where day after day education isn’t plural by obligating a single-minded agenda and lack of respect for family structure? Did you know Sean that in Venezuela there is political indoctrination at a very early age, better known as “brainwashing”? And let me tell you that if parents don’t agree, they will lose custody of their children, just like in Cuba, a country you’ve placed on a pedestal.You are a product of a Jewish father.Then WHY is your fascination with a government that has overtly stated its hatred against the Jewish community worldwide, to the extent that the State of Israel condemned anti-Semitic attacks in Venezuela? Do you think it’s fair that many Jewish-Venezuelan families have emigrated because the Chavez government robbed their personal files when their temples and offices were under attacked in 2008?I don’t think so, Sean, that you would support violence as a means to impose your agenda.Then WHY do you support a government with close relationships with FARC, ETA, Cuban G-2, Government of Iran, Al-Qaeda and Hezbollah, among others, which are the most feared terrorist movements in the world?You have said that you applaud the actions that Chavez has instituted for his “pueblo”.Then WHY do you back him up when he himself has recently publicly recognized his failure for effective social programs (missions) in the areas of education, social service and hospitals; where each day the number of the uncared rises for lack of appropriate facilities and respective upkeep, and a country where the mothers give birth in the streets? This you can see on YouTube in investigative programs run on German, Swedish, Italian and Spanish television stations.Sean, have you considered researching the existence of the growing list of political prisoners, including journalists, on your own? For your information Chile, Peru and Costa Rica has that data. Furthermore, many of these prisoners are tortured and their families persecuted and threatened, just like the Cuba you stand up for.Is that what you support when you publicly declare that all those that say that Chavez is a dictator should go to jail?Sean, you have the right to say what you want, but as far as I know, your statements are contradictory to “Freedom of Speech”, the same one you enjoy in this country; by coincidence, “The First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America.”My intention isn’t to convince you, but to let you know what is truly happening in this beautiful country of noble people, Venezuela. I would encourage you to investigate in depth the “inside story” and realize for yourself the dark side behind the person you choose to idolize.Agreed, Chavez did win his first elections, but like Hitler, he betrayed what the country gave him: The vote of confidence. Open Letter To Sean Penn From Maria Conchita Alonso is a post from: Daily World Buzz Continue reading

The Eight Types of People to Unfollow on Twitter or Defriend on Facebook [Etiquette]

Everybody has a few people clogging up their social networking sites with frequent updates, annoying pictures, and general stupidity. But there’s often guilt about offing these former friends. Feel bad no more! These are the people you must ditch now. Now, to be fair, you should probably consider your relationship with these people before you go deleting them from your electronic life. After all if it’s your partner, parent, boss, best friend, or the guy you’ve been seeing on and off for the last few years, they might notice what you did and take it as an affront. If you’re close enough to this person for them to notice you went out for a pack of eCigarettes and never came back, then it might be better to just have a talk with them about fixing their obnoxious internet behavior. Or you can do the passive aggressive thing and defriend them and then when they say “Yo, what’s up?” tell them that they suck. That works too. If you know any of these people below, it’s time to cut the cord. Hopefully they’ll know what they did. The Overuser : Their thumbs are practically shackled to their Blackberry and their fingers never leave the keyboard. It’s always some new update about where they are (fucking Foursquare!), what they’re doing, or other similar inanities. It’s like someone tweeting about their work out. Oh look, Bill is on his first set of bicep curls. Now Bill is on his second set of bicep curls. Now Bill is on his…we don’t care, no matter how good his guns look. We don’t want to read the seven million articles about Robert Pattinson someone thought were so revealing they had to be shared with the world in rapid succession. We don’t want to hear a critique of every American Idol contestant’s wardrobe, song choice, and singing ability in separate dispatches. This person is like the cyber version of the guy in the Micro Machine’s commercial. Just shut the fuck up. The noise is drowning out the conversation we’re trying to hear. The Oversharer : The minute one of your followees says anything about a bowel movement, it is time to go. Period. Some people use Facebook to share what they’re doing and how they’re feeling in a fun and interesting way. It’s like running into them at a cocktail party and getting the quick rundown. An annoying few use it for their disgusting confessional full of graphic biological, biographical, and sexual information. We don’t want to hear about yellow toenails. We don’t care that this is the heaviest flow that the world has ever seen. We don’t want to hear about every petty slight, bicker, and squabble with a significant other. We’re not a couples counselor, we’re a friend. Sure, if the results of the biopsy come back negative, please celebrate and share it with the world. But a constant stream of gross overshares won’t just make us flinch, it will make us click that little X next to your name. The Proselytizer : These aren’t just the people who are constantly sharing Bible quotes with the world, it’s any person who is constantly nagging other people to join their causes, political battles, and groups. Guess what, if we cared about stopping the deforestation of the Florida panhandle, we would seek the group out and join it ourselves. We don’t need you suggesting that we become a part of it every time we log on to the site! And just because we were guilted into joining “One Million Smooches for Gay Marriage” doesn’t mean we’ll have the same magnanimity when it comes to “Make Gay Marriage Happen Or We’ll Stop Arranging Your Flowers,” “A Petition to End Oil Dependence in the Middle East,” or “Save the Owls of Tuscaloosa County.” These people might as well be one of those horrible college kids who stand on the street with a pack of pamphlets and say, “Do you have a moment for environmental rights?” No, we do not. It’s bad enough when it’s something we already agree with. If someone is spreading crazy Christian nonsense, creationist magic, or right wing political propaganda, they’re so dead to us. The In-Joker : Have you ever gone to someone else’s high school reunion? Unless you are the world’s most patient partner, of course not, because who wants to sit through hours of people sharing stories that you can’t put into context, understand, or enjoy. But that is just what following an In-Joker’s Twitter feed is like. “Like Mark is totally eating a shrimp taco, wink wink @Mike Totally makes me think of that guy in Cancun: ‘Por favor’ Am I right?!!” We’re glad @Mike chuckled because we have no fucking clue what you are saying. No, we don’t know what is so LOL about a cruller in a Corolla or what is so LMAO about karaoke in Bangkok. (OK, that is kind of amusing.) Sure, those might be hilarious for a small collection of people, but it’s a total confusing bore for the rest of us. And please don’t leave in-jokey comments on our page either. Sure, you just want to show how close we are by reminding us of a great moment we shared. We get it, but we want to propagate an open conversation among people we know and like, we don’t want our little slice of the internet to be the back of a 13-year-old girl’s yearbook. The Replyer : There is nothing more annoying than looking at someone’s Twitter page and every burst of characters starts with either an @ or an RT. This is especially true if the response has no context of what the original comment was about. If we don’t follow that other person, we have no idea what the reply is all about. It’s like turning on a David Lynch movie 45 minutes into it. You will be lost, frustrated, and possibly on the verge of an LSD flashback. These are also the people who have something to say about every status update, every picture posted, and every event invitation confirmed. To the casual observer, he is your only or best friend only because he is always there, lurking like two-day-old onion bagel stink in your trash can. He never has anything to say for himself, he’s just feeding and living off of what everyone else has to say. Come up with something of your own or go away. The Meme Lover : The only person who should be sending you weird forward chain mail letters is your mom. Some strange neurotoxin must be released when a woman pushes a baby out of her body that makes her send these to her offspring years later. It can’t be helped, only tolerated. However, if anyone other than your mother is bothering you with “25 Things You Don’t Care to Know About Me” or #sometimesiwonder or tagging you in one of those stupid grids of Little Miss characters, then they need to be cut loose from your life. Yes, a Blingee kitten every so often isn’t the worst thing in the world and can brighten a day, but for those people who fall for every retarded Avatar Week tomfoolery the web dreams up, there is a special sort of banishment. The Fisher : These are the people whose low self-esteem needs to be bolstered by other people wanting to know the details of their life. “I just feel like crying right now” or “You’re never going to believe what I just bought!” or “Can’t wait to tell everyone the big news.” People who say vague and leading things like that want someone else to say, “What?” or “Why?” or “How Come?” That is what The Fisher makes you do, but what they’re really saying is “Tell me I’m good enough to care about.” You probably are, but you don’t need a bunch of anonymous affirmations to tell you that. And sorry, Al-Anon taught us how to not be an enabler so we’re not taking the bait. We’re just going to ignore you and let some poor Replyer feed your madness. The Nobody : Face it, everyone’s Facebook friend list is bloated. It includes people from high school you haven’t talked to in eons, people you you met once at a cocktail party and never talked to again, people who you have 90 mutual friends with but have never actually met in person. And you have to listen to all these things that people say. More often than not, these are the folks who are the types above that you have to get rid of. Your real friends don’t annoy you. Well, they probably do, but you put up with it because, as Dionne sings, that’s what friends are for. Just cut out all the fat. If you don’t recognize someone’s name or face, let them go. It doesn’t make you any less of a person that your numbers are dwindling. You are still important, people still know and like you, and it’s going to be OK. Just take a deep breath. These tools are here to keep you connected, share information, and have fun. Just like the winner of The Biggest Loser , life going to be so much easier to do that once you get rid of all the excess.

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The Eight Types of People to Unfollow on Twitter or Defriend on Facebook [Etiquette]

Sandra Bullock: Married to a Cheating Monster!

By now, you’ve probably heard that Sandra Bullock’s husband Jesse James cheated on her . But is the trashy Michelle McGee not the only Jesse James mistress? That’s the conclusion of Us Weekly, who cites a source claiming McGee is “just the first person who has gone public,” and that “this is not an isolated incident.” His rationale? “When Sandra is away, he gets bored.” Makes sense. The report says James’ infidelity has been an open secret at his West Coast Choppers bike shop in Long Beach, Calif.: “Everybody knew,” one source states. Looks like Michelle McGee was just his type, too. One employee says James would post Internet ads looking for “hot, tattooed biker chicks with big boobs.” Sandra is shattered by Jesse cheating on her. More than once, possibly. Adds another source, “He sees their photos, answers the ads and invites the girls to his office.” That’s pretty much how McGee described meeting (and doing) him. How could Bullock be in the dark about her husband of nearly five years? “He is a whole other person when they’re together,” says a source. Elin Woods can relate. Adds an insider, “She was completely duped .” While reports on whether a Jesse James-Sandra Bullock split is imminent are, well, split, it certainly doesn’t look good. Not only is he a cheater, he may be a Nazi. Other tabloids reports devoted to the topic today include In Touch ‘s similar effort (“It’s Worse Than She Knows!”), People ‘s let’s-attempt-to-seem-classy approach (“Inside Sandra’s Heartbreak”), and Star ‘s complete crap (“Sandra Was Pregnant!”). Click to enlarge the celebrity gossip covers below …

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Sandra Bullock: Married to a Cheating Monster!

American Hero Yells "Baby Killer" At Bart Stupak During Health Care Debate [Heroes]

So, somebody apparently yelled ” Baby Killer ” at pro-life Michigan Democrat Bart Stupak while he spoke against the anti-abortion amendment he proposed to the health care bill. Now the world wonders: Who is Baby Killer Guy ? Update Here is where the person yelled “Baby Killer” Bart Stupak is of course one of the millions of things that threatened to derail the health care bill via his Stupak Amendment, which would have proposed super tight restrictions on abortions. Obama convinced him to change his mind, and his fellow Pro-lifers were angry. “Baby Killer”-level angry. Luke Russert reported on MSNBC that the brave legislator who shouted this during Stupak’s speech in favor of health care reform sounded “like he had a southern accent.” Now, Max Blumenthal , author of Republican Gommorah tweets that he hears it was California Republican George Radanovich who shouted the words that should rally a new generation to greatness. And so does at least one Wikipedian: “Baby Killer.” BABY KILLER! Say it out loud. Really cherish those four syllables as they roll off the tongue, for they may just change the world. In fact, as you lie in the arms of your loved one tonight, celebrating the health care bill in carnal fashion, we urge you to scream at the top of your lungs during climax: BABY KILLER! BABY KILLLLERRRRRRRRRR! Update: Nobody wants to be Baby killer guy! Over at Talking Points Memo , Christina Bellatoni interviewed California Republican John Campbell, who was one of the names tossed around as potential Baby Killer Guy. He told her it wasn’t anyone from California (which would of course rule out Radanovich): That is where the Texans sit. Californians are in one row, Teaxans sit behind us. I am being told t’s a Texan. The people who know won’t give it up. (Sic) Fess up, Baby Killer Guy, so we can get your face tattooed on our back!

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American Hero Yells "Baby Killer" At Bart Stupak During Health Care Debate [Heroes]

Bill O’Reilly Is Now a Happy, Moderate Obama Lover [Friendly Fox]

The LA Times profiled Bill and found that he’s mellowing in his old age. He’s even happy that Glenn Beck has stolen his thunder as a liberal hate figure. “I’m just a human meat shield for the guy,” responds Beck. Apparently it’s one big happy family! Gone are the days of O’Reilly freakouts . “Some of the conversations are still heated,” explains Amy Sohnen, O’Reilly’s executive producer in the story, “but you may not see the vein explode anymore.” O’Reilly even says he likes Obama, though he does not think he has the experience for the job. He still checks his ratings every day, but he’s now seen, according to Beck as “the senior statesman,” of Fox News . While there is scant evidence of this on the air, he apparently feels that he has “a responsibility to be a little more cautious, be a little more circumspect when I go after somebody to make sure we have everything covered. Because I can destroy lives. And I’m not going to do that until I’m 100% convinced that the person deserves what they get.” He still denies any responsibility for ramping up hatred against abortion doctor George Tiller (you know, the hatred that got him killed) saying he “reported the story accurately.” So we must have misheard when we thought he said “…if I could get my hands on Tiller — well, you know. Can’t be vigilantes. Can’t do that. It’s just a figure of speech,” which is not, of course, suggestive in any way. The Times did not ask about falafels. Which is a shame, as we’ve always wondered if he can still enjoy the chickpea-based delights of middle-eastern cuisine in the same way since he allegedly sexually harassed a producer on his show by suggesting he rub her vagina with one. This suit was settled.

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Bill O’Reilly Is Now a Happy, Moderate Obama Lover [Friendly Fox]

What Type of Nerd Are You? [Sociology]

All the nerds are in one place this week at SXSW, but, let’s face it, we all have a little bit of nerd in us. These days geekdom is large and diverse enough for everyone. Where do you fit in? There are certain things that all geeks have in common: an intense interest in a very specialized field, fervent enthusiasm for a set of hobbies, a group of other people who share their obsessions, and probably a little bit of social awkwardness. Sure, there are people who fit these stereotypes exactly, but there are enough permutations and substrata of each of these categories that there has to be some leeway. And some people combine traits and interests from a number of these worlds into one big ball of übernerd. But deep down inside, you know which way your dilithium crystal crumbles. Embrace it! Enjoy it! Nerds have already taken over Hollywood. One day they’ll conquer the globe! Sci-Fi Geek Description : The most influential of the bunch when it comes to pop culture, this group has pretty much taken over the entertainment business. They love anything related to comic books, superheros, galaxies far far away, fantasy worlds, alien invasions, or Sigourney Weaver in space. Without them, blockbusters wouldn’t have monster opening weekends, Fringe would have no viewers, and Batman would have no fans. Not only do they obsessively collect the books, DVDs, and figurines related to their favorite titles, the often dress up in their costumes in the hopes of becoming the characters themselves. Substrata : Comic Nerds, Trekkers, LAIR revelers Gathering Place : San Diego Comic Con Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : The life and many deaths of Jean Grey Eagerly Anticipating : Iron Man 2 Tech Nerds Description : These are the power players in the business world because they have the most money. This is the guy who needs the latest gadget, can configure your computer in a snap, and actually bothers to read the instruction manual that comes with a digital camera. He probably has at least a little knowledge of computer programming, optimizes his web browser to do absolutely everything for him but fix his fancy coffee, and could probably take over the whole world with nothing but an iPhone and a maniacal laugh. Whether he’s a Mac or a PC, he is all nerd. Substrata : Computer geeks, Cell phone wizards, Hackers Gathering Place : Apple Keynote Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : Google Chrome Eagerly Anticipating : Hello! iPads come out April 3! Mad Scientists Description : You can’t mess with the original. These are the chemists, engineers, physicists and other general crazies who are more comfortable in the controlled confines of the lab than in the messy, messy real world. However, they are responsible for the food we eat, the cars we drive, and the drugs we take—even sometimes the illegal ones. Without them, we’d still be using stone wheels and struggling to start a campfire with a flint. They are our saviors, but total bores at dinner parties. Substrata : Mathematicians, Pharmacologists, Bio Researchers Gathering Place : American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) annual meeting Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : You wouldn’t even understand it if we told you. Idiot. Eagerly Anticipating : When the Large Hadron Collider finally works Music Snobs Description : They think they’re cooler than you, but they’re just as geeky as all the other casts. Rather than just being a hipster into the newest and hottest bands and changing their tastes according to the zeitgeist, this person is also a fiendish collector of a certain genre of music. Whether it’s late American bluegrass, German opera, early East Coast hip-hop, or Baltimore booty house, they have a finely tuned and exhaustive collection and scoff at anyone who never heard of whichever undiscovered “genius” they’re researching. Substrata : Pick a genre, from disco to classical guitar, and it has its own snob Gathering Place : Coachella Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : Where to find original vinyl Eagerly Anticipating : Sex The Wonk Description : This nerd has decided to use his brilliant mind for evil, not good, and gotten into the political game. He has been in more legislative bodies than female ones, and knows all the key players in all of them. There is not one minute detail of parliamentary procedure, voting district, or legislative record that he has overlooked. He lunches with lobbyists, suppers with strategists, and drinks with demagogues. They keep Meet the Press in business and fall asleep with the CNN crawl running through their little heads. Substrata : All that matters is Republican or Democrat. Got that, Nader? Gathering Place : K Street Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : The losing vice presidential candidates of the 20th century. Estes Kefauver, anyone? Eagerly Anticipating : June 8th, of course. It’s the midterm primary election in 10 states! Gamers Description : These are the people who live and die by video games of course. They play interactive Halo with strangers online, twist and twirl Mario on screen until their retinas bleed, and engage in strange Pokemon battles on our roof. They have a special place in their entertainment console for their Playstation, Wii, XBox, Game Cube, Classic NES, rescued Sega Genesis, and thrift store Atari. When not in front of a TV they play on hand-held devices in the car and on the subway. No, video games aren’t just for kids anymore. The kids grew up and became nerds. Substrata : Based mostly on which genre they like best: sports games, platformers, role playing, and the like Gathering Place : E3 Expo Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : Cheat codes for Dante’s Inferno Eagerly Anticipating : It’s going to be a long wait until Halo Reach this fall. Gay Geek Description : This guy can fall into any of the other classifications listed her, but is also gay. He’s too nerdy for mainstream gay culture and too gay for mainstream nerd culture, so he is all alone except for the other lost souls he meets over the internet who share an interest in the games, comics, slashfic, and other goodies created just for them. There are some nerdy categories specific to gay culture, but many homosexuals have an affinity for sci-fi. Substrata : Gaymers, Show Queens, Madonna Maniacs, Grindr Gurus, LGBT Activists Gathering Place : Manhunt Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : Shirtless scenes on Battlestar Galactica Eagerly Anticipating : The next Fanboy of the Month Sports Fanatic Description : Many might not consider this rabid sort of sports fan a nerd, but he displays all the traditional behavior of one. He has minute statistics memorized, he dresses funny for special events, he probably hasn’t scored in a long time, and he doesn’t engage in the thing that he loves most in the world. The wins and losses of his favorite team mean more to him than anything and can affect his mood for days. More than just a casual viewer, don’t dare ask this guy, “How about them Yankees?” unless you want to hear a rant about how the managerial Kremlinology of the team has adversely affected ERAs, RBIs, and designated hitters in alternating away games. Substrata : Football fanatics, Statistics junkies, Cheeseheads Gathering Place : Tailgate parties Knows Way Too Much Useless Information About : Fantasy sports league drafting Eagerly Anticipating : Opening day of Major League Baseball

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What Type of Nerd Are You? [Sociology]

The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People [Fieldguide]

Today, 16 year-old pop singer Justin Bieber announced his first world tour. This merited an 81-word write up in the Times . Meanwhile, 12 year-old girls are literally weeping with anticipation. What the hell is going on? Come, elderly reader. Learn. Bad news, Old Person: No matter how much you try to avoid it, you will have to eventually interact with someone to whom Justin Bieber is the sun around which their little life revolves. So we present this Justin Bieber Guide for Old People to help you avoid embarrassment in front of your offspring, students, or patrons your candy shop. Justin Bieber is the first “YouTube Sensation” to make it big Back in the old days, pop stars like Lady Gaga came up the hard way: After years of performing thankless gigs in small clubs they would eventually be signed to Island Def Jam Records. But Justin Bieber was signed to Island Def Jam Records just because a YouTube video of 12 year-old Bieber covering Ne-Yo in a singing competition went viral. A prominent manager randomly stumbled on it and now he’s chilling with Usher. Bieber is in fact the first real YouTube sensation to cross over to the mainstream, and much of his appeal comes from this grassroots creation myth. (No, Susan Boyle doesn’t count since the only people who enjoy her sincerely are you Old People.) Justin Bieber is Canadian In the grand tradition of such Old People favorites as Alanis Morissette and Rush, Justin Bieber hails from Canada. He was raised in low-income housing by a very Christian single mom in Stratford, Ontario (Pop. 3,000). Now he lives in Atlanta, which you may remember from the time they Seceded from the Union during the Civil War. Justin Bieber Owns Twitter Perhaps you have experienced the phenomenon of logging into Twitter to see what brands of wine your friends are drinking only to be confused by the fact that “Justin Bieber” is a trending topic. He almost always is, for no reason except that every eleven year-old girl on Twitter appears to only tweet about Justin Bieber . (And everyone else is tweeting “Who the hell is Justin Bieber?”) Bieber has more than a million followers and, according to Perez Hilton, he gains 11,000 new followers daily . Justin Bieber Has Famous Friends Even You May Have Heard of You might know Ludacris best for the hoes he has in so many different area codes. But a new generation knows Ludacris only as Justin Bieber’s friendly rapping sidekick on the summer hit “Baby”. ( “She had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck/she woke me up daily, don’t need no Starbucks.” ) And Usher, who signed Bieber after hearing him sing just once, said of Bieber, “Sometimes he’s like a little brother or a son to me.” Bieber’s toured with Taylor Swift, and sung the opening line on the new “We Are the World” remake that is probably on your “Chillaxing” iTunes playlist. Justin Bieber Has Three Songs Every Prepubescent Girl Knows Bieber’s first album, My World was released in November of last year. It went platinum. But all you need to know are the three hit songs and their corresponding music videos: “One Time” – The one where Usher calls Justin on his iPhone. “Baby (Ft. Ludacris)” – The one with Justin and Ludacris in a bowling alley. “One Less Lonely Girl” – The one at the laundromat. Justin Bieber Literally Causes Riots Among Said Prepubescent Girls You are old enough to remember the 1965 Watts riots, right? Bieber had one of those! Last November, during a scheduled appearance at a Long Island mall, a riot broke out among the 3,000 attendees when Bieber wasn’t allowed to perform because of safety concerns. A handful of fans suffered minor injuries and an Island-Def Jam VP was arrested for not tweeting that the show was off. Yes, Old People, it’s time to wake up to our scary new world where a YouTube sensation has supplanted social justice as the only reason anyone riots, and you can be arrested for not tweeting. Welcome.

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The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People [Fieldguide]

Lilly Scott Trades ‘American Idol’ For ‘Indie Cred’

‘It was just my time to go out with a bang,’ she says. Lilly Scott performs on “American Idol” Photo: Frank Micelotta/ Getty Images Lilly Scott’s name was often mentioned in the same breath as Crystal Bowersox’s as this year’s “American Idol” female powerhouses. Looks like Crystal has that title to herself now. Scott seemingly had a ticket to the top 12 with her well-received take on Patsy Cline’s “I Fall to Pieces” and the coveted final performance slot, but her “Idol” journey came to an end during Thursday’s shocking results show . We caught up with Scott on Friday (March 12) to talk about her surprise elimination, what’s next and much more. Q : After you were eliminated, you made it clear that you were frustrated. What was going through your mind? A : Originally, trying out, I really just wanted to kind of break the mold and just kinda be that offbeat contestant that did exactly what I wanted to do. … I definitely have no regrets in that department. But just kind of watching certain people make it into the top 12 that have not done so well over the past three weeks and then based on the judges’ comments on my three songs the past three weeks, I was just kinda frustrated, just kinda feeling like my fanbase wasn’t really there, even though the judges and producers seemed to love me. I was feeling like I had a great run on the show. So I guess my fans weren’t there. So I guess that’s why I said, “I don’t know what America wants to listen to.” But then again, my voting demographic is probably more of the underground scene who probably doesn’t even own a TV, and if they do, they’re probably out riding their bike or doing something more productive than watching TV, let alone “American Idol.” I guess they just weren’t voting and that definitely was my falter. Q : Do you think singing the 50-year-old song “I Fall to Pieces” had anything to do with your downfall? A : I picked that song because I love Patsy Cline. It really describes who I want to be as an artist. But, then again, the “American Idol” voting demographic is probably mostly tweens, and I’m sure they don’t know who Patsy Cline is. So that probably affected me. But I’m staying true to my song choices and I’m definitely having no regrets. I just feel like maybe my fanbase and the audience I was playing to, which is the underground market, literally wasn’t watching the show and just supporting me in their hearts and not actually voting, and there’s the whole deal of maybe people just assumed I was safe and chose not to vote. Obviously, I really have no idea what happened, though. Q : Did you expect to go home this early? A : I did and I didn’t. In the past years I have watched “American Idol,” and it seems like every year, the person that I fall in love with goes home. And if that’s because I see true artistry in that contestant or I don’t know what it is, but I definitely feel like I got cut early. I knew that I could have done a great job next week with Rolling Stones, and I knew I could of really kicked butt in the top 12, but maybe I was just too off the wall for people or it was just my time to go out with a bang so I can still keep my indie cred [and] kind of do my own thing without having the “American Idol” label over my head. Q : Do you know how close the vote was on Thursday? A : No, they really don’t let us know any of that stuff. It’s actually really unfortunate, because I’m one to think, “Screw the establishment!” But I definitely would love to know the statistics. I don’t want to think anything was rigged, but I would also like to know how many votes I really had. Q : Who would be your dream collaborators? A : I would love to meet Thom Yorke from Radiohead and people like Bj

American Idol: When No Man Loves the Women [Recaps]

Girls! All we really want is girls! Well, that’s all we really wanted at the beginning of this season’s competition, because a woman was due to win the crown. Now, three weeks in? We don’t want that anymore. No, the women have failed us. I mean, the men have too. I will write this exact same post minus the wo’s tomorrow. But right now we are talking about girls, and the girls are stinkin’ dinkins. Aren’t they? If the girls were a movie, they would be Good Luck Chuck . That movie isn’t even entertaining in a bad way. It’s just bad. If the girls were a food, they would be lima beans. A car? The Plymouth Sundance. They are bland and awful. Swamp rot. Cow’s cud. Dung. And the judges know it! Oh boy do they know it. Betcha wish you didn’t sign a five-year contract nowwww, Ellen! Seriously, how much must she regret it? Simon’s leaving after this year, the contestants are about as good as a production of Candide featuring Penny Marshall as Cunégonde, and Randy is actually starting to physically change into a Mole Person. Plus, Kara won’t put out. Maybe that’s why Ellen is reeking so hard in the judgin’ zone. Maybe she hopes that if she’s awful enough, Fox will let her out of her contract early. So it’ll be more of the “It was good!” and “I don’t know…” until May, I fear. It’s just how it’s going to be. It Was Good! Saying something about Crystal Ninjatrousers at this point is just dumb. Everyone knows that she blew it out the bowerbox. She sang that Gimme One Reason to Stay Heeeere song, by Tyler Perry, and she had her little amp next to her and yeah, she’s going to win the entire show, isn’t she? Is there anyone who might beat her? Maybe one of the other girls, like Alex Lambert or Little Pippy Urban. Wouldn’t it be so fantastic if Tim Urban won this season of American Idol ? This likely last season that any of us will watch. Ryan says his name and then there’s a loud creak and groan and a shower of sparks and a huge rafter swings down and kills Ryan, like the nice teacher in Carrie . And then Kara starts shaking and says “What’s… happening… to … meeeeee…” and her hair grows long and she grabs on to Randy but by then she is mostly bones and then she falls to the ground and her dessicated body shatters and all that’s left is her Nazi pin. (Somewhere Paula sits in her chainmail and says “Simon Fuller chose… poorly.”) And then pretty much everyone else is dead too and that’s it for Idol and Tim Urban is just standing there amid the carnage, smiling like a hunk piece of Wisconsin cheddar would if it could smile, wondering when he should start singing the new victory song, “With Wings to the Mountains of Our Dreams.” He figures now’s as good a time as any and starts bleating it out as the place goes up in flames and Simon’s chest explodes a mini Seacrest comes screeching out. Who else was good. Um… Sigh. I suppose that Lacey Brown didn’t totally whiff it this week. I mean, she’s still gross, but it was an improvement . Same for Didi Beady or whatever her name is. “Rhiannon” was a fun choice and she looked pretty, so good for her. Nice one, Doodi Tooti Fresh ‘n Fruity. I Don’t Know… Paige Miles. First off, has the child never watched the show before? If you sing “Smile,” you will go home. The producers will make it so. Because it is wayyy too good of an exit song to let it pass. Also, if she’d watched the show, Paige would realize that this is a competition for people to have contemporary singing careers. I think she maybe misunderstood that. I think she thinks this is a show where you just listlessly sing pretty songs a little bit and just kinda stand around, for fun. Simon keeps harping on about how she’s got such a good voice, but have we really heard that, at all? I have not. But maybe I am watching a different show than you. (I figured “American Irdool” was just a typo on my DVR.) That video above was Siobhan Magnus dedicating “House of the Rising Sun,” a song about prostitute sex workers, to her dad. That is one dizzy dame, huh? She is weird even for Idol . I’m not entirely convinced that the Siobhan Magnus experiences time in the same way that humans do. I think she might be the last airbender? That is a possibility. Whatever she is, she is off-putting. I know I’m supposed to like her because she is quirky and hit one high screech-note (also a Screech note) last week, but I just kind of don’t like her at all. Something’s awry there. Something unsettling. I don’t remember Willa the Wisp’s performance in the slightest, so I’m assuming it wasn’t terribly good. Anyone care to elaborate? Is there anyone else on this show? Am I forgetting anyone? Other than the person mentioned below, I mean. The Teen Scream Oh isn’t Katie Stevens the worst . Oh I just can’t stand her! The whole package is just so unappealing. Her weird strut, the fading gleam in her eye, the perky slope of Disney hair. It’s just wildly tone deaf. The producers’ strange attempts to produce a Miley or a Taylor this year were really fumbly and sad. Both girls, Haeley and Katie (eeeeeeee!), looked promising and then totally fizzled. I would not be surprised if Katie is sent packing tomorrow and she was supposed to be a frontrunner! They gave her the last-of-the-evening “pimp slot” the first week and everything! But alas, she buckled or caved or something else bad and implodey. If Katie Stevens were a car, she would be six million Toyotas. OK. I think that’s it for today. Tonight: The Men. Will Alex Lambert have to deal with his daughter Jan’s jealously issues with her sister? Will Tiger the dog show up? Will Tim Urban strip down to his shiny blue underoos and perform a sexy dance for Ellen, who can never shut up about his good looks? These are all questions we await the answers to. That chomping and scraping sound you hear is Simon grinding his teeth and praying for May. It’s us, too.

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American Idol: When No Man Loves the Women [Recaps]