Call it a desperate plea for human salvation. Just two hours before December 21, the day that marks the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar, MTV pulled the plug on Jersey Shore for good. Last-minute peace offering to the gods? We’ll find out, won’t we?! Yeah buddy. For now, let’s break down the grand finale Jersey Shore in all its fist-pumping, STD-ridden, GTL’d glory … THG style! Like the season as a whole, it was relatively uneventful, but Situation, Snooki, Pauly D, Sammi, Ronnie, Vinny, Deena and JWoww went out in style. A bonfire on the beach required some hard wood courtesy of Vinny, and not the kind he’s used to displaying whenever Snooki is around. Plus 20 . This farewell bash felt like exactly that. Everyone’s friends and families joined, and had a blast, but it felt like they were all about ready to move on. The sober Mike tells us he is “in the best shape of my life” about 100 times. And then is absolutely torched by Jionni LaValle in beach football. Plus 30 . Roger Mathews and Jionni – “The father gorilla and a little baby ape” according to Vinny – arrive with flowers for their ladies. They’re good guys. Plus 30 . The last day of “work” at the Shore Store was bittersweet. So many good memories of being hung over and pretending to have to work there. Minus 20 . Snook says little baby Lorenzo will work there one day. Aiming high. Plus 10 . “I’m fighting back the tears right now,” says Danny. “Tears of joy.” Plus 50 . Paula Pickard left a card and cake for her ex Mike to celebrate his birthday, which felt like a pathetic move until we realized she had a plan the whole time. More on that shortly. Vinny reflects that he never thought he’d call a tanned guido his best friend. Pauly puts it, “Never judge a book by its blowout, son.” AWW! Plus 20 . Vinny and Pauly decided to take Ron’s air mattress outside as a prank, but then Vinny popped the mattress which made it kind of a bad idea. Minus 40 . They put it back in the room, after which Ron and Sam thought the prank was just deflating the bed … and tried to fill it back up with air for a long time. Even . The next day was July 4 – Mike and Pauly’s birthday – and Ronnie still wasn’t over the bed drama and Sam for pranking Vinny in the first place. Minus 30 . As with all Sam-Ron fights, things got heated, they threatened to break up with each other, then kissed and made up and smushed in like an hour. Plus 60 . During the crew’s final GTL session, Paula’s coworker at the salon asked Mike’s roommate (while he was in the tanning bed) if they ate the cake. They did not, as only Mike, Deena and Pauly ate some. Then the girl displayed a photo of some dude teabagging the cake. Yes, full-on balls up in there. Paula Pickard FTW. Plus 70 . Mike tried to call Paula about that “nutty situation,” but she kept pretending she couldn’t hear him, Mike became enraged and smashed the duck phone. Not cool Mike. So not cool. RIP Wood Duck Phone (2009-2012). Minus 180 . The gang’s last night together was spent with filler / memories. Using the hot tub the first night, Snooki getting punched in the face by a guy at the bar, to Pauly and Jenni’s hookup, welcoming Deena into the house. It’s been a good run. But it’s time to end it right here and now. “I thought this was the biggest mistake of my life,” says JWoww of her first summer in the Shore house, but now, she says, it’s made her life “perfect.” “You can’t take away what we’ve done together,” adds Pauly. No you cannot. Bags were packed and loaded into giant black SUVs. Tearful goodbyes were said. Even The Situation cried bidding farewell to his Jersey Shore “family.” Grab the Kleenex. And the motherf–kin’ condoms. Plus 100 . EPISODE TOTAL: +200! SEASON TOTAL: +430!
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Jersey Shore Finale Recap: One Last Fist-Pump
