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REVIEW: Michael Bay’s Physically Punishing ‘Pain & Gain’ Is ‘Fargo’ By Way Of The Three Stooges

The large-scale destructiveness he has previously wrecked upon public and private property (including entire cities), Michael Bay visits on the human body in Pain & Gain , a pulverizing steroidal farce based on a bizarre-but-true kidnapping-and-murder case. Suggesting Fargo  by way of the Three Stooges , Bay’s latest certainly proves that the Transformers  auteur does have something more than jacked-up robots on his mind: specifically, jacked-up muscle men who will stop at nothing to achieve their deeply twisted notion of the American dream. With a very fine ensemble cast recruited to play an array of overtly despicable characters, this unapologetically vulgar, sometimes quite funny, often stomach-churning bacchanal will surely prove too extreme for great swathes of the multiplex crowd. But the marquee value of topliners Mark Wahlberg   and Dwayne Johnson , plus the pic’s reportedly modest $25 million pricetag, spells more gain than pain for Paramount’s box office pecs. Given that every Bay film is something of a stamina test, marked by passages of intense exhilaration and paralyzing fatigue, with Pain & Gain  the director may have lucked into the most fitting subject matter of his career: the world of obsessive bodybuilders and the trainers who push them beyond the brink of exhaustion. Adapted by screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely ( Captain America: The First Avenger,  the Narnia trilogy) from a series of articles originally published in the Miami New Times by Pete Collins , the film tells of one such muscle mecca, Miami’s Sun Gym, where staff and clientele include a liberal mixture of strippers, ex-cons and small-time scam artists. One such hustler is Sun Gym manager Danny Lugo (Wahlberg) who, in the fall of 1994, decides to abduct one of his clients, wealthy Colombian-American businessman Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub) — and defraud him of his net worth. To aid in the scheme, Lugo recruits two accomplices: personal trainer Adrian ( Anthony Mackie ) and former Attica inmate Paul (Johnson), a recovering alcoholic and junkie who found Jesus during his last stint in the slammer. After a couple of near-misses (in real life, there were several more), the trio — decked out in ridiculous Halloween costumes — succeed in nabbing their mark, who they sequester in an abandoned dry-cleaning plant and, over the next 30 days, force to sign over all of his worldly assets, including cars, a local deli franchise and a gaudy McMansion in a posh gated community. In Collins’ reporting, the story of the Sun Gym gang reads like an inordinately malicious bid for the good life by a bunch of overcompensating he-men whose musculature vastly outpaced their intellect — their staggering incompetence rivaled only by that of the Miami-Dade Police, who, when Kershaw (in reality, Marc Schiller) miraculously survived to tell his tale, initially refused to believe him. While sticking largely to the facts, Bay and the writers are clearly aiming for something bigger: a commentary on American self-entitlement and, to an extent, the very sort of ra-ra, macho posturing Bay has proffered without irony in many previous films. In contrast to the unconscionable thug he seems to be on the page, the movie’s Lugo is more of a harebrained dreamer who sees himself as one of life’s “doers,” high on self-help mantras and a sense of his own inviolability. Wahlberg’s deft performance, which plays on his innate likability to conceal his character’s ultimate menace (a side of the actor little seen onscreen since his fine turn as the psycho boyfriend in James Foley’s Fear ), is one of the film’s (few) unqualified pleasures. But the movie’s cynical subtext, and whatever Bay is ultimately hoping to say with it, remain mostly undeveloped. To its credit, Pain & Gain  never succumbs to glamorizing its characters or their crimes, keeping things rooted in a constant, grim tension. For all its absurdist accents, the long middle section, in which Kershaw is beaten and bludgeoned by means that wouldn’t have seemed out of place in Zero Dark Thirty , is punishing to behold and dilutes much of the frantic energy the movie has built up during its opening act. And at 129 minutes, there’s much more to come, including severed digits, penile injections, a spinning weight plate to the neck and, in one unforgettable extreme-close-up, a cargo van’s rear tire backing up over a human face. At his best, particularly in the two Bad Boys  movies, Bay can be a master of exuberant chaos, but here the violence mostly lands with a sickening thud, which is fitting, one supposes, but also ultimately numbing. For better or worse — arguably both — Bay remains one of the most distinctive visual stylists at work in American movies today, and Pain & Gain  is nothing if not an orgy of swooshing, swooping movements, super slo-mo, blazing pastels (for the exteriors) and glowing neon (for the interiors), all captured on an array of pro and prosumer cameras, both film and digital, that give the movie a luxurious array of visual textures. Bay, who previously shot Miami very well in his two Bad Boys  movies, here turns it into a shimmering oasis of sin. One image, glimpsed late in the film, even feels like its maker’s entire career condensed into a single shot: wads of $100 bills laid out on a UV tanning bed. The pic’s home stretch gets a welcome boost from veteran Bay player Ed Harris as the seasoned private eye who ended up blowing the lid off the Sun Gym case. He’s only around for a few scenes, but he slips into them with such masterly ease that the character seems fuller and richer than many with double the screen time. Women, unsurprisingly, are mostly expendable here, reduced to sex objects and convenient surfaces for snorting coke, though the resourceful Rebel Wilson manages to steal a few scenes as Adrian’s clueless nurse girlfriend. Follow Movieline on  Twitter .

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REVIEW: Michael Bay’s Physically Punishing ‘Pain & Gain’ Is ‘Fargo’ By Way Of The Three Stooges

In White Folks News: Momager Kris Jenner Tries To Keep Her Emotionally Challenged Son Out Of Jail

Kim get your brother Rob cause he trippin.’ According to the National Enquirer HOT-headed Rob Kardashian got himself into trouble with the law – and now sources say his protective mom Kris Jenner is desperately trying to keep her only son out of jail! The problem began on March 27 when the 26-year-old “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star took his shirt off in a West Hollywood gym parking garage after a workout session with celebrity trainer Gunnar Peterson. Rob, who recently packed on 40 pounds, blew up after a female photographer snapped a “money shot” of his tubby physique. According to a complaint filed by the photog, Rob was so irate he stole her camera’s memory card and smacked her in the face. Rob was handcuffed and briefly taken into custody, says the source. After questioning, he was released without any charges being filed, but the Beverly Hills Police Department is currently investigating a potential felony robbery charge, which is punishable by up to nine years in prison. Now Kardashian momager Kris has stepped in to track down the woman in a frantic attempt to make sure Rob stays out of the slammer. “Kris is calling all of her contacts and anybody else that might know who this woman is,” said a source. “She’s desperate to find this photographer so she can pay her off to get Rob out of trouble, and she’s throwing around HUGE dollar figures to make it happen.” So far, Kris hasn’t had any luck, says the source. “No one wants to help her because everyone knows that Rob has a horrible temper, and a lot of them feel he needs to finally face some consequences,” added the source. “He can’t keep running to his mom for help every time he gets in trouble. And they both need to learn that money can’t buy everything.” Will Momager Kris Jenner be able to save her baby boy or are there just some things money can’t buy? Wenn

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In White Folks News: Momager Kris Jenner Tries To Keep Her Emotionally Challenged Son Out Of Jail

News Footage From Police Surveillance Of The Boat Where Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Was Found [Video]

Law enforcement did an amazing job of bringing this d-bag to justice! Video Of Police Surrounding Area Where Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Was Found To think, police still might not have been able to locate Dzhokhar if the boat owner had not discovered the blood trail. Image via YouTube

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News Footage From Police Surveillance Of The Boat Where Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Was Found [Video]

News Footage From Police Surveillance Of The Boat Where Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Was Found [Video]

Law enforcement did an amazing job of bringing this d-bag to justice! Video Of Police Surrounding Area Where Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Was Found To think, police still might not have been able to locate Dzhokhar if the boat owner had not discovered the blood trail. Image via YouTube

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News Footage From Police Surveillance Of The Boat Where Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Was Found [Video]

Justin Bieber and will.i.am Release Music Video for "#thatPOWER"

Justin Bieber may or may not be hanging with Selena Gomez in Norway . But he’s definitely starring alongside will.i.am in a new music video! The musical heavyweights have teamed up for ” #thatPOWER ,” which involves a hologrammed Bieber visiting cities around the globe. Said will.i.am to Entertainment Tonight: “This video is probably the most time-consuming video that I’ve ever been a part of because I had to rehearse choreography… It’s not dance, it’s like synchronized movement.” Justin Bieber and will.i.am – “That Power” (Music Video) “#thatPOWER” is the latest single off will.i.am’s upcoming album #willpower. It will be released on April 23.

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Justin Bieber and will.i.am Release Music Video for "#thatPOWER"

Boston Bombing Suspects Battle Police, Kill MIT Officer; One Suspect Dead, One at Large

Armed with explosives and guns, the Boston Marathon bombing suspects battled law enforcement officers in a Boston suburb early Friday morning. The two men unleashed chaos and killed an MIT campus officer before police took one of the men into custody and the other fled, officials said. The suspect taken into custody later died. Officials identified the man on the run as the “white-hat” suspect, referring to the photos released by the FBI Thursday. Authorities warned he should be considered armed and dangerous. The standoff with the suspects in Watertown, Mass., erupted after the fatal shooting of a Massachusetts Institute of Technology police officer. A transit police officer was also wounded in the Watertown firefight. Officials in Watertown were warning residents to “stay in their homes and not open their doors unless a police officer is there,” according to reports. “There is a terrorist on the loose,” said one officer at an impromptu press conference at about 4:30 a.m. Friday morning, after the intense battle. The suspect at large is believed to be the man who physically placed the bags containing the homemade bombs which killed 3 and injured 170 on Monday. He is described as “dressed in a grey hoodie, light skinned male, brown curly hair,” with international links and having been in the country legally a year. The suspects approached the MIT officer and shot him in head, sources said, then stole the MIT officer’s cruiser, robbed a nearby 7-11 and carjacked a Mercedes. They briefly kidnapped the driver of the SUV, and the suspects threw explosives out the window of the moving car in what was a harrowing and chaotic scene. The dead suspect had an improvised explosive device strapped to his chest and law enforcement sources warned that the suspect on the run may as well. The intense situation in Watertown followed an hours-long lockdown at MIT, where the campus police officer was shot and killed while investigating. A disturbance was reported on the Cambridge campus. It is not clear exactly what, but the suspects are believed to have killed the MIT officer and fled. Even as police swept the campus, there were reports of a violent car chase and then an extremely heavy police presence in Watertown, four miles away. The events began unfolding with reports of shots fired on the MIT campus at 10:48 p.m. ET, and the situation remained “active and extremely dangerous” for hours. It was later reported that a campus officer had been killed. Watertown resident Andrew Kitzenberg described the police shootout outside his house that followed when officials tracked down the Boston bombing suspects . “They engaged in gunfire for a few minutes,” he told NBC News. “They were also utilizing bombs, which sounded and looked like grenades, [during] the gunfight.” “They also had what looked like a pressure-cooker bomb.” Kitzenberg said two people took cover between a black Mercedes SUV and a sedan, and began shooting 70 or 80 yards toward six Watertown police vehicles. “It was a firefight,” the witness added. “There was a long exchange of gunfire.” One of the shooters then ran toward the cops, while the other got into the SUV. The person on foot later fell to the ground, either tackled or shot. The other drove the SUV through the line of police cars at the end of the street, he added. Kitzenberg said that while he had a “very clear view of the shooters,” he couldn’t see their faces but described them as “average size, average height.” Story developing … UPDATE : The two bombing suspects are brothers, aged 19 and 20, and legal permanent U.S. residents of Chechen origin, law enforcement sources say.

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Boston Bombing Suspects Battle Police, Kill MIT Officer; One Suspect Dead, One at Large

Aubrey Plaza Thanks Kanye West for MTV Movie Awards Inspiration

At last night’s MTV Movie Awards, Aubrey Plaza went all Kanye West , crashing Will Ferrell’s Comedic Genius acceptance speech to try and grab his trophy. The actress didn’t get nearly as far as West in 2009, however, when he actually interrupted Taylor Swift , grabbed the mic and rambled on for about a minute. In the case below, Plaza simply wrestled with Ferrell awkwardly and returned to her seat, head bowed: Aubrey Plaza MTV Movie Awards Fail “Thanks for the advice @kanyewest went better than planned!” the Parks and Recreation star Tweeted after the incident, which did net the actress some headlines. But it also netted her a one-way invitation out of the ceremony: sources confirm Plaza was asked to leave not long after sitting back down.

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Aubrey Plaza Thanks Kanye West for MTV Movie Awards Inspiration

Rehtaeh Parsons Case: Anonymous Threatens to Leak Confession From Suspect

Anonymous claims to have a confession from a suspect who allegedly raped Rehtaeh Parsons, who was recently taken off life support after a suicide attempt. The hacktivist group threatened to reveal the identity of the teenaged suspect and three others accused of the 2011 gang rape of the Canadian teen. Anonymous was drawn to the case following outcry about Rehtaeh Parsons’ death , and called on the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to make arrests. The group said in a statement: “A 17-year-old girl killed herself because the police failed to do their jobs and charge a single person for any of them.” “Why is Anonymous involved in this case? We are involved because the facts clearly illustrate that several crimes have been committed in Nova Scotia.” Her parents said she hanged herself last week, not only because she was sexually assaulted but because photos of the attack were shared by the alleged rapists. Classmates at her school tormented her afterward, drawing tragically similar parallels with the death of raped and bullied California teen Audrie Pott . According to Anonymous, one of Parsons’ alleged attackers: “Made several public statements admitting that he did have sex with [Rehtaeh] on the night in question” and that “she was throwing up during the act.” The confession the group claims to be in possession of includes the names of three other boys who allegedly “took turns having sex with [Rehtaeh].” Anonymous said it has already shared the information it pieced together, including screenshots of the alleged confession, with local law enforcement. With public pressure mounting, Nova Scotia’s Justice Minister Ross Landry announced on that his department would reopen the case , the CBC reported. Anonymous is a loosely connected collective of skillful hackers and Internet activists, but one that has left its mark on many a case in recent years. They famously drew attention to a video of Steubenville (Oh.) H.S. students joking about rape, and trolled the crap out of the Westboro Baptist Church.

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Rehtaeh Parsons Case: Anonymous Threatens to Leak Confession From Suspect

Kelly Osbourne Covers Self, Loves Her New Body

Kelly Osbourne is flaunting her new figure on the cover of Self . And her new, positive attitude. “I’m the most secure and content I’ve ever been. Though I’m still very self-deprecating,” the Fashion Police cohost tells the magazine. “I look in the mirror sometimes and I feel like going back to bed. Everyone has good days, everyone has bad days.” But the good far outweigh the bar these days for Kelly, who is engaged to Matthew Mosshart . Thanks to a series of workouts and healthy recipes , the star has shed 70 pounds. “I don’t compare myself to anybody else,” says 28-year-old star. “It’s OK to have a healthy envy and look up to somebody and set goals, but you have to realize that you’re never going to be exactly that person. Wishing you were Angelina Jolie or J.Lo isn’t going to change the fact that you’re not.” Kelly looks great, doesn’t she?

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Kelly Osbourne Covers Self, Loves Her New Body

Canadian Police to Reopen Rehtaeh Parsons Rape Case

Days after Rehtaeh Parsons took her own life, Canadian police say they will reopen their investigation into the 2011 rape that eventually led to this 17-year old’s suicide. Parsons, a high school student from Halifax, Nova Scotia, was taken off life support Sunday after attempting to hang herself on Thursday. Her parents say their daughter never got over an alleged 2011 incident in which Rehtaeh was gang raped and a photo of the assault was posted online. But the culprits were never caught and now the Halifax Regional Police have released a statement saying they are reviewing the case “in light of new and credible information that has recently been brought forward.” They did not say much else, except to confirm this new information is NOT from an “online source.” Wrote Rehtaeh’s mother on Facebook this week: “Rehtaeh is gone today because of the four boys that thought that raping a 15-year-old girl was OK and to distribute a photo to ruin her spirit and reputation would be fun. All the bullying and messaging and harassment that never let up are also to blame. Lastly, the justice system failed her.” Parsons’ father, meanwhile, harped on the final point, saying his daughter died of disappointment and urged people to do “something.” Let’s hope now the police finally will.

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Canadian Police to Reopen Rehtaeh Parsons Rape Case