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There was a period of time there when Chris Pratt and Anna Faris were the ultimate celebrity couple. Now? Not so much. But for a good few years there, they were adorable, funny, and so incredibly lovable together . It was truly magical. Then, last month, they were sued for animal neglect , and it really just put a big damper on the whole thing. The sad story, just in case you didn’t hear or have blocked it from your tender mind, was that Chris and Anna adopted a dog from an animal shelter, then gave the dog away without informing the shelter. That’s against the rules, and since the dog was found wandering the streets and emaciated, it was extra against the rules. Anna had signed a contract with the shelter stating that she agreed to give the dog back to the shelter if she could no longer care for it, she didn’t do that, and now they owe the shelter $5,000. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the whole mess brought up the fact that back in 2011, Chris gave their 15-year-old cat away. On Twitter. “Bottom line,” he wrote at the time, “and not that this is any of your f-cking business weirdos, but my wife and I want to start a family and we ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have an animal that sh-ts all over the house.” “Sorry. If you are a parent you will understand. And if not, that probably explains why you have such a hard on for cats. Just sayin’.” He sounds like such a heartless dick there, right? Anyway, the point is that Chris and Anna used to be great, now they’re not, and so we can’t help but feel kind of “eh” about this new interview Anna did. Well, it was not so much an interview as it was a little chat with Isla Fisher on her podcast, but the subject was cheating rumors and marriage woes. Anna revealed that she and Chris “grapple with a lot of the ideas of being a public couple ,” and things got hard last year when “there was some tabloid rumors about strain in our relationship.” Remember that? It was when Chris was filming Passengers with Jennifer Lawrence, and there were rumors upon rumors that they were having an affair. Which, come on, of course there were rumors. Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence, could you even imagine ? Anna told Isla that “I just remember feeling so hurt in a way that bothered me, because I didn’t want to think of myself as somebody who could be affected by tabloid sh-t.” “I take pride in how great my relationship is with Chris,” she explained, “but having said that, of course, in this crazy world where he’s off doing movies and I’m in L.A. raising our child, of course I’m going to feel vulnerable, like any normal human would.” Sadly, she said all the rumors made her feel “incredibly insecure.” Aww, Anna! It’s unfortunate that she’d feel so bad about rumors that are so rarely based in truth. But if it’s any consolation to her, there’s a good chance that, after all this unfortunate animal news, there probably aren’t that many people who’d want to sleep with her husband anyway. View Slideshow: 25 Most Shocking Cheating Scandals of All-Time
There was a period of time there when Chris Pratt and Anna Faris were the ultimate celebrity couple. Now? Not so much. But for a good few years there, they were adorable, funny, and so incredibly lovable together . It was truly magical. Then, last month, they were sued for animal neglect , and it really just put a big damper on the whole thing. The sad story, just in case you didn’t hear or have blocked it from your tender mind, was that Chris and Anna adopted a dog from an animal shelter, then gave the dog away without informing the shelter. That’s against the rules, and since the dog was found wandering the streets and emaciated, it was extra against the rules. Anna had signed a contract with the shelter stating that she agreed to give the dog back to the shelter if she could no longer care for it, she didn’t do that, and now they owe the shelter $5,000. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the whole mess brought up the fact that back in 2011, Chris gave their 15-year-old cat away. On Twitter. “Bottom line,” he wrote at the time, “and not that this is any of your f-cking business weirdos, but my wife and I want to start a family and we ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have an animal that sh-ts all over the house.” “Sorry. If you are a parent you will understand. And if not, that probably explains why you have such a hard on for cats. Just sayin’.” He sounds like such a heartless dick there, right? Anyway, the point is that Chris and Anna used to be great, now they’re not, and so we can’t help but feel kind of “eh” about this new interview Anna did. Well, it was not so much an interview as it was a little chat with Isla Fisher on her podcast, but the subject was cheating rumors and marriage woes. Anna revealed that she and Chris “grapple with a lot of the ideas of being a public couple ,” and things got hard last year when “there was some tabloid rumors about strain in our relationship.” Remember that? It was when Chris was filming Passengers with Jennifer Lawrence, and there were rumors upon rumors that they were having an affair. Which, come on, of course there were rumors. Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence, could you even imagine ? Anna told Isla that “I just remember feeling so hurt in a way that bothered me, because I didn’t want to think of myself as somebody who could be affected by tabloid sh-t.” “I take pride in how great my relationship is with Chris,” she explained, “but having said that, of course, in this crazy world where he’s off doing movies and I’m in L.A. raising our child, of course I’m going to feel vulnerable, like any normal human would.” Sadly, she said all the rumors made her feel “incredibly insecure.” Aww, Anna! It’s unfortunate that she’d feel so bad about rumors that are so rarely based in truth. But if it’s any consolation to her, there’s a good chance that, after all this unfortunate animal news, there probably aren’t that many people who’d want to sleep with her husband anyway. View Slideshow: 25 Most Shocking Cheating Scandals of All-Time
If you watched the first debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on Monday night, you might’ve noticed a couple strange things about Donald Trump. Okay, you might have noticed many, many strange things about Donald Trump during the debate, but for the sake of time and our own sanity, we’ll just stick to two things that would’ve made for some of the weirdest television of the year, even if they’d come from a fictional character and not a real-life guy who wants the nuke codes. First there was the Alicia Machado business. In case you missed it, Machado is an actress and former beauty pageant contestant whom Trump has bullied and body-shamed repeatedly over the years. In one of the debate’s more surprising moments, Clinton addressed Trump’s ongoing harassment of Machado, and instead of apologizing for his past remarks, the GOP nominee doubled down and even attacked Rosie O’Donnell again for good measure. The next morning, Trump called in to Fox News, seemingly for the sole purpose of attacking Machado again: Donald Trump on Alicia Machado: A HUGE Problem! The other aspect of the debate that received the most attention from non-news media the morning after involved Trump’s sniffling. It might seem like a bizarre thing to fixate on, but the guy was really sucking air through his nostrils like Rick James with allergies. Former Vermont governor Howard Dean even took to social media to speculate that Trump might be doing cocaine . View Slideshow: Donald Trump Sniffles, The Internet Celebrates So what does the sniffling have to do with the attack on Machado? Thanks for asking, hypothetical reader! As you’ve probably heard by now, Trump took to Twitter around 5 am EST to inform his followers that Alicia Machado appeared in a sex tape, and thus, should be deported … or some such nonsense: “Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?” Take a moment to reflect on the fact that this guy wants to be President of the United of the States, and there’s actually a chance that that might happen. Okay, now that you’re sufficiently terrified, let’s set aside the fact that a major party’s presidential candidate has resorted to revenge porn and focus on the timing of those tweets. Aside from drunken frat douches across the land, who tweets about sex tapes at 5 am?! Even better, Trump is either not clear on when he sent the tweets out, or he was in a time zone where it was even earlier , because he tweeted this just moments ago: 1. Who spells out numbers in a tweet? C’mon, you’re working with limited character space! Use it wisely! 2. Man, we dismissed Dean’s comment as a low blow, but a coke habit really would explain a lot about the Donald. That said, we don’t actually believe Donald Trump is using cocaine. The guy boasts about the fact that he’s never even been drunk, and we’re sure his ego is enough to get him all worked up for his rallies. But other than cokeheads, who stays up all night tweeting outrageous BS? (There’s no evidence of a Machado sex tape, by the way.) Well, we guess that question is just the latest in the long line of Trump-related mysteries. For that matter, who else effortlessly controls the minds of others, is cursed with an otherworldly skin color, and seems to want to bring the human race to an end? Whoa. We may have just figured out his secret: Clearly, Donald Trump is the world’s least sexy vampire. Feel free to spread that around. Just don’t blame us when you get hit with a yuuuuuge lawsuit. We’re talkin’, like, really enormous, folks.
We live in a terrifying world in which an orange-haired freak is stalking the countryside, threatening violence and spreading panic to the masses. But enough about Donald Trump! There are killer clowns out there, people! Yes, as you may have heard, roving gangs of deranged freakin’ clowns have been making your nightmares come to life across the country. Posses of mentally ill circus performers have been spotted in ten states, and it looks like they’ve progressed from simply scaring the ever-loving sh-t out of kids to actually assaulting people. Yew, it’s tough not too make light of the growing clown crisis, but there’s nothing funny about the situation that unfolded in Reading, Ohio over the past 24 hours: A Kim Youngblood says she was smoking a cigarette outside her apartment building at around 2:45 am, when a man dressed as a clown approached and her grabbed her by the throat. According to a police report, Youngblood says the clown told her, “I just kill you now” before he released his grip. Thankfully, Youngblood wasn’t injured. Unfortunately, her encounter with the clown wasn’t over yet. Before stalking away into the night, the clown reportedly told Youngblood that “some students and teachers would wish they were never born at the Jr. and Sr. High School today.” Due to the odd specificity of the threat (junior and senior high schools?) and the fact that it came from a grown-ass man walking around at 3 am dressed like a clown, schools throughout Reading were closed today. After making the threat, the clown “squeezed [Youngblood] harder for a second then pushed her away and fled the area,” according to a police report. “The safety of our students is paramount, so we decided to make the decision to close,” a school official told the New York Post today. This story already sounds like some sort of bad early Halloween prank, and sadly, it gets worse. There have been clown sightings in states from Georgia to Colorado. Residents in Carolinas have been cautioned about dangerous clowns. Children in NC reported that a clown tried to lure them into the woods . As far as anyone knows the predatory Bozo is still at large. Even more shocking is the fact that copy-cat clowning appears to be an international phenomenon. Clown Terrorizes British Town The video above is about a clown who spent several years freaking people out in the UK. Unlike his American counterparts, however, the guy never got violent or tried to kidnap anyone. Like this year needed to get any weirder. Be afraid, folks. Be very afraid.
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